posted February 11, 2009 03:54 PM         

I also like to know everybody's motivations and deep thoughts about everything, in general, good or bad. It's that 8th house curiosity (my Mars and Mercury are in there with my Sun.)

So the idea that if some brilliant, talented guy whose torso I would like to kiss all over doesn't call me on Wednesday to ask me out on a Date for Saturday, I should chock it up to him being Not Into Me and find some weenie who, before we even explore and discover each other, has some whole life plan for us...ick.

posted February 12, 2009 02:34 AM           

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I love my Virgo <3

posted February 17, 2009 11:19 AM         

quote:

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The longer you drag this out, the more hesitant you'll become and the more convoluted the messages will become. Express interest, don't pretend. No one's telling you to throw yourself at someone, but for god's sake, it's to your disadvantage to hide this way.
Why do this to yourself? Some drama is ok and understandable, this is just plain self-torture - and it's somewhat self-involved too. Put down the magnifying glass before you burn the bridge.

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A big part of the problem with situations like this, though, is that: AS THE GIRL we are raised to "chase him until he catches you." We're supposeed to be beautiful, alluring, exciting, and fun, and have the guy ASK US OUT because of that. It doesn't mean not being friends first, or even not bantering about other guys. It means getting the guy to like you enough that he calls up and invites you to a party, out with friends, or to casually check out some bar or restaurant that you've both mentioned.

When you're out together, in the group or not, you get to know each other...he touches you gently (not sleazily)...as the evening winds down he walks you home and turns your friendly hug goodbye into a kiss. THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. And it's still supposed to be the guy who initiates this. AND he's supposed to initiate it even if it seems like the girl might have ever had another date with another guy, or even if she talks about going on dates, or even if it's not 100% clear that she's wildly into him. He's supposed to take that risk.

Now, the ideal solution to this would be just to ask the guy out, but I've noticed that most guys still seem to really not like that, even when the girl asking is wonderful (like my Pisces friend) and they seemed into her before. I want to be more feminist and progressive about this, but it seems like even wimpy, weenie guys still prefer to do the asking...it's just that often they won't do the asking, even if they're interested.

Maybe it's all my Cancer influences, but I'm tired of seeing situations like this. OF COURSE a girl sends "mixed signals" when the guy is keeping her a teeny bit hopeful, but never asking her out. It's the guy's job to be like..."Hey, let's try that veg taco place we're talking about...wanna go Thursday? I have your number."

The good news is that getting romantically involved with someone who sends mixed signals and never makes a move is no fun.

posted February 17, 2009 12:42 PM         

Cause these kinds of situations, to me, are pure agony. And they make Cancer-influenced girls feel more and more insecure, thus making it harder for us to send clear signals.

posted February 17, 2009 12:55 PM         

That is so true. I also grew up with that idea, and even going back to the earlier points about those self help books that say if a guy isn't showing you any attention then he isn't interested at all.

I do think I have been coming off as immature (when really at heart I am anything but that) with him but to be honest I don't know one person in my life who isn't used to playing MAJOR games in order to gain the upper hand. Most guys I know don't do the "normal" things guys are supposed to do such as call, etc. The problem lies in the fact that not only girls are playing these games. Guys my age are as well.

I do notice a marked reticence and lack of casuality in people born around 1984-1986 it makes me wonder is something with the generational planets is going on (perhaps Saturn in Scorpio). Especially when I see people born in the late 1980's who actually can be aggressive and not cautious.

As far as how I come off to the guy, I'm a HUGE believer in that if something comes easily I don't want it. Plus in response to me causing myself hurt or drama (as much as I hate admitting this) I do like being completely absorbed in how I feel or a situation. I like to feel everything or nothing at all. And as much as its causing me hurt I’d rather feel that than feel nothing even if a lot of the time I say I wish I had no feelings.

But I do realize that everyone has their insecurities and that perhaps my appearance of lack of interest in anything more than a friendship has caused me to come off as detached. Plus while I may think I gave signals, this guys placements don't give the impression that he is exactly the most confident and secure person around (he has a very close Sun Saturn square, mars is loosely conjunct Neptune, and very strong and VERY passive Taurus moon, and that darn cap mars which won't show ANY interest untili they are absolutly sure the other party is interested.

posted February 17, 2009 01:06 PM         

The question isn't, Is he into me? And almost everyone (not just 20-year-olds) does play games, and some of those games are not poisonous or immature, they're just natural human foreplay. Most people like the intensity and titillation of a bit of a challenge, some build-up, and some back-and-forth. But these situations where nothing ever happens are sooo frustrating.

Also: if you are looking to have a 37-year marriage, you want a guy whose signals merge perfectly and easily with yours at the beginning. But it sounds like you want to hang out with this guy, and maybe make out with him, before he leaves. That's why I disagree so much with the post above that this kind of thing is NOT frustrating.

And THEN it's easy to get trapped in a whole bunch of wondering whether he's interested, and obsessing, and trying to "cut off your feelings", and, worse, talking to other people about it...instead of just being with the guy! Because it seems impossible to bridge the gap between unsatisfying banter and actually spending time alone together.

posted February 17, 2009 01:18 PM         

I'm sorry to say this so bluntly. I read this book, and there are some things that I don't agree with, but this one rule is one I agree with and use. If a guy likes you, and you've sent a hint (no matter how subtle) he will ask for your number and call you! I think it applies no matter what sign he is.

It's better to assume he's not into you and not waste your time, then to assume he's some complicated, ultra shy, conflicted, game playing master who's messing with your head but is REALLY into you.

I don't think intelligent, wonderful girls should be wasting their time on men who can't even get up the courage to ask for a date.

posted February 17, 2009 01:45 PM         

He may be into you, but either way if he can't get up the courage to ask you out on a date, then he doesn't deserve to be with you. It doesn't matter that you told him you wanted to be just friends. If he really wanted you, he would be your friend, even though inside he's anguishing and wants more. He would try to find a way. Taurus moons are slow and careful, but they are persistent and so is Virgo!

Sorry if I missed a few parts of your thread. I'm at work, so I had to speed read to catch up.