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Author Topic:   It's not easy being a Scorpio
Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted July 18, 2006 08:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
You have no idea what its like to have feelings like this.

You have no idea how much self-control it takes.

Jealousy sucks.

Nobody understands.

I should get a medal for not blowing my brains out.

Instead of having to apologize for not suffering in silence.

Whatever.
Sorry.


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CrankyCap
Knowflake

Posts: 758
From: Powell, Ohio, United States
Registered: May 2006

posted July 18, 2006 08:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for CrankyCap     Edit/Delete Message
HSC, I completely understand where you're coming from. I've got my moon in the 8th, and Scorp on the 5th with a Scorp venus in the 5th. I've got it BAD!!!

I try so, so hard to combat it. It's the WORST feeling in the world. Hard to describe to people who don't "suffer" from it. Even when I know it's not warranted it just creeps up on me, and FAST. It starts like a heat deep in my stomach and moves up to my throat and then to my face. My ears even get hot! Almost physically debilitating. It's always been there, and I'm afraid always will be. I try to shrug it off, but it's very hard. My own Scorp bf doesn't have it like I do. I know how you feel. I'm guessing this has to do with your girlfriend? I think you just have to try and rationalize it, and try to remember that you trust her. That's the best way I can think of to combat it.

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Dulce Luna
Knowflake

Posts: 4598
From: The Asylum
Registered: Mar 2006

posted July 18, 2006 11:24 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Dulce Luna     Edit/Delete Message
Yes, it does suck. Maybe it's the strong pluto,my 8th house moon, but I know how you feel. It can be very consuming, maybe because It's so hard to trust sometimes. But this may have something to do with my past too. I don't have any good advice for you because I've been struggling with this as well. This is why I become hermit-like, because I always feel like I can't trust anyone (heavy 12th house). I only wish you the best
My bf doesn't have it this bad either, and he is a Scorpio.

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lovely*
Knowflake

Posts: 2141
From: CA
Registered: Jul 2003

posted July 18, 2006 11:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovely*     Edit/Delete Message
you have a deep heart. people with hearts at your level suffer more i bet. you've done a good job of transmuting the pain into something beautiful when you write.

so you should do that more.

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MysticMelody
Moderator

Posts: 3521
From:
Registered: Dec 2005

posted July 18, 2006 11:52 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MysticMelody     Edit/Delete Message
Whispered words and promises we made when we were wed
Thank you, love, for meaning what you said, what you said
Thank you, love, for meaning...

Each of us is weak and strong, but some of us are true
I am blessed to have a friend in you, in you
I am blessed to have...

You never know the worth of friends until your time of need
The way you stood beside me strengthened me, strengthened me
The way you stood beside me...

You never did deserve to know those times so hard to bear
But thats how I found out how much you care, how much you care
Thats how I found out...

If I ever have the chance, Ill be there for you
To share the rarest gift I ever knew, I ever knew
If you need me...

Whispered words and promises we made when we were wed
Thank you, love, for meaning what you said, what you said
Thank you, love, for meaning what you said.


(Peter, Paul and Mary)

Have a little faith, buddy.
If she's worth it, her heart is true and her words are pure. If her words aren't true, she isn't worth it. Either way, you can have peace. "No Worries"!!!!!!!!

------------------
"Did you ever get the chance to dance along the light of day?"

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TINK
Knowflake

Posts: 3831
From: New England
Registered: Mar 2003

posted July 19, 2006 09:19 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for TINK     Edit/Delete Message
5 fun planets, including Venus and the Sun, under Pluto's domain here. I hear you, my friend.

'Course there's always the Eagle Path if you're looking for a little relief and a higher perspective ...

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sunshine9
Knowflake

Posts: 913
From: Durham, NC, USA
Registered: Feb 2005

posted July 19, 2006 10:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sunshine9     Edit/Delete Message
Hang in there, HSC; don't forget, you're the Phoenix, and you have tremendous potential! This is but a 'passing cloud', and you'll get over this too.


Sunshine

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted July 19, 2006 10:25 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
Thanks to everyone who responded.
Everything is okay.
She is very calm and patient.
She understands me,
and is always full of reassurance.
I am learning to trust.
I know her love is real and true,
but I need to cultivate love for myself,
or my insecurities will continue to
get the better of my judgement.

Appreciatively,
HSC
Sun/Retro-Venus/MC/Uranus in Scorpio
PLUTO in 8th/9th, SQUARE ASC/DSC Axis
EROS in Scorpio perfectly Square 1st house Moon
Cancer on the DSC
Ascendant Ruler (Saturn) in the 8th
Ruler of 5th closely conjunct Mars
Ruler of 8th closely conjunct Mars
Mars semi-square Pluto

------------------
"Advice is not for lovers.
This is not the kind of mountain stream
You can build a damn across."
- Rumi
http://i50.photobucket.com/albums/f309/Alem7/chart1.gif

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted July 19, 2006 10:27 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
CrankyCap -

Thank you. It's amazing what a practical healing benefit a little empathy can have. Just knowing that I am not alone in this is a comforting reminder. Granted, its a cold comfort - I wouldnt wish this upon anyone. What I feel is a tension in my body, in all my muscles, that is almost unbearable, as if I have been working out and am still working out well past my limits. It takes hours to relax and let it go. And the shame for having acted upon it, having spoken rashly and manipulatively, stays with me long after. Thank you for your advice, as well.

Dulce Luna -

I understand. I know it can be so hard to trust sometimes. I guess, there are all sorts of things we can do to stay healthy and strong (in mind, body, and spirit), so as to combat these fears. But, most important, is remembering that not all people are the same, and being selective about who we choose to let into our hearts. Some people deserve that trust, and they are patient for it, and they honor it for the truly precious gift it is. It takes time. I wish you the best.

lovely -

Thank you.

"Great men have always been of a nature originally melancholy." - Aristotle

"[What prevents most people from suffering very much is a lack of imagination. Everything great that we know has come to us from neurotics. Never will the world be aware of what they have given, nor, above all, what they have suffered in order to bestow their gifts upon it.]"
- Marcel Proust
(Nobody had more to say about jealousy than Proust,
whose great novel is never far from my memory, or my heart.)

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted July 19, 2006 10:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
Mystic Melody -

Thank you for the beautiful lyrics.
No one is as true as this woman,
or as undeserving of my suspicions.
I only wish it were an intellectual excercise,
but, "[the heart has reasons which reason can never know.]"
Love to you.

TINK -

Thanks. I hear you, too.
'Course, a phoenix must burn in its own flames,
before it can rise from the ashes.
And only those who burn in the depths,
can learn to seek the heights.
Still learning.

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted July 19, 2006 10:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted July 19, 2006 10:31 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted July 19, 2006 10:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted July 19, 2006 10:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message
Thank you, Sunshine.

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Stargazer
Knowflake

Posts: 1108
From: Columbus OH USA
Registered: Aug 2005

posted July 19, 2006 10:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Stargazer     Edit/Delete Message

HSC.. I have felt this way too... more than I'd like to admit.
You posted this in Soul Unions some time ago and it moved me so I bookmarked it. I read it ever so often when I am confused, feeling let down or just plain jealous.. It has been very healing...
Keep writing and know that you have the power to look upwards and let it go....you just have to call upon it

Water sign here...

I've always approached relationships idealistically.
I always think I can say it all.
I think I can wrangle the insecurities,
anticipate all the assumtions,
discuss the experience of union with perfect detachment,
and unmask the dynamics before they take shape.
Its impressive, exhausting, and comical to see me try.
Attempting to fill the spurs of Gallahad,
I end up a second-rate Don Quixote!


Occassionally, I'm lucky enough to meet an equally idealistic girl who appreciates my affectionate nature and my candor. At first, you cant imagine the sense of relief, at being able to communicate in this way. We express our mutual contempt for games, and how committed we are to keeping that initial purity intact....

Then REAL feelings, and reality set in.

And, however conscious we are of this or that,
we must admit that the same old rules of the game apply, -
that, we are unconsciously conditioned to observe them,
and, if we dont wise up and learn to play the game,
we're just going to end up throwing it.

Swerve, if you met a girl who matched the intensity, sincerity, and openness which you are so proud of in yourself (and I dont blame you; I pride myself on the same qualities),
you would begin to lose respect for her love,
which seemed to come so cheap,
and to view her in the same desperate light
in which your yourself have been cast.

We think we can begin with absolute trust...
Like, "Shhh.. You dont have to say, do, or earn anything;
Look, here's your A+, here's a gold star for you,
just for being you,..."

Of course, its ultimately just as hard to keep an "A",
as it is to earn it, - maybe harder.
Because, in your idealism,
you tell each other that you can take it for granted;
that there's nothing to be done,
but let nature take its course, etc...

And you take it for granted;
you let your guard down,
and, oh, doesnt it feel so good not to be playing the field;
not to be planning your next move...

But, all the while, dynamics are working themselves out unbeknownst to the both of you.
And maybe you become aware of a few things,
and try to discuss them immediately,
so as to 'nip them in the bud'.

But its just the nature of feelings to be wild;
not to be easily encompassed, or harnessed, by words.
And its our own nature not to be in touch with our feelings,
particularly when we are trying to encompass,
and "break" them.

And games must be played...
Because when we approach one another,
before we can express whats in our hearts and minds,
there is always an adjustment to be made;
a feeling-out, and then a teasing-out,
of the other's receptivity.

If we were to flaunt these rules,
and, upon seeing one another,
neglect to preface our affectionate displays with some synthetic show of independence,
we would not give the other a moment to adjust to our presence,
and to rediscover their feelings for us spontaneously, -
but, would catch them in an independent moment,
unreceptive to our romantic enthusiasm,
and feeling quite alienated by it.

I write as if I've learned something,
but I'm no wiser for my experience.
I'm just as determined to win or lose love on my own terms.
I just can't pretend its not a game.
Or that I make things any easier,
by inventing the rules as I go.


Seekingly,

HSC

Thanks again for this past post!

Virgo Sun. Cappy rising, Venus rx
Neptune, Mars and MC in Scorpio
Uranus and Pluto 8th house

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Full-fifthhouse-loulou
Knowflake

Posts: 253
From: Beautiful England
Registered: Mar 2006

posted July 19, 2006 11:00 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Full-fifthhouse-loulou     Edit/Delete Message
It is indeed hard being a scorpio my dear HSC. That's why only those wise and patient and sensitive enough are granted the honour of being one at birth..... We choose a troublesome life when we chose to be born under scorpio.....
Such feeling just means you are alive and well

------------------
SCORPIO SUN 5TH HOUSE
ASCENDANT CANCER
CANCER MOON 12TH HOUSE

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted July 19, 2006 11:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message
Its heaven and hell isnt it.....?

Heaven when someone understands you and
Hell when they dont.....

Of course, usually the latter happens?

I now choose to be with the understanding ones....

xxx

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lotusheartone
Knowflake

Posts: 238
From: MOther & Father GOd
Registered: Feb 2008

posted July 19, 2006 12:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lotusheartone     Edit/Delete Message
Heart--Shaped Cross..your feelings are endearing..your honesty and openess..a treasure

you share with US..I am impressed!
we feel for a reason..to learn and grow. ...

LOve to ALL...

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TINK
Knowflake

Posts: 3831
From: New England
Registered: Mar 2003

posted July 19, 2006 03:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for TINK     Edit/Delete Message
Touche, HSC. The quickest way to Heaven is often through hell.

But don't tarry ... the scorpio affinity for pain and sorrow is sometimes our own undoing.

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Lialei
Knowflake

Posts: 1887
From: blank canvas
Registered: Jul 2005

posted July 19, 2006 03:38 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lialei     Edit/Delete Message
HSC,
you can't escape Neptune.

It will forever return to you until you learn to embrace it as part of yourself, not something unattainable; outside of yourself... against your character or natal...

but OF YOU.

Neptune = Trust in the Unseen, the Unproven, the Untouched.
Faith that Magic has set its course and
whatever happens will touch your Soul and transform you somehow in the end for it,
even if not in the way you hope nor expect. If you flow into it, and stop fighting the currents.

Have Faith,
mostly in Your Self.

I do.


Remember... in the times when it comes easy,
that you needn't make it a struggle to confirm it's real.

All the most breathtaking Beauty
I pray you may See and Touch. (whether in person or not~~in your Heart where it makes the most meaningful difference)



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Mama Mia
Knowflake

Posts: 2320
From:
Registered: Jun 2005

posted July 19, 2006 04:02 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Mama Mia     Edit/Delete Message
HSC: That is something isn't it?? I do not suffer from jealousy Im Pisces not Scorp but we too can be very jealous, however I am not affected by it. However my s.o is a Aqua with Scorp Rising and boy oh boy. You know how Aqua Suns are not suppose to be so jealous this that and the other and how they supress everything. I do understand where your at just from his end. He is like a tea kettle on the stove and it is hot but the cap is on and that is keeping the water in but the steam is oozing out. It could just blow if the cap was not there to keep things inside.

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sue g
Knowflake

Posts: 8591
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004

posted July 19, 2006 04:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for sue g     Edit/Delete Message

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juniperb
Knowflake

Posts: 6830
From: Blue Star Kachina
Registered: Mar 2002

posted July 19, 2006 04:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for juniperb     Edit/Delete Message

Fortunately or unfortunately I don`t understand jealousy and it`s drive.

(Not a smidgen of Scorp in my heavenly line up tho)

I do understand suffering HSC and add what others have said "Fly Like an Eagle" and rise above it grasp.

------------------
~
What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world is immortal"~

- George Eliot

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Heart--Shaped Cross
Knowflake

Posts: 7178
From: 11/6/78 11:38am Boston, MA
Registered: Aug 2004

posted July 19, 2006 05:15 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Heart--Shaped Cross     Edit/Delete Message

Me, just hours ago,
making aqua-lunar eyes,
at Bertuccis.

The shirt says,
"So many books, so little time."
Yup, I'm a nerd, and proud.

(and, no, I'm not wearing lipstick! -
I got teased about my red lips a lot in grade school, lol)

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lovely*
Knowflake

Posts: 2141
From: CA
Registered: Jul 2003

posted July 19, 2006 05:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for lovely*     Edit/Delete Message
Olive Garden, LOL. Mmmmore brrrreadsticks please .. Haven't been there in a decade but still.

HSC, are you saying you're jealous? I didn't get that. I thought others were jealous or critical of you, not the other way 'round.

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