posted October 16, 2013 12:19 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Barbiegirl19:
I don't believe it shows that you're more or less committed when you're married. It's just the next step that we've been doing for thousands of years. Marriage is very beautiful. It just sucks the way it's been stepped all over and not taken seriously.

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That's because it is a joke.

posted October 16, 2013 12:22 AM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Business contract means like shared retirement, benefits, and things like that. It also gives you a voice you would not otherwise have in medical and legal decisions as well as access to information (or even visitation and choice) that you would otherwise be denied. It prevents biological family from arbitrarily ruining or plundering a loved one after death of a partner (because you're just "roomies" in the eyes of the law without marriage, which is a legal contract, not a religious one or mere "declaration of love"). It also helps facilitate things like shared banking accounts and if there are children then it gives both the right to intervene and advocate for the child to full effect rather than just one. These days this shouldn't be a concern UNLESS you're in love. Otherwise, why sign such a contract that can (and probably will) bite you in the butt if the love isn't real and lasting? But in love and wanting to share a life together then such a business contract then makes sense.

There's the other kind that I think you're thinking of where families marry or even auction off their kids to form political and/or economic alliances (sometimes an arranged marriage) but that's rare in the western world these days, and unenforceable legally even when parents try. And there are the gold diggers and such as well but I expect it's rare that people (that is both members) normally enter those knowingly & willingly (save like when some rich old man willingly marries a 20-year-old for his last year or so of life).

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I'm still not entirely sure why you quoted me there, but okay...

Anyway, I was not concerned about any of those things for a number of years, so any of that was irrelevant to me. I saw it as an inevitable fee for divorce and a bunch of tedious paperwork. To each their own.

When I finally met someone that I wanted to marry (my view was much like others' here, that I certainly didn't need a ring or a piece of paper declaring my love for another person, or their love for me), I did so for numerous reasons. Namely that we loved each other, wanted to spend the rest of our lives together, and wanted to have children. That's when insurance and other things come in handy, as well as buying a home or whatever. Things I had previously discarded as irrelevant to my life.

Prior to that, I just figured if it happened, it happened. Meaning that if I ended up with someone for the rest of my life, then something was working...if not, whatever. No divorce papers. *shrug*

posted October 16, 2013 12:25 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Business contract means like shared retirement, benefits, and things like that. It also gives you a voice you would not otherwise have in medical and legal decisions as well as access to information (or even visitation and choice) that you would otherwise be denied. It prevents biological family from arbitrarily ruining or plundering a loved one after death of a partner (because you're just "roomies" in the eyes of the law without marriage, which is a legal contract, not a religious one or mere "declaration of love"). It also helps facilitate things like shared banking accounts and if there are children then it gives both the right to intervene and advocate for the child to full effect rather than just one. These days this shouldn't be a concern UNLESS you're in love. Otherwise, why sign such a contract that can (and probably will) bite you in the butt if the love isn't real and lasting? But in love and wanting to share a life together then such a business contract then makes sense.

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posted October 16, 2013 12:29 AM            

Yeah just don't complain when it goes to **** and your partner tries to take the dog, beach house, and mini van...

Hey my parents were married for 29 years they are not in love but they are successful business partners..

posted October 16, 2013 12:30 AM            

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Originally posted by hannaramaa:
Exactly what I was going to bring up, but as usual you put it more eloquently. This is a big reason by LGBT would like the right to marry, not just for the sake of love but all these life changing decisions the law deems appropriate for spouses to be included on.

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I think that marriage in the LGBT community is a different issue than it is for people who are in hetero relationships. That would be more of a valid reason for wanting to marry, IMO. Otherwise, it just seems very overblown to me.

posted October 16, 2013 12:35 AM            

Anyway, I think the original question was regarding aspects or placements that would indicate someone not wanting to get married, yes?

posted October 16, 2013 12:36 AM            

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Originally posted by Kerosene:
^
It's legal in cali and nyc and some other states.

Anyways it's still overblown to me regardless but I think it's great people have the right.

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posted October 16, 2013 12:38 AM            

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Originally posted by Violets:
I think that marriage in the LGBT community is a different issue than it is for people who are in hetero relationships. That would be more of a valid reason for wanting to marry, IMO. Otherwise, it just seems very overblown to me.

Nonetheless, you'd better make damn sure that you're serious, or you're in for a lot of paperwork and fees. Had my cousin been able to marry her partner ten years ago, they would still be divorced with two adopted kids. See how that works? If you're able to, it doesn't necessarily mean that you should.

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posted October 16, 2013 12:41 AM            

Wow two months...

You have family.
I think it's natural you don't have to feel bad about it or defend yourself.
Most people eventually settle down.

posted October 16, 2013 12:48 AM            

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Originally posted by fireopal09:
I love this! Here comes the novel. I come from a long line of forward thinking, divorced women. My grandmother (Aqua Sun) divorced my grandfather in the mid fifties. My mom divorced my dad when I was 8 months old in 1974 (Cappy Sun, Aqua Mars). Sun/Uranus conjunction in Libra is me. I said, from a very young age, I would NEVER get married and I ended up being a collector of proposals and a couple of engagement rings. I went through a really abusive relationship and got Jesus (was agnostic/atheist most of my life). Got engaged to one dork that jerked me over. After barely catching my breath for a 1 1/2 years , I got engaged to another dork and ended up marrying him due to the fact I got preggo 2 months after said engagement and got married less than a month before Kiddo was born. I was certainly digging in my heels, but grudgingly gave in (he was a supreme jerk during my pregnancy). Got divorced in 2010 and even signed ALL divorce papers with a smiley face next to my name. I am back to being my agnostic/ atheistic self and am comfy/happy about it.

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posted October 16, 2013 12:53 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Violets:
Yeah, for the longest time I just assumed that when I was financially stable enough, I would just become a foster parent. Single people can do that, and it seemed like a natural thing to me, for a variety of reasons. But life does change our views, sometimes. Depends, I suppose.

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I'm starting the fancy the idea of being a dad ....

posted October 16, 2013 01:07 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Kerosene:
I'm starting the fancy the idea of being a dad ....

I'm going to pull an angelina one day...

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posted October 16, 2013 01:18 AM            

Aries influenced kids are so fun!!

posted October 16, 2013 03:10 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hannaramaa:
True, and I'm not advocating "You better get married if you're allowed to!" Believe me, I see a lot of people together who are married and unhappy that I wish would just get divorced. Moreso legalities is why a lot of people want the choice or the ability.

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I do get that. I've had a couple of beers, and I'm not doing a good job of communicating very effectively tonight, lol.
Also, I hadn't planned on having a debate regarding the pros and cons of marriage vs remaining unmarried when I commented here, or I wouldn't have commented.

It is nice to have the insurance benefits of the other person, if they're better than the benefits you already have, and that sort of thing. Or if you plan to settle down and have joint assets, then yes...marriage for practicality as well as love could be a good idea.

posted October 16, 2013 03:24 AM            

I think I want a 'ceremony' too. I'm thinking something like a small-medium elegant masquerade thing .. Don't know where yet..

posted October 16, 2013 03:29 AM            

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Originally posted by Kerosene:
Awwwwwww!!!

Aries influenced kids are so fun!!

I want aries and gemini kids!!!

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posted October 16, 2013 03:45 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by 11nahyt:
My ring will be far from unoriginal though .. I just gotta hope that my future lover is goth enough to appreciate my idea for our rings LOL..

I think I want a 'ceremony' too. I'm thinking something like a small-medium elegant masquerade thing .. Don't know where yet..

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omg gothic- 90's grunge tea party but instead of tea.

we drink absinthe...

Uh either you marry me or Marilyn Manson cause I'm sure we're the only ones that would so that..

posted October 16, 2013 04:11 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Violets:
I'm still not entirely sure why you quoted me there, but okay

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I quoted you because you said you believed you thought marriage was for love and not a contract as Kerosene said. I was saying it's both rather than one or the other.

I suppose it was just a misunderstanding...I thought Kerosene was pointing out a technicality and I also see a difference between love, marriage, and/or sex (all 3 of these can go together but more often than not they don't or at least are different aspects of a relationship and should be considered separate to prevent confusion). But perhaps he was just being cynical saying marriage was simply institutionalized prostitution.

When I saw your response I thought you were saying it had to be about business OR love, that you once saw it as a contract and then realized it was about romance, and I was saying it was both (with the distinction in mind) as generally speaking marriage is a contract that should only be considered between people who love each other. But perhaps you were saying you were once as cynical as Kerosene about marriage being prostitution but then found love was real and decided to marry.

It can be fascinating to me how all the subjective assumptions we all create entirely different universes when thinking about the same concept. I mean radically different, like a plate of food was my sweat that couldn't be wasted so I left it for the homeless (remembering when I was a runaway who sometimes swiped abandoned food) while a man then threw it away even when I told him to stop because he didn't see runaways or the effort I put into making the money that bought that food but instead saw it as feeding illegal aliens that stole his job opportunities. It was just a plate of food yet it was a completely different universe (radically different core assumptions and values in mind) for each of us! And if a plate of food can be that different, then what extremely different assumptions about a concept like marriage can we carry while lazily assuming everyone else is working with the same core assumptions (and thus misunderstanding what was meant)?

posted October 16, 2013 04:57 AM            

Yes marriage is contract and this institution far from pure, with dowries and past political agendas.

I'm so sick of the idea, "We're married our love is legitimate."
Couples emotionally and physically cheat on each other but they're married so it's totally pure...
When I see politicians with these perfect cookie cutter wives, and use this marriage to hide behind their sins

I don't need marriage certificate to validated my love for my partner which is honest and pure..
Secondly I don't believe in forever because fairy tales do not exist.
What we fall out of love or one of us falls for another person?
Why must we stay together if our relationship is no longer pure...

People get married for spiritual reasons, well that's great but I'm going to 'hell' anyways.
I bed both men and women..