posted August 07, 2013 12:45 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MsPrism:
Ah I see.

So you over-think.

What soothes your mind? Music, comic books, video games, coin collection, or?

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I don't know. I can't think of much. I feel like I don't enjoy anything anymore.

I used to love music. Now it's like, eh, whatever.

I used to play a ton of video games, but I had a few dismal experiences with other players and with tech support for the games I played, which turned me off from that.

At times I read a lot. A lot of dead-tree novels, and a lot of non-fiction, online. I research things I'm interested in. But over the past few years, I haven't really read anything new. I keep re-reading the same material. I don't have much interest in reading new stories or watching new TV shows or new movies. And the only non-fiction that seems to draw me nowadays is psychology -- morbid, depressing, bleak stuff about personality disorders, Autism spectrum disorders, schizophrenia... symptoms I'm struggling with. And astrology, as a tool for self-discovery -- that's what I tell myself, anyway.

I don't collect anything.

If I think about it, what I enjoy... I feel dead inside.

posted August 07, 2013 01:40 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Blackbird:
I don't know. I can't think of much. I feel like I don't enjoy anything anymore.

I used to love music. Now it's like, eh, whatever.

I used to play a ton of video games, but I had a few dismal experiences with other players and with tech support for the games I played, which turned me off from that.

At times I read a lot. A lot of dead-tree novels, and a lot of non-fiction, online. I research things I'm interested in. But over the past few years, I haven't really read anything new. I keep re-reading the same material. I don't have much interest in reading new stories or watching new TV shows or new movies. And the only non-fiction that seems to draw me nowadays is psychology -- morbid, depressing, bleak stuff about personality disorders, Autism spectrum disorders, schizophrenia... symptoms I'm struggling with. And astrology, as a tool for self-discovery -- that's what I tell myself, anyway.

I don't collect anything.

If I think about it, what I enjoy... I feel dead inside.

---

All that will answer this question is inside of you.

posted August 07, 2013 01:46 AM            

quote:

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Hera: I disagree with SE, it's not about someone else finding you, it's about finding yourself. All this turmoil you are experiencing is about your own self perception and your interaction with yourself, it's not about you and the rest of the world. You're the one who's judging yourself, not us. It all starts and ends with you. And your thoughts.

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What I was trying to get across, and I dunno if I did, was that it seems Blackbird cannot reassure himself, so if he had someone he trusted who could help give him assurance, maybe he will start to be able to reassure himself as well. I love your fiery Aries perception, but everyone needs a little help sometimes too! Whether it's a catalyst or just a hand offered when you fall off your horse. A journey taken alone can be awfully lonesome, and awfully dangerous...

posted August 07, 2013 01:52 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by somethingexcellent:
What I was trying to get across, and I dunno if I did, was that it seems Blackbird cannot reassure himself, so if he had someone he trusted who could help give him assurance, maybe he will start to be able to reassure himself as well. I love your fiery Aries perception, but everyone needs a little help sometimes too! Whether it's a catalyst or just a hand offered when you fall off your horse. A journey taken alone can be awfully lonesome, and awfully dangerous...

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I know what you're trying to say, SE. My point is people can try to help him until they're blue in the face, if he's unwilling to do the inner work it's all for nothing. Of course we all need help or guidance, but you have to open yourself to it or it just passes you by like white noise. Nobody can help you if you won't help yourself.

posted August 07, 2013 01:56 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by somethingexcellent:

EDIT! Your idea of a life coach is along the lines of what I meant! Maybe I was caught up in the moment and romanticised it, but it could be anyone...life coach, friend, whatever.

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posted August 07, 2013 01:58 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by somethingexcellent:
Oh, haha! Then we're two sides of the same coin! Or should I say...two sides of the same planet!

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posted August 27, 2013 11:53 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
So how many furries like this twerking?

Btw, don't mention twerking around your dads...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ujPnMW6yr0

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Just saw this!

posted August 27, 2013 09:03 PM            

And some think roosters are hard for kids to put up with.

posted August 28, 2013 03:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
LOL!

That's so embarrassing lol, why do dogs do that?

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that's why I like cats more.

^ Lmfao nothing wrong with being pervy in this thread.

posted August 28, 2013 04:26 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
...I found the scenario of seducing my gorgeous manly captive more appealing...

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Hmmm...

quote:

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Originally posted by Blackbird:

And that's usually as far as it goes. Occasionally:
A: "She looks great in that dress!"
B: "We've been over this a million times before. What are you going to do? You want to go talk to her? Okay... what, exactly, are you going to talk about? You have nothing to talk about. No funny jokes, no witty observations, nothing to capture her interest. She's probably heard how hot she is from five guys already today. She's out of your league. She doesn't want to be leered at or hit on. And even if you had some charm, even if you could start and maintain a conversation -- which you can't; we've tried this before -- what then? How long do you think you could keep her interest? What do you have to offer her? You have nothing that you can use to compete with those five other guys. You don't look cool -- no arms, no chest, no tattoos, no leather jacket, no motorcycle. You have an incredibly boring job; she probably has a fulfilling career and has a senior position already, so she makes more money than you do. You have no hobbies and you don't do anything in your free time other than read crap on the internet. You have a bunch of obscure, nerdy interests that no sensible woman is going to share. You can't make a fun date; you're a total downer in general. You're insecure and shy in the extreme around women... you're never going to make a move. She's going to get bored with you. You have no idea what you're doing. And if a miracle happens, and you end up with some opportunity for intimacy, you know you're going to royally **** that up. We've been there, too, remember? You're so nervous that you can't even have sex. You're scared to take off your clothes -- she's probably going to laugh at your body when you do. You have no stamina. You're terrible in bed. And that's not the end of it. What if the condom breaks or she has an STD or something? You're not ready to be a parent, and you're going to get AIDS or something. Just imagine trying to explain that to mom and dad. So go ahead, Casanova. Go say hello."
A: "Yeah, okay, I get it. Back to work."

---

Accept yourself.
Like yourself.
Love yourself.

One of the great secrets, is people love to be around people who are comfortable with themselves.

So you don't think you have an interesting job? There are millions of people who don't have interesting jobs. Most people probably don't think their jobs are that interesting.

My previous job I was a 'Data Engineer' fancy eh. I basically constructed data networks in offices. Installed zone cabs, ran backbone cables ending with ethernet ports in the walls etc. My job involved working on building sites, with steel cap boots, workmans' trousers, high vis jacket, hard hat, and a tool belt. I pulled cables, labelled, tied up nice and tight, and terminated. Then I tested the internal network to make sure each port worked so people could get access to the internet. Then I went back to the cab, dressed up the cabs, installed switches, and patched everything in. Sometimes, I also had to install trunking, screwing/nailing it to walls, over door frames, I even hoovered and cleaned carpets and rooms I had been working in. To me that isn't very interesting.

Want to be a sky dive instructor? Surely that's interesting right?
"What do you do?"
"I'm a skydiving instructor."
"Wow that's pretty interesting."
"Yeah it's okay, I teach people to pack a parachute, sit on a plane with them, then jump out and fall down. Then I do it again."

Hmmm, so you basically jump out of a plane 5 times a day and give a safety speech.

So you have nerdy interests. As long as you enjoy them and find them interesting. Who cares if people don't find it interesting? What matters is that it is something you enjoy and that makes you happy. I used to role play, and still do very occasionally when I'm with that group of friends.
"What's that? You meet up with friends, pretend to be other people, make up and act out fictional scenarios? That sounds kinda..."
I don't mind, I loved spending time with my friends, and it was enjoyable. You get to act out other parts of your personality, and try things you might ordinarily never try.

You don't have any hobbies, or do anything in your free time? I'm sorry but that cannot quite be true. You said you read "random crap" on the internet. That is a hobby, and an interest.
"Hey, so what do you do outside of work?"
"Well I'm kind of interested in Astrology."
"Really? How did you get into that?"
"Well... blah blah blah... and the people are interesting and good to talk to on this forum, interesting topics, and there is a support network."

"So what do you read about?"
"Well I watched a time lapse video of photographs taken from a flyover of Azerbaijan, it was pretty beautiful."
"Oh so your interested in photography?"
"Hmmm I guess I kinda am."

I'm not saying everything is a wave your wand and it magically dissapears. Everyone has... 'issues' and I don't like that word. No one is perfect, I can't think how to word it. So you feel the way you do about sex, there's nothing wrong with that. Many people have things they need to work out in order to be able to have a fulfilling and healthy relationship with another person. I know I sure do, and I'm trying to sort out whether these things are my issues I've dragged along with me, or issues of other people.

I recieved a text on Tuesday evening from a friend asking about a cinema trip. I was pretty, I was originally going to say annoyed, but in actuality I felt lonely. I work every Tuesday evening in a Bar, in addition to a day job. I felt like he knew I was working, so why would he bother to send me a text? In my view, I feel like I don't matter enough for him to take into consideration that I work Tuesdays, and so can never do anything. I let him know that I felt upset about recieving a generic text. He replied, "Be happy you're in my friend group that this text goes out to." I was going to reply, but I decided not to. I'm trying to figure out whether I am...

A) A terrible person for being upset at recieving an invite to the cinema, even though I was working and he knew it.

B) Letting lonliness affect the way I interact with people.

C) Dead right, he is a muppet for sending me a text when he knows I'm working, I remember when he is away or unavailable and don't make him feel left out by organising things when he can't make it... oh...

D) Maybe I'm feeling left out, and am seeing this as an opportunity to divulge my feelings.

E) Should I just give up spending time with friends since I don't feel like I am important enough to them to maintain a friendship?

So all of that was a totally fictional example.

As a little aside, you mentioned she doesn't want to be leered at or hit on. I'm personally not going to apologise for looking at someone I find attractive. In fact I don't feel ashamed to say I very much enjoy looking at women I find attractive. I can appreciate an attractive man too.
As for 'hitting' on her. Just be honest, be yourself. I'll usually say exactly what I'm thinking. A colleague at work was wearing this beautiful blue dress, I later found out it was tie die, and I said, "That's a really beautiful dress, you look very pretty in it, what is the pattern?"
She may be married, have two kids, be significantly older than me, but so what? She did look good in the dress, and you know what? She wore it again this week.

So what I'm saying is, whatever it is that attracts you, "You really make me laugh." "I love the colour of your hair. "Your eyes are beautiful." "I love how passionate you are about music." "You know a lot about <insert topic>." "You have really good legs." Most people shy away from complimenting physical attributes. Maybe they can't do it honestly, or maybe they find it embarassing, unlike Ms Prism and others drooling over SE's backside, to mention that they find your ass cute or abs hot or some such.

I last heard someone give me a direct compliment when I was on holiday, we were spending time with some family friends in America, and the mother of the family, let's call her H, met us at the door, the first thing she said was, "wow you're really an attractive man." Later on we were talking about teaching and interaction, she used to be a teacher, she reached out and stroked my arm to illustrate a point, and said, "wow, can I keep you here? I think you should stay." Both times I smiled and said thank you, but otherwise I didn't really talk about it, it was a little embarassing, it's not something I usually hear.

Apparently I'm almost universally loved at work, everyone says how kind, helpful, and what a wonderful person I am. You think I hear any of this first hand?

Naturally I disagree with their opinions though, I mean come on, they don't know me like I do, and if they did, they certainly wouldn't be using those particular adjectives to describe me. I've just brushed off a genuine compliment of how someone else see's me. I've grown to accept what other people see, I just need to believe it more and see it in myself.

Anyway, if you hadn't already gotten the message behind this, it is;

Don't underestimate the power of a genuine compliment, whatever it is about.

Anyway, my over-arching plot point, my main point... my point was... my point is.

You will never know how interesting you are, nor will you ever appreciate yourself as much as others, because you know everything there is to know about you, and don't appreciate the little things about yourself.

posted August 28, 2013 05:25 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
Accept yourself.
Like yourself.
Love yourself.

One of the great secrets, is people love to be around people who are comfortable with themselves.

So you don't think you have an interesting job? There are millions of people who don't have interesting jobs. Most people probably don't think their jobs are that interesting.

My previous job I was a 'Data Engineer' fancy eh. I basically constructed data networks in offices. Installed zone cabs, ran backbone cables ending with ethernet ports in the walls etc. My job involved working on building sites, with steel cap boots, workmans' trousers, high vis jacket, hard hat, and a tool belt. I pulled cables, labelled, tied up nice and tight, and terminated. Then I tested the internal network to make sure each port worked so people could get access to the internet. Then I went back to the cab, dressed up the cabs, installed switches, and patched everything in. Sometimes, I also had to install trunking, screwing/nailing it to walls, over door frames, I even hoovered and cleaned carpets and rooms I had been working in. To me that isn't very interesting.

Want to be a sky dive instructor? Surely that's interesting right?
"What do you do?"
"I'm a skydiving instructor."
"Wow that's pretty interesting."
"Yeah it's okay, I teach people to pack a parachute, sit on a plane with them, then jump out and fall down. Then I do it again."

Hmmm, so you basically jump out of a plane 5 times a day and give a safety speech.

So you have nerdy interests. As long as you enjoy them and find them interesting. Who cares if people don't find it interesting? What matters is that it is something you enjoy and that makes you happy. I used to role play, and still do very occasionally when I'm with that group of friends.
"What's that? You meet up with friends, pretend to be other people, make up and act out fictional scenarios? That sounds kinda..."
I don't mind, I loved spending time with my friends, and it was enjoyable. You get to act out other parts of your personality, and try things you might ordinarily never try.

You don't have any hobbies, or do anything in your free time? I'm sorry but that cannot quite be true. You said you read "random crap" on the internet. That is a hobby, and an interest.
"Hey, so what do you do outside of work?"
"Well I'm kind of interested in Astrology."
"Really? How did you get into that?"
"Well... blah blah blah... and the people are interesting and good to talk to on this forum, interesting topics, and there is a support network."

"So what do you read about?"
"Well I watched a time lapse video of photographs taken from a flyover of Azerbaijan, it was pretty beautiful."
"Oh so your interested in photography?"
"Hmmm I guess I kinda am."

I'm not saying everything is a wave your wand and it magically dissapears. Everyone has... 'issues' and I don't like that word. No one is perfect, I can't think how to word it. So you feel the way you do about sex, there's nothing wrong with that. Many people have things they need to work out in order to be able to have a fulfilling and healthy relationship with another person. I know I sure do, and I'm trying to sort out whether these things are my issues I've dragged along with me, or issues of other people.

I recieved a text on Tuesday evening from a friend asking about a cinema trip. I was pretty, I was originally going to say annoyed, but in actuality I felt lonely. I work every Tuesday evening in a Bar, in addition to a day job. I felt like he knew I was working, so why would he bother to send me a text? In my view, I feel like I don't matter enough for him to take into consideration that I work Tuesdays, and so can never do anything. I let him know that I felt upset about recieving a generic text. He replied, "Be happy you're in my friend group that this text goes out to." I was going to reply, but I decided not to. I'm trying to figure out whether I am...

A) A terrible person for being upset at recieving an invite to the cinema, even though I was working and he knew it.

B) Letting lonliness affect the way I interact with people.

C) Dead right, he is a muppet for sending me a text when he knows I'm working, I remember when he is away or unavailable and don't make him feel left out by organising things when he can't make it... oh...

D) Maybe I'm feeling left out, and am seeing this as an opportunity to divulge my feelings.

E) Should I just give up spending time with friends since I don't feel like I am important enough to them to maintain a friendship?

So all of that was a totally fictional example.

As a little aside, you mentioned she doesn't want to be leered at or hit on. I'm personally not going to apologise for looking at someone I find attractive. In fact I don't feel ashamed to say I very much enjoy looking at women I find attractive. I can appreciate an attractive man too.
As for 'hitting' on her. Just be honest, be yourself. I'll usually say exactly what I'm thinking. A colleague at work was wearing this beautiful blue dress, I later found out it was tie die, and I said, "That's a really beautiful dress, you look very pretty in it, what is the pattern?"
She may be married, have two kids, be significantly older than me, but so what? She did look good in the dress, and you know what? She wore it again this week.

So what I'm saying is, whatever it is that attracts you, "You really make me laugh." "I love the colour of your hair. "Your eyes are beautiful." "I love how passionate you are about music." "You know a lot about <insert topic>." "You have really good legs." Most people shy away from complimenting physical attributes. Maybe they can't do it honestly, or maybe they find it embarassing, unlike Ms Prism and others drooling over SE's backside, to mention that they find your ass cute or abs hot or some such.

I last heard someone give me a direct compliment when I was on holiday, we were spending time with some family friends in America, and the mother of the family, let's call her H, met us at the door, the first thing she said was, "wow you're really an attractive man." Later on we were talking about teaching and interaction, she used to be a teacher, she reached out and stroked my arm to illustrate a point, and said, "wow, can I keep you here? I think you should stay." Both times I smiled and said thank you, but otherwise I didn't really talk about it, it was a little embarassing, it's not something I usually hear.

Apparently I'm almost universally loved at work, everyone says how kind, helpful, and what a wonderful person I am. You think I hear any of this first hand?

Naturally I disagree with their opinions though, I mean come on, they don't know me like I do, and if they did, they certainly wouldn't be using those particular adjectives to describe me. I've just brushed off a genuine compliment of how someone else see's me. I've grown to accept what other people see, I just need to believe it more and see it in myself.

Anyway, if you hadn't already gotten the message behind this, it is;

Don't underestimate the power of a genuine compliment, whatever it is about.

Anyway, my over-arching plot point, my main point... my point was... my point is.

You will never know how interesting you are, nor will you ever appreciate yourself as much as others, because you know everything there is to know about you, and don't appreciate the little things about yourself.

---

This is an excellent post and can't be said enough. It is all perspective with things, your view of yourself and what you do, and how you approach other people. Really great post.

posted August 29, 2013 12:22 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
Hmmm...

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