posted January 01, 2012 04:09 PM            

i was actually reading the book 'inner sky' by steven forrest last night (which may be the best astrology book i have ever read) and the capricorn chapter helped me understand him a lot better, however i think he is stuck in the 'shadow', wherein his need for *solitude* and *integrity* have turned into *loneliness* and he's become a victim to his own sense of responsibility. it was a great read because it says that the bottom line with caps is that they must align their integrity with the outer world, and that is where their fulfillment and success lies; fusing the two.

i feel like i am now a burden to him because the timing always seems to be wrong, he doesn't really make efforts, he is stuck on this track of constantly telling me that his kids can't know about me (and i never bring it up) even though he wanted them to initially, so i'm a source of more stress for him instead of a respite, which i'd prefer to be (at the very least). well, i seem to be a respite, i seem to make him very happy, but then afterward it's all stressy for him, so i wonder how this is even worth it to him if that is what he comes away feeling?

but your words made me feel better because maybe i just need to take many (many) breaths and instead of walking away or expressing these feelings to him, i should let him deal with all his feelings. he seemed affected by the smile shared between me and his daughter, so i'll hae some faith in that. and yes i do think i affect him in good ways; i just feel it is a sacred connection we share and that it is to be honoured and that having him constantly stress about it is reducing it to near meaninglessness. but maybe if *i* retain the sense of the sacred and the loving and good between us and let that be resiliency (i'm ruled by jupiter after all) and that maybe my affect-ion can be affect-ing, and that can be enough, for now.

still struggling with not feeling 'controlled' by his needs/stress though, mostly because i don't think it is a healthy orientation to our relationship or life (not that there aren't wonderful reasons behind this impulse- again it just feels exaggerated and beyond the realm of actual necessity).

posted January 01, 2012 04:28 PM            

yeah, sheeeeeeeeeeze.. i think, you know, that might be possible. whether past-life or karmically, the effect is sort of metaphorical so it doesn't really matter which it is. although i do sort of struggle to make sense of such a debt that wasn't earned in an actual sense; a debt of my own to the universe/myself that would assist him as well where he was previously screwed over, this i can accept, but again being in slippery pisces, it's difficult to grasp. my SN 'gift', what i'm already good at, is compassion, empathy, putting my ego aside, a general feeling of oneness with everything, strong intuition, etc. his wound being somehow tied to this..? could it be (it seems to help me to speak in a past-life context) that i abandonned him in order to persue a life in a monestary (or went nuts and left him for a nuthouse)? and that is why he's so goshdarn obsessed with doing everything right, compensating for his ex (who *is* nuts, and a pisces.. oddly enough, so is my daughter's father; hmmm). and that now my debt is to relax him, to show him that i am *here*, not dissolved into the one, that he can relax, that i will help take care of business (can i bring the NN into this? it cjs my saturn which opposes his by one degree, on his virgo stellium after all so i think, probably).

posted January 01, 2012 05:28 PM            

Wow...so sorry to hear that you had an emergency! Are you doing all right now? I hope that you're well in both body and in spirit. Please take care and I hope that you're recovering well.

I really hope that things can work out for the best with you and your Cap moon guy.

I get the impression (and I could be wrong, but this is just my feeling reading this) that he really wants to do right by his kids and he is afraid to introduce you too much--not because he is ashamed of you, but because he might be afraid that they could get attached to you and if things didn't work out, they would have a hard time with the loss. I seem to recall you mentioning too that their mother is mentally ill: perhaps, too, he is afraid of how they might react to another mother-figure, even a more healthy one. I don't know that he's ashamed of you so much as he is anxious and concerned about how a motherly figure/woman in his wife would affect the children. I think that he would have to have a talk with them. He might be trying to be a responsible father and parent, and this could be another explanation as to why he hasn't made more attempts to integrate you into family life. It could be more his sense of duty than anything else and his need to consider the feelings of his children than anything: perhaps it has to do more with him/them than you.

If I may, I came across this advice both in a book and from another user here, and that is to "take the emotional significance out of the situation" (book was "Transforming Anxiety" by Doc Childre and another psychologist). Be compassionate with yourself and with your partner, and when the time is right, perhaps you can have more of a talk about it. For now, though, it might be a good time to let him think things over and decide how best to approach his children.

It seems like his daughter likes you enough and if she gave you a knowing smile, perhaps she could handle having the discussion with her father about you coming into the picture.

posted January 01, 2012 09:06 PM            

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I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

posted January 01, 2012 09:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by NickiG:
o.0

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posted January 01, 2012 10:06 PM            

the last time i saw this thread it had like 80 something posts...so i was like "wow...they have been busy" LOL

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I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

posted January 02, 2012 04:23 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by woah cakes:
hi regardes! yeah that is definitely the issue right there, re his kids. however when he wanted me back a month ago he went to great lengths to express his feelings to me and made it quite clear that he would like to make it all work. so the fact that he consistently finds reasons to tell me that they can't know about me and that i seem to add to his stress is confusing me and making me feel like i have no choice maybe but to give him space till he sorts this for himself, since i am not okay with adding to his stress.

thanks again

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You're welcome!

I really hope that he is able to sort this out, both within himself and with them. I think that he does feel torn and perhaps a bit afraid, but I also think that you're doing the right thing in giving him some time and space to sort this out (within reason, of course, not to the point that this goes on forever and never changes, but being patient enough to at least give it a chance and see what happens).

Keep us posted (if you feel comfortable with that)!

I've really been enjoying this thread and learning more about Cap moons.

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*I use the whole sign system*

Personal Planets:
Sun, Mercury: Libra
Venus: Scorpio
Moon: Cancer
Mars: Capricorn

posted January 02, 2012 09:53 PM            

i gave another burst of effort today and he replied very by very stubbornly restating his position on his kids (ARG) which again i never brought up (and i always say i understand, respect, cuz i do). he seems allergic to saying his feelings, or what he wants. i think i'm giving up now. i asked him to call me tonight, and told him i don't know what else to do now except to give up because he won't communicate, but overall my tone was very supportive, saying i will wait for him to work through stuff if that's what need be, yet stressing that my needs count too and i'd really like if we could talk. we'll see if he calls but i doubt he will.

posted January 03, 2012 03:38 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by woah cakes:
thanks regardes. you're so sweet.

i gave another burst of effort today and he replied very by very stubbornly restating his position on his kids (ARG) which again i never brought up (and i always say i understand, respect, cuz i do). he seems allergic to saying his feelings, or what he wants. i think i'm giving up now. i asked him to call me tonight, and told him i don't know what else to do now except to give up because he won't communicate, but overall my tone was very supportive, saying i will wait for him to work through stuff if that's what need be, yet stressing that my needs count too and i'd really like if we could talk. we'll see if he calls but i doubt he will.

his NN is gemini and tNN is right on his SN right now. when he 'figured out' how much i meant to him and that he needed to communicate more the transit was exact. i suppose the lesson is ongoing but i cannot be in a one sided relationship with next to no communication. his lesson after all does revolve around speaking up and listening, too. my aqua stellium trines his NN (it's 14, and my sun is 15, merc and mars 11). my mercury sextiles his poor unaspected fire singleton mercury exact. so you'd think i'd help him in this dept. but only if he takes up the challenge i guess. can't force him.

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I'm sorry to hear that things went that way, but I think that you did the right thing. It's one thing to give people time and space, but if you do, and they still don't work on things, then that's not fair to you.

I feel bad because I think that his fears and worries are really blocking him from being with you, and if he could just let go, it could be beautiful, though on the other hand I understand why it's hard.

I really hope that you'll find peace of mind, whatever happens. If he's right for you, I hope that you two will find a way. If he's not right for you, I hope that you'll be able to move on and heal.

Again, so sorry that things have turned out this way.

posted January 03, 2012 05:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by woah cakes:
thanks. well i ended things last night. he essentially is denying his feelings again but thrusting this fatherhood stuff even moreso in my face simultaneously. i cannot tell if he lied when he tried to get me back or if he is so lost inside of his problems and being overwhelmed that he cannot even see outside of them, to the point of denying his feelings again. he is rather evasive and it seems deliberate. this is all stuff he assured me he would not do again. i do not know whether he lied to get me in the sack again or whether he is suffering so much that he would deny us both the closeness we both so cherish. the fact that he would deny his feelings again (last night he referred to our only closeness as 'sex'. this a month and a half after making a 2-week consistent constant effort to assure me of how close he felt to me, how much he wanted to prove it, and he did..) gets me no closer to understanding which it is, but either way, i couldn't stand for it.

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In all honesty, I feel sorry for both of you: for him, that he can't let go and let this joy into his life, and for you, that it had to turn out like this.

Just sending you a little rose on here; apparently pink roses mean, among other things, sympathy:

http://www.rkdn.org/roses/colors.asp