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Author
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Topic: Childfree
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Sashar
Knowflake Posts: 333
From: Alternate timeline future
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted April 02, 2012 08:34 PM
  
This thread made me want to vent. Not really adding to the discussion but it seems to be a nice place to unload after having to be tactful to people in how I handle these conversations.I can't have children.
AND
I don't want them. I am not responsible enough with my own life to have the extra weight of making sure another being lives... and I'm not irresponsible enough to think that I will magically become responsible enough. Your sympathy for either of these issues only serves to annoy me because what you think of as a curse I think of as a blessing. If only one of either was not true... it would make life miserable. Please don't curse me with your, "Oh you'll change your mind in the future." Please do not attempt to think that you know me better than I know myself. While this may be true in some cases with other people, I have spent quite a bit of time getting to know myself in and out... your idea of who I am only degrades you in my eyes. mmmmmm... thanks for the thread, I feel better.  ------------------
Astrology Activism: The constant strive to not just learn the intricate details of Astrology but the desire to constantly find new ways to prove that it exists in a scientific manner.
Failure to incorporate the later into your work is akin to learning how to cure cancer but not sharing it with anyone. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 34204
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted April 02, 2012 08:37 PM
I know what you mean. I hate people who butt into your life. When I was married and did not have children, people would bug me about having them. When I had one, people would bug me about having another. I don't get it. I am not intrusive that way. It is very poor manners  ------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Frozen Queen
Knowflake Posts: 625
From: 11th Dimension
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted April 02, 2012 11:16 PM
@Sashar and indeed to the spirit of this thread,  ------------------
“S|_UT ” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “YES”.
“FRIENDZONE” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “NO”. IP: Logged |
T
Knowflake Posts: 6684
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 03, 2012 03:23 AM
Love the cartoon. lol& FQ I almost posted that specifically to you the other day. Loved that one too!  IP: Logged |
T
Knowflake Posts: 6684
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted April 03, 2012 03:25 AM
Sashar, the thread makes a lot of people want to vent. Just be sure to have your armor up too, k?The mom's will come out with the big guns. They are the ones you have to watch out for. IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 3268
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted April 03, 2012 03:41 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Frozen Queen:
@Sashar and indeed to the spirit of this thread,
I so want that poster. *** Also, @ Sashar, well-put and I agree about people and the comments they make. IP: Logged |
Frozen Queen
Knowflake Posts: 625
From: 11th Dimension
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted April 03, 2012 04:30 AM
quote:
Originally posted by T:
Love the cartoon. lol& FQ I almost posted that specifically to you the other day. Loved that one too!
Great minds think alike, T ------------------
“S|_UT ” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “YES”.
“FRIENDZONE” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “NO”. IP: Logged |
Venus
Moderator Posts: 1288
From:
Registered: Mar 2011
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posted April 03, 2012 05:23 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Frozen Queen:
@Sashar and indeed to the spirit of this thread,
this Amy Poehler right? talented girl! IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1560
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted April 03, 2012 08:06 AM
Well, I feel the exact same way, but being an Aquarius four times over, I embrace that it makes me "contrary" and "perverse." I even get a kick out of it.IP: Logged |
Sashar
Knowflake Posts: 333
From: Alternate timeline future
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted April 03, 2012 08:19 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Frozen Queen:
@Sashar and indeed to the spirit of this thread,
LOL, I embody that to a fault. XD
T - but... but... I said please. They shouldn't bother me since I said please, right? lol
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Astrology Activism: The constant strive to not just learn the intricate details of Astrology but the desire to constantly find new ways to prove that it exists in a scientific manner.
Failure to incorporate the later into your work is akin to learning how to cure cancer but not sharing it with anyone. IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1560
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted April 03, 2012 09:35 AM
"I am not responsible enough with my own life to have the extra weight of making sure another being lives... and I'm not irresponsible enough to think that I will magically become responsible enough."
Yep! Beautifully put!
IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 1800
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted April 03, 2012 10:02 AM
My only objection is, why do people who don't want to have children often (not always) make disparaging remarks about children?"I don't like kids." I can't think of any other category of person that you can say that about, without appearing judgmental and bigoted. "I just don't like old people." Well, that's called ageism and most people frown upon it. But to say you hate KIDS? That's fine. Meanwhile I want to shield my children. "These people don't like you, your company is not appreciated...don't let it hurt your feelings, they just don't like you because you're small." What kind of world is this? Frankly, I think it's nothing to flaunt, if you can't get along with people, or turn your nose up at them, regardless of their age. As to whether or not you want to become a parent, obviously that's none of my business. Just don't treat my children as if they are inferior, because they aren't here to defend themselves. IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka
Knowflake Posts: 1560
From: Toronto
Registered: Mar 2012
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posted April 03, 2012 10:16 AM
I've always felt that I can't or shouldn't be expected to answer for anyone but myself. I do not make comments on behalf of a macro-level group, even if that's just my own zodiac sign. I can only say about myself that I like kids just fine and think they can be adorable, I just have no desire to own one and I can only handle them in shifts/small doses, lol.I WOULD point out, though, that children are not considered by any segment of society to be independent persons, they are actually under the guidance, direction and ownership of their parents legally and expected to be socialized by them and society at large, therefore I question the assertion that you can be bigoted about them. I mean, you can't form romantic relationships with them because it would be exploitative; they are not considered to be fully-formed and fully-functioning persons, so therefore to say that you don't like them is an indictment of society's job socializing them or their parents, not a bigoted statement about a group of people. It's illogical to state otherwise. IP: Logged |
PixieJane
Knowflake Posts: 633
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted July 10, 2012 02:35 AM
I liked this short, sweet, and matter of fact on why she remained child free (and without being all in your face about it): http://glo.msn.com/relationships/solo-performance-1533699.story quote:
Now my childbearing days are fast diminishing, and I haven't heard one peep out of my biological clock. My life is not filled with nieces or nephews (my brother is also unmarried and childless) or friends' kids. I don't dislike them — a baby or cute kid always makes me smile — but as an adult, I have spent little time with them, in part because of their constant need to be the center of attention (normal for kids, but mentally wearing); their steady stream of chatter and raised voices feels like an auditory assault to me.Sometime in my mid-30s, I quit apologizing for the fact that I enjoyed living by myself, or that three hours was my time limit for social interaction. Because I'm an extreme introvert, I have to try to balance my need for the love and companionship of friends, family and a mate with a need for a lot of time alone (my introverted father understands; my extroverted mother never will).
quote:
I've been accused of all sorts of things: being afraid of commitment and being an "unnatural woman" for not wanting kids, to name two. But some of my long-term relationships have lasted longer than many marriages, and at least I haven't irrevocably damaged a kid's life by not being up to the task. And I hate it when people ask me who's going to take care of me when I'm old, and if I want to die alone. Statistically, women outlive men, and it doesn't seem fair (or necessary) to me to have kids just so they will care for you in your golden years.
I regret very few decisions I've made in life and don't regret remaining childless.
As for marriage, while it's never been on the list of things I felt I had to do in life, I've never ruled it out completely. But I'm not alone and never have been. I've always had the love and companionship of friends and family, and I usually have a sweetheart in my life as well. While I'm pretty sure I can't promise forever to a man in terms of marriage, maybe when I'm 70, forever won't be so daunting, and I'll walk down the aisle for the first and only time
I also liked that the comments have been mostly supportive. (At least they are as of right now as I share this...) IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Moderator Posts: 3268
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted July 10, 2012 05:56 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Faith:
My only objection is, why do people who don't want to have children often (not always) make disparaging remarks about children?"I don't like kids." I can't think of any other category of person that you can say that about, without appearing judgmental and bigoted. "I just don't like old people." Well, that's called ageism and most people frown upon it. But to say you hate KIDS? That's fine. Meanwhile I want to shield my children. "These people don't like you, your company is not appreciated...don't let it hurt your feelings, they just don't like you because you're small." What kind of world is this? Frankly, I think it's nothing to flaunt, if you can't get along with people, or turn your nose up at them, regardless of their age. As to whether or not you want to become a parent, obviously that's none of my business. Just don't treat my children as if they are inferior, because they aren't here to defend themselves.
I'd rather be honest about not being a kid person. As you know from my other posts, I do struggle a lot with saying what I honestly think to people and with being assertive. I struggle a lot with people-pleasing and trying hard to get people to like me--too hard. I'm trying to get to a point where I feel like I have the right to be myself and be honest.
It's not that I hate kids exactly, but they make me very uncomfortable and anxious, plus I simply don't want any of my own. Being around kids is just not my thing. And, too, it's not the simple fact of age that annoys me about kids. It's how they act. It's how you have to constantly watch them. It's how they don't observe limits, boundaries, politeness, etc. It's the responsibility and liability that I don't want, too. It's their messiness, loudness, behavior, carelessness, etc. I just honestly don't have the patience for that. I don't want my things messed up, don't want my 'me time' taken away from me, don't want to have to be responsible for another life or held accountable if something happens. I don't want any of that hanging over my head. Plus, honestly, I'm tired of it being forced on women to like being around kids or want to have them. I hate that for many, this is what is considered "what it means to be female". I hate that femininity is tied to fertility to many people and that for some, women are seen as a means to an end without having any other value or purpose. I hate being told "oh you'll change your mind" or other ignorant comments. So, if I just admit to not being a kid person, people may think, "oh, she's just a horrible person" and may leave me alone. If not, then I can leave them alone. It helps me to weed out who will accept me as I am and who will not. IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 3021
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted July 10, 2012 12:55 PM
I'd rather be husband-free than child-free but that's just me. IP: Logged |
ghanima81
Moderator Posts: 949
From: Maine
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 10, 2012 01:48 PM
quote:
I'd rather be husband-free than child-free but that's just me.
Hera, YES!!! Honestly I had more money and less hassle once I left my child's father. *edited to add* By that I mean I don't have to deal with his reckless spending and anger issues anymore. He does not pay child support, but I don't care nor do I need it. I am good with money and don't spend carelessly. It's much easier for me to focus on my daughter and myself and make sure our home is maintained and happy then to be walking on eggshells all the time. IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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