posted August 13, 2020 10:38 AM            

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Wow. Really? When I don't like someone, they feel it from a visceral level. My ex could tell we were on our way to a break by how I made love to him. I was holding back.🤷🏾‍♂️

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well funny you mention that this one time after sex i rolled off her and i just kind of hated her right then, she looked at me and said "what's wrong?" told her "i think i hate you"

edit: i was actually telling this to a friend recently

that and the time i told her to stop spending so much ******* time in front of the mirror and she told me i wouldve left her years before if she didnt look the way she did

told her that was probably true

posted August 13, 2020 01:27 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
also so i don't sound like a total dick

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posted August 13, 2020 02:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Moonbeth:
Hahahahaha lol adorable, don't worry, you're not cancelled, we still feel motherly towards you for some weird reason 😊

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posted August 13, 2020 07:21 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
well that's because i'm charming 😉

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posted August 13, 2020 08:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Moonbeth:
Haha, charming isn't the word I'd use for you, you feel like 50% wasted, 50% earnest and somehow in the middle you throw super hot **** about monogamy and weirdly this all amounts to motherly feelings lol, not as in you'd need protection, or showers of affection, more like hugs and carefree conversations 😊 You feel like miraculously considering your life, the child in you is intact ��

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must be residual i've been sober for about a week or so unless you count recreational benadryl (most underrated otc drug) but that was once a couple days ago felt like relaxing and passing out so i took 8 of them or some ****

you're not the first person who's told me i bring out feelings like that in them, i'm definitely still like a kid 100%

aries moon probably part of that i'd imagine

posted August 13, 2020 08:25 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Dumuzi:
recreational benadryl

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I do know, I have massive allergies so I'm often on those medicines and yup, some are serious, mostly they tend to interact with basic foods in unexpected ways and can be quite the trip ^^

You did tell me others felt that way too, I feel comfy this is one legit way to feel about you 😊

posted August 14, 2020 11:56 AM            

🤣 yeah that's pretty much peak "i have/had substance abuse problems" type **** for the most part, like immodium when i was a junkie

it seems to be, i'm good with it works out well because it sort of gives me freedom to be a total ******* retard and it all works out

just part of the way to explain the kid thing, i like to think the libra balances it out though

i love aries energy generally in other people, didn't work with my ex though

2 aries moons dating is just not the best gotta say, the scorpio with her though i think was more of an issue becausei get over **** meanwhile she'd be like "yu did x when we were 15" and i'd be there saying "we're over 30 now and that has nothing to do with 10 minutes ago"

posted August 14, 2020 12:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by TaurusVenusGirl:
Triple post.

Now I'm acting like her with her men, but with posts.

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posted August 14, 2020 12:48 PM            

Obvious unsuitability maybe ,but clinging on
(by habit, a rut)

And wishing things were perfect
but deep down knowing no amount of effort will make a difference,
actually feeling connected to the other through the physical plain, it’s all you can do / give
Hoping that the act will heal the hurt feelings and resentment, trying to find common ground but failing, grown apart.
Attachment - in spite of the hate ?
Knowing that if you stopped doing it, the rel’ship would soon be over. Using physicality as a way to continue the rel’ship .. but holding only the remnants.

So look , it doesn’t sound all bad if it’s based on attachment or not wanting to give up. Admitting defeat.

But it is probably not healthy in the long-term because a rel’ship based solely on .. is a lonely one and knowing it can’t be made to work because of something or someone that ruined things or lack of effort or exhaustion from being drained or having to raise kids
or resenting the partner for not pitching in or absences or lateness or flirting elsewhere or disrespect or bad management all around ..there are many reasons why it could go wrong.

Everyone needs to think about what they expect from
a rel’ship and what they are prepared to give in return (the same thing demanded for example.)
It is useful to list to the other at the start of a rel’ship so there is a bedrock.

posted August 15, 2020 07:16 AM              

Exactly, it would sound strictly desperate, but it's also so practical, it makes for seriously funny reality, the unexpected places pure Virgoan stuff expresses itself 😊

I like aries energy, it's aries discussion I end up struggling with.

Everything you've lived up to that point has to do with 10 minutes ago and until resolved and archived as either a pro or a con, what you did when you were 15 will be dug up, and dug about, analysed and thrown at you and used and questioned... and, goodness, why does this behaviour feel SO normal to me? 😳

You are and while I think it's characteristic in a mundane way for you, being either good or bad depending on folks and situations, the dodging is always going to be a relationship issue. Whether it's a stranger or a lover, when we throw things we basically go for either hit or rebound. When none happens, the power balance gets tipped in disproportionate ways and it sends power straight to the main stage because you either submit to a dodger, because dodging somehow ensures always being right by never being hit, or you walk out on them entirely, but if you keep throwing, you're forever dancing alone at best, being puppet at worst.

We tend to stigmatise behaviours and fits like your ex's in our society but they are very human responses too. The apathy and dodging isn't any less brutal, wiser or better adjusted just because it involves less apparent emotions and is quieter, those are massive power moves when pulled in a context of intimacy.
Not excusing your ex or blaming you but my libra mercury decidedly says her cray/your cray and because you dodge, maybe you dodge the work of finding out why you dodge, which is made easier by the fact she reacts so atomically and the relationship being over, yet that doesn't mean you can safely, for yourself, dodge the work needed on it.

posted August 15, 2020 01:49 PM            

it's cool no worries

that being said i think you took me a bit too figuratively

i don't dodge real problems, i hate having to do things. but when i have no choice i will, but actual physical objects damn right i ******* dodged those 🤣

my apathy towards her was years of being worn down by tantrums and ******** , but even then i did make an effort to do **** like get her help and try to make things functional

behaviors like gas lighting and throwing tantrums and the silent treatment (which was her go to often to try to gain control of situations) and so on are stigmatized because sure these are things people do but when it's constant it's more than problematic

she projected a lot of **** on me too that just wasnt there, if she was in a bad mood and i showed concern she'd accuse me of showing that concern because i was pleased which was never the case i'm not that person

she became increasingly unable to see me as myself and she made it impossible really to interact with her unless it was drugs or *******

this is someone who would throw a tantrum over me saying "i i don't know where you put that" when she asked me where something she bought was that i never even touched

not even confrontational just like nah no idea, even willing to help her find it

and not just a little tantrum screaming for 20 minutes and insisting i was being condescending when i didn't yell back

**** like that daily makes me stop giving a **** , none of it matters

i think i probably watched her pack to leave then stop at least a million times over stopped giving a **** , offered to help, did help

there was no talking to her if i said "hey you know this wasn't cool you think maybe..." that's as far as i would get before the unrelated "you did this 15 years ago" **** would start and there was no getting back on track and actually dealing with something

anything other than praise was tantrum worthy and honestly it's kind of ironic because she left me to end up with someone who acted the way she did then she'd call me crying and tell me she missed me and still loved me and all kinds of other ********

i listened for a while, offered to help, i was willing to put myself out to get her off drugs post break up and get her somewhere safe gave her plenty of resources too (just somewhere i wasnt because i was done) she didn't want that

i spent years holding her **** together, helping her raise her siblings on/off, making sure we had places to live and all kinds of **** so i dealt with plenty

i do address problems even though i don't like to and i do work on things, but that **** can't be one sided and it was

so towards the end all there was between us was sex

as for the past **** sure our past shapes us but if i'm trying to discuss some **** happening right now bringing up some **** you didn't like 15 years ago is absolutely worthless and irrelevant

and i'd say as much but not in a ****** way in a "ok well let's talk about that when we're done addressing this" sort of way "let's spend 10 minutes discussing the current problem without getting sidetracked and then whatever you need to say about other **** can be discussed when we're done because i'm still right here"

literally paraphrasing myself there

as for the drug **** i find it funny how the pisces side of the axis is always played up when it comes to drugs but the virgo side is often ignored in spite of that being a very real thing

posted August 16, 2020 04:42 PM              

I’m sure I did lol but also, I expressed myself poorly
Not humouring ongoing paranoid attacks by always having the distance to treat it like a symptom and want to help is a form of dodging in terms of I can easily imagine to someone in her state, you calling her out on her state is ruining her game where you’d take what she gives at face value and engage with that, instead of dodging it to address her underlying issue, all the while completely obliterating your own undergoing issue that makes you act as a caretaker to someone you’re supposed to be intimate with. Do you see what I mean? Of course what you depict from her is terrible behaviour, but you also mention terrible behaviour from you to your own self and I’m not sure any attempt at helping her could have worked as long as you didn’t help yourself first, that’s where there was dodging, and I can easily imagine that subconsciously perceiving that might have set her off at times (regardless of her own messed up issues). I don’t think you ever were happy she felt bad, but it sure was yet another confirmation that she was the one needing help or needed it more than you and being preoccupied with helping someone you love, or loved at that point, but decidedly have committed to and feel responsible for is one hell of a hard drug when it comes to avoiding sorting your own **** .
Amen about the Pisces/Virgo axis, and this is why I think: us Virgos don’t display it the same way, we are functional addicts, those who “stay in control”. Virgos don’t go to rehab (unless it gets Charlie Sheen atomic levels of bonkers), we don’t make suicide *attempts*, we don’t show up without the precise front we have decided to present like Pisces and its endearing sexy trash aura. Virgo controls and hides its anorexia by developing orthorexia, that’s how opposite to Pisces and also a bit to Scorpio we are, we’re the worst addicts because our first addiction is to not admitting to having a problem and being certain it’s up to us alone to solve our **** and everybody else’s. We’re worst than dodgers when it comes to our dark side, we are avoidant and one thing that doesn’t help is that we’re so bloody good at it, no one that thinks they know us and calls us out on our BS stands a chance as what they think they shrewdly observe is yet another one of our carefully wrought out fronts. Pisces’ soul dissolves in the vastness of the ocean and slips like soap when you try to catch it, but Virgo’s heart is buried way deep in the abyss where no one can really see it. It’s a terrible sign to mix with any form of trauma or unhappy founding experience because it understands so well so fast, imprints are deep and wirings are almost indestructible as they blend with an integrity we defend as fiercely as Pisces struggles to define. Virgo’s mutability is very often self-defeating in that respect as it can become a perpetually self-reinventing tool to carry out our own destruction.
Of course you’d end up not giving a sod about it all. anyone would, but you basically describe travelling from wanting to help to not giving a **** without committing in between, you went from some weird blend of denial/bargaining to acceptance, where was anger? lol You don’t watch someone pack to leave and offer help, you either call them out on their BS, fight it or walk out, offering to help is “ok”, you’ve accepted, it’s super distant. You have someone who’s pulling all the stops, all the tricks in the book of control and you don’t get why your absence of partaking in the very games is infuriating? I’m not saying you should have or it’s right, just it sounds understandable that you got stuck on a loop, and she still is. Of course she breaks up and she stalks! You don’t buy it when she leaves because you know she doesn’t want to, and what she probably wants is for you to ask her to stay not help her pack, so she breaks up with you because you let go what you love to watch it come back, except you don’t come back and once again her tactic failed and it doesn’t really compute so she stalks because the intent was never to break up, it was always about you dancing the dance (and yes, if you had, it would have been a problem too lol). Again, not saying you should have or that this is even what it is, I have no clue, but it’s an easy reading that makes clean sense, so, worth a consideration. I’ve watched my dad pack on my mum a zillion times, she’d cry and beg him not to, or would lock herself in her room and do drugs for days on, then he’d come back, or she’d go and get him back. When she assaulted him with her jealousy about women he didn’t even know, he’d go back at her with “you slept with our best friend 30 years ago!”. It ain’t pretty, or smart, but they’re still together lol See what I mean? It works if both address their shite or no one does. If one only tries to heal and grow or tries to get the other to, it loops in a fruitless way for both healing and the troubles themselves.
No one says you didn’t deal with a LOT, just that in doing so you left another lot unattended. That’s ok, no one can do it all, not even a Virgo.
It’s not worthless and irrelevant by default to bring up 15 years ago in the heat of now. It’s not either your discuss past problems therapy style or you’re in the new, sometimes the very relevance, and it’s usually very relevant and worth a million, is the h=why does this come up at that specific moment and whether it’s a tacti to avoid discussing the real issue or there’s an actual trigger, a similar emotion, it’s very often important to address it. Unfortunately it’s the most difficult to address, usually it’s either too sensitive or too avoiding in nature for the person who’s doing it to be able to take a step back and deal, at least on the moment and /or with the person they’re experiencing it with for quite ever. It’s not getting side-tracked, there’s a connection in her brain, a specific reason, treating it like a side track cannot help, but then again, it cannot be your position to uncover it because you’re the trigger, you can’t be part of the stimulation and help soothe the thing, remember what I told you about being a caretaker or a lover, those are two very distinct relationship functions that do not blend easily, especially for people who get involved so young as you two did.

posted August 17, 2020 02:29 PM            

i get what you're saying, but i think there's a lot of assumption on your part because i do own my faults and did make an effort with her when it came to myself as well

thing is me working on myself doesn't change **** if the other person is stagnant, relationships just don't and can't work that way

i can cut away and alter pieces of myself all day but if i'm not being met halfway you've got nothing and that was a big problem

she just liked to scapegoat and i'm not going to own someone else's ******** , things don't work that way

that's actually a really good description of virgo and addiction, fair point too

when i tried to kill myself it didnt work out i just pretended nothing happened

when i quit heroin i didn't bother with rehab

when i need help i see it as a failing within myself and prefer to hide that but i'll be there for other people and not view it as the same

they can have problems, they can need help, i'll deal with you endlessly but if i'm ****** that's also my problem don't pay attention i'll hide it etc

why would there have been anger? she was ****** up acting out due to it couldn't be angry about it, anger always felt unfair to me with that

want to leave that's ok i accept it want to stay let's work on **** that's how i am

want to play control games? not going to bite

i don't do jealousy games i don't do control i don't **** around

i did the endless **** til she kept raising the bar with how hard she'd push and then became apathetic and it was her own doing whether or not it's what she wanted

not my problem that she overlooked what me "turning off" is, because that's my thing i'll work damn near endlessly and question everything i do "is this fair? is this selfish? how do i change myself to fix that?" i'll keep hitting walls, things can keep escalating etc and i'll keep at it that's whatever for me, but that's while things are there

give me nothing and then there's nothing back and it doesn't come back for me either, when i'm done it's final because it takes a lot for me to be done

i don't give up easily to a fault sometimes

it's definitely worthless and irrelevant to bring up unrelated old things to scapegoat and blameshift because accepting and owning the current reality requires self reflection

keep in mind this is the same ***** that would ask me for specific examples then get angry that i "brought up the past" nevermind if it was a repeated behavior we were discussing

the thing she did 10 minutes ago, 2 days ago, repeated x amount of times was irrelevant but the thing i did 15 years ago that wasn't a current reality and stayed in the past was what we needed to focus on? ********

that's manipulative garbage

it wasn't really hate sex it was more just well this feels good and you're shutting the **** up for a bit so i'd rather do this than interact with you otherwise sex

i hated her that time after sex and said as much because it was the first time i had ever looked at her and felt repulsed

like i just didn't even want to be near her or look at her after and went out to have a cigarette

we had sex after that don't get me wrong, but it was just something to do

i view sex with feelings as different than sex void of them, it's not the same thing to me

one is deep and meaningful the other is like having a few drinks

the act itself isn't what's intimate to me

edit: just to elaborate hate is very momentary for me, i can't keep that level of emotion up for that long

it's like a 15 minute thing and then it's more dislike and indifference and probably not on my mind

posted August 18, 2020 02:38 PM            

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Originally posted by anonymidarkness:
Definitely, in married couples especially.

Lets not see each other's face and just get it done quickly!! -_-

'As you wish'

*invents doggystyle*

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posted August 20, 2020 04:03 AM            

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Originally posted by ChildofVenus:
For example, this guy lied told me I was his type and that he wanted to have sex with me. But that wasn't true at all because none of the women and models he followed on social media looked anything like me. So yes men will sleep with whoever even if they hate you. They don't even have to find you physically attractive. They do not care as long as you'll give them sex it doesn't matter.

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lmao..I hope your not on tinder again!!! that whould be the source of the problem.

posted August 20, 2020 03:18 PM            

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Originally posted by DualGemV2:
lmao..I hope your not on tinder again!!! that whould be the source of the problem.

My Planets
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☉‘ ♊, ☽ ♈, ASC ♑, ☿ ♊, ¡÷ ♉, ¡ö ♋ , ♃ ♒, ♄ ♏, ♅ ♐, ♆

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posted August 23, 2020 07:25 AM              

Anyway, no assumption on my part, you keep defending yourself and proving yourself, repeating how hard you tried and it's useless because it all comes from misreading my explaining her behaviour and how yours can be read to fit that specific narrative into justifying her behaviour, which are essentially two very different things.

Call that composite effect, whether you like it or not your actions affect each other in a relationship and summing it up to one took, the other received is too simplistic to be exactly true, even if one partner is clearly to blame for the bulk of the issues. Such is the nature of relating that by simply being there we enable a lot of the dynamics, it is what it is. it's not each owns to their **** in definite separate ways or one ends up owning to the other one's, I believe it to be a much greyer area than this, especially when the relationship has lasted a while and was engaged in while young. It's not an assumption on you or anyone for that matter, it's a recognition of a basic human factor that none of us has control over, no matter how hard we try, we cannot decide how we affect other people, which is essentially what you say when you say you need to be met halfway, I'm just pointing that by staying in the relationship all the time you were trying out of its pattern and saw you weren't followed, that was an issue in itself and it came from you as much as it came from her. There's no judgement in that, just pragmatic observation. The same action (or absence thereof here) can be either read as toxic entertaining the BS, or angelic giving countless chances for redemptions, and I'm in for neither, only appreciating that in essence, tis both, even though the scales can be tipped and hopefully some relationships recover.

Oh and don't know if it was here or in the other thread but I'm not as fussed about judgement as you are, I think everybody judges and it's human, I'm more interested in what people base the judgements on and how flexible they are rather than condemning the practice itself.