posted April 26, 2012 01:44 PM            

I didn't share my relationship with my wife with my family out of practical consierations because they have that unique ability to Foxtrot up anything and everything in my life by interfering on a minute level.

I don't hide out of shame. I couldn't care less what anyone thinks of anything. I hid to ensure marriage success.

posted April 26, 2012 01:48 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Rosalind:
Yes, I don't know. When I love someone I want to show them to the world. I don't like hiding. I don't care about what people think. I want to feel proud about that person, I want to show him how much he means to me and I don't want to hide like a criminal. To me its black or white. I am or i am not in a relationship. No half measures. I want to give and be given the right place in the society. There are no reasons to hide. Its childish. Who doesnt like my relationship they must not look. I am not perfect, neither people are. Why should I care If someone judge me for my imperfections? Just to show me that we are equal? I already know that.

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@ Yin: I see your point (about rather someone tell you about something that is socially unacceptable). Me, I'd want someone to tell me that so that I can decide whether or not to be with that person. Some things that are socially unacceptable are OK, but others, such as a history of violent crime/violent behavior, would freak me out.

However, honestly, there are plenty of things that I don't tell people. I wouldn't tell a significant other certain things about myself. So yeah, I honestly can be a bit of a hypocrite there.

@Rosalind I would say, though, that people who hide relationships don't always do it out of shame. Some, yes, but not all. Sometimes people would endanger their partner by revealing the relationship (as in, harm would come to the person if people knew about the relationship, like how LGBT people are treated in some places). And, too, if someone has a very nosy, butt-in type of family or circle of friends, or else an abusive/dysfunctional family, that too would be a reason to keep things quiet.

Other people just like privacy. Me, I couldn't ever be with someone of whom I felt ashamed, but, at the same time, I don't like people in my business. I don't even tell certain people that I don't date. When I asked, I say that I prefer to keep that part of my life private. If I opened up more about it, they'd try to either fix me up with someone, since I'm single and that's what busybodies tend to do, or else would give me unwelcome comments about my life.

posted April 26, 2012 01:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
Hey I share my marriage with you guys actively and openly because I am already married and I'm proud of my wife. Half of this forum is filled with my posts about my marriage.

I didn't share my relationship with my wife with my family out of practical consierations because they have that unique ability to Foxtrot up anything and everything in my life by interfering on a minute level.

Is that clearer? How else can I explain better?

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I can understand and I hear you on that one.

Now, my parents are all right, and I don't have a bad family per se. My mother is getting better at keeping things to herself, though I still wouldn't tell her some things because (a) it would be weird and (b) even if she accidentally let something slip and didn't really mean to tell someone, there are certain acquaintances of hers that I don't want to know things about me, especially one particularly obnoxious person who knows no limits and goes way too far into inappropriate territory when it comes to jokes.

Mainly, it's certain people in my extended family, as well as a few family friends, that get annoying and tend to embarrass me, so I just don't tell them anything.

posted April 26, 2012 01:58 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
@ Yin: I see your point (about rather someone tell you about something that is socially unacceptable). Me, I'd want someone to tell me that so that I can decide whether or not to be with that person. Some things that are socially unacceptable are OK, but others, such as a history of violent crime/violent behavior, would freak me out.

However, honestly, there are plenty of things that I don't tell people. I wouldn't tell a significant other certain things about myself. So yeah, I honestly can be a bit of a hypocrite there.

@Rosalind I would say, though, that people who hide relationships don't always do it out of shame. Some, yes, but not all. Sometimes people would endanger their partner by revealing the relationship (as in, harm would come to the person if people knew about the relationship, like how LGBT people are treated in some places). And, too, if someone has a very nosy, butt-in type of family or circle of friends, or else an abusive/dysfunctional family, that too would be a reason to keep things quiet.

Other people just like privacy. Me, I couldn't ever be with someone of whom I felt ashamed, but, at the same time, I don't like people in my business. I don't even tell certain people that I don't date. When I asked, I say that I prefer to keep that part of my life private. If I opened up more about it, they'd try to either fix me up with someone, since I'm single and that's what busybodies tend to do, or else would give me unwelcome comments about my life.

I just avoid the whole mess by keeping my mouth shut.

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posted April 26, 2012 02:04 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Rosalind:
Believe me, my family and friends are nosy too but I do not care about their opinion. I choose for myself. If they don't like my choices, its their problem. I live with that person, not they. I am responsible for all the decisions and actions I take and do. If I have to pay for something I want to pay for something I chose. Other that that, I am very open even I am judged. Why? Because I know secrecy is not healthy. Sooner or later, it will kill you. Above all, If I love someone with whom I have a normal relationship (like no religion, background, age etc or any other stuff) involved and I'm happy, why should I hide? To not make other people envious? Even celebs who are constantly followed by paps are not willing to hide their relationships even if are short term, why should I hide? Again, its childish and silly. If one is not brave enough to fight against the world for the person he wants, then he doesnt love, he is just scared of being judged for the decisions he made. Real love is open, is honest and above all is felt by everyone.

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Well, I don't believe that love should be "felt by everyone". I have Venus in Scorpio, and, while I believe that it's good for a couple to stay connected to family and friends, they have to have a bond that only they share. They need some "alone time".

I think that where we differ is that your concern seems to be more about not being ashamed of someone and of accepting a person no matter what, whereas I'm coming more from the privacy-and-boundaries angle (correct me if I'm wrong, though).

I simply am just very private and don't want people being inappropriate or crossing boundaries that they should not cross. For me, it's a respect and privacy issue. It's not that I would just blindly go with what my family says--it's that I don't want my family making comments on certain parts of my life in the first place.

I guess I view it as being like a diary. I don't want people reading my diary (luckily, I'm lazy about keeping one, and I don't write it in English even when I'm not being lazy). Even if I like a person, I need a space for myself that's all mine. That's more my approach.

posted April 26, 2012 02:06 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ghanima81:
I think we're all agreeing that whatever anyone does is FINE. Live and let live, yeah?

Just wanted to point that out.

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yeah; I'm just in "discuss mode" right now

plus I'm procrastinating and am trying to avoid doing some stuff

posted April 26, 2012 09:50 PM            

Secondly - Someone was saying that it would be weird for a person to never introduce their bf/gf to their family.
I don't personally do this. When a relationship becomes official... I would let people know that we are together. I would not -hide- him. I am also very close to my family and especially my mum.
It is not about hiding the fact that we are dating.
It is about hiding other, personal things - like - How I feel... How he feels... What the dynamics between us are... What makes us happy.. What makes us sad... What we have argued about and how we made up.. What song was playing the first time we danced... Our favourite place to go... and so on - No one will know these things.

And the men I have been with are *like* me. If they were the loud mouth type, I probably wouldn't have been with them. I like Scorpio Merc for this reason. My Merc is Pisces.

The other thing is - I am a friendly person so I never hide *people* as such. If a person comes up in conversation I can easily talk about them and say for instance .... "Oh Mum.. Guess what? Chris just found out he won tickets to X concert!"... but that is an impersonal piece of information!

I might mention the person ^ as a friend... I mention MANY people since I know many people. And everyone *knows* the people I know. I don't pretend I don't know them.

I simply don't go into emotional/deep things.

posted April 26, 2012 09:58 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
family and friends need to know their place in the context of a relationship (i.e., outside of it)

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quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
Privacy does NOT always equal wrongdoing.

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posted April 26, 2012 10:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Capriquarius:
Unless you want that "So when are you getting married????" hooey from old folks, and bored young ones, you'd better keep your trap shut! Humans...way too hungry for gossip and getting off on having say in other people's lives.

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posted April 27, 2012 12:59 AM            

gearad butler sez hai guise!

posted April 27, 2012 01:24 AM            

If it has not happened to you sand - congratulations!
But - no - it's not just gossip. It can be evil.

:edit:
And what do you do, when gossip turns into people actively lying to you about your bf and also lying to him about you... on and on... until things get soooo absolutely confused between the two of you that noone knows what is true and what is a lie anymore.?

posted April 27, 2012 01:27 AM            

quote:

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honestly i don't think people really care.

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posted April 27, 2012 01:42 AM            

Does this mean that 12th house or other secret aspected relationships are doomed to end?

If not then how will it come out into the open?

posted April 27, 2012 01:49 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by amowls**:
I have the opposite stance. The status of my love life isn't such a big deal that I would ever keep it a secret. I don't care who knows about my love/sex life. I discuss it with my parents, my friends, my coworkers. I have no reason to hide. I have Venus in the 10th natally.
And hypothetically, if you're dating someone for 2 years, isn't it weird that they've never met your parents even ifyou're not engaged? If my boyfriend did that, I'd feel like I'm not important enough to him.

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I feel that way too. I have venus in 10th natally, but I am also very cautious. I'm looking for someone, but I'm not "supposed" to right now...lol

Normally I would tell my family of guys that hit on me or asked me out, but as of late I don't do that any longer. I don't really date so I can't tell them of that because they don't feel that I'm at a station in life to date. lol Once I get there they don't mind. hehe

Also I would ideally like to show my relationship off. hehe.

From a safety standpoint, I think it's ALWAYS a good idea to let someone know who you're dating or going out on a date with. Have you guys watched 48 hours that show abt the movie writer luring men with a fake profile on plenty of fish? After pretending to be a sweet pretty girl, he then kills them, then chops them up.....Why? Eh for ***** and giggles. I mean, that's absurd, insane and makes me wonder what kind of people are out there.

There are so many cases where someone who supposedly loves the other person kills his or her lover for insurance money, cheating, etc. Sometimes, though even I hate the nagging my friends and family do, we should be open to their opinions. It may not be tastefully stated or tactful, but it might be very helpful. It could even save our lives from being ruined.

Sun: cancer gemini cusp
Moon: scorpio
Asc: scorpio
12 house: saturn, pluto

posted April 27, 2012 02:19 AM              

quote:

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From a safety standpoint, I think it's ALWAYS a good idea to let someone know who you're dating or going out on a date with. Have you guys watched 48 hours that show abt the movie writer luring men with a fake profile on plenty of fish? After pretending to be a sweet pretty girl, he then kills them, then chops them up.....Why? Eh for ***** and giggles. I mean, that's absurd, insane and makes me wonder what kind of people are out there.

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It's more difficult to get away with a perfect murder in the digital age. Complete anonymity and privacy is a thing of the past.

posted April 27, 2012 02:40 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Betty Boop:
Because people can completely stuff up your entire life by getting involved. My two most important relationships have ended due to other people's involvement. Purely FOR this reason.. and I do not care whether to some extent we were also at fault. Bottom line is - these people made it worse.

If it has not happened to you sand - congratulations!
But - no - it's not just gossip. It can be evil.

:edit:
And what do you do, when gossip turns into people actively lying to you about your bf and also lying to him about you... on and on... until things get soooo absolutely confused between the two of you that noone knows what is true and what is a lie anymore.?

Is it just gossip then?
When it destroys a perfectly good relationship..... ?

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What? i am pro secrecy. what i have experienced is just nosiness which i am not fond of at all. that's all i meant.

i also don't care whether they care but i think they are not really concerned with their inquiries. just nosy.

posted April 27, 2012 02:58 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Betty Boop:
I wanted to add - first of all.. this is a private context. No one from LL knows me personally, so I am happy to be pretty open on here.. although when something is very close to my heart - when it really means a lot to me - I still don't express that on LL either. I might give some surface details but not the really *deep* ones.

Secondly - Someone was saying that it would be weird for a person to never introduce their bf/gf to their family.
I don't personally do this. When a relationship becomes official... I would let people know that we are together. I would not -hide- him. I am also very close to my family and especially my mum.
It is not about hiding the fact that we are dating.
It is about hiding other, personal things - like - How I feel... How he feels... What the dynamics between us are... What makes us happy.. What makes us sad... What we have argued about and how we made up.. What song was playing the first time we danced... Our favourite place to go... and so on - No one will know these things.

And the men I have been with are *like* me. If they were the loud mouth type, I probably wouldn't have been with them. I like Scorpio Merc for this reason. My Merc is Pisces.

The other thing is - I am a friendly person so I never hide *people* as such. If a person comes up in conversation I can easily talk about them and say for instance .... "Oh Mum.. Guess what? Chris just found out he won tickets to X concert!"... but that is an impersonal piece of information!

I might mention the person ^ as a friend... I mention MANY people since I know many people. And everyone *knows* the people I know. I don't pretend I don't know them.

I simply don't go into emotional/deep things.

At that time ^ for all my mum and my closest friends, and ppl on LL and anyone else in my life...for all everyone else knows... "Chris" would just be a friend. I wouldn't tell anyone about how yesterday we had a 'moment' or that we almost kissed (if that happened).
I would only tell people 'trivia'.

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posted April 27, 2012 03:01 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dreaming111:
I feel that way too. I have venus in 10th natally, but I am also very cautious. I'm looking for someone, but I'm not "supposed" to right now...lol

Normally I would tell my family of guys that hit on me or asked me out, but as of late I don't do that any longer. I don't really date so I can't tell them of that because they don't feel that I'm at a station in life to date. lol Once I get there they don't mind. hehe

Also I would ideally like to show my relationship off. hehe.

From a safety standpoint, I think it's ALWAYS a good idea to let someone know who you're dating or going out on a date with. Have you guys watched 48 hours that show abt the movie writer luring men with a fake profile on plenty of fish? After pretending to be a sweet pretty girl, he then kills them, then chops them up.....Why? Eh for ***** and giggles. I mean, that's absurd, insane and makes me wonder what kind of people are out there.

There are so many cases where someone who supposedly loves the other person kills his or her lover for insurance money, cheating, etc. Sometimes, though even I hate the nagging my friends and family do, we should be open to their opinions. It may not be tastefully stated or tactful, but it might be very helpful. It could even save our lives from being ruined.

Sun: cancer gemini cusp
Moon: scorpio
Asc: scorpio
12 house: saturn, pluto

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