|
Author
|
Topic: Secret relationships
|
inthemisosoup
Knowflake Posts: 460
From:
Registered: Aug 2011
|
posted April 26, 2012 12:02 PM
  
I'm highly secretive when it comes to relationships.Ruler of twelfth (Saturn) conjunct sun.
Saturn conjunct sun
Saturn square moon
Pluto conjunct Venus in Scorpio, 8th house.
Ruler of eighth in eighth
Mars trine Venus/Pluto
Neptune sextile Venus, Mars, Pluto.
Chiron in 4th. I don't trust my family, and I honestly don't trust my S/O other enough until way, way into the relationship. My family has only met one of my ex boyfriend's. They are not horrible people, I just have a hard time opening that window to them. I've been taught to keep secrets by them, too bad in this instance it worked out against them. My relationships tend to be tumultuous and emotionally draining, and i just don't like my family to see that side of me. So I keep it hidden. Hopefully, as time goes by i will open up a little more easily. I am secretive with my relationships towards my friends, too, just less so than with family. IP: Logged |
CosmicKarma360
Knowflake Posts: 774
From: here and there
Registered: Sep 2010
|
posted April 26, 2012 12:06 PM
Thank you all of those who feel it's a privacy thing, and keep relationships to themselves! I feel so much better now.  I thought I was the only one.My whole life, I've kept my romantic relationships secret, except to a few close friends. Even then, I would tell a few only occasionally. It's simple. First, I have a *highly* critical family situation. Unless I brought home Adonis, who was either a doctor or a lawyer, the nagging would be endless. The prying and nosy remarks would never, ever stop. Second, recently I told two close friends about my current relationship. Just as I had worried about, the nagging started. Suddenly, they're all experts about MY relationship. Suddenly, I'm doing everything ALL wrong, and my bf and I should have this... And be like that... And why isn't he doing this... And why aren't I doing that... Yes, tons of NOSY questions about things that are quite frankly, none of their damn business. Enough. My romantic relationships are entirely MY business. It's up to me to work on them. Relationships are hard enough as it is, without a bunch of useless input from people who are *outside* the relationship. I've always said, no one knows what happens between two people, except for the two people in the relationship. Period. I don't question or nag ANYONE about their relationships--unless clear abuse is taking place. Then I feel I should speak up. Everything else is off limits. There really isn't anything more off-putting than having someone immediately start asking me, "so are you seeing someone?" I'll let you know when I'm dang good and ready. Ok? So, lay off. n.Sun, Jupiter and Mars in the 12th. Plus you can throw in that practically every romantic relationship I've ever had has has Venus land somewhere in the 12th. Both ways in Synastry. Either his, or mine. IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
unregistered
|
posted April 26, 2012 12:19 PM
Perhaps this is why my friends are basically all air signs, fire signs or Virgos.Private people kind of freak me out LOL.
Like, why wouldn't you talk about your relationship? That's a huge part of who we are, no?
IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 7206
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
|
posted April 26, 2012 12:30 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
Like, why wouldn't you talk about your relationship? That's a huge part of who we are, no?
You definitely don't get me. Half of this forum are posts from me bragging about my wife, yes? Why would I allow my POS sh1t head a$$wipe family to ruin my marriage while I was dating? IP: Logged |
Rosalind
Knowflake Posts: 4209
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
|
posted April 26, 2012 12:35 PM
So, I'm the only one who dislikes secret relationships? Guess My Moon and Venus in 10th makes me like that.
The ruler of 7th is in 10th. I have Pluto in 12th though, but has other things to deal with, not relationships. I also has NS in Libra in 12th house but again, deals with other stuff.
With Scorpio Rising I should be SUPER SECRETIVE about love and stuff. Also have Pisces on the cusp of 5th house (another secretive sign). I don't know...IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 10270
From:
Registered: May 2011
|
posted April 26, 2012 12:40 PM
Venus Pluto
H5 PiscesIP: Logged |
Yin
Knowflake Posts: 3529
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted April 26, 2012 12:46 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Rosalind:
So, I'm the only one who dislikes secret relationships?
No. I don't like hiding important things like that but then my family is very accepting and supportive of my choices. IP: Logged |
Rosalind
Knowflake Posts: 4209
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
|
posted April 26, 2012 12:48 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Yin:
No. I don't like hiding important things like that but then my family is very accepting and supportive of my choices.
So the main reason why people have secret relationships is because of their families and friends? Wierd because I know someone who has been for 4 years in a secret relationship but has no problem with his family or friends. Thats why I am surprised.
IP: Logged |
inthemisosoup
Knowflake Posts: 460
From:
Registered: Aug 2011
|
posted April 26, 2012 12:52 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
Perhaps this is why my friends are basically all air signs, fire signs or Virgos.Private people kind of freak me out LOL.
Like, why wouldn't you talk about your relationship? That's a huge part of who we are, no?
Aquacheeka--I am a fire sun sign, with an air rising. I have a lot of air/fire friends. They don't seem to mind my choices. 
IP: Logged |
Yin
Knowflake Posts: 3529
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted April 26, 2012 12:52 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Rosalind:
So the main reason why people have secret relationships is because of their families and friends? Wierd because I know someone who has been for 4 years in a secret relationship but has no problem with his familit or friends. Thats why I am surprised.
I don't know what the main reason is. MY main reason for publicizing my relationships is because I hate keeping secrets about important things and events in my life. I like to be known to the small circle of personal relationships I maintain in RL. I'm not a celebrity, I don't get bad press. I'm lucky that my family is supportive enough and so are my friends. If they weren't supportive, they wouldn't be my friends. I have an aversion to keeping secrets and having my closest people keep secrets from me. Blame it on all the fire in my chart. IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Knowflake Posts: 4367
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
|
posted April 26, 2012 12:52 PM
quote:
Originally posted by amowls**:
I have the opposite stance. The status of my love life isn't such a big deal that I would ever keep it a secret. I don't care who knows about my love/sex life. I discuss it with my parents, my friends, my coworkers. I have no reason to hide. I have Venus in the 10th natally.And hypothetically, if you're dating someone for 2 years, isn't it weird that they've never met your parents even ifyou're not engaged? If my boyfriend did that, I'd feel like I'm not important enough to him.
I wouldn't consider it weird, nor would I feel unimportant. I would consider it weird *to* meet someone's family, if the relationship isn't serious enough to warrant that. I'd feel smothered and suffocated. I'd be really annoyed and even angered if they tried to tell me what to do, how to run my life, made inappropriate and/or unwelcome comments, butted in, tried to occupy a place in my decision-making/the decision-making that went on in the relationship, and basically snuck into a place where they did not belong and were not welcome. I would not like that. I can't stand nosy people. The more pushy someone gets, the further away I retreat. Plus, I'd feel pressured if I had to meet family/friends. I would never, ever, ever, not even if hell froze over, tell anyone about my sex life, if I had one. That is NONE of anyone's business and they need to butt out, unless there is an abusive/incestuous situation going on or something. I personally have had people give me TMI about their sex lives and it has always made me uncomfortable. There are just some things that people should never know about each other or hear about each other, period. People can be private without doing anything wrong, too. Privacy does NOT always equal wrongdoing. And, again, a relationship is ONLY about two people. It's a bit crowded when others come into it--they do not belong there. Boundaries are VERY, VERY important to have in relationships, especially with family and other influential people who can guilt you/pressure you into making decisions that THEY want for you. IP: Logged |
Rosalind
Knowflake Posts: 4209
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
|
posted April 26, 2012 12:56 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Yin:
I don't know what the main reason is. MY main reason for publicizing my relationships is because I hate keeping secrets about important things and events in my life. I like to be known to the small circle of personal relationships I maintain in RL. I'm not a celebrity, I don't get bad press. I'm lucky that my family is supportive enough and so are my friends. If they weren't supportive, they wouldn't be my friends. I have an aversion to keeping secrets and having my closest people keep secrets from me. Blame it on all the fire in my chart.
I am exactly the same. IP: Logged |
Yin
Knowflake Posts: 3529
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted April 26, 2012 01:01 PM
quote:
Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
People can be private without doing anything wrong.
Boundaries are VERY, VERY important to have in relationships...
I don't believe in having "privacy" in a relationship. You like to dress like a woman and go out on the town at night? I'd like to know that. You'd be surprised how accepting I can be if people weren't afraid to share those parts of themselves. Now, boundaries are uber important. (Platero, I'm not addressing this at you, just extrapolating on your thoughts.)
IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Knowflake Posts: 4367
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
|
posted April 26, 2012 01:02 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Yin:
I don't believe in having "privacy" in a relationship. You like to dress like a woman and go out on the town at night? I'd like to know that. You'd be surprised how accepting I can be if people weren't afraid to share those parts of themselves.Now, boundaries are uber important. (Platero, I'm not addressing this at you, just extrapolating on your thoughts.)
Could you explain/clarify a bit by what you mean by the example of wanting to know if someone likes to dress up/accepting people? I'm afraid that I'm not really clear on what you mean; my apologies.
IP: Logged |
Yin
Knowflake Posts: 3529
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted April 26, 2012 01:02 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Rosalind:
I am exactly the same.
What are your stats, Rosalind? I'm a Saggie/Libra Moon/Aqua(Pisces) Rising/Sag Venus/Leo Mars. IP: Logged |
Yin
Knowflake Posts: 3529
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted April 26, 2012 01:05 PM
quote:
Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
Could you explain/clarify a bit by what you mean by the example of wanting to know if someone likes to dress up/accepting people? I'm afraid that I'm not really clear on what you mean; my apologies.
I mean, if I were in a relationship with a person who was into cross-dressing (socially unacceptable and stigmatized by some) and they kept it a secret from me, I'd be more upset by the fact they were keeping it a secret than the fact that they were doing it at all. IP: Logged |
inthemisosoup
Knowflake Posts: 460
From:
Registered: Aug 2011
|
posted April 26, 2012 01:05 PM
For me, I am secretive because I was hurt in my early relationships. By not letting the one I am dating into the my world completely, I am guarding myself from possible pain in the future. I'm not saying it's healthy, yet it is what I do. And it is reflected in the aspects in my chart I pointed to above.I do let my boyfriends into my world little by little. Sometimes we never get very far, other times we do. I am dating a guy right now, and most of my friends know about it, a couple have met him. It is still very early in the relationship and so I have told my family nothing. Trust is still being formed. I just develop it more slowly than others. I don't see what the big deal is, honestly. Everybody experiences relationships differently. IP: Logged |
Yin
Knowflake Posts: 3529
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted April 26, 2012 01:11 PM
quote:
Originally posted by inthemisosoup:
I don't see what the big deal is, honestly. Everybody experiences relationships differently.
Agreed. It's when two people with different values systems come together that you have a clash. I wouldn't like my bf keeping things from me. He wouldn't like it if I over-shared. IP: Logged |
pandacake
Knowflake Posts: 326
From:
Registered: May 2011
|
posted April 26, 2012 01:12 PM
quote:
Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
Boundaries are VERY, VERY important to have in relationships, especially with family and other influential people who can guilt you/pressure you into making decisions that THEY want for you.
Completely agree with you! 12th house Venus make someone secretive about relationships ... I have this placement and I kept mine a secret to my family for a long time. My siblings knew that I had a bf but that's it, I never told them anyhting more about my love life. I was in an arranged marriage ... and even if I wasn't in such a situation, I have no urge to share my love life with my family. I love them but we're not close, we're too different. I'm def a bit more open towards friends. IP: Logged |
Rosalind
Knowflake Posts: 4209
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
|
posted April 26, 2012 01:18 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Yin:
What are your stats, Rosalind?I'm a Saggie/Libra Moon/Aqua(Pisces) Rising/Sag Venus/Leo Mars.
Cancer Sun, Moon in Virgo, Mercury and Venus in Leo, Mars in Capricorn, Rising in Scorpio. But the planets are mostly placed in fire houses. 1st, 5th, 9th mostly. IP: Logged |
Yin
Knowflake Posts: 3529
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted April 26, 2012 01:24 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Rosalind:
Cancer Sun, Moon in Virgo, Mercury and Venus in Leo, Mars in Capricorn, Rising in Scorpio. But the planets are mostly placed in fire houses. 1st, 5th, 9th mostly.
Oh, wow, a Cancer Sun who likes things out in the open?
Good for you! I, too, have been severely hurt by past relationships to the point of seriously considering therapy... However, if I didn't put things out in the open, it would take me MUCH longer to get a feel for the longevity of the relationship and I really don't like to waste my time. IP: Logged |
CosmicKarma360
Knowflake Posts: 774
From: here and there
Registered: Sep 2010
|
posted April 26, 2012 01:29 PM
For the record, I have plenty of Air/Fire. Aries Sun, Mars. Moon, Venus in Gemini. Yes, admittedly, doused with a good bit of Pisces and Taurus, too.Anyway, what it comes down to is that there isn't one right way to have a relationship. They're varied, and come in many shapes and sizes There's a phrase people use nowadays, "it works for us." Yup! that's sums it up for me, personally. Why it is others can't accept or respect that, boggles my mind. Ok, so it's not the way YOU would have a relationship. Fine. If it's working for me, what gives you the right to tell me that somehow my relationship is somehow "wrong?" I'm thinking here of a friend of mine, who loves to tell me all the things wrong with my relationship, yet hers isn't exactly what I'd call a model relationship. Her husband is... Uuuugghh... Still, hey, she's happy, and if it's fine for them, who am I to say otherwise? I don't know how she puts up with her husband. I'd never want him, but hey, she seems happy enough. So, I lay off and keep my trap shut. Is that really so hard for people to do likewise for me? Unless abuse is happening, then it's not up to me what's to say if it's right, or wrong. IP: Logged |
Rosalind
Knowflake Posts: 4209
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
|
posted April 26, 2012 01:33 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Yin:
Oh, wow, a Cancer Sun who likes things out in the open?
Good for you! I, too, have been severely hurt by past relationships to the point of seriously considering therapy... However, if I didn't put things out in the open, it would take me MUCH longer to get a feel for the longevity of the relationship and I really don't like to waste my time.
Yes, I don't know. When I love someone I want to show them to the world. I don't like hiding. I don't care about what people think. I want to feel proud about that person, I want to show him how much he means to me and I don't want to hide like a criminal. To me its black or white. I am or i am not in a relationship. No half measures. I want to give and be given the right place in the society. There are no reasons to hide. Its childish. Who doesnt like my relationship they must not look. I am not perfect, neither people are. Why should I care If someone judge me for my imperfections? Just to show me that we are equal? I already know that. IP: Logged |
Yin
Knowflake Posts: 3529
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted April 26, 2012 01:36 PM
Rosalind,
I completely agree with you.IP: Logged |
Rosalind
Knowflake Posts: 4209
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
|
posted April 26, 2012 01:41 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Yin:
Rosalind,
I completely agree with you.
Thanks IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
