posted January 20, 2016 07:58 PM            

It's ******* hard, believe me, always running and running, and having this deep feeling of connecting with someone but then leaving then for nothing just because you fear it and you don't feel worthy of it, and through all these years it became more and more painful as I was slowly growing and maturing, but I always ended up getting stuck in the same old problem, but until now, I could never grasp the damage I did for myself and others, it is thanks to that cancer woman that I'm realizing all of this. I never had a relationship because of this, and sometimes it saddens me to not having experienced yet the love of a woman, the kisses, the cuddling, the dates, it sucks, but that's how it is, and I have to focus on myself and this journey of transformation, and I will conquer.

posted January 21, 2016 12:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
It seems the only people who actually put up with/fall for that kind of dynamic (the "unhealthy Scorpio" dynamic) are very Piscean/Neptunian...

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posted January 21, 2016 12:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
For Scorpios it's surrender. Not just of the self, such as to abandon yourself to another, but rather of the need to control - another person, your reactions, the outcome. This need to control stems from anxiety/fear and as they say, the cure for fear is to feel it and do it anyway. Nothing that you imagine as the worst case scenario is actually as bad as you think. Trust in the fact that you're strong enough to regroup even after the worst case scenario. Scorps are survivors. They always regenerate after hardship. Have faith in that. Good luck, young man!

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posted January 21, 2016 02:24 PM            

I hope your meeting with the cancer woman went well. Please let us know how it went.

said that let me go into some of the key points in your chart that drew my attention.

1. your sun-pluto-mars stellium in 8th show your intensity and need to go into the underword to follow your true destiny. you have your mars serving your sun, so the "go for it" quality can serve your solar purpose of developing and livig emetionally intense experience and surrender to them. pluto in the combo add the collective need into your personal need. so, when you are serving your survival needs, you are also serving the survival needs of the collective. you can become a powerful source of transformation not only for your own sake but for the collective, when you sumerge yourself into the depth of your emotional world (even dark emotions) and come back renewed, you can impact (for good or bad) the collective.
Do not deny yourself the intensity as this is your purpose in life. you need to experience life with all its colours and drama. the conjunction of pluto-sun-mars give you extreme courage and if you surronder to the power of love without trying to control the outcome or the other person, you can start seing lots of change in yourself and your environment.
there is also one theme about a castrated mars. from your life experience, you have not had the chance to develop a powerful mars, instead this intense "go for what you want" energy has transformed into "hurting others" to make yourself "powerful". it is the sense of impotence that makes you being cruel with those women. it has given you the chance to feel powerful somehow.

2. your moon in aquarious, venus in Libra, AC in piscis must feel very inconfortable with your behavior. aquarious needs to follow principles of a better world and libra needs to be fair. these airy signs are not comfortable with strong emosions and depths of the underworld. I suspect you split yourself into a conscious I "i dont like what I do as it is so unfair in my aquarian-libra word", but I cannot help to be dragged by my 8th house planets that are triggered in uncouscious way... the square between your moon and sun indicates a conflict between your need for security and belonging and your need to follow your solar destiny, between your masculine and feminine side.

3. i would invite you not to blame yourself. the moment you are aware of something then you do the best you can to stop it. if you cannot stop your behaviour without help, search for professional help. but please do not try to negate your need to be intense and to visit once in a while the depth of uncounscious and even explore your dark feelings. you may have the impulse (as aquarian mooner) to deny or suppress your super intense side, but that only worse matters..you need to honour who you are and you were born with moon square pluto and a stellium in 8th including the sun.. come on!

I will write more later on..

best wishes

posted January 21, 2016 04:23 PM            

I love Scorpios, my Grandpa who is a father figure to me (I called him Papa for years) has a Scorpio stellium and he would never tolerate excuses from other people so he wouldn't use one himself.

(As a note this isn't directed towards you OP, I want this as a PSA to everyone not to tolerate abuse just because you feel sympathy from someone)

posted January 22, 2016 10:53 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by nordicsoul:
Dear LF DX,

I hope your meeting with the cancer woman went well. Please let us know how it went.

said that let me go into some of the key points in your chart that drew my attention.

1. your sun-pluto-mars stellium in 8th show your intensity and need to go into the underword to follow your true destiny. you have your mars serving your sun, so the "go for it" quality can serve your solar purpose of developing and livig emetionally intense experience and surrender to them. pluto in the combo add the collective need into your personal need. so, when you are serving your survival needs, you are also serving the survival needs of the collective. you can become a powerful source of transformation not only for your own sake but for the collective, when you sumerge yourself into the depth of your emotional world (even dark emotions) and come back renewed, you can impact (for good or bad) the collective.
Do not deny yourself the intensity as this is your purpose in life. you need to experience life with all its colours and drama. the conjunction of pluto-sun-mars give you extreme courage and if you surronder to the power of love without trying to control the outcome or the other person, you can start seing lots of change in yourself and your environment.
there is also one theme about a castrated mars. from your life experience, you have not had the chance to develop a powerful mars, instead this intense "go for what you want" energy has transformed into "hurting others" to make yourself "powerful". it is the sense of impotence that makes you being cruel with those women. it has given you the chance to feel powerful somehow.

2. your moon in aquarious, venus in Libra, AC in piscis must feel very inconfortable with your behavior. aquarious needs to follow principles of a better world and libra needs to be fair. these airy signs are not comfortable with strong emosions and depths of the underworld. I suspect you split yourself into a conscious I "i dont like what I do as it is so unfair in my aquarian-libra word", but I cannot help to be dragged by my 8th house planets that are triggered in uncouscious way... the square between your moon and sun indicates a conflict between your need for security and belonging and your need to follow your solar destiny, between your masculine and feminine side.

3. i would invite you not to blame yourself. the moment you are aware of something then you do the best you can to stop it. if you cannot stop your behaviour without help, search for professional help. but please do not try to negate your need to be intense and to visit once in a while the depth of uncounscious and even explore your dark feelings. you may have the impulse (as aquarian mooner) to deny or suppress your super intense side, but that only worse matters..you need to honour who you are and you were born with moon square pluto and a stellium in 8th including the sun.. come on!

I will write more later on..

best wishes

NS

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posted January 22, 2016 11:54 AM            

And yeah, I use writing and making music as a tool for my spiritual healing, and it did me good, I vent all my inner demons, thoughts and emotions through them and through being a musician is that I started to finally be more open to the world in general.

Unfortunately I didn't see her yesterday, and it almost caused me a breakdown, cause I was tired of the endless desire to reunite but never actually doing a thing to make it happen, until after seeing a writing she shared on the social networks; she's a fantastic writer/poet, and her writings make a very powerful effect on me (her mercury trines my moon exact), I got the power to text her to reunite again, and she gladly accepted... It will be tomorrow at my place, I'm kinda nervous on what can happen, but I'm very happy to dare to text her to reunite, just the two of us. "Dis gun b gud."

posted January 22, 2016 02:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LF DX:
Nordicsoul, yes it does, everything you said is quite accurate. I do fear my intensity and I hate it most of the times, but reppressing it did nothing but damage to myself, I'd love to be more relaxed in relationships but that won't be the case, and that sun-moon square has been a pain in the ass for my entire life, lots of conflicts, lots of two-way choices.

And yeah, I use writing and making music as a tool for my spiritual healing, and it did me good, I vent all my inner demons, thoughts and emotions through them and through being a musician is that I started to finally be more open to the world in general.

Unfortunately I didn't see her yesterday, and it almost caused me a breakdown, cause I was tired of the endless desire to reunite but never actually doing a thing to make it happen, until after seeing a writing she shared on the social networks; she's a fantastic writer/poet, and her writings make a very powerful effect on me (her mercury trines my moon exact), I got the power to text her to reunite again, and she gladly accepted... It will be tomorrow at my place, I'm kinda nervous on what can happen, but I'm very happy to dare to text her to reunite, just the two of us. "Dis gun b gud."

I hope to be relaxed enough to enjoy it, and let things flow, cause even with the triumph of make it happen, I still have a lot inside of me, let's see where it goes.

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all the best wishes tomorrow, and remember nothing break more the wall of a cancer woman than a vulnerable person showing her wounds openly...

I see you have been doing a lot of self-work. are you in any type of psychotherapy? I am a fan of Jung analysis.

do you think that writing to her about your fears can help you to relax? i mean, you are very good at expressing yourself in writing and it may help to clear the anxiety...

all the best

posted January 22, 2016 03:31 PM            

I LOVE that Ted Talk. I watched it when I first had problems with my Scorp male.

posted January 22, 2016 05:48 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by misspriss:
Hypatia this is spooky!!!

I LOVE that Ted Talk. I watched it when I first had problems with my Scorp male.

Maybe we just are soul mates....

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posted January 22, 2016 05:54 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by hypatia238:
Watch this Ted talk about the power of vulnerability, tell me what you think LF DX.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en

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posted January 22, 2016 06:00 PM            

I can't get relationships to go past a certain point. I'm afraid of others seeing me angry or depressed because it's just to intense for them. When you mentioned the panick attack it reminded me how I leave or start drifting away when people start seeing my dark side.

I just wish I could find someone who's been through some similar situation and doesn't get freaked out by me. I'm fiercely loyal but I always feel I'm not worthy of being loved. Writing this makes me wanna puke really...

But I guess the only way of fixing our lives is to break the cycle of s**t, meaning the withdrawing from people without a word.

posted January 23, 2016 04:28 PM            

- nordicsoul: I'm meditating and reading Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz, it has some great insights on the inner self-image and how it affects our quality of life, and after starting to make the exercises, I'm starting to feel more loose, it's going to take a long time, but I will continue and I will make the change to be the better version of myself. I now remember that when I started to tell more of my deepest insecurities is when me and her started to get more closer, until we both had a mutual withdrawal.

- 4lifephrases: For the times it felt mutual, that the woman could try a little harder. I must admit, it's stupid, but if some of the girls would have tried some more, I'd open up to them. Gotta admit that I'm kinda passive for a scorpio in love matters.

Soltze: You have to fight, fight hard, it's a long way to reach the top, but when you start to feel more confortable with yourself, those demons will slowly dissappear, it's hard, very hard, but it's worth it.

posted January 23, 2016 06:00 PM            

I meditate too since two years, already got much better.

posted January 24, 2016 01:47 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LF DX:
Hypatia: I have watch it, and it's quite powerful the message, on how we ended up being comfortably numb with our fears and insecurities and the final part is important to me, to learn how to be seen to the ones we love, to learn how to love deeply and accept the outcome no matter what happens, and learn to love yourself and have that feeling of "being enough", I'll watch it often, for my therapy, I'm starting the process and this kind of things is what I need.

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Big hug. Its soo beautiful and moving that you are pushing yourself, I got teary. You are going to be allright, you will figure this out.

posted January 24, 2016 11:12 AM            

How does the "higher water sign of Pisces" act?

quote:

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Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
Each sign has that one lesson, that comes the hardest to them, but that it's invaluable because it unleashes or channels their potential. For me as an Aries is patience. For Scorpios it's surrender. Not just of the self, such as to abandon yourself to another, but rather of the need to control - another person, your reactions, the outcome. This need to control stems from anxiety/fear and as they say, the cure for fear is to feel it and do it anyway. Nothing that you imagine as the worst case scenario is actually as bad as you think. Trust in the fact that you're strong enough to regroup even after the worst case scenario. Scorps are survivors. They always regenerate after hardship. Have faith in that.

---

posted January 24, 2016 04:19 PM            

And as nordicsoul told, all the close lady friends were very overwhelmed in a positive way when I told my feelings for the cancer woman, and through telling those friends, they became more vulnerable with me and shared with me their stories, and somehow even when I was completely over the top, they understand me and cheer me up, and a common friend told me that the cancer woman loves me, don't know yet if it's the romantic way or the friendly way, but I know deep inside that she does, so I don't want to give up on her, I won't, I'll reach her in the best of ways, I know it.

posted January 24, 2016 05:18 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LF DX:

Maybe this isn't the place to make this emotional venting, but I wanted to show you, that behind a unevolved scorpio man, with his demons, behind all of that, there's just a kid desperately wanting affection, but now knowing how to do it, and learning it the hard way, the hardest of ways.

Cheers.

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Wow, LF DX -- kudos on this! I have great respect for people who are capable of self-confrontation. I hope you take immense pride in this awesome first step towards transforming!

Scorpio has a way of transmuting its shadows into light. When that's shared with others, it can be so inspiring! I often wonder if that's part of that classic Plutonic/Scorpio magnetism.

I reckon getting to this point couldn't have been easy, so major props to you. As another 8th house Mars person (and dodger of a certain Scorpio Moon male), I have so much respect for you in this moment.

Congrats!

PS -- Love the confessional style! Brave of you to offer your personal testimony given the infamy of Scorpio as a topic on this site LOL. Hope this "confessions of the unevolved zodiac" format becomes a thing^^.

posted January 24, 2016 05:21 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:

This is gold.

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