posted August 19, 2011 08:12 PM            

If I imagine or envision the possibility of having an FWB --- I am always in complete sexual control and I am always the one to initiate. He is a sexually shy *friend* - so I "corrupt" him. The thought of this turns me on.

Strangely - however.. when I'm genuinely in *love* with someone I become very submissive and ant them to be in control.

For whatever reason --- a scenario in which...

---- I have a male friend.
---- He is sexually attracted to me.
---- He lets me know that he is sexually attracted.
---- He tries to initiate an FWB relationship.

Does not turn me on in the slightest!

Basically... I only see these possibilities:

1. I am strongly sexually attracted to a male friend (This would involve liking his overall energy, not just the way he looks... He would have to be a very *positive* person with a bright-shiny aura)---- In this case, I initiate sex myself...

Or...

2. I am mildly sexually attracted to a male friend -- and I could not be bothered initiating sex or having sex.. since I don't care that much. (This is usually the case with a great majority of my male friends).

If '2' is the case - and he is the one to initiate... I would 99% of the time say NO -- Simply because I would not be interested or 'turned on'.

However, if it so happens that he really asks at such a *perfect* time... when I'm 'in the mood'... and if I think - it 'may' be a positive experience.. and if he has no psychological issues (Cancer Mars types of issues)... then, well --- I wouldn't necessarily not go there.
But what are the odds? LOL
Most people are so sexually screwed up - and I'm too healthy to bring them into my sex-life.

posted August 19, 2011 08:21 PM            

quote:

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it was just something that happened, and it felt like making love, not like just sex

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Lalitree - from my perspective -- for you to say this -- there was already a strong emotional involvement on your part.. and this was never an FWB relationship.

posted August 19, 2011 08:35 PM            

quote:

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Would you make a Friends With Benefits girl your serious girlfriend or wife?

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I don't think anyone should enter an FWB relationship, with desires and hopes to get married. A "friend" with benefits - is just that a *friend*.

The most normal/typical way for FWB to happen – is between two people who are genuinely *just friends*.

For an example, lets take you and *R*/ your guitar teacher. I'm giving this example just so you understand HOW 'friendly' and non-romantic I am imagining this relationship to be.

Now imagine you and *R* in a parallel universe where you both have more fire in your charts and a higher sex drive & you decide to have sex purely for the physical enjoyment - in the exact same way that you'd have a chocolate cake (no extra emotional involvement).

posted August 19, 2011 08:42 PM            

Nicky -- Please don't have an FWB relationship with your ex boyfriend.
I don't see how this could 'work out'.

It is entirely up to you.. but I just don't think it's a good idea.
When you were in a relationship with someone you *were* at one point in love with them or maybe you still are... so this won't be *just* sex.
I can't see it ending well.

posted August 19, 2011 08:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Betty Boop:
And finally... last but not least..

Nicky -- Please don't have an FWB relationship with your ex boyfriend.
I don't see how this could 'work out'.

It is entirely up to you.. but I just don't think it's a good idea.
When you were in a relationship with someone you *were* at one point in love with them or maybe you still are... so this won't be *just* sex.
I can't see it ending well.

Sorry - just my honest opinion.

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i'v already considered that...but thanks for the concern

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I once saw a sign that said "sin is death" but if "all deaths are suicide (linda goodman)" and suicide is sin, then shouldnt "death is sin" be more appropriate?

posted August 20, 2011 01:43 AM            

yes, we both knew we were taking a big risk, i just thought we were both at the same maturity level, both willing to accept the possible consequences of that risk. it's hard to know that someone isn't, especially when they would have you believe they are.

i guess we never declared ourselves friends with benefits, but actually, what else was it then? future strangers with benefits?

yeah, since we're already on the topic, i have already posted this elsewhere but whatever...he called me up the day after i told him i'd just found out (after believing for two weeks that i had some awful unknown disease) to yell and say this before i'd said more than hello-"I have no intention of hooking up with you, i was not cut out to be a father, and i'm not giving you a f***in cent! so get an abortion! what are you gonna do, be a single mom? you can't even hold a job at ______" (i'd just lost my job a few days ago for being sick at work)

it was like everything inside me froze and i couldn't feel. no sadness, no pain, no love, just a clear sense of what i needed to do. to never talk to him again. if we wasn't going to help, then at least he shouldn't add insult to injury, right? so i told him i wanted nothing from him, and even though my friends and family say that he deserves to have to pay child support, and that it's for the good of my child, and that i'm doing him a favor, i just want someone to understand why...i want no shadow of this in my child's life. i don't want to force anyone to do what they should know to do themselves. i wish that there were somewhere i could go and take her where i could be sure she'd never come across him, because i fear that in the future he will want privileges even though he did not accept the responsibility that makes those privileges possible you know... i am just so dead inside sometimes it's pathetic. i break down and the next second i'm like i don't feel a thing. like i'm split, literally.

posted August 20, 2011 06:15 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by lalitree:

i realize this has gotten off topic, but then not so much. after all...we should probably keep in mind what the actual unhindered sexual act usually leads to...little humans who need much love. the real kind of love

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Yes that is wonderful.It takes a lot to realise.That is why an nsa or fwb relationship can be categorised as Dangerous.Fast sex has even more adverse effects than Fast Food.I believe Sex without intimacy and caring nature is something that feels mechanical, guilt ridden and impoverished.There are no Shortcuts to intimacy as we already know about long courting rituals that involves emotional attachment before giving in to carnal pleasures is the rule and hence I opine that it should never be encouraged.

posted August 20, 2011 08:26 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by lalitree:
thank you for your empathy everyone, it really makes me feel better somehow.

yes, we both knew we were taking a big risk, i just thought we were both at the same maturity level, both willing to accept the possible consequences of that risk. it's hard to know that someone isn't, especially when they would have you believe they are.

i guess we never declared ourselves friends with benefits, but actually, what else was it then? future strangers with benefits?

yeah, since we're already on the topic, i have already posted this elsewhere but whatever...he called me up the day after i told him i'd just found out (after believing for two weeks that i had some awful unknown disease) to yell and say this before i'd said more than hello-"I have no intention of hooking up with you, i was not cut out to be a father, and i'm not giving you a f***in cent! so get an abortion! what are you gonna do, be a single mom? you can't even hold a job at ______" (i'd just lost my job a few days ago for being sick at work)

it was like everything inside me froze and i couldn't feel. no sadness, no pain, no love, just a clear sense of what i needed to do. to never talk to him again. if we wasn't going to help, then at least he shouldn't add insult to injury, right? so i told him i wanted nothing from him, and even though my friends and family say that he deserves to have to pay child support, and that it's for the good of my child, and that i'm doing him a favor, i just want someone to understand why...i want no shadow of this in my child's life. i don't want to force anyone to do what they should know to do themselves. i wish that there were somewhere i could go and take her where i could be sure she'd never come across him, because i fear that in the future he will want privileges even though he did not accept the responsibility that makes those privileges possible you know... i am just so dead inside sometimes it's pathetic. i break down and the next second i'm like i don't feel a thing. like i'm split, literally.

i realize this has gotten off topic, but then not so much. after all...we should probably keep in mind what the actual unhindered sexual act usually leads to...little humans who need much love. the real kind of love

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Thank you for sharing that. Sweet Peas was born out of people's need to share their deepest heart and soul some place.
Thank you for sharing that with us. It must have been a terrible moment and many others after that in the saga.
Please keep sharing with us.I am listening as are others.

posted August 20, 2011 09:16 AM            

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posted August 20, 2011 10:04 AM            

quote:

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....i am just so dead inside sometimes it's pathetic. i break down and the next second i'm like i don't feel a thing. like i'm split, literally.

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I can so soo sooo imagine ....

What a world we live in!!

Raij, can you write an entire book about this subject please..

posted August 20, 2011 11:15 AM            

rajjii, i would also like to hear more about this subject, you should start a thread on it.

LEXX- my baby is 8 months old right now :smile and i am 23. so i'm not like a teen mom or anything but was definitely not ready for it anyway...

BettyBoop- i suppose you are right, i did have an emotional attachment already, we were very close before this happened. it wasn't love like romantic love though, it was love for someone who i thought was my true friend, who i trusted

posted August 20, 2011 11:31 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by lalitree:
that would be interesting Ami...to be honest i don't know how much i believe in organized astrology, but maybe something will sound true, no harm in looking at it anyway. should i get it from a website or should i just tell you my facts?

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Well if you don't feel comfortable then don't Sweetie!
I was offering as a means to help you see who you were better.Astrology can do that but if it goes against some of your beliefs then go with that.
If you want to go to Astrodients or some on line web site that draws up charts and come back and put it up.
At any rate,I am glad you shared in Sweet Peas!

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Do You Think This Psychic is Cute?

posted August 20, 2011 03:34 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by lalitree:
no it's not that i don't feel comfortable, (damn it's so hard to express things through writing sometimes) i actually don't have any set beliefs on anything...i'm just one of those people that has to see how everything works before i believe it i guess... i will post up my chart in personal readings, thank you for wanting to look at it

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Aww Darling
OK
We will go step by step.I am a student of Astrology so we learn together

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