posted March 18, 2009 03:54 PM         

So l work my life that l see my bf/whatever away from my kids. I think that is a pretty sensible and adult way to do it myself.

Why would l want a man around my kids if l wasn't going to marry him in the immediate future?

posted March 18, 2009 04:02 PM           

There's one sentence you wrote here, that really shook my bones, it's this one:

quote:

---

Kamots and Write, it really isn't like that. He is just testing me to see my reaction. His Aqua moon wants to know how deep in the water l am!

---

This is ME speaking - about 6-10 months ago! Some folks around here might remember ... I had a very (!) hurtful and very (!) disrespectful relationship (long distance) with an ... a**hole like you might be involved with right now. Your sentence ... I used exactly the same phrase as an excuse for his behaviour and his mean game playing. Actually, he was a LEO-Sun and -Mercury too, with an Aries-Moon ... I also thought: He MUST be honest - and that's something I appreciate, basically. "So he can't be bad, can he???"

The fact is, though: What he is telling you - in pure honesty - is the following - listen closely, Lara! I give you a translation - I have GONE thorugh this myself! he's telling you: "baby, Lara-girl, you are not good enough for me - I don't care about you/your life/your personality - I am using you - and I like it the way I CAN play with you - that's sweet, babydoll, thanks for that pleasure! Maybe you wanna be my ***** , when I am married too? Yes, Babe: I DO disrespect you full scale - but you're believing every cheap trick and lie I am telling you, I can see it in your eyes, Lara-babe. Hah, such great fun - I never had that with a girl before! You think you're wise, sweetheart! You see yourself as "patient". Gosh, what a joy for me! I feel so ... male! I KNOW that you think that there's a secret behind me, girl. But there is none! I am plainly telling you that I abuse you - and you just don't get it. Gosh - that makes you the best f*** I ever had in my life. Thanks, Lara."

Sorry - THAT'S what he is telling you - in plain, honest words. It is clear for eveyrone to hear and understand. I also know that YOU don't want to believe that (right now)...

As far ay my Ex-bf is concerned, who made up a similar arrangement for us ... we had a KARMIC and PLUTONIC relationship as well, as far as our Synastry goes! And I don't even mention the dracos. Don't get fooled by a Synastry!!! "Karmic" doens't necessarily mean "good" or "fulfilling"!!! That man and I, we had my Pluto cj. his Venus (2dg), my NN cj. his VERTEX (1 dg), my ASC sextile his Venus (exact), my MC cj. his ASC (1dg), my Amor cj. his Moon (2 dg), his Love cj. my Sun/Moon-Mp (exact) etc etc..... It was the MOST IMPRESSING Synastry I have ever seen!!!! And the most draining and self-deluding relationship I had ever entered.

posted March 18, 2009 04:08 PM         

This guy looks like so much FUN, with that 11th house Leo Sun, the 5th house stuff, and the charming Libra rising. Sexy, if you like that sort of thing (and I do...my ex was an 11th house sun, Leo Venus, they are very attractive to many people I think.)

But with that fixed 4th house moon and Saturn in the 8th (my ex was Saturn in the 8th too...yes I know I've mentioned him 80 times already in this post...hello Venus retrograde!), this guy probably has some serious issues with his father. I'm interested that you met his parents and he is close to his family, because often with these placements in my experience looking at men's charts, both that moon and that Saturn placement can bring up Big Issues with the legacy of the man's family. In the three Saturn in 8th charts of men I know closely, the legacy of how their father treated them is haunting, with the father exerting intense pressure and authority, in two cases violence.

To me, this looks like the chart of a man who is great fun on the surface and in casual relationships, and his dark, heavy, troubled side would come out in something more serious.

Meanwhile, it sounds like you're itching for freedom, almost a desire to pretend you don't have the weighty responsibilities that you do, looking for someone else to fill your need for excitement. Because you are looking for excitement, and to pretend you're young and free and unencumbered, you're looking for a man who can play a challenging, obsessing game of chase with you, rather than for a life-partner. The other men in your life, the ones chasing you, remind you of the boring, claustrophobic situation you are in...and you're hoping that sex, either casual or meaningful, will rescue you from that boring, claustrophobic situation.

This guy has a lot of "hooks" that fit in with that, but I think (from his chart and the synastry aspects you listed) that being in a committed relationship with him would FEEL very different--darker, more constaining, overall less thrilling and more hurtful--than a casual relationship.

It seems like maybe this Venus Rx would be a good time for you to plan the rest of YOUR future:
-break away from friendships or family relationships that are not inspiring and exciting to you
-be honest with yourself about how you're feeling about your children and other responsibilities
-plan a thrilling trip around the world
-make sure that everyday, you are working in and toward your dream career

posted March 18, 2009 04:16 PM         

Lara I know I may come off rather hurtful and blunt but trust me I have been where you are.

I'm not sure if you were a member of LL about three ago I met a double Sag and we had a sexual and intense emotional relationshi for a year. It was hell!!! I literlly was obsessed with him (which due to my pluto isn't too infrequent) but the amount of obsession I had was crazy. He too was also very plutonic, and I convinced myself he was crazy about me and that he was just testing me to see how much I felt for him (which btw aqua's don't do the testing thing...but any scorp/taur/or water sign sure as hell does). At the end of the day he got what he wanted and found someone else that he is now engaged to. It was almost a year before I got over him, and its been almost two years since we ended and I still haven't forgiven him for what he did.

I just don't want this man to make you be the shell of the strong woman you are. And I truly hope things work out with him and that he is a good guy. But my hunch just doesn't see things that way.

posted March 18, 2009 04:24 PM         

I promise you I am not bored nor fed up with my life. I have lots of friends whom I see regularly.

I am simply in love with a guy I haven't told and he is probably with me too.

The main problem is 8 months of fun and sex without telling each other how we feel!

posted March 18, 2009 04:25 PM           

Actually is not always like this, my Aries friend was in one of these "fwb" and I got to meet the guy, he was actually really cool and caring, never hurt her once and wanted to be bf/gf with her but she just really wanted the sexual aspect and not the full on commitment but he ended the "fwb" with her because his feelings got attacthed to her and he didn't want an "fwb" with her anymore.

It always seems to me that someone's feelings get attached but the other person in the "fwb" doesn't and only wants the sex. Also, Lara there is nothing wrong with a mother having a sex life, I mean my Pisces mom does the same thing and I know about it, and I don't even bat an eyelid about it because my mom needs to have fun and feel young once in awhile but I admit she also did this when I was young and abandon me on my two aunts and neglected me so she could party, now thats the bad aspect of an "fwb" as a mother. As long as your not neglecting your children's needs, I don't see whats wrong with you having a sex life.

Edit: I also wanted to say "fwb" are really not for everyone, I couldn't do it because my emotions are attached to my sextuality but for my Aries Sun/Aqua Moon & Venus, she never associates her feelings with her sexuality unless she's strictly in a relationship but sex is pleasure and fun for her, and sex is love for me. If sex is love for you then please do not do the "fwb", lol XD.

posted March 18, 2009 04:29 PM         

I have feelings and I either run or confront!

Btw I don't see why having kids means your life grinds to a halt overnight either!

posted March 18, 2009 04:39 PM         

Yes. I have Bern in a situation before which is like what you are discussing but this is different. This is a non relationship from the start!

It's not just some obsessive thing... You'd be amazed how easy it is to fall hard when you least expect it due to fact you are only in a fwb relationship!

I personally don't feel he's using me nor abusing me, nor getting the last laugh. We went into this equally and now I just need to either end it or find out if we are still equal yet with equally increasing feelings.

posted March 18, 2009 04:43 PM         

there IS "love" that has nothing to do with caring for the other. and it's the sort that tends to torture and destroy just by its existence, unless it "functions" in this plane of existence, and it rarely does. i don't think when the guy said that he'd still see Lara even when he's married, meant that he admits infidelity. it belongs to another level, where the pure energy of the love resides.

in that case i have no advice for Lara. Maybe that she's one of the blessed and it will meet its fruition in this life. or maybe that i'm reading too much into it. but i just wanted to say that there is "love" that just exists for its own and doesn't concern things of material life (like children or marriage or fidelity in this case, it probably doesn't mean that the guy doesn't give a **** ?). it just transcends everything. if Lara's feeling that she just can't forget the guy for eternity (or whatever...), maybe it's something like this.

posted March 18, 2009 04:58 PM           

here's my take (and give). i have to agree that if he REALLY loves you, he will want a place in your kids' lives and will be respectful of your motherhood. it's not clear to me, however, if he said what he said in a light-hearted, somewhat joking manner, or if he said it with great conviction. aquas can be blunt in our honesty, but we can also be weird as fudge and say things in an odd way that people often misinterpret. same goes for the idea that he would cheat with you if he were married. if i were in a situation like yours with someone i felt deeply for, i *could* see myself saying something like that, basically as a joke, but with an undertone of meaning. how do you think he said these things? more in silliness or seriousness?

my boyfriend isn't really a fan of kids in general, but he takes our relationship seriously and is COMPLETELY respectful of the reality that i am a mother. he maintains positivity and we discuss discipline and his role frequently, when needed. he maintains a certain amount of distance as he is not the father, but he understands that our relationship necessitates a certain amount of responsibility to my daughter.

posted March 18, 2009 05:07 PM         

In general, people like to keep friends who tell them what they want to hear in such cases and exclude others who tell them the bitter truth. To me, friends like you are much more valuable.

I admire your brutal honesty

posted March 18, 2009 05:07 PM           

The only way I would sympathise is if you get raped or molested and you didn't initiate sex with him.

posted March 18, 2009 05:08 PM         

Yeah l think this is my best option - to discuss and get out everything.

I dig what you are saying and IF he was my boyfriend then i definitely would be kicking his ass to the kerb right now but he's not.

posted March 18, 2009 05:11 PM         

Agree Cheshire and no, l don't think he's an a$$ at all. I think he's been exceptionally good to me considering. I mean he takes me out and we have lunch sometimes. Sometimes we go to the pub.

It's not strictly just SEX... and he chooses that part of it. It's like we are in this crevasse or void between fwb and bf/gf.

posted March 18, 2009 05:28 PM         

And it will help in the meantime if you think about what it is about him that creates so much fascination in you. It's important to understand these things.

posted March 18, 2009 05:28 PM           

Don't feel like a dunce, haha I may have came of too harsh in that post but I've see it happen where a scorned woman paints a good man a monster and I hope no one gets offended by that but like I said I've just seen it and I think it's wrong.

posted March 18, 2009 05:35 PM         

I dated a quadruple Libra (Sun/Moon/Merc/Venus) with Leo Rising. It was kind of like your situation only we were monogamous and pretty much in a relationship except he didn't want to be "official" in the beginning. I brought it up a few times in the first 2 months, but he wasn't sure about it, so I dropped it. Plus he has aspergers, which he didn't know about until after our fling ended. Being in a relationship with someone who has aspergers where you're afraid to "come on too strong" is very difficult because these people are not good at picking up signals. When you say you're fine but you're frowning, they'll think you're actually fine. Basically, I just thought he was an a-hole and decided to go the "games" route with him, which of course he wasn't aware of. In the end, I started dating someone else (who is great) without telling him. I haven't seen him in almost a year, but we talk from time to time. When we talked in December he told me when I broke it off he decided he wanted to be my boyfriend, and was just about to tell me. I still think about him a lot, and I even have dreams about him. He has a new girlfriend now, but I always wonder if he misses me.