posted August 27, 2013 11:46 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
You know what I just found out? You can't eat wheat grass raw. You have to juice it because it needs 2 stomachs like cows have to digest it.

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posted August 28, 2013 11:28 AM            

It makes the person super, super sensitive to any outside criticism. They are like walking pain receptor.

After 5 degrees, it is a blessing and an easy aspect. This makes for a keen mind and keen thinking.

I have it at 7.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 28, 2013 11:38 AM            

The combust is up to 5 degrees. With the combust every degree is very important to how intense it is, too.

The conjunction is 7-10 and this is positive.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 28, 2013 11:54 AM            

If someone comes up to you and says you are a piece of garbage, the combust will react so fast that they will have murdered the person before they can even see that it was mistaken identity.

The combust takes everything very personally. They don't seem to be able to pull back and think in a detached way.

Maybe the person who insulted them was a jerk. Maybe, that person just got into a car accident. Maybe, that person just lost someone they loved.

These are just examples of the combust being very, very reactive.

That is why I see it as a strong factor in mental and emotional illness.

This is just what I have seen from doing charts and knowing people.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 28, 2013 04:32 PM            

Charmaine, thanks for your question. I guess it's cathartic for me to cover these issues.

My sister has never taken medication. It was prescribed, and then she admitted to my parents that she had been flushing it down the toilet. That was a long time ago.

It's a very tragic situation...usually I am pretty uppity but today I'm feeling forced to confront my demons, old fears...feel like I'm in a cave! Ever feel like that?

But it will go away, I'm sure.

My sister can be super warm, super charming, which makes it especially hard to deal with her backstabbing, lies, craziness. She lied to our whole family about getting married. I never believed it...but it took everyone about six months to figure it out for themselves. In the meanwhile, most of my brothers suspected me of malice. And she LOVES when she can turn people against me like that. She's done it quite a bit.

Oh god I sound bitter don't I?

I can't think about her without being in pain...so usually I don't think of her. Problem solved.

Life is difficult.

Ami, my brother with the cazimi is too much for many people to handle. He's an Aquarius Fire Horse with a Leo moon. Loud, enthusiastic, pushy...brilliant, full of life...one of my favorite people in this world. !!!!

My husband has a sun-Uranus cazimi (30 minute orb.) I dunno...maybe I just like cazimis.

I have an Aquarius DSC and Mercury, sextile Sadge Venus-Neptune...maybe that's why. "Me and my long, crazy love affair with Uranus"...that's like the story of my life.

Nice chatting with you both, sorry that it's all about me.

posted August 28, 2013 04:44 PM            

I am super excited though as she tries to eat grass on walks and it is prolly sprayed so I don't like her to have it.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 29, 2013 02:54 AM            

The thread is for you so it should be all about you!

Sorry if there were lines crossed asking about your sister. The hurt is apparent. Wish there were comforting words to offer you but it would fall short. Thank you for opening up about it.

Strange how you mention demons. Been contemplating it too lately. For more than a week now I have been feeling "icky" and it's all due to these inner demons. It has evoke a need to sieve through many aspects of my life - again! The difference is that this time it has to be done without aid or guidance. You see, before if there were any demons plaguing me which became too difficult for me to handle emotionally, I'd turn to my mentor( a Ram) for advice and usually feel better after a chat.

I've actually started "weaning" myself from him in a sense because it felt as if I had a become too dependant on needing his guidence, if that makes sense and it's time that I learn to cope with it on my own and use all that was learned and apply it where necessary.

It's not so much about the "demons" which bother us but that we are own demons and makes me think of this quote:
“We all have inner demons to fight, we call these demons fear and hatred and anger.  If you do not conquer them then a life of 100 years is a tragedy; if you do the life of a single day is a triumph.” from the movie Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story

So, here's to us and the start of tackling these demons head on!

posted August 29, 2013 06:02 AM            

Thank you for talking to me, it's like taking a dip in the tropical sea or something...clear water, clear thoughts.

quote:

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Sorry if there were lines crossed asking about your sister.

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Not at all! Nothing ever crosses a line with me, I'm like an open book. And let me say this, the older I get, the more I seem to be connecting with Sagittarians, and the more I think, "I've been missing out! Should have done this before!"

Though, as you mentioned about the Ram, I've been in the same position of "weaning" from a Sag now. Last fall I was going through some stuff and was talking to Xiiro (forum member...Sag) about it, and got to the point where I had to say outright, "Gotta stop talking to you because I'm getting too dependent on your advice." Figuring out how to be friends with someone at the right degree of attachment is a challenge for me. Especially when there is something about the synastry that makes me greedy about wanting to inhale as much of their energy as I can.

So thanks for mentioning your struggle as it makes me feel less alone with mine.

*Hugs* to you about your own demons...you're brave, choosing to deal with things on your own when an "easier" choice is available. I admire that.

I love the quote from the Bruce Lee story (Bruce Lee was so hot )...to tell the truth, part of me still thinks hate is useful in some way. I feel rather Martian, maybe because my sun forms a tight quincunx with Mars...'feel like the warrior type. And how can I be a warrior without an enemy?

I've been thinking about it for years: what prevents me from becoming a more loving, open person? Maybe it will just happen naturally. As I get older, my opinions seem to be loosening up more and more....maybe my warrior phase is ending...I figure if I just pay attention to life, it will tell me which way to go.

Don't you think it will?

posted August 29, 2013 06:09 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Faith, I just started the dog wheatgrass and it will take 7-10 days.

I am super excited though as she tries to eat grass on walks and it is prolly sprayed so I don't like her to have it.

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posted August 29, 2013 09:17 AM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted August 31, 2013 01:34 PM            

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posted August 31, 2013 10:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Did you see a picture of my dog, Faith

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Yeah, she's on your lap in the latest pic I saw of you, in Astro 2.0.

posted September 02, 2013 09:29 AM            

quote:

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Charmaine, you are so soothing.
Thank you for talking to me, it's like taking a dip in the tropical sea or something...clear water, clear thoughts.

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Thank YOU, Faith. It's been difficult to be open on here like in the past but you have a nice grounding energy about you which makes it easy.

Okies, if any lines are ever crossed, please just say it directly. I won't be offended in the least but you strike me as someone who probalby would just say it straight up.

Xiiro is a cool bean! How is the weaning period going for you? Mine is hard because I'm tempted to bug Ram almost everyday but didn't cave yet. Haha! It also makes me appreciate Randall so much more because he's the first bf who hasn't thrown a jealous fit (unlike others) about my relationship with Ram. For some reason dudes think that it's impossible to have a platonic relationship with the opposite gender. Or they become insecure because they think you're like spilling your guts to the other dude which to them signifies an emotional bond which could potencially lead to something else. Urgh! They aren't called mentors for nothing! My ex was really mean to Ram and even when he learned Ram was gay(something he is very open about), he (ex) actually accused Ram of lying! Totally ridiculous.

posted September 02, 2013 11:28 AM            

As for the Bruce Lee bits: did you watch the Bruce Lee movie? Dragon?
I loved it. The entire prejudice senario was easy to relate to. One of my fave parts (there are many) was when someone tried to pick a fight with him and then he says with his smirky face, "if you touch me, I'll touch you back." Haha! He was quite wise and although he was before my time,I still enjoyed watching his movies..in fact, I was one of those kids who enjoyed those badly dubbed,bad sound effects kung fu movies where they fly all over the place.lol! Afterwards you try some of those moves out on your friends.
I was obsessed with his son(Brandon Lee). Obsessed. The only chick in high school obsessed with a guy who like died years before which classd me as a weirdo. In my teeny bob mind, he was what the perfect guy would look like. It's funny now though.

With more experience we do tend to "loosen" up a bit more - stressing less about particular things which probably would have had us pulling out our hair a couple of years earlier. So, yes. We do become more loving in sense once we've gone through certain phases. Well, there a rare few who become more bitter with time but that's an entire different story.

When you use the word "warrior" it makes me think you can be by being strong emotionally and not in the sense of physically beating up people in the conventional sense. We are all warriors to a certain extent.. If you're someone who stands their ground, give of yourself selflessly to those in need etc etc then you are a warrior too.

My Sun squares my Mars..temper, temper. A work in constant progress!

How was your weekend? Did you do anything for fun? Relax?

posted September 03, 2013 08:03 AM            

Thank you for saying I have a grounding energy. I'm always hard on myself, but I think this compliment might be true because I feel so heavy inside, it's like I don't wobble. Maybe that is the "grounding"...and I should appreciate the fact that I have it! Anyway, I'm happy it gets you talking more (for your own comfort's sake, and also because your talk makes me feel like talking. )

quote:

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Xiiro is a cool bean! How is the weaning period going for you?

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I think I weaned myself in terms of feeling like I needed his advice to get through a hard situation, but then re-attached in the sense of, "I really enjoy your friendship and hope you stick around." Our rate of communication fluctuates. Lately we've been talking just about every day, so if I didn't get an email for a week, I'd be concerned.

But I could handle it, so I guess that qualifies as "weaned."

I tend to hold people at arm's length because it's so hard for me to recover from getting attached to someone and then losing them. It's just brutal. But sometimes, you know, I form attachments almost by accident and against my will. So then I just have to bite the bullet, realizing nothing lasts forever and withdrawal must happen eventually.

quote:

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Mine is hard because I'm tempted to bug Ram almost everyday but didn't cave yet. Haha!

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Somehow I think he wouldn't mind if you did "bug" him!

quote:

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It also makes me appreciate Randall so much more because he's the first bf who hasn't thrown a jealous fit (unlike others) about my relationship with Ram.

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Guys do get too jealous. I'm glad you stuck with Ram instead of trying to appease your exes. One of my friends who's been married for about 15 years has a gay best friend. I think that's great. How wonderful to get a guy's perspective without having to worry about things turning all romantic, icky, and complicated. I can always get my brothers' opinions, but at this point I already pretty much know what they're going to say.

My husband would be jealous if I told him I talk to Xiiro (who is likewise gay..I assume everyone knows that, but just in case there are lurkers!) So I don't even tell him. Maybe someday I will...I've thought about it maybe becoming a necessity at some point. Really I strive to be totally honest in everything I do, but some situations make me feel like I can't just be open. It's too complicated to explain, but that's my dilemma.

quote:

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As for the Bruce Lee bits: did you watch the Bruce Lee movie? Dragon?

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My kids have been muttering about this, I think, and I have no idea what they're talking about! We don't have a TV so I miss out on a lot.

I'll look on YouTube for previews.

Brandon Lee was also hot (!) and I think that's cool that you were the only girl liking him. Meanwhile I was crushing on his dad....and Sylvester Stallone, actually. I went through a phase where I liked fighting men. ROTFL

quote:

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When you use the word "warrior" it makes me think you can be by being strong emotionally and not in the sense of physically beating up people in the convetional sense.

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That's a great point, Charmaine...thinking of being just calm as a way of "fighting"...I think I do some of that. Ought to do more!

quote:

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My Sun squares my Mars..temper, temper. A work in constant progress!

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At least you realize it and give yourself some slack, realizing it takes time to work things out.

My sun, moon, and Mercury are each part of a different t-square: cardinal, mutable, and fixed, respectively. That's a lot of tension.

I basically never lose my temper in public. I guess it's that "groundedness" that makes me difficult to provoke. However, I can snap at my children when they have worn out my patience. Even in the back of my head, while I'm going on a rant, there is this voice saying, "Shut up. Stop talking. Stop this, you're going to regret it later!" Which might be my poor, afflicted Pisces moon gently trying to get the rest of my tangled chart's attention.

quote:

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How was your weekend? Did you do anything for fun? Relax?

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It was really fun! Thursday and Friday we went sailing on our new little boat...it's very restorative being out on the water. Nothing seems to matter as much...cares slip away. And the kids all loved it as well.

Saturday we went out to an Indian restaurant (I LOVE Indian food, do you??) and Sunday was housework, baking, and playing around outside. I love this early fall weather, it seems to promise all kinds of beautiful days and happy times.

posted September 04, 2013 05:56 AM            

quote:

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LOL! Yes that happens all the time. Especially if I haven't eaten enough, my thoughts can evaporate into thin air.

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Grounding is a great quality and very soothing for those who feel less grounded. Think of it this way: it's better to feel "solid" inside than feel like wobbly jello. From your experience, when you describe it as "heavy", does it mean that you feel as if it restricts you in some way? Just trying to get a broader understanding. Do you think others view you as being one who has to be "altogether" all the time?

quote:

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I think I weaned myself in terms of feeling like I needed his advice to get through a hard situation, but then re-attached in the sense of, "I really enjoy your friendship and hope you stick around." Our rate of communication fluctuates. Lately we've been talking just about every day, so if I didn't get an email for a week, I'd be concerned.

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This is normal. It's great that you manage hard situations on your own now and natural that you view him as a friend because that is what he is..a mentor is a friend even when we don't need them for advice etc. There's a connection. When you're ready, tell your husband and just explain it as it is. Hopefully it won't cause any issues. At least if your hubby knows then you will have some peace of mind knowing that you can openly communicate with your friend. You wouldn't want your hubby to think that you've been hiding things from him. I do however understand where you're coming from. I was always upfront about my relationship with Ram from the get go and many times it blew up in my face. There were times when I wondered if ex would have reacted the same way if he didn't know.. Probably not. I wanted Ram to be accepted as another brother (that's how I see him) because he is an important person in my life and I didn't want ex to feel insecure. Besides, if ex had taken the time to get to know Ram then he would've realized that Ram was no threat at all..
Oh and brothers are cool to go to for advice but they do tend to becaome predictable later or sometimes you end up getting a lecture instead. *rolls eyes* My brother is Leo and we get along most of the time but sometimes, urgh! I want to strangle him. Lol! He too is very accepting of Ram which makes me happy.

Poor Randall. Honestly, I've been giving him a tough time. There was a death in my family (my gran) and I won't be able to make it for the funeral which is tomorrow (actually glad about not being at the funeral because I hate them and I prefer remembering her as she was alive) - anyhow, I've had mixed emotions about her death..loved her to bits, kept in contact with her daily and now the realization of knowing that she won't be around has hit me hard. The thing is, these feelings are causing much conflict inside me which affects him. Not sure how he manages to put up me when I'm this way but I've been feeling bad about it..
Didn't bug Ram either although the temptation was strong. They say people grieve in different ways but I still feel as though I need to be "normal" and not show it if that makes sense.

Sounds as if you have your temper in check - it's awesome when you can control like that like a switch on/off button even when there's a rant going on in your head. You should give me some lessons! I rarely lose it in public except for times when I witness cruelty towards people or animals.

Howcome you don't have a TV, if I may ask?
You should definately watch when you get a chance.Sylvester Stallone? Hee hee! He was like a hunk back in the day?

Aww, you we went out sailing! Good stuff! A great way to spend your time. Water is like magic; it zaps away everything else as if you're under a hyponic gaze.
Do you have a favorite Indian dish? Yes, I eat it too - I'm half Indian and enjoy cooking some traditional foods.

posted September 04, 2013 02:47 PM            

That's so sad! It's always too soon for our loved ones to die, isn't it? I think sometimes the older the person is, the harder it is to let go, because you've known them so long and maybe built up this magnificent relationship. Then you have to see what you are left with after they leave you behind.

I was okay for a few months after my dad died, but then it hit me like a ton of bricks about six months later. It's kind of a blur now but somehow I made it through...and now I honestly feel like my father's spirit surrounds me. I feel like I live in his protection. I hope you feel the same way about your gran...that she is nearby and still caring for you, same as ever! If you don't feel it now, then maybe it will settle in later.

Please, I hope you won't feel bad about mourning. Let it all go, people want to be strong for you...times like these are when we can show how much we care. I have been so profoundly grateful to the few people who genuinely were concerned about my losses...one thing that's strange is, sympathy can come from the most unexpected people at the most unexpected times. ...Like at my father's grave, I somehow ended up crying on the shoulder of....my brother's ex-wife's mother, who I never liked. I was crying into her mink coat. Why?? Because life is weird and she was the only one who seemed to want to comfort me. Oddly enough she had this caring side all along, and I never saw it before then.

I'm all emotional about your loss, hope you don't mind, I don't mean to spook you by going overboard, but I feel like I've been in your shoes, I relate to you so much, I've been the girl who never wants to bother anyone with a heavy heart...but you honestly deserve every single comfort that comes your way...so please take it!

Sorry if this was the wrong thing to say, but sorrow seems to be awkward no matter what, so I'm just putting myself out there.

And hugging you. And sending you a quiet beach picture since I know you are a beach bunny.

posted September 04, 2013 02:59 PM            

quote:

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They say people grieve in different ways but I still feel as though I need to be "normal" and not show it if that makes sense.

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It does make sense, I got caught up sympathizing with you and forgot that you wrote that!

Well I won't delete what I wrote, but feel free to ignore it.

When my mom died I didn't want to talk to anyone about it to anyone, ever. When my husband's parents died, he never wanted to talk about it, either. I agree, some people want to deal with everything on their own.

We can talk about hair and normal stuff again soon. My hair is the longest it's ever been, I can almost wear it like a shirt now. Some of the people who live around our rural property go into Wal-Mart mostly undressed...maybe it's my turn now, all I need is my hair and some shorts.

posted September 06, 2013 05:51 AM            

quote:

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I was okay for a few months after my dad died, but then it hit me like a ton of bricks about six months later. It's kind of a blur now but somehow I made it through...and now I honestly feel like my father's spirit surrounds me. I feel like I live in his protection. I hope you feel the same way about your gran...that she is nearby and still caring for you, same as ever! If you don't feel it now, then maybe it will settle in later.

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Death can be awkward to talk about.It can draw people closer as you mentioned about your sister in law (which is great) or tear families apart when it comes to their wills and possessions (sad yet true). I also thought that I'd be able to handle this loss much better considering that I had a NDE where my grandad (pa)appeared and spoke to me. It gave me the validation that there is more to life after death but..just knowing that ma won't physically be here..for little things..that's the hard part. With time it will better..

No worries. Death and sorrow can be awkward yet you have said nothing spooky at all. Your words have been comforting and thanks again for your heartfelt and sincere words. It really means a lot. :`( *hugs*

posted September 07, 2013 10:35 AM            

Still, as you said, the problem is just in flat-out missing someone.

All I can do is hug you and hope you have many, many other comforts to lessen your pain.

posted October 07, 2013 11:05 AM            

I hope you are still feeling alright!

Am I too late, getting back to this thread? I hope I haven't worn out your patience. I wanted to give you some space for recovery and not overwhelm you. Plus, I'm also trying to keep up with Meissieri and 12muddy on another thread here, and I feel like if I check in on one thread, I need to check in on both, which becomes overwhelming.

ANYWAY

Hope life is good for you! =) And here are some responses, at long last...

quote:

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Originally posted by charmainec:
What's up with Cappies and food? Haha! Do you get grumpy when you haven't eaten yet?

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I think Cappies like quality in everything, so many of us go for gourmet food, health food, stuff like that. When I cheat myself and eat junk food, not only is there that sick physical feeling, but regret that I didn't live up to my ideals. So when I'm hungry, I might be grumpy because the food I really want (freshly cooked meal with organic vegetables) can be difficult to obtain. I hate feeling like "uh oh, it's an emergency, better grab some crackers." LOL

But your Venus is Cappy, does that affect your food prefences at all, you think?

quote:

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Originally posted by charmainec:
From your experience, when you describe it as "heavy", does it mean that you feel as if it restricts you in some way?

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Yes, I'm very restricted....heavy as in dense, concentrated, "pulled together," as opposed to light and expansive. Thanks for asking, it feels good for me to consider what I am.

quote:

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Originally posted by charmainec:
Do you think others view you as being one who has to be "altogether" all the time?

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It's weird, Charmaine, because I can be rather wild, kind of a blabbermouth (11H Gemini Mars) and really I struggle so much with keeping myself buckled down. Yet people DO make comments like that: "Why are you so reserved?" or "How do you keep your composure all the time?" And I'm just mystified that they don't see my sloppy, out-of-control side.

Maybe that heaviness is my main energy signature and the wild stuff is just like wisps of smoke off a smouldering block of coal. Uhhhhh something like that. =)

But for the record, I think that you seem much more centered and stable than I do. I'm not just saying that to be nice, it's my honest opinion.

quote:

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Originally posted by charmainec:
When you're ready, tell your husband and just explain it as it is. Hopefully it won't cause any issues.

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This was about my friendship with Xiiro.

Thanks Charmaine, for the vote of confidence. It's a complex problem that I'm trying to work out. I think I might be the kind of person who really needs some open space to operate apart from my husband, and my friendship with X would be part of that space. Because we are talking about astrology all the time, for one thing, and my husband hates astrology. Why subject myself to hard criticism and rejection from someone who doesn't even know what they're talking about, even if it is my husband?

Secrecy seems like my only solution sometimes. I am actually trying to come to peace with that, even though it sort of goes against the grain of most people's ideas of morality. =(

quote:

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Originally posted by charmainec:
I wanted Ram to be accepted as another brother (that's how I see him) because he is an important person in my life and I didn't want ex to feel insecure. Besides, if ex had taken the time to get to know Ram then he would've realized that Ram was no threat at all..

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You did the right thing being open right from the beginning =) And I totally believe you, all your ex had to do was make the simple step of getting to know Ram! (Have you talked to Ram, by the way...if I'm being too nosey asking that, just ignore me please.)

If I am ever single again I don't think I will ever get into another long term relationship, because I find it hard to be open about everything, yet people naturally want and deserve openness. Maybe it's because my sun is in mutual reception with 12H Saturn...I'm very twelfth house-y, comfortable with being like an invisible ghost.

quote:

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Originally posted by charmainec:
Sounds as if you have your temper in check - it's awesome when you can control like that like a switch on/off button even when there's a rant going on in your head. You should give me some lessons! I rarely lose it in public except for times when I witness cruelty towards people or animals.

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I think we are actually probably similar in how often we "lose it" and how we express ourselves after we've hit that breaking point. And is it so bad to let loose once in a while? There's a time and a place for rage. I think it's a tool we all come born with and can use productively sometimes. =)

quote:

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Originally posted by charmainec:
How come you don't have a TV, if I may ask? You should definately watch when you get a chance.

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I have never really enjoyed TV. I can't tolerate most of the commercials, and it's just sensory overload for me, the fast pace of it.

quote:

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Originally posted by charmainec:
Water is like magic; it zaps away everything else as if you're under a hyponic gaze.

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I agree!!!

quote:

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Originally posted by charmainec:
Do you have a favorite Indian dish? Yes, I eat it too - I'm half Indian and enjoy cooking some traditional foods.

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Lucky you, I think Indians are beautiful and Indian culture is exquisite. I was just telling my Sag son the other day that the country I want to visit the most is India.

My favorite dish is probably Matar Paneer. Yours? You can have more than one favorite, and please list, because just thinking about an Indian menu is like a virtual delight for me.

quote:

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Originally posted by charmainec:
Saturday was loaded with photo shoots. Bleh. Usually I enjoy it but had no patience on that particular day. Just wanted to relax!

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Are you a model?? Or a photographer?? Either way I am soooo impressed!