posted March 19, 2009 12:35 AM         

I actually dont wanna write anything at first but I changed my mind..
I have had many relationships so far sometimes when I read your posts about a new guy and your synastry it is like reading myself..
I see your excitement and feel your curiosity about the relationship,I really feel you,you are asking Is he the one???
The reason for this understanding is we have many things in common regarding relationships except that I dont have any children..

I dont wanna monkey your bussiness..It is your life,these are your feelings..
We dont know you personally,we dont know the guy concerned,we dont see you together and feel the chemistry between you and him..
So we may be wrong..

But what I learnt from my experiences,MEN if IN LOVE,are not so logical..A man in love doesnt say and cant say
"you are perfect for me if you didnt have kids"
Sex buddy thing is sometimes useful and I have one too..and this is not the first time..but this kind of relationships are not real and it is better to not expect emotional things from it..otherwise you would call him boyfriend not sex buddy..

I am so sorry if I hurt you with my words because I dont want to,and I really understand you because I experienced it earlier..

I wish I am wrong and I wish he is the one for you since you have such strong feelings for him..
I am not against this kind of relationships,I think it is necessary and it is better than loneliness..
But it would be appropriate to keep the expectations minimum otherwise you would easily be disappointed no matter how great your synastry or composite is..

Astrology is important of course but he may not be mature enough to feel those great aspects between you or worse he may not want to or choose to feel them..free will you know..

I just wanted to say that I share your feelings and that I understand you and wish the best for you..but I second,a self respected man if in love,would not care if you have kids or if you live in another country thousand miles away or etc..There are no conditions in love..

posted March 19, 2009 09:58 AM           

on a side note - when someone loves us and we do not return the feelings, we have a responsibility to them, to other people not to hurt them. if you don't have feelings like you really want to be with mr guns, and he wants to start a family with you, you should consider letting him go, as we are responsible when we hurt other people...and of course we really hurt ourselves, as the situation will reverse as all situations do, and it is only fair not to lead someone on.

if you truly dont want to spend your life alone anymore, you should consider which one of your suitors would be there for you through everything in life, thick and thin, through it all, loving you, good to you, good to your children.

posted March 20, 2009 04:33 AM           

its friday from where I am posting, so I hope I am not too late, and I you ll read this before you see him. Not to stop you, or change your mind but just to give you some good energy I hope.

First of all if you feel something so intensely, you feel it so intensely, and if you feel you need to go through the experience and dive, you need to go through the experience and dive. Such intense love offers high rewards of gratification, and at the same time risks deep hurt. The highs are very high, the lows are very low- but nevertheless its always such a life-changing eye opening experience, if ur in for the ride, and you are willing to take the risk.

I dont think any of us can judge whatever he said when we're not in the context. "You d be the perfect woman for me if you didnt have children" - could be interpreted in so many ways- and could actually show a sense of responsibility from someone who is realistic and takes the idea of living with kids seriously - cd also come from someone who's the complete opposite, but in either case if he sees you having kids as a practical impediment to you being together- it opposes the force of your lvoe and attraction- and when there are two opposing forces pulling u in opposite directions, eventually the stronger one will win - and I guess that's what he ll base his decision on. The important thing is not to wait for a decision of yes I can make this comittment or no I cant, but to realistically turn into a process- yes I can try and see how things are working out...

"I will see you even if I am married" Come on guys - saying it doesnt at alllll necessarily mean doing it - you cannot possibly base so much assumptions about him from this phrase.

But then again lara just like all your evidence is not enough for us to conclude he s a bad guy- its not enough to conclude he s a good guy either- in fact all you with your INSTINCT can tell- how it felt when he said those things, and its very important to be honest wiht yourself here.

The other thing is that you shouldnt be bothering too much about asking whether he's the one or not-

a) because its not a simple question to be answered like that, its a process and you will have to go through it and find out. Anything could happen. Just keep thinking its a process.

b) because at the moment you're swaying between the extremes of he s the one he s perfect that's it- and he s the bad guy not good for you - Now this is very black and white and dangerous. Because chances are when you keep thinking he s the one he s perfect, you're just vulnerable to the first disappointment you get which will unrealistically throw you into the oh god he s not good I have to walk away this is not right (when ur not ready), then u ll be so upet and be very vulnerable to the next sign that he s the one, and it l throw u again into the heaven state of fairy tale love! and its a very hectic viscious cycle like that.

You wont find your answers to this question here. You will find it in your experience. In the process. Accept that it will be greyer than black and white. And that you dont know the outcome and probably have so much to discovery. Trust that there are many forces working at hand ( i.e. your attraction, your circumstances, your values,,etc. ) and their interaction will lead you somewhere if you truly go with the flow rather than scriptwrite it.

When you make decisions you have to be ready for them both emotionally and logically, like walking away, or going for it. Because when you make them just logically you're dragging with you someone who s just not convinced.

So dont be extreme in your confrontation with him today and risk a big disappointment that you wont be ready to face, if he s not ready now and then to make big committments ( which he wouldnt necessarily be blamed for).

Just test the waters.....Speak about how yes your circumstances might not be perfect for each other, but what you have is special- but at the same time be firm enough to make him realise that to have you he needs to eventually commit - saying that you feel like you need to have sthg stronger because otherwise this will eventually drain you for example.

and Good luck- remember to go with the flow. Not think in extremes. dont idealise him or demonise him.

Best of luck

posted March 20, 2009 04:46 AM           

its friday from where I am posting, so I hope I am not too late, and I you ll read this before you see him. Not to stop you, or change your mind but just to give you some good energy I hope.

First of all if you feel something so intensely, you feel it so intensely, and if you feel you need to go through the experience and dive, you need to go through the experience and dive. Such intense love offers high rewards of gratification, and at the same time risks deep hurt. The highs are very high, the lows are very low- but nevertheless its always such a life-changing eye opening experience, if ur in for the ride, and you are willing to take the risk.

I dont think any of us can judge whatever he said when we're not in the context. "You d be the perfect woman for me if you didnt have children" - could be interpreted in so many ways- and could actually show a sense of responsibility from someone who is realistic and takes the idea of living with kids seriously - cd also come from someone who's the complete opposite, but in either case if he sees you having kids as a practical impediment to you being together- it opposes the force of your lvoe and attraction- and when there are two opposing forces pulling u in opposite directions, eventually the stronger one will win - and I guess that's what he ll base his decision on. The important thing is not to wait for a decision of yes I can make this comittment or no I cant, but to realistically turn into a process- yes I can try and see how things are working out...

"I will see you even if I am married" Come on guys - saying it doesnt at alllll necessarily mean doing it - you cannot possibly base so much assumptions about him from this phrase.

But then again lara just like all your evidence is not enough for us to conclude he s a bad guy- its not enough to conclude he s a good guy either- in fact all you with your INSTINCT can tell- how it felt when he said those things, and its very important to be honest wiht yourself here.

The other thing is that you shouldnt be bothering too much about asking whether he's the one or not-

a) because its not a simple question to be answered like that, its a process and you will have to go through it and find out. Anything could happen. Just keep thinking its a process.

b) because at the moment you're swaying between the extremes of he s the one he s perfect that's it- and he s the bad guy not good for you - Now this is very black and white and dangerous. Because chances are when you keep thinking he s the one he s perfect, you're just vulnerable to the first disappointment you get which will unrealistically throw you into the oh god he s not good I have to walk away this is not right (when ur not ready), then u ll be so upet and be very vulnerable to the next sign that he s the one, and it l throw u again into the heaven state of fairy tale love! and its a very hectic viscious cycle like that.

You wont find your answers to this question here. You will find it in your experience. In the process. Accept that it will be greyer than black and white. And that you dont know the outcome and probably have so much to discovery. Trust that there are many forces working at hand ( i.e. your attraction, your circumstances, your values,,etc. ) and their interaction will lead you somewhere if you truly go with the flow rather than scriptwrite it.

When you make decisions you have to be ready for them both emotionally and logically, like walking away, or going for it. Because when you make them just logically you're dragging with you someone who s just not convinced.

So dont be extreme in your confrontation with him today and risk a big disappointment that you wont be ready to face, if he s not ready now and then to make big committments ( which he wouldnt necessarily be blamed for).

Just test the waters.....Speak about how yes your circumstances might not be perfect for each other, but what you have is special- but at the same time be firm enough to make him realise that to have you he needs to eventually commit - saying that you feel like you need to have sthg stronger because otherwise this will eventually drain you for example.

and Good luck- remember to go with the flow. Not think in extremes. dont idealise him or demonise him.

Best of luck

posted March 20, 2009 05:42 AM         

I hope this is short because I'm awake in the middle of my night. I just wanted to mention the Venus-Pluto conjunction between you. I understand that it's one of the most soul stirring love aspects and it can feel obsessive to both of you, but remember the "social" aspect of Venus. Your Pluto on his Venus is a tremendous social challenge to him. Don't think that he is not considering how to handle you as a package deal with your children. That's a part of his lesson in this relationship that you have. He's being socially challenged more than he has ever been in his life. It appears that he will have to rise to the challenge. I wish you the best of luck because I think you would both be great together. He just needs to grow up and deal with the fact that the world is full of children and he will have to socialize with them about 50% of the time. Children are beauty and life.

posted March 20, 2009 10:29 AM         

It's given me time to think and i actually canceled meeting him today because l wanted to have a few more days to see exactly where my feelings for him are coming from and so forth.

I totally hear what you are all saying - l know that some of the things he says are a bit sh1tty but my intuition tells me that he's not meaning to hurt me, he is just scared of any commitment.

I was relieved to read Geocosmic Valentine's post because it feels so good when we are together and so she instils hope in me on that level and also the nn/sun aspect makes more sense now, so thank you Geo

Thanks Cheshire, l am a strong mother but over time l feel trodden into the ground sometimes.

Venusmars, you are right and l have tried to expect nothing and so not be disappointed. Always somewhere deep inside me misses him.

Mama Mia, exactly. How do you turn sex buddies into a relationship!! I'm struggling with this concept as it's SOOO backward.

Sunshine - yup, the aries bit truly sucks sometimes. It's also true that l need a strong man who won't kiss my butt etc... so true!
I'm dating 3 at the moment and this guy Andy is the only one i've slept with (even though we aren't strictly dating) so i'm learning about exactly what l want from a relationship and what's important to me through interacting with them.

Thanks Monmonitaa, your post makes a lot of sense.
Everyone's posts make so much sense.

to be honest, i haven't seen this guy for over 2 months now... simply because l was trying to move on and heal but l realise how hopeless it is to try!
I have so much willpower normally! lol

Geocosmic - one more thing. You said: "so it feels unbelievable to you both that you wouldn't be together forever"
EXACTLY! I cannot imagine my life without him in it!

I have decided to leave it for a while and then just have dinner with him.

Dulce Luna - l want something more.. i'm finding the FB thing alone painful now because my feelings are greater than it.

who have l not replied to? So many posts and my brain is spinning

posted March 21, 2009 06:47 PM           

When moon and pluto get together, empathy of emotion actually creates a magnetic sexual attraction that is hard to break. I experienced this with someone just recently. We shared 6 months of constant sex. Problem was he's married, and his wife hadn't seen him in two years (a whole other story there). At any rate, after three months of postponing his return to his home country and family, he finally left. At first we were devasted. I was hysterical, and he called and cried on the phone making me even worse. It was a mini nightmare. And the worst part is that I finally went through a divorce after a two year separation to be available to marry him and he can't seem to cut the ties with his wife in spite of there horrible marriage. Every time we were together he would ask God why he hadn't met me 15 years earlier. He even made me promise to act as his wife regardless of his circumstances. Truly the emotional/sexual attraction was more amazing than anthing I had ever experience and I guess the same goes for him. It was borderline religious ecstasy. Now, I'm single and he's caught in his marriage. And what's more, I feel so bad for him that I can't leave his side because I feel like he helped me to escape my marriage and so I must sit by him until he has the strength to escape his.

posted March 21, 2009 07:24 PM         

most importantly are you sure you are not contributing to the "horribleness" of his marriage?

i know you won't really hear this but you do know that a HUGE percentage of married men will stay with their marriage, not their lover, despite common misperception? and that if they DO leave the marriage and start a new one with you the chances of it dying SOON THEREAFTER are equally high if not higher?

if you are the wedge that helps him leave them you will (probably) also be the culprit for divorcing him from his conscience...in his eyes or yours.

posted March 21, 2009 08:19 PM         

I do with another guy who is hinting he wants to try again (12 yrs later!) - there we have
moon quincunx pluto (0)
moon sextile pluto (0)
OUCH!!!!!!

posted March 22, 2009 08:23 PM         

Eventually I started to feel really constrained, like I couldn't be a real Leo (read: beautiful and famous!! only half joking) around him. And my feelings just shut off, like a brick wall. We're still friends but now I feel trapped in the history of that relationship, like he's the last guy to ever love or want me (other than street harassers, lol.) During this Venus Rx I feel like he is crushing my skull. The ending was VERY one-sided (me ending it.)

I've almost never been so instantly romantically attracted to a man as I was to him. Sure, with other guys there's been an instant sex thing or I've instantly liked/wanted them, but this guy and I saw each other and both felt immediately--this is THE ONE.

posted July 16, 2009 01:10 PM         

quote:

---

will keep you posted but i basically told him "big deal"!

---

You are awesome Lara!!!

This eclipse cycle is going to bring around lots of men making big Decisions about what they want. I think we should all get "Big Deal!" t-shirts made.

posted July 16, 2009 01:15 PM         

Lucia - yeah! lol He wanted me to meet up with him so i said "pffff you have a gf now and i told you months ago i wouldn't be anything to you if you have someone else" so he said "what if i finish with her? She's really annoying me immensely" so i said "lol you make me laugh - big deal! Find me when you're single" he replied "give me an hour then"
l didn't bother replying to that one.. or the other 3 that he sent.

Yeah, eclipses do shake people up a lot! My gunman was just too emotionally messed up sadly and was scared by my honesty and upfrontness.

posted July 16, 2009 01:18 PM         

I no longer hear any words from this other guy, the FB. Action i will notice but until then, he can whistle dixie cos i have been there, done that and got the tee-shirt - all with him!!