posted February 17, 2009 08:00 PM         

What are some ways to encourage a guy to ask you out without seeming less alluring/too desperate in the process?

When I was single as a teen it was SOOO easy...men fell in droves just 'cause I existed...but, according to "He's Just Not That Into You", several men who were passionately in love with me (including the man who later stayed with me for 14 years) were just not That Into Me...so I kind of hate that book. My boyfriend of 14 years didn't ask me out/call when we first knew each other bc he GENUINELY was intimidated and thought I was out of his league, even though I was not. This happened with lots of guys (when I was younger I had more of an Ice Queen vibe going, and I got waaay too much male attention so I had my guard up all the time)...so as a newly single woman in my 30s, I got confused by a guy who acted interested and intimidated, but was really just not interested (and/or, very screwed up.) I think the advice in that book is good if you're looking for a man to marry.

But if you just want to attract/hook up with/get to know/pique the interest of the guy YOU have a crush on, whether or not he's That Into you enough to wanna marry you, how do you do that?

It seems like hooking up with the guy YOU want should be part of the fun of being single.

That's why "How do I attract this Virgo" is such a great question, and such a different question from, "Does he seem interested?" A BETTER question!!!

How can she attract the Virgo?

I wish I could help.

posted February 17, 2009 08:56 PM         

There are so many ways of telling if someone's interested. Body language is the most true as far as I'm concerned, and has never steered me wrong.
I think one of the problems is that we spend SOOOO much time online and communicate through texts, IM, Facebook/Myspace, whatever...80% of communication is pretty much deciphered through body language and nowadays with all this internet/text stuff it's like no one's paying attention to the signals.

posted February 18, 2009 05:41 AM           

hmm interesting about your boyfriend of 14 years. So was he slow to respond even when you signalled your interest? Or was he only unresponsive/intimidated as long as you hadnt yet shown your interest yourself?

posted February 18, 2009 09:28 AM         

-I offered to make him dinner (for me, this was BLATENT.) He happily said yes, and invited a male friend of his to join us.
-We stayed up all night together, alone, one night and got drunk. He never made any kind of move. (I didn't either, but again, as the girl, to me just BEING THERE was a huge move.)
-He never called me or asked me out, although he was friendly when we saw each other

It took him six months, after another long night spent alone together as friends (sober this time) to finally kiss me.

He said later that when he first saw me, he thought, "I'll never have a girl that beautiful," and then later when I started showing real interest he was worried I was playing with him. He just had the idea in his head that he would Never have me, and he went with that. Even when one of his less attractive friends asked me on a date. Even when his most attractive friend (an Aries) fell in love with me and told him about it...he never said (or even thought?) "I'm into her too." He says, though, that he fell for me the first minute we saw each other. I believe him, because I did too. It just NEVER EVEN OCCURRED TO HIM to go for me. Which is so hard for me to relate to...if I don't kiss a guy I like, I feel like the world will end or something (7th house stellium, 8th house stellium, Leo.)

I had several male friends/aquaintences in high school and college who I knew for sure had serious crushes on me (because they told friends--"everyone" knew) who never made a move, including one where the interest is mutual.

Incidentally, I'm not That Beautiful, at all, and I wasn't even then. It was that I sent out a vibe that was a combination of haughty and sexy, and I was genuinely hard-to-get. It scared guys and some of them put me on a pedestal because of it. Also, because other boys wanted me, I got put on a pedestal a bit. I think it's about a combo being an intense thinker, and being a little shy but still Leonine, too.

Lots of guys I wasn't interested went for me blatently, but the type I was drawn to was much more hard-to-get, like my ex.

Now I'm grown up, sweet, easy-to-get and approachable, dammit!! But it isn't working any better.

It's easy to understand why I misread someone's mixed signals as signals of interest when I was first single a couple of years ago.

The Scorpio who is pursuing me now (and I'm ENDING it...see my other post...heart, meet meat-grinder) calls and asks me out all the time, and likes to lead. The He's Just Not That Into You people would be delighted. Then again, he is also 80 times better looking than I am, really, really brave, immature, and reckless. And girls throw themselves at him all the time.

My normal type is a little more aloof.

posted February 18, 2009 12:46 PM         

He's Libra, Scorp Rising, Gem Moon, Leo Venus, Virgo Mars...(and please, no one attribute his recalcitrance to that Mars placement...the Scorp I was spending time with recently who is SOO bold and aggressive has a Virgo Mars, and so do I.) He (my ex) is sexy, talented, and charming, with a loose Sun-Mars conjunction, a tight Sun-Moon trine, Sun-Merc conjunct, and his Sun and Mars conjunct Pluto. Everyone else wanted him too back then. He's VERY gregarious (11th house stellium with Sun), friendly, adventurous (likes heights), and extroverted. Dresses like a Libra Sun/Leo Venus.

We've discussed this a lot, and he says he was just really, really, really intimidated. We didn't have a happy ending either (although we're still close friends now)...but, it wasn't just him.

I feel like He's Just Not That Into describes the ideal guy as acting like all the many, many guys who I never wanted back. My signals toward those guys were always very different. It's trickier with guys we as woman are really attracted to...there is naturally more uncertainty, shyness, nervousness, flirtation, push me-pull you, excitement, and intimidation both ways.

I've seen pics of the He's Just Not That Into You author and his wife, and he is a very different type of person than the guys I go for (who are overly intense actor/musician/painter types--is it my Uranus?) Also, I am not looking for a husband. I'm looking to attract whoever I feel attracted to. That was true fifteen years ago and is still true now.

posted February 18, 2009 02:04 PM         

Lucia, you got a point there! The book is aimed for women looking for someone to be with long term. It's also trying to help women identify when a man is "just yanking your chain" and sending you mixed signal, because the thought behind it is, it won't go anywhere and don't waste your time. BUT if you feel like spending time with a man YOU genuinely like is not a waste of your time, then go for it and make your move!

With that in mind, back to the question at hand. How can she attract this Virgo?

Well, his moon is in Taurus, but do we know what his Venus and Mercury is in? A Virgo Sun/Taurus Moon is likely to be VERY picky and cautious about girls. When you flirt with him, touch him a little, Taurus moon men like physical affection. Go ahead and take the intiative and ask him to come out with you and a group of friends. Then in a social setting, you can get a better feel for what he's like. Also, I think you should get a drink in him, to get him to relax a bit. I'm not saying get him drunk, just 1 small drink will be enough for him to let his guard down a little, and open up. Just so you can feel him out a bit better. Then take it from there, one baby step at a time. LOL!!

Good luck.

posted February 18, 2009 02:22 PM         

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then he is just playing safe cz his intentions are not sincere

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posted February 18, 2009 02:47 PM         

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btw god bless the woman who endures any type of relationship with a man with any libra placements

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Does the Virgo/Taurus Moon have Libra placements? I missed that.

I LOVE men with Libra placements (is it my 7th house Moon-Venus-Saturn, too?) They are sooo good about taking a Lioness on exciting trips, indulging her, and complimenting her properly. If she has a Leo-style idea ("hey, let's quit our jobs and fly to Paris tomorrow and start a theater troupe!"), the Libra is game. They can let a Leo be the center of attention (unlike Scorpio, jeez) without retreating too much into the background (Cancer much?)

posted February 18, 2009 03:52 PM           

thanks for giving more detail. The intimidation wiht your ex sounded like major saturn synastry possibly? Maybe also his venus conjunct your sun? By the way where was his saturn in his birthchart, anothe indication where there are blockages/fears. I agree with there being a problem when you tend to be attracted to a type that doesnt naturally tend to be the 'alpha male'. I tend to attract the ultra confident business executive type in a suit and the success to go with it. These men have always approached me full force. Unfortunately, the type of man I'm intensly attracted to is just the opposite. Generally the creative academic type. Highly air dominated, with some major dose of neptune in their charts.

posted February 18, 2009 09:27 PM         

This is one of the reasons I love Astrology. I looked up his chart years after our relationship ended so that I could see how accurate chart readings could be. His natal chart, and the description of our composite and synastry were right on point! It's kind of scary. We have a lot of saturn contacts, which is why we have stayed friends even now.

posted February 20, 2009 08:14 PM           

but hes playing hard to get kind of, and probably for the same reasons as you, not opening up, because feelings don't wanna be hurt.

in my own opinion and experience, particularly on the man's side, most, if not all, friendships between boy/girl/men/women are not without a secret attraction, on the mans behalf.

i think women can happily be friends with men, but i think its very rare a man makes friends with a girl/woman without secretly liking her.

posted February 20, 2009 08:47 PM         

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i think women can happily be friends with girls, but i think its very rare a man makes friends with a girl/woman without secretly liking her.

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I disagree. Often an attraction exists between opposite-sex friends, but not always. And very, very often a man will be friend-ly (probably not close friends) with a girl who he knows is into him, who he's not particularly attracted to, because he loves the ego boost. Much more often than that, a man will be friend-ly to a girl he knows is into him, because he does not have the dignity, courtesy, or social skills to give her a clear signal he's not interested.

GrlyGirl, I'm so, so sorry--I REALLY want him to be interested, and I hope I'm wrong, and I wish so much that you'll get the happiness you deserve with ANY guy you want--but I have to disagree that he is interested.

He completely deflected and ignored your invitation to dinner with you and your friends. I can see how "I think you should date him" could seem like self-protective banter, but in that context, basically, he refused an opportunity to hang out with you.

And THEN, when you offered again to hang out, he diffused it/blew you off. An interested guy, even a Virgo/Taurus, even if he was just interested as a friend, would take that opportunity to say, "Yeah, we should hang out. Are you going to so-and-so's party?" or "A bunch of us are soandsoing tomorrow" or something like that.

My guess is that, if you tell him you're interested, he'll do his very, VERY best to give you the most indirect response possible, thinking it's kinder. It'll be some BS about how busy he is, or how he's leaving soon. Basically, something that leaves you EVEN STILL wondering whether he's interested but stressed out/interested but intimidated/interested but busy.

I think he sent you mixed up signals because he's one of those guys who sends mixed up signals to everyone. And I think he's genuinely not looking for a relationship, and that he's a bit scared of girls in general right now and all that they represent. But I also think that, under the circumstances, if he were interested in hooking up with you, he would've made a move to hang out during your very blatent phone call. He seems like the type who will not only never hook up with you, but will also never give you a clear rejection, so you'll never know for sure what was going on. In this sense, it's probably luckier that he's not interested. Being involved, even casually, with muddled, immature, mixed-signal guys is no fun.

I hope LibraLove is right.

And I REALLY hope I'm wrong. So much.

posted February 20, 2009 08:49 PM           

and yeh, there is that, if a girl likes a guy, he may entertain it for the ego boost, but not forever.

but again, as i was saying, iv allways found it is the case, that any kind of "friends" or "good friends" between a guy and a girl, is not without the guy really liking her.

posted February 20, 2009 09:01 PM         

I've known quite a few pairs of guy-girl friends where neither was interested, but the friendship was real. It also depends on the people and how conformist/sexist they are.