posted October 30, 2009 12:28 PM         

still i have no problem with people who are honest about not wanting kids. i think THAT is just as natural as wanting them. as i said, i never planned or expected to fall pregnant! but i know with every fiber that it was meant to be - that ONE time. and i have cared for my grandson as if he were my own, though now weaning! and happy to be doing so!

posted October 30, 2009 02:09 PM         

thank you for your comment and consideration.

Tis not easy for me to admit that I would really have prefered not to do this, but stuck now.

Kat, I appreciate what you are saying. Parenthood was natural enough for me, but so taxing on me.

Again I state IF I knew, objectively what I do now, hell no!

BUT IF, I knew the children I would raise, yes...

But parenting in general is not for everybody, I assimilated quite nicely, but would have been quite happy with myself as well.

posted October 30, 2009 04:22 PM         

Thank you for your thoughts,
again this is not easy for me, a realization I have come to recently (in my aged/cumulative earth years of 47 )

My eldest is gay, she embraced her lesbian soul in her teens and it was not easy for her, now 21 years old, she is a blessed young lady! I love her and her gfriend so much!

However, she has mentioned adopting in the future, but I think she will sway away from that idea, seeing what her mom has had to deal with with her sis and her.

sigh...

blessings to all!!!

posted October 31, 2009 12:45 PM         

I was referring to a couple communities elsewhere that I was curious about several years ago that I read out of curiosity. "Childfree" communities that shared a general disdain and someone outright dislike and hate for people with children and children themselves. They absolutely used breeder, crotch dropping, bovine, Moo, SAHMoo (stay at home cow), etc. etc. etc.

It's one thing to be happy with your own choices. It's another thing to feel so superior about them that a group likes to put down other people that make different choices and groupd them into labels and assume everyone is alike.

I wouldn't appreciate it on a mom board either if they started bashing or judging a relative that doesn't want kids. I've spoken up then, too.

posted November 01, 2009 01:11 AM         

The message here, is don't have babies with someone who you can't spend the rest of your life with.
Step families are the most disfunctional families of all. Because of a) the disfuntional dynamics between the birth parents and b) the grudging acceptance of the non-birth child by the step parent. There are acceptions, I know. but by and large, there is underlying tension. Sometimes, outright resentment.

Don't have babies with someone you can't spend the rest of your life with. or at least 20 years. Use birth control.

posted November 01, 2009 12:53 PM         

i bent over backwards to ensure he stayed in her life and it cost me plenty but i am glad i did it. would not take back one minute EXCEPT for the ones where i overloaded on stress and darkened the house with it!

but who says it is essential for children to grow up in a perfect world? how does that help them? and has it EVER actually been accomplished? what would they hone their characters on without some stress, without some imperfections in their family, then they go out into this world of ours and disintegrate on the first pass...

and i speak as one who TRIED - for years - to create heaven on earth for my child. with varying degrees of success of course. i also speak as someone who came from a family with stepchildren and half-siblings.

yes it was hard in some ways, especially for my mom (the stepmother) who could do no right in the eyes of one child, was amazingly fair in the eyes of another, and was just mom to two others. we all survived and we all love each other and it was just our particular "karma" to go through it together.

posted November 01, 2009 01:51 PM         

Got married because I got pregnant. Big mistake.

So of course - we got divorced and it was messy (still is).

Anyway, life is so not perfect. Would be better without people trying to beat other people up, pretending their choices are the best, looking down on anyone that doesn't agree.

posted November 01, 2009 04:27 PM         

The problem I have with raising awareness about not having kids ( in addition to the problems I already raised), is that raising awareness on this issue will probably only affect the decisions of intelligent and socially conscious people to have kids. These are the people we WANT to have kids.

The socially unconscious aren't going to listen/care to this message. Many of these people dont' use birth control for religious reasons, may not be literate, may not even understand what overpopulation really means. ETC AND SO FORTH

posted November 01, 2009 04:39 PM         

Did you see the movie "Idiocracy"?? It's a comedy and funny but scary because it's more true than I'd like to admit.

"A narrator explains that natural selection is indifferent to intelligence, so that in a society in which intelligence is systematically debased, stupid people easily out-breed the intelligent, creating, over the course of five centuries, an irremediably dysfunctional society. Demographic superiority favours those least likely to advance society. Consequently, the children of the educated élites are drowned in a sea of sexually promiscuous, illiterate, alcoholic, proletarian peers."

"The purpose of the program set up by the Pentagon, called the "Human Hibernation Project," is designed so that the military can save their best men for when they're needed most. According to the officers heading the project, too many times the talents and expensive training of the best pilots and soldiers go to waste during times of peace. So they enlist Bauers (Wilson), the most under-achieving average guy they've got, to be the test subject for the initial hibernation experiment. Also participating in the top-secret program is Rita (Rudolph), a prostitute who agreed to take part in exchange for dropping some criminal charges against her, among other things. Of course, the experiment, which was to last only a year, goes under due to the arrest of Officer Collins, who is busted for heading a prostitution ring. Seeing as though he was in charge of the experiment, one of the only ones who knew of its existence, and "due to a lot of top-secret red tape... and the massive scandals and base closure that followed, Joe and Rita were forgotten about. Written by Slider

Joe Bauers, an Army librarian, is judged to be absolutely average in every regard, has no relatives, has no future, so he's chosen to be one of the two test subjects in a top-secret hibernation program. He and hooker Rita were to awaken in one year, but things go wrong and they wake up instead in 2505. By this time, stupid people have outbred intelligent people; the world is (barely) run by morons--and Joe and Rita are the smartest people in America."

posted November 01, 2009 06:05 PM         

fortunately for the gene pool bright people don't necessarily make the best parents! since parenting and intellectualism (sic?) are not necessarily natural co-workers...

posted November 02, 2009 01:15 AM         

I love kids and teach them.

I would adopt in a heartbeat, if I could, but the law says I can't, because I am in a gay relationship. It doesn't matter that I'm in a long term relationship with another professional woman. At least, I can interact with my partner's 4 grandchildren from her 2 daughters.

posted November 02, 2009 03:12 AM         

quote:

---

Kudoos to you. Fan fare and fireworks and cheers.
And then an empty house when everyone goes home. And probably that's bliss for you.

My bliss is different My heart is engaged in my bliss. Yours is disengaged. To each their own.

---

According to you, anyone who does not have children has an empty house and a heart that is disengaged from bliss. That's a pretty offensive and drastic assumption for you to make. Also offensive and drastic are your declarations that step-families are the most dysfunctional families of all and that no one should have a child unless they are guaranteed to be with the other parent for a minimum of twenty years.

The man who coined the phrase "Follow your bliss" was childless. Joe Campbell and his wife made a conscious decision to not have earthly children in order to focus on creating "spiritual children," such as books, art, etc. When considering those who have lived a life with their heart fully engaged with bliss, Campbell readily comes to my mind. So does our mutual friend Jean Houston, who likewise has devoted her life to spiritual children instead of earthly children.

I do not have children and I am not yet certain if I want to have any biological and/or adopted children. I am constantly amazed at the rudeness of people who tell me that being a mother should be my top priority because that is the meaning of life. My top priorities are to be the best person I can be and to create the best art I can create. I'm glad for people who tell me that having a child provided them with love, companionship, and a meaningful life. I must say I also feel alarmed because I stongly believe that making another person responsible for those things is a disservice to the other person as well as yourself.

posted November 02, 2009 08:58 AM         

quote:

---

I would adopt in a heartbeat, if I could, but the law says I can't, because I am in a gay relationship. It doesn't matter that I'm in a long term relationship with another professional woman.

---

That's so sad, and wrong that they won't let you adopt.

posted November 02, 2009 09:29 AM         

Speaking from a childless person whose heart is disengaged.