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Author Topic:   LL Men--What Do You Think Of FWB?
lalitree
Knowflake

Posts: 74
From:
Registered: Apr 2011

posted August 17, 2011 04:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalitree     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
apparently some guys even think that if you agree to have sex with them without being in relationship they are free to treat you like a piece of trash; it happened to me. He told me he 'cared about me' but didn't want a relationship, and since i really didn't want one either that was fine by me. but when he knocked me up he reacted like it was all my doing. it was really horrible what he said, but that's a whole other story

all i'm saying is...i will never agree to FWB again...because i feel that most men mean they want NO RESPONSIBILITY and obviously are using you because they have not found someone they desire so much they want to keep her.

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 18887
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted August 17, 2011 05:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by lalitree:
apparently some guys even think that if you agree to have sex with them without being in relationship they are free to treat you like a piece of trash; it happened to me. He told me he 'cared about me' but didn't want a relationship, and since i really didn't want one either that was fine by me. but when he knocked me up he reacted like it was all my doing. it was really horrible what he said, but that's a whole other story

all i'm saying is...i will never agree to FWD again...because i feel that most men mean they want NO RESPONSIBILITY and obviously are using you because they have not found someone they desire so much they want to keep her.



Sadly I agree although I have not been there from experience Thank Goodness.
I am sorry you went through that Sweetie

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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 6884
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 17, 2011 06:45 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by lalitree:
apparently some guys even think that if you agree to have sex with them without being in relationship they are free to treat you like a piece of trash; it happened to me. He told me he 'cared about me' but didn't want a relationship, and since i really didn't want one either that was fine by me. but when he knocked me up he reacted like it was all my doing. it was really horrible what he said, but that's a whole other story

all i'm saying is...i will never agree to FWB again...because i feel that most men mean they want NO RESPONSIBILITY and obviously are using you because they have not found someone they desire so much they want to keep her.


I feel for you
but am curious as to why if it was only a FWB arrangement, as to why BOTH of you were NOT using birth control?

I hear guys say "it's not my fault she got knocked up";
and women crying;
"he knocked me up".
Well it takes two to do it and so both are responsible.
On that note, guys will say if the woman gets pregnant that she lied about being on birth control so it is not his fault, wah wah, he was tricked into knocking her up!
Well well what a fool to fall for that old trick.
There are women who do that even in these times.
A man should never assume a woman is using birth control
even if she shows him the birth control pills;
and he should use rubbers
and make sure she is using a spermicide. Even with such precautions pregnancy can still happen.
And not even going to get into the risks of S.T.D.s here.

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NickiG
Moderator

Posts: 4119
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010

posted August 17, 2011 07:13 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for NickiG     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by LEXX:
I feel for you
but am curious as to why if it was only a FWB arrangement, as to why BOTH of you were NOT using birth control?

I hear guys say "it's not my fault she got knocked up";
and women crying;
"he knocked me up".
Well it takes two to do it and so both are responsible.
On that note, guys will say if the woman gets pregnant that she lied about being on birth control so it is not his fault, wah wah, he was tricked into knocking her up!
Well well what a fool to fall for that old trick.
There are women who do that even in these times.
A man should never assume a woman is using birth control
even if she shows him the birth control pills;
and he should use rubbers
and make sure she is using a spermicide. Even with such precautions pregnancy can still happen.
And not even going to get into the risks of S.T.D.s here.



i want everyone to know that i have made my decision...i decided to go for it and we have already talked things through and agree to certain terms

------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

when organic is used to describe food then you know we have come to a dark age in history

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 18887
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted August 17, 2011 07:21 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Awww Nicki
What happened?
You may not want to share it here.Please let me know. I have had you on my heart and mind.I just want your well being

------------------
Do You Think This Psychic is Cute?


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 6884
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 17, 2011 07:22 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by NickiG:


i want everyone to know that i have made my decision...i decided to go for it and we have already talked things through and agree to certain terms


Thank you for the
And good luck to you and him!

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NickiG
Moderator

Posts: 4119
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010

posted August 17, 2011 07:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for NickiG     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Awww Nicki
What happened?
You may not want to share it here.Please let me know. I have had you on my heart and mind.I just want your well being


nothing HAPPENED so to say, its just from all of the wonderful advice and warnings on these threads just helped me to make my decision

------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

when organic is used to describe food then you know we have come to a dark age in history

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NickiG
Moderator

Posts: 4119
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010

posted August 17, 2011 07:27 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for NickiG     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by LEXX:
Thank you for the
And good luck to you and him!


a post like that deserves a

------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

when organic is used to describe food then you know we have come to a dark age in history

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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 6884
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 17, 2011 07:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by NickiG:
nothing HAPPENED so to say, its just from all of the wonderful advice and warnings on these threads just helped me to make my decision


quote:
Originally posted by LEXX:
Thank you for the
And good luck to you and him!


quote:
Originally posted by NickiG:
a post like that deserves a
Thank you again and blessings and good fortune to you!

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 18887
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted August 17, 2011 08:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I just want the best for you Nicki .We have been through the wars together
I love you

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NickiG
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Posts: 4119
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010

posted August 17, 2011 08:09 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for NickiG     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I just want the best for you Nicki .We have been through the wars together
I love you

i love you too ami

------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

when organic is used to describe food then you know we have come to a dark age in history

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NickiG
Moderator

Posts: 4119
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010

posted August 17, 2011 08:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for NickiG     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by LEXX:
Thank you again and blessings and good fortune to you!

thanks bunches lexi

------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

when organic is used to describe food then you know we have come to a dark age in history

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Betty Boop
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Posts: 1563
From: Betty Boop Land
Registered: Sep 2010

posted August 18, 2011 08:53 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Betty Boop     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I haven’t read through this whole thread – but in reference to some of the things being said on the 1st page --

Do you guys really think that a majority of hetero men are these suave – smooth talking – brad pitt lookalikes – who get a shot at sex with multiple FWBs simultaneously?

Emphasis on the word *majority*...

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ghanima81
Moderator

Posts: 705
From: Maine
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 18, 2011 09:11 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for ghanima81     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Bahaha Betty Boop, that same thought crossed my mind. I don't think that's the case at all. SOME guys are scumbags and yes, probably do have that agenda, multiple FWB. But I think in most cases, the men are not ready for the complications of a relationship, and therefore have hit the JACKPOT with a female friend that will have non-committal, mature, safe sex with them. IMO. And they know it. Women do have the power when it comes to sex.

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NickiG
Moderator

Posts: 4119
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010

posted August 18, 2011 09:16 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for NickiG     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Betty Boop:
I haven’t read through this whole thread – but in reference to some of the things being said on the 1st page --

Do you guys really think that a majority of hetero men are these suave – smooth talking – brad pitt lookalikes – who get a shot at sex with multiple FWBs simultaneously?

Emphasis on the word *majority*...


LOL, it was a topic of discussion, even if it wasnt a long discussion and did go on to other things

------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

when organic is used to describe food then you know we have come to a dark age in history

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 18887
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted August 18, 2011 10:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Did you make a decision Nicki?

------------------
Do You Think This Psychic is Cute?


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 6884
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 18, 2011 12:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by NickiG:


i want everyone to know that i have made my decision...i decided to go for it and we have already talked things through and agree to certain terms


That is wonderful you two talked things through first!
Good luck and enjoy!

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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 6884
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 18, 2011 01:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by ghanima81:
Bahaha Betty Boop, that same thought crossed my mind. I don't think that's the case at all. SOME guys are scumbags and yes, probably do have that agenda, multiple FWB. But I think in most cases, the men are not ready for the complications of a relationship, and therefore have hit the JACKPOT with a female friend that will have non-committal, mature, safe sex with them. IMO. And they know it. Women do have the power when it comes to sex.
The woman can be feeling the same way. Folks of both genders do have sexual desire even if not ready for a more serious emotional relationship. As long as both agree on the parameters then I say go for it and enjoy!

------------------
~I remember, therefore I am immortal~LEXX
~The present time is theirs, but the future is mine.~Никола Тесла
~‎"You have to be willing to give up the life you've planned for in order to live the life that's waiting for you." ~Joseph Campbell
‎}><}}('>~

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NickiG
Moderator

Posts: 4119
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010

posted August 18, 2011 07:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for NickiG     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Did you make a decision Nicki?


i did...i'm seeing him tomorrow...we agreed that my mom has to believe we're together, otherwise my mom'd freak!! (cuz i live with her and stuff)

------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

when organic is used to describe food then you know we have come to a dark age in history

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 18887
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted August 18, 2011 07:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by NickiG:
i did...i'm seeing him tomorrow...we agreed that my mom has to believe we're together, otherwise my mom'd freak!! (cuz i live with her and stuff)


You know Nick you were one of my few friends who loved me when I was doing things you didn't agree with.
I love you no matter what and are here for you no matter if our choices would be different

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NickiG
Moderator

Posts: 4119
From: Pluto, next to Ami Ann
Registered: Jul 2010

posted August 18, 2011 07:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for NickiG     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ami Anne:
You know Nick you were one of my few friends who loved me when I was doing things you didn't agree with.
I love you no matter what and are here for you no matter if our choices would be different


darlin, i already knew that ^^ lol

------------------
I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

when organic is used to describe food then you know we have come to a dark age in history

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 18887
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted August 18, 2011 07:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Yep I know!

------------------
Do You Think This Psychic is Cute?


http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/

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lalitree
Knowflake

Posts: 74
From:
Registered: Apr 2011

posted August 19, 2011 03:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalitree     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by LEXX:
I feel for you
but am curious as to why if it was only a FWB arrangement, as to why BOTH of you were NOT using birth control?

I hear guys say "it's not my fault she got knocked up";
and women crying;
"he knocked me up".
Well it takes two to do it and so both are responsible.
On that note, guys will say if the woman gets pregnant that she lied about being on birth control so it is not his fault, wah wah, he was tricked into knocking her up!
Well well what a fool to fall for that old trick.
There are women who do that even in these times.
A man should never assume a woman is using birth control
even if she shows him the birth control pills;
and he should use rubbers
and make sure she is using a spermicide. Even with such precautions pregnancy can still happen.
And not even going to get into the risks of S.T.D.s here.



That's where all the details are LEXX, and i didn't say "he knocked me up" just to blame it all on him, sorry but i kind of get the sense you are grouping me in with an idea of women you have going here...anyway, like i was saying he had said that 'he cared about me' and we both were aware that there was no birth control being used. I did not take birth control personally because i distrust putting things like that into my body, and besides i wasn't actually with anybody. the two times we had sex (after the first time he talked me into it using pity, as we were close friends and i really loved him that way) it was just something that happened, and it felt like making love, not like just sex, so it was weird for me to say something like 'put on a condom' when this was happening. Still, i guess what it comes down to is that subconsciously i figured that since he didn't stop to do it either then he must have shared my attitude of if it happened it happened and we were both clearly responsible. but no. i don't think i can trust anyone, especially myself, after this, and with a baby to remind me constantly

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LEXX
Moderator

Posts: 6884
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted August 19, 2011 04:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by lalitree:

That's where all the details are LEXX, and i didn't say "he knocked me up" just to blame it all on him, sorry but i kind of get the sense you are grouping me in with an idea of women you have going here...anyway, like i was saying he had said that 'he cared about me' and we both were aware that there was no birth control being used. I did not take birth control personally because i distrust putting things like that into my body, and besides i wasn't actually with anybody. the two times we had sex (after the first time he talked me into it using pity, as we were close friends and i really loved him that way) it was just something that happened, and it felt like making love, not like just sex, so it was weird for me to say something like 'put on a condom' when this was happening. Still, i guess what it comes down to is that subconsciously i figured that since he didn't stop to do it either then he must have shared my attitude of if it happened it happened and we were both clearly responsible. but no. i don't think i can trust anyone, especially myself, after this, and with a baby to remind me constantly

Thank you for explaining.
No I was not lumping you into any category.
It just did not seem to be that your situation was an actual FWB arrangement.
And it appears that it was not a FWB situation at all but more in some ways from your point of view.
It also appeared by your tone in first post about it all, that you blamed him and not yourself at all and that he was this horrible bad man who imposed himself upon you and knocked you up. Yet neither one wanted a serious relationship, so the lack of pregnancy prevention just seemed to be asking for trouble.
You both knew you were taking a big risk.
Sorry, it just sounded that way to me so I asked questions.
Sorry if I offended.
I do understand how it could "just happen though" emotions can be quite overwhelming and to assume the other person feels exactly the same is a big mistake too often as you so sadly discovered.
I too took such risks, but the difference was I WANTED a child and had no intentions of holding the other party to help if I got pregnant.
They were also informed of that fact so I was not trying to pull a fast one on them.
After 26+ lost pregnancies I was not concerned and if I got pregnant and carried then cool by me!
I also only did such unprotected with persons I cared about and not with just anyone.
Again, thank you for clarifying it all.
Now I understand.

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Ami Anne
Moderator

Posts: 18887
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010

posted August 19, 2011 04:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by lalitree:

That's where all the details are LEXX, and i didn't say "he knocked me up" just to blame it all on him, sorry but i kind of get the sense you are grouping me in with an idea of women you have going here...anyway, like i was saying he had said that 'he cared about me' and we both were aware that there was no birth control being used. I did not take birth control personally because i distrust putting things like that into my body, and besides i wasn't actually with anybody. the two times we had sex (after the first time he talked me into it using pity, as we were close friends and i really loved him that way) it was just something that happened, and it felt like making love, not like just sex, so it was weird for me to say something like 'put on a condom' when this was happening. Still, i guess what it comes down to is that subconsciously i figured that since he didn't stop to do it either then he must have shared my attitude of if it happened it happened and we were both clearly responsible. but no. i don't think i can trust anyone, especially myself, after this, and with a baby to remind me constantly

I am sorry for all you endured.It sounds heartbreaking.It is no wonder you are afraid to trust

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