posted August 06, 2013 12:33 AM            

uranus over my mars making me lose my inhibitions..
Im a good boy
im a good boy
im a good boy
im a good boy.

posted August 06, 2013 12:43 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MsPrism:
Both of you should go over to the Best Music For The Best People thread and put up your voices! I totally did!

I know I know. . . what shame I should have but alas, do not.

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posted August 06, 2013 01:14 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Kerosene:
I was texting this frisky guy and got his nude.
Damn it's pretty damn glorious 10/10.
thank god it does not have his face.. LMFAO

uranus over my mars making me lose my inhibitions..
Im a good boy
im a good boy
im a good boy
im a good boy.

Can someone please help me, this transit is going to last for years.....

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Haha I'm not gonna help you. You gotta deal with what your chart serves up. I could say "follow your heart" but everyone knows that blood either resides in the head or the genitalia when it comes to these things hahaha.

I think the biggest question you should ask yourself is:

Why should I be a good boy?

If you seriously don't want to go have a fling, the only thing I can recommend is just flirting without any physical meeting. Unless you can come up with more curious ways of avoiding sex in person!

posted August 06, 2013 02:06 PM            

I am a Scorpio Sun, but despite all the Scorpio stereotypes about domination and control... I'm not not interested. Me dominate someone else? Not interested. Let someone else control me? Absolutely not. Not just no, but hell no, never, ever. Liberty or death.

I have a quiet, but incredibly strong, sense of agency or individualism or freedom. I consciously avoid situations like that. If I ended up in one anyway, if someone tried to control me... I'd just leave. Or I'd destroy them.

posted August 06, 2013 02:48 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Blackbird:

I am a Scorpio Sun, but despite all the Scorpio stereotypes about domination and control... I'm not not interested. Me dominate someone else? Not interested. Let someone else control me? Absolutely not. Not just no, but hell no, never, ever. Liberty or death.

I have a quiet, but incredibly strong, sense of agency or individualism or freedom. I consciously avoid situations like that. If I ended up in one anyway, if someone tried to control me... I'd just leave. Or I'd destroy them.

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Lol calm down there, Blackbird. It's role play. Like when you were a kid and you pretended to be mom and dad with the neighbor's daughter. Same thing, except with whips and blindfolds and cuffs and stuff. It does not rule out equality. And it's totally consensual. Meaning nobody is gonna do anything that you don't want them to. It's fun, actually. And very, very hot.

posted August 06, 2013 03:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Lol calm down there, Blackbird. It's role play. Like when you were a kid and you pretended to be mom and dad with the neighbor's daughter. Same thing, except with whips and blindfolds and cuffs and stuff. And it's totally consensual. Meaning nobody is gonna do anything that you don't want them to. It's fun, actually. And very, very hot.

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I never did anything like that when I was a kid.

I think you yourself mentioned earlier in this thread that sometimes doms do, in fact, do things that cross the line, ignore safewords, etc.

As I said, I have no experience, but I'm not interested. I guess I don't understand how other people are. Forcing people to do things against their will has no appeal for me. If someone else is trying to force me to do something, that would set off all kinds of alarm bells and trigger some extremely defensive, self-protective reactions from me.

Maybe that's it. My sense of self-preservation is so strong that I won't even think about playing such games.

I'm not being critical of your or anyone else's interests or preferences. It's just that, from what little I know and have heard about BDSM, including this thread, I wouldn't want to try it. And I think that makes me a bit odd, considering my sun sign.

posted August 06, 2013 03:34 PM            

I guess some people do it out of boredom, yes. Just like some doms don't respect their subs. I think it's unfortunate, but everybody does it as they like it and well, as it is permitted by their partners/subs. I still believe intimacy is sacred, not something to be defiled by promiscuity, for example. That's my choice. I just prefer that there'll be, eventually, no psychological barriers between myself and my man, no defenses, no pretenses and no walls. I guess I believe vanilla sex can be easily faked (truuuust me on this one), whereas this doesn't happen with bdsm.

posted August 06, 2013 03:38 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Blackbird:
Edit: Sob story removed. Not relevant to thread.

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Aww you seriously make me wanna hug you!

posted August 06, 2013 03:47 PM            

I've taken other people's advice; I've asked for help. The mental health professionals didn't help. Friends and family haven't helped. When the people that are supposed to be experts can't or won't help, what do you do?

I've spent most of my free time over the past few years doing my own research, and all I've gotten is more questions and more frustration.

I'm not a psychology expert so I may be using the wrong term here, but I think that cognitive-behavioral therapy is not going to help me. Yes, I can force myself to do things that I don't want to do. I have the ability to walk up to a random woman and strike up a conversation, just as I (might) have the ability to have a one-night stand. But I have to obliterate part of myself to do either of those things. I have to fake it. And I *know* that I'm faking it. The real me can't do it.

How do I "fix" the real me? I don't even know who or what the "real me" is. Hell, I don't even know what I'm trying to accomplish here with these questions.

posted August 06, 2013 06:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Stop living your life in fear - of not being accepted, of being judged, of being taken advantaged of or forced, of not having money, of being odd etc - and those are just the ones you revealed to me. You restrict yourself out of fears that are so counterproductive and limit your experience in this wonderful world to this prison cell you speak of. What are you so afraid of? Why? And more important, why is living in fear becoming your comfort zone? Don't you want to feel alive through every single cell in your body??? You speak of freedom yet you yourself are not free. You would never allow another to control you, yet you let people's opinions and judgments of who you're meant to be, what is wrong and what is just, imprison you and deprive you of all of life's joys. This makes you a masochist, alas. And also the sadist, since you could break free yet choose not to.

Just let go, Blackbird. Stop holding so tight to what and how you were told you're supposed to be and just let yourself loose. Allow yourself to feel profusely, to enjoy living. Forget what's appropriate and just be. Not in any specific way, just allow yourself to BE. Look fear in the eye and kick her where the sun don't shine.

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posted August 06, 2013 07:10 PM            

Very simply, what are you trying to get out of?

If you don't want to continue talking through here, I'd be happy to email you about this.

posted August 06, 2013 07:37 PM            

We all get our values from other people -- our parents, family, teachers, friends, literature, etc. I know that we can choose which values to adopt for ourselves and which values we reject. I seem to be stuck with the values I got from my parents, and I've probably been living with a strong, subconscious fear of violating any of them. I'm not sure why. In the past, it would have been punishment from family or teachers, but now I don't know.

The big one, the most obvious and immediate one that I am constantly banging my head against is "sex is bad". Over time, this has messed up my feelings towards the opposite gender, so now I usually think, "sex is pointless".

Mods, this should probably be moved to another thread. It has little to do with the original topic.

posted August 06, 2013 08:05 PM            

So the biggest problem is stemming from "sex is bad" thus "sex is pointless"?

Well... I could talk about spiritual stuff that might get to the root (ha literally) of that problem. Though it'll get a bit close. That's all I can offer because no amount of what anyone says obviously helps. You need to be shown the door, into yourself and walk through it to figure it out. If that doesn't happen, it's possible that this won't clear up. It's a door you've closed and then barred and then forgotten about.

posted August 06, 2013 11:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Kerosene:
Sex has a purpose if you love someone.

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I've never been in love before. I'm not sure if I have the capacity to feel love for someone else. There's no way to know unless it happens.

I felt awful when my ex told me she loved me, because I could not honestly reciprocate.

posted August 07, 2013 12:09 AM            

So you're very cerebral and cool when it comes to love.
That's okay!

I don't think there's anything wrong with that, love to you does not come easy and it's not a feeling you can just fake.

I think some people are in love the idea if being in love.

posted August 07, 2013 12:22 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MsPrism:
So the biggest problem is stemming from "sex is bad" thus "sex is pointless"?

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Typical internal dialogue when I notice an attractive woman:
A: "Wow, she's pretty."
B: "Forget about it."
A: "Yeah... okay."

And that's usually as far as it goes. Occasionally:
A: "She looks great in that dress!"
B: "We've been over this a million times before. What are you going to do? You want to go talk to her? Okay... what, exactly, are you going to talk about? You have nothing to talk about. No funny jokes, no witty observations, nothing to capture her interest. She's probably heard how hot she is from five guys already today. She's out of your league. She doesn't want to be leered at or hit on. And even if you had some charm, even if you could start and maintain a conversation -- which you can't; we've tried this before -- what then? How long do you think you could keep her interest? What do you have to offer her? You have nothing that you can use to compete with those five other guys. You don't look cool -- no arms, no chest, no tattoos, no leather jacket, no motorcycle. You have an incredibly boring job; she probably has a fulfilling career and has a senior position already, so she makes more money than you do. You have no hobbies and you don't do anything in your free time other than read crap on the internet. You have a bunch of obscure, nerdy interests that no sensible woman is going to share. You can't make a fun date; you're a total downer in general. You're insecure and shy in the extreme around women... you're never going to make a move. She's going to get bored with you. You have no idea what you're doing. And if a miracle happens, and you end up with some opportunity for intimacy, you know you're going to royally **** that up. We've been there, too, remember? You're so nervous that you can't even have sex. You're scared to take off your clothes -- she's probably going to laugh at your body when you do. You have no stamina. You're terrible in bed. And that's not the end of it. What if the condom breaks or she has an STD or something? You're not ready to be a parent, and you're going to get AIDS or something. Just imagine trying to explain that to mom and dad. So go ahead, Casanova. Go say hello."
A: "Yeah, okay, I get it. Back to work."

I'm not kidding. This really is how I feel about myself.

I (try to) think things through to their logical conclusions. In my mind, conversations and relationships always end badly.

posted August 07, 2013 12:26 AM            

But are you ready to shred everything you've been ever told about yourself and the world and make your own beliefs? Having the same houses as you, I come from a similar background, with a very traditional and religious upbringing. Not only did I think that sex was bad, dirty and just needed to be got over with, fast and as less enjoyable as possible, but I couldn't even pronounce the word. Yes, those 3 little letters. Imagine me starting therapy 2 years ago and talking about how uncomfortable I felt about "that thing people do". I am living proof that you can change your thinking and your life and enjoy every second of it, without fear, guilt or shame.

You're almost 30. I say it's about time to start deprogramming yourself from the way you were taught you should live your life, because it's obvious that those principles don't work for you. You wouldn't be so miserable if they did.

This is one piece of information that got me to where I am today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqadE2-qtcI

It's an hour and a half but when you have the time, invest it in absorbing the info in this video.

posted August 07, 2013 12:27 AM            

So you over-think.

posted August 07, 2013 12:43 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Blackbird:
I've never been in love before. I'm not sure if I have the capacity to feel love for someone else. There's no way to know unless it happens.

I felt awful when my ex told me she loved me, because I could not honestly reciprocate.

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