posted August 19, 2011 12:54 PM            

My boyfriend since 9 days ago has told me he has a potentially fatal illness. It could be cured with brain surgery, except he decided not to have it. He wants to go through this alone. He said he had a hard life and even though he's not suicidal, he doesn't want to fight this, for reasons he wouldn't disclose. He could die any minute... He doesn't want to talk to me about it, he said this is his problem and doesn't want me to assume it...

I reacted badly. I was angry and upset and said harsh things... I called him a coward. I think he's ending things with me... He would have done it any way, since he chose not to live... This is making me choke. I told him I want to be there for him and that he shouldn't be alone in this and he rejected me. I told him to have the surgery, he said he made up his mind and end of discussion...

I'm still in shock. I still cannot believe it. Even though our relationship is recent, it is very intense and I believe we love each other a lot. I still hope this is a lie or a nightmare. I still hope he will come around and change his mind about the surgery. I still hope he will decide to fight this.

Please help... I don't know what to do, what to think, how to react further. I might have messed things up already. The last thing he needed was my bad attitude... but I was so frustrated with his resignation to life, to his future... to us...
I'm selfish, I don't want to let him go... not even to death. Not with his agreement. Not like this.

I feel like I'm in a really bad soap opera. But I forgot how dramatic life can be sometimes, much more than the movies.

How the hell am I supposed to go on now??? Now that I'm sure I love him, that he's probably the one I've been searching for my whole life??

posted August 19, 2011 01:19 PM            

Just a little advice. Allow yourself to have feelings about it no matter how selfish or harsh or even if they feel dramatic or stupid. It's your life, too, and you're allowed to have whatever reaction you're having. You received incredibly harsh news about someone you love. Give yourself the time to bounce off the walls. Stop beating yourself up. Your reaction is NOT wrong. Your feelings are NOT wrong.

In 1992 I found out that a friend of mine had cancer and she decided not to treat it. I was not allowed to have contact with her, she was in another city and her closest friends and family were protecting her from outside friends. I tell you, it was worse getting the news of her illness and that she refused treatment than it was hearing that she had finally passed away. I'm a person who firmly believes in an after life and I believed it just as strongly then, but it didn't matter. My reaction was incredibly hostile and angry. I cursed at God and even cursed at her. I figured out that it is more difficult to hear the news that someone we love is suffering and it's out of our control than it is when the person is no longer in pain.

My favorite uncle passed away 5 years ago from Cancer. He went through all of the treatment and I watched what it did to him and how painful it was as it got closer to the end. I spoke to his wife and begged her to stop the treatment and get him on hospice care. By the time I mentioned it, he and she were more than ready. When that happened, everyone breathed a sigh of relief, including my uncle. He died peacefully and pain free.

Everyone has free will, including you. It's perfectly fine for you to tell him how you feel, tell him that you're angry whether it's at him or at the way this world works or whatever. If you feel hurt, express that as well, but do yourself a favor and stop trying to have a "proper" reaction because you're experiencing this as well.

posted August 19, 2011 01:44 PM            

I understand, Geo... My grandfather died of colon cancer shortly after my birthday. He refused surgery too. A part of me blames him for his decision, resents him because he missed out on so many things, because I needed him so much in my life... because I loved him a lot.
Another part of me understands. I see ill people every day. I'm a surgeon. I see terminal patients, I see paralyzed patients... One of my dearest coworkers was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year. Another one committed suicide. I've asked myself how I would react to such news being delivered to ME. And I thought I wouldn't fight, either. This was before... when I thought my life is hell and prolonging it is unnecessary, when I had no joy in my life... when I didn't have something to fight for, I didn't have HIM...

Now I just don't know. I feel dizzy. Everything around is spinning. All I know is I don't want to be alone anymore.

posted August 19, 2011 01:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by abcd efg:
Hera . Can you go talk with him? I think that both of you need it at present.

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posted August 19, 2011 01:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by love being Aries:
If this is what his will is, and if he already knew this, why he started off with you in first place?

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posted August 19, 2011 02:09 PM            

I'm glad you broke your promise not to talk about it.

Also, if he just received confirmation about it this week, he's still hyper focused on himself and not completely making sane decisions. If he thought he put his foot down about the decision before diagnosis, that doesn't mean he has to keep that decision. People make decisions and think they have to remain ironclad out of pure ego. He needs time to process this whole thing on his own before he can take care of anyone else's feelings about it. Please remember that, and also, as you regain your own senses after such shocking news, you can make decisions about how respectful you want to be about his boundaries. He's in just as much fear about this as you, however, you have a much bigger upper hand in that you are a medical professional who can explain to him what is really going on, you can give him the inside scoop on how these things are handled and help him to understand that there are more options than just A, B, and C.

I think he should see your reaction and understand that his life touches many lives and, once again, even though it's all about him - it's NOT ONLY ALL ABOUT HIM. I hope you know what I mean. There is nothing written that says you MUST respect his death wish with peace and dignity. If you're the kind of person who will fight for another person, then be who you are. If you begin to understand his plight, then go in that direction, but I think it's much too soon for him to be sticking by decisions and - you know, I don't have enough information, but you are not HIS doctor, so you don't have to follow the medical professional rules in this instance.

posted August 19, 2011 02:35 PM            

The struggle is very clear in his chart and if he decides to fight it, the major battle occurs in early November.

Did he have a procedure recently, within the last 2 weeks, like a biopsy or something like that. I'd assume so if he was just diagnosed this week, but that shows up in his chart with the transit of Mars squaring his Saturn.

What it looks like to me is that the threat to his health is very real whether he has the surgery or not. It is truly a life and death struggle. Once Saturn reaches Pluto. Pluto rules his 1st House, which is a health center and Saturn is currently transiting his 12th House which is a health center as well, but it's a chronic health center and this gentleman has Saturn and Pluto there which must have been a challenge all of his life.

He has just finished his very first Saturn return which is ordinarily a stressful time of maturation for everyone, because it deals with the mundane and responsibility, however it looks like it is more of a struggle for him than the average person because of it's residence in his 12th house along with all of the other issues.

He was born with the Pluto-Mars square, Mars rules his 6th house of acute health issue and Mars rules the head. That Pluto-Mars square brings together the rulerships of three health houses. The 12th, the 1st and the 6th and it stresses all 3 houses tremendously.

What I just explained is mainly a history of how his health issues may have played out all of his life and yes, he does have the right to make this decision.

If I had his exact chart I'd be able to check out the Solar Arcs - Direct and Indirect, unfortunately I don't have the time. But the subject of life and death is in GOD'S hands, no one else's. Although this situation looks bad, I have seen worse on this website and the person survived. I do remember that this gentleman had a horrifying case of spinal cancer and his situation looked imminent, but his wife had incredibly strong faith. She prayed for him, she got other's to pray for him and she refused to let him go. she even had another baby in order to use the cord blood/stem cells, etc. And he survived.

posted August 19, 2011 03:04 PM            

I haven't been able to rectify his chart. I'm pretty sure this is somewhat close, I looked at his Solar Arcs for the time when he left home and it fits pretty well with this time of birth, except I didn't have the exact date, he only said "at 16"...

I have no clue what tests he took previously. He asked me not to question him about that and he didn't answer when I did. If he had a biopsy, I cannot confirm.

He said he had other medical problems, again didn't say what they were. He told me he always got through them by himself and he'd like to keep it that way. He had a very harsh life. Parents divorced at age 1, mother remarried, step father was abusive from what I could tell. His older brother as well. He left home at 16 and has supported himself since then, and also through 2 colleges... He got where he is by himself, which is something I admire greately about him.

posted August 19, 2011 03:11 PM            

The Pluto-Mars square is highly suggestive of the abuse he endured as well as the 8th House Moon which suggests his loner status, but it also makes him highly intuitive.

Keep letting him talk and let there be long stretches of silence. When the silence becomes uncomfortable, he will speak. Let the silence happen. Thank God he's talking.

You're both in my thoughts and prayers today.

posted August 19, 2011 03:20 PM            

I think his Asc might be a little late, but not by far, I think, 2-3-4 deg Scorpio. It depends on the exact date when he left, which I don't have right now. I don't know many other things I could use for rectification, since we haven't been dating for that long.

posted August 19, 2011 03:33 PM            

That's the best I can tell you for now and you never know how things will change as the days go by one at a time. Deal with it one day at a time. Today, it's sadness and anger. Let that happen without shame or embarrassment.[/B][/QUOTE]
_____________________________________________

so true

posted August 19, 2011 03:43 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Geocosmic* Valentine:
I'm glad he's talking to you, it's important. I don't have his birth information there, which is OK, but since he left home at the age of 16, if I were you I'd try an ASC of 10 degrees. That would be when Solar Arc Pluto crosses that ASC.

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I remember he said he lost his virginity at 13 (def Scorpio Asc, not Libra lol), maybe that's when SA Pluto conjuncted Asc? That would make his Asc 6-7 Scorpio.
I really don't know. I don't have enough information, nor the skills, nor the right frame of mind, though I admit it was good to think about something else for a couple of seconds...

posted August 19, 2011 03:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
I'm glad I did, too, Ami. I love you, girlfriend! No worries, I don't know what to say to people in similar situations, either. It helps to know I'm not alone, it has made this easier to deal with, somehow.

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Yes,I love you too.After my son died,the wisest people just said "I am so sorry"
There are NO words

posted August 19, 2011 04:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Yes, Geo... It's very true...

Ami, I'm very sorry for your loss. I didn't know you lost your son.

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Yes I thought you did.I say this to say that I understand deep suffering and pain such as you are going through