posted March 17, 2006 08:47 AM         

sending love from Ireland....

posted March 17, 2006 11:26 AM         

Almost two weeks??????
Is it still paralyzed??????
If so...
GET TO A HOSPITAL FOR A head CATSCAN AND other tests NOW!!!!!!!!
Have your carotid arteries checked also.
PLEASE!
You could have a full bllown fatal stroke at any given moment!
YES!
I AM TRYING TO SCARE YOU!
It could be simply tension or stress related.
BUT...
If not...
YOU NEED TO FIND OUT what caused it!
PLEASE!

One more thing...
Have you had before the paralysis...
A blow to your head?
Or bumped your head?
Have you twisted your neck or hurt it in any way?
Any recient whiplash movements to your head or neck?
Face slapping can cause this.
Have you fallen or anything like that?
How is your eyesight?
Any dizziness?
Double vision?

posted March 17, 2006 11:44 AM         

I went to the ER the day it started. I had a cat scan too. I was diagnosed with Bell's Palsy. It is usually caused by a virus in your system and my body did what it normally should and caused inflammation to kill it. Well...the inflammation in my case did harm too. It cut off blood and oxygen to my facial nerve. It, I guess died. The thing is, my body will repair itself, it just takes time. I mean 3-4 weeks to 6 monthes to a year. errr

I was likening my mental state to my newly occured physical state. I think my mental health will play a large part in my healing process. Its just what my gut says.

I just want to feel better all over, but even if I can never smile physically again, I want to smile from inside.

This is like a big wake up call.

So, maybe some advice from you. I have never had to contemplate divorce before, but here I am.
------------------------------------------
This is advice from my aunt:

Look, life is going to suck. With or without Keith. It's not supposed to be happy. Write a fairy tale about that! The question is do you want to be unhappy at the hand of someone else, or your own bad self? By the same token do you want to be happy by your own hand or someone else's? You are one headstrong woman and that's exactly the kind of woman you need to be in order to make it on your own. What I see in your future if you stay with Keith is a woman no longer headstrong enough to make a life for herself or her kids. I picture a voodoo shrunken head on your lovely rubenesque body. (there is a good reason we have such large heads)
--------------------------------------------

I just worry about the kids, is it my responsibility to sacrifice for them to grow up in a family not broken by divorce. Is this self-sacrifice good?

posted March 17, 2006 12:43 PM         

I just wanted to know you had been looked at for sure.

I have facial palsey also.
No fun.
But it is not something you cannot learn to live with.
It might take facial exercises and learning a new way of smiling...Like I learned...

Or as Harrison Ford...learned.
He has facial nerve damage too.
But he just took atvantage of it and fostered that crooked smile of his!

posted March 17, 2006 12:52 PM         

My name is Amy too! (Great taste!)

My little brother had the same Bell vein problem. I think he was 4 and I was 13 at the time. We were sword fighting with some children's plastic Asian swords, and I noticed that one side of his face grimaced like the warriors you see on Asian martial arts movies, and the other side was not moving at all.

We took him to the ER and also to an accupuncture doctor. The accupuncture helped! I think it took a few months for him to recover.

Have you thought about seeing a professional therapist for your family situation? Having someone regular to talk with (important for Libra Moon!) is a start, and you'll start realizing things on your own with hearing your voice instead of debating inside the mind.

There is also a fiction novel I read a long, long time ago that may help you communicate further with what's happening. It's called, "Sleeping with the Enemy," by Nancy Price. There is the movie starring Julia Roberts, but the book is much better and so relatable. Her husband controlled everything, just like how you describe your situation.

Just thoughts.

Good luck

posted March 17, 2006 01:17 PM         

fayte.m
How long have you had your facial palsy? Is yours different than mine? Although I hate to hear you having this too, it does make me feel less alone in the world. I liked your facial training exercises. I looked into that and they say after I begin to show improvement it is recommended. I should wait so my face doesn't learn to send wrong signals.

btw...My cappy Aunt...OMG...I loved what you said optimistic/pestimistic. So her!

Aphrodite...I looked into accupuncture too. It shows some promising results. Thanks for sharing that with me.

I was thinking about your idea of a daily talk being good for my Libra moon, and since moving a year ago away from the sisters and aunts, I have not done much of that. We small talk everyday via email, but those heart to heart get togethers...ohh I miss them. Maybe a good reason to get away after school lets out this May. Just up and leave for a visit I mean, wouldn't want to be arrested for kidnapping. hehe

posted March 17, 2006 04:21 PM         

I am toward the end of week two, I can't imagine all the years you have gone thru. I know what you mean about the stares. I haven't been hiding in my house by any means, and the other night at my son's baseball game, I felt the stares. Oh how I wished the game was during the day. I could hide behind my sunglasses. And here its game night again. I'm gonna be great, I just know it!

I can't believe I haven't seen that movie "Sleeping with the Enemy". I am kinda nervous to see it though. Not sure if I want to see my life on the screen. My husband can't be that bad, can he? You get use to your reality. He has been physically abusive, but he says its my fault for not shutting up. It has been on three occasions in five years, so not often, but the emotional abuse, mmm daily. I'm not gonna do it anymore. As soon as school gets out.

posted March 17, 2006 04:37 PM         

I knew a very controlling Aqua guy with Aries Moon and he was a nutball. I was crazy about him at first. GOD had my back bc things began to happen and we split. He told me I do not F with anything that I cannot control. He could not control me I have always done my own thing, Guess that is all this Aqua in me..

Anyway I know both types. They are good Aqua men and Bad Aqua men. Just like any other sign..

posted March 17, 2006 05:45 PM         

You're going through so much and my heart goes out to you. I don't want to just focus on one thing because I understand it's a whole catalogue of issues that you are having to deal with, but the thing that lept out of your posts at me the most was this

quote:

---

He has been physically abusive, but he says its my fault for not shutting up.

---

ILove it's not your fault. No one has the right to use violence against anyone else. We are all human and we all feel provoked at times but we should try our best to overcome those feelings in my opinion. I know you said it's only happened 3 times but once is too many in my opinion.

It's totally unacceptable behaviour and I don't feel you should put up with it at all. Neither should you have to contend with the emotional abuse which is just as damaging if not more, because those bruises don't always heal.

I totally understand that part of you still loves him and is trying to help and understand him, but I'm glad you have decided not to take it anylonger because it won't help him to allow him to hurt you like that.

Just wishing you all the strength, courage, love and good luck in the world, and I hope you feel a great deal better very soon

posted March 17, 2006 06:21 PM         

The bad aqua sounds as if he is damaged himself and we do affect people through our conversations not just actions.

Remember we are defined by how we feel about ourselves not who we love,

posted March 18, 2006 10:01 AM         

llove:

I too was in an abusive marriage for 15 years (we were together for 9 prior to that.) I tolerated severe emotional and psychological abuse wielded by a Libra sun and Leo moon. He ended up taking his own life when I began divorce proceedings and it has been almost 5 years now. He was an alcoholic who threatened my life almost daily when under the influence, or should I say nightly. I slept little, was too scared and was raising two girls, one who had a severe heart defect.
At the end of it all, I have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (a few years back when I finally got professional help) and this condition comes from my body being on constant alert for so many years. My stress hormones, ie; epinepherine, norepinepherine, cortisol and dopamine and seratonin are all out of wack and will never be the same, basically my brain chemistry is messed up from the constant infiltration of those hormones. I have fear issues and have had to make a big effort to overcome and heal. I gave up on professional help and medication and am healing my self.
The point of my story is this, despite your few times of physical abuse (which is totally unexcusable) the years that you tolerate emotional abuse is so harmful to the body and mind. We as women were conditioned by our parents alot of the time and society all of the time to be submissive, in the bacground, supportive of our men, etc, etc! And depending on your age, I am 44 and was raised largely by my grandma, will efffect the degree of this mindset of a "woman's role." I am raising my daughters to be very independant, physcially, emotionally, financially, etc.! I stayed way too long "for the kids" but what I realized in the end, when I finaly pursued divorce that I was doing nothing for anybody in staying. I was being unfair to me, my kids and to their dad. So I summoned up the personal strength and contacted a lawyer.
I would not be suprised that there is a metaphysical cause for your bells. I am a RN and believe highly in the mind-body connection. You have sustained abuse and have likely kept it inside for way too long and the energy had to manifest somewhere, and it is not your fault, you are just doing what you have to do!
But, please, from one abused woman to another, get the hell out now while you still have some sense of self intact, get your kids out. Abuse of any kind is learned, usually from our parents. My husband sustained severe emotional and some physical abuse from his mom and I learned to take it from my mom who never supported and put down her very sensitive little girl and from my grandma who was/is a good woman but was totally subserviant to my grandpa all of their marriage.
If you need anyone to talk to, I am here!

Peace, Love and Light,

posted March 18, 2006 03:56 PM         

Thank you all for taking time out of your lives to talk with me....I hope you all are doing fantastic!

I'm not doing all that great physically or emotionally. I do have some good news though. My dad called me this morning and is going to fly down here and drive me and the kids back home for what I am going to call healing. Only one of the kids are school age so we'll have to work around that. I think getting me in a safe environment will do wonders for me pahysically and emotionally, so I can make decisions and not feel so overwhelmed. I was so relieved when he called. Yea for dad.

I was thinking about what was said about why women stay in abusive relationships and I agree with it all and also think it is a money issue. I mean take a woman like me with three children. It is gonna cost for the divorce, getting a home, sometimes a vehicle, food, clothing. Financial matters can be overwhelming, especially if you had been a stay at home mom for four years like me. I am lucky to have a family that can help, some do not have that.

Ya know hippichick...i had read about your husband killing himself in this thread back somewhere. It blows me away. I am so sorry you had to endure that for those years, but look at you now! I love your approach to your emotional health too. Take control of it yourself!! Yeah for you! How are the kids doing these five years later?

fayte.m
I was thinking about you too. You have trod a path similar to hippichick and also have facial nerve damage. Mind-body connection....whats your take?

May time and a good outlook heal us all!!

posted March 18, 2006 06:00 PM         

Good for you on getting away!! You WILL be able to make better decisions away from it all. Take all the time you can to care for yourself and do not let your husband sway your thinking. Try to maintain as little contact as you can so that you can maintain a clear mental space. Men can be so alluring when we are emotionally shot. It is good that you have your family, lean on them! Just because our kids grow up does not mean we stop becoming parents. I have always thought we as parents are responsible to one degree or another for our children until the day we die and then some! God bless your dad!

Thank you for asking, my girls are fine. They are 14 and almost 18 and both are awesome souls! They miss their dad, but they are both extreamly emotionally mature and realize that it was HIS decision and they respect that! I do not hide much from my girls, they are my best friends as well as my daughters and I have raised them with my esoteric beliefs and they know their dad is out there somewhere and they will "see" him again someday.

Many years ago, thousands, the female was revered and the femanine heralded, and Goddess worshiped. Then a bunch of men got the idea that they could control things and somehow discovered "organized" religion and with the advent of Christianity the Goddess was lost and so were we. But now we are back and becoming more powerful than ever and one day the Goddess will live again, through US!

Earlier today, my 14 yr old and I were cutting limbs down from my forest of oak trees in which I live with a pole chain saw when we were approached by a man vending his tree-cutting service. I nicely told him I can do this myself, thank you and proceded to cut the limbs and Samantha and I ducked our heads as they fell from the sky, but ya know what? We did it! Extension ladder and all!

You can do it, you can be free! God bless you and your kids!

posted March 20, 2006 10:32 PM         

ILove
Mind body? Cause of my troubles? Wish it were that simple....sigh.....