posted November 01, 2012 03:16 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
I just like the idea of being dominated.

I actually wonder if it isn't a primal instinct, I don't have this craving for any scenario but in bed, I prefer men who are total egalitarians in all other areas and chauvinism gets me dryer than the Sahara desert.

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IDK, the various forms of sexual desire are still a mystery. But one possibility that occurs to me is that by being dominated you might give up feelings of guilt if you were to pursue your own pleasure. Another is that it could help you feel beautiful & desired because he's so into it that he can't help but try to own you as he loses his own self-control. Being dominated by someone can also help someone feel more safe & secure because the one who establishes dominance becomes a guardian and caretaker in their mind (and sex, being so primal, would not necessarily have the usual dignity to get in the way of accepting such behavior as plenty find feeling safe & secure very sexy). And yet another possibility that occurs to me is it's a metaphor for losing control to passion, losing control to your partner...one interesting part of sex is that it can crisscross other parts of the brain and tweak it, so if surrendering self-control (which I also find exciting) is close enough to relationships in your brain then it might also cause this.

posted November 01, 2012 03:36 AM            

But I think my enjoyment of it is symbolic as I have an enigmatic, ambivalent view of love & sexuality, and this video represents that for me, making me feel like I'm connecting with others who can understand the conflicts and paradoxes of resolving (and living) that part of our nature. I personally sensed many metaphors in both the lyrics AND the video itself, making this more a performance piece about the human condition than simple entertainment.

As for the guy with the mask, I see that as her own carnal impulses that she loses her self-control to and make her do things that she wishes she wouldn't, and the guy is faceless/masked because one, it can be ANY guy (perhaps make that MANY guys...heck, some details make me think she was also including women as a potential lover or one-night stand, which was very brave back in the 80s), and two, because it's not about the guys, it's about her "guy crazy instincts making her crazy about and with guys" making her lose her self-control. And she mixes with a crowd that is also losing their own self-control, and that can be pretty scary. In short, he's a symbol of her inner reality that affects her life and what she does, even when she knows what she's doing is a very bad, or at least inadvisable, course of action.

posted November 03, 2012 08:03 PM            

I've been living my first experience with D/S. And it's just crazy, I have a friend for years, and he is Dominant, he told me years ago I should try BDSM, he told me I out do great being submissive, but I didn't feel like I was prepared that time.

Then I've met this man two months ago... he's 14 years older than me, and he reminded me my Dominant friend. Well, we started seeing each other, it was just casual vanilla sex, but then he told me something about liking to cause pain that got stuck in my head.

He has this thing... maybe because he's older, have done crazy stuff in his life, has a passion for guns, and still is someone protective with the ones he loves, a good father for two girls who loves him, a good friend, a good worker, anyway... he seems to me to be strong, and I feel that it's safe to be next to him, but at the same time I feel he can be dangerous and scary, I don't know...

What I know is that I started to provoke him with the idea of spanking me (please, note that when we were going vanilla, he had NEVER being agressive with me). When he realized I was pretty serious with that - I wanted to be his slave in bed, well... we started to talk about it, making plans and fantasizing.

He's not oficially into BDSM but he has experience in being Dominator, so he told me what he like to do and I told him what he could do with me. I told him what I wanted too. I really like the idea of being bruised badly, so I could stay marked for weeks, and I wanted to scream and cry. It took me years to admit it, but yeah, I like the idea of being forced (in a D/S context, of course).

Well, we did it last week and it is... thrilling. Course it's for REAL, the pain is real, the bruises are real, the fear during the act is real and yeah, I screamed, a lot. At first I thought it was a bad decision, to make it, but after a while what I felt with the pain was so... hard to explain, but it was better than normal orgasms, and this feeling lasted for hours.

And it is strange because yeah, he hit me, he forced me, he humiliated me, some things he done caused a LOT of pain, but sometimes when he slowed down he came and hugged me, calmed me, sheltered me, and I was so enthralled I covered him with kisses and said "thank you", not for stopping, but for everything. He said something like "You were in need of it, weren't you? You were in need of it to remember who you are".

And yeah, he's sadistic and he told me he liked it very much when he saw fear in my eyes. And he still makes plans for future tortures. Well... But it is all inside the bedroom. Out of it, we talk and laugh, like equals, like good friends, and we respect each other's freedom and space really much. It's still casual sex and he had never tried to control anything in my personal life.

There are some things going on our synastry and composite chart that scares me (Pluto aspects with Mars and Venus, and Mars with Moon, Chiron and Sun), but I HOPE these things are related to this D/S nature only. I like him, and I want to live this.

Well, as for me, my Venus in Aries (10H) squares Uranus(7H) and Neptune(8H). Saturn conjunct Uranus (7H) and Moon in Pisces, conjunct MC and squares Mars (1H). Also, Pluto in Scorpio(6H) opposes my Sun in Taurus (12H). Saturn is currently there, opposing my Sun and conjunct my Pluto.

posted December 22, 2012 10:44 AM            

One day he asked me if I didn't think he's insane, because of some of his fetishes and for enjoying treating me like a toy first, and then pleasing me after. Well, I like to please him always, so... But he really go through extremes, making me cry in fear and pain in a moment, and then kissing me, telling me to not be afraid, giving me massage, taking care of me.

My Dom friend doesn't like this style. I think I can handle so well just because of this, I can see my Dom is human and he cares. But yes, he goes hardcore sometimes and I already asked him to spare me. This is why I said - IT HURTS, the pain is real, the fear is real, please, don't this unless you're sure you want it.