posted March 18, 2009 05:37 PM         

Hey, Cheshire - l am firmly of the belief that a$$hole men are created by woman. (ducking for flying shrapnel) so l hear ya and l agree! I am forever defending men over scorned women.. I am not one of them.. l prefer to chill out and just let it be and move on.

Yeah, i REALLY REALLY need to make it clear which is not easy to an Aqua/Leo! I guess l have to catch him when he's off his throne AND not in the vodka frozen bar with all his mates

posted March 18, 2009 05:43 PM         

I have even asked him to meet me on a certain day and when he says he can't l say "you're fired... you are a lousy fwb"

within a week he's asking me if l wanna go out

posted March 18, 2009 05:44 PM         

and more strongly i believe you are going to do what you're going to do and the karma may NOT BE CLEAR till you're on the other side of this...

i have to say: KIDS. you have 3. i don't blame you for wanting a sex life, but two things come to my mind when i think of you as a mother.

1. how do you feel when you think about INCLUDING andy in your life, WITH your kids? i would ALWAYS ask myself that regarding a man i thought i might be in love with, because it is going to be a major issue at some point.

2 comes right after 1! when you say "it's just not possible" to forget him, stay away, a little voice inside me says :

what is not possible when it comes to your kids' safety/happiness? i believe you are stronger than that lara, and if not you need to be for their sake. women have lifted cars off their kids for ch--sake!

what i am trying to say is not that you need to end this for them. what i am trying to point out is that it probably IS possible if you really come to WANTING IT TO BE.

and as at the top of this, you are going to do what you are going to do and if this is about "learning a lesson" then that will become apparent, if not with this guy then with another...but question #3:

posted March 18, 2009 05:49 PM         

Katatonic - well, l don't want to be on my own anymore. I have been for years now pretty much and no i'm ready and willing to have a serious go with someone.

posted March 18, 2009 05:58 PM         

But this guy, even though the synastry is amazing, and the pull is magnetic, I just can't get past his comment about your children. That you would be the "perfect" woman without the children. As a mother, that just crushed me to the core.

I'm going to go over the top and be very facetious here (please forgive the analogy I am using). It's like him saying to you, "Gee Lara, you are an amazing, vibrant, incredible woman. You would be the PERFECT woman for me if you didn't have that MOLE on your face. I could love you...I could see myself wanting to share my life with you...if you just didn't have that MOLE on your face. I don't know if I could live with someone with a MOLE like that on their face."

posted March 18, 2009 05:59 PM           

That a**hole type of guy I was skethcing here was the 1st of this type I ever met (hopefully the last one too); I had to turn 36 to meet one of this kind - and I must admit: Finally I understand that such people ARE real. (I also understood, in restrospect, which perfectly hidden "Achilles heel" in my own personality make-up he had spotted ... I offered myself to him in a way ... accepted almost everything ... enjoyed a perverted kind of mental and emotional "surrender" to a "strong character" (Lara called her guy a "strong man"... ALL THAT RINGS A BELL.)

In retrospect I must admit some kind of defeat - which is very hard for me to admit, as a "Plutonian" person myself (pluto cj MC is my chart ruler, Scorpio ASC - I am very aware of power, power games, and my own power especiall!) The defeat I experienced was a kind of tough, very personal lesson I had to learn and swallow: There ARE people who are just plain cynics, there ARE people who find delight in "torturing" or "subduing" other people. He never wanted to "test" me! He found delight in the fact that I obviously BELIEVED that he wanted to "test" me. There was no "test" - just his delight (and my own temporary, well hidden weakness) in fooling around with the "test"-idea at all.

I never believed that to be true - that someone could "rule" over my head and heart that way. I always thought that I'd be wiser, that there always is some "explanation" for such behaviour, that just by reacting "cool" and "calm" I could handle it. Now I got wise, though. These kind of "self chosen sadists" are not easy to cure - if at all. I just had to face the fact myself that for the first time in life someone did NOT want to do me good - but exploited me - in a way. And I let him do so. And I drew some ... perverted delight from that, for a looong while (1.5 years, all in all.) I kept on saying: This is forever - I rather feel "punished" or "tortured" for some moments - than not see him again...

2 more thoughts:

1) Listen VERY CLOSELY on how he speaks about other people (women, especially). He's talking about his fantasy of his possible future wife ... openly uttering his already perceived dis-respect for her ... by giving you the perspective to be his future prostitute/sidestand/"affair". By this, he says: "Even if I say 'yes' to another woman one day by marrying her .. that won't mean a thing to me, either."

My Ex-bf spoke very diesrespectful about some former flings/flirts/lgirlfriends of his - even on occasions when we met one of these, at a club or bar or something. He whispered to me things like: "Gosh, look at her now, she had her hair cut, she looks awful now." THAT'S what I mean by "a**hole". And me??? I was so stupidly obsessed that I felt some pride (!) that I was the one by his side ... the "real one" (not taking into account that one day he might talk in the same diesrespctful way about me, too.)

2nd: I guess what is mixed up in this thread is "love" and "attraction". Two very different things - and not necessarily does one lead to the other ...

I am not being deliberately "negative" in order to spoil Lara's love adventure. I only read about her own doubts before - one can witness her struggle with that thing ... I only wish that she will get out of this and ... not gives this man so much room, in her mind and life. Posting this thread alone ... probaly gives a hint, that something is ... NOT so perfectly okay and wonderful and "easy" with this story ... right?

It is just an attempt to shed some light on a potential problem. Don't want to act like a wet blanket to Lara. But if someone is searching for some advice or experience in this forum ... I guess the best what people can do is to answer honestly. (Sorry for my possible bluntness ... some of it may stem from the fact that I am no native speaker.)

posted March 18, 2009 06:28 PM           

I know everyone keeps bring up that "you'd be perfect girl without your kids". I mean in my first post I addressed, that it did sound uncaring, until I found out it was an "fwb". With that I don't see his comment having much value because he's nothing but a mere boy toy, a sex buddy and he probably knows damn well Lara can toss him on his ass anytime she feels like it, he probably said that to get a reaction/hoot out of her and nothing more. Other then that, why would he still keeping coming around if he hates her kids so much, seriously if I hated someone's kids or kid I would cut them out of my life and I wouldn't think twice about them.

Honestly I think he does care about her kids and he probably wants to meet them but h isn't sure because he's waiting on Lara.

posted March 18, 2009 06:30 PM         

I was afraid to make a comment,but I see everybody else putting their two sense or should I say "common sense"

If a woman dumped me once, I would have problems trusting her. If she dumped me twice, I'd be feeling like an idiot for coming back to her and then getting dumped again. I have been in that situation too,and it really hurt...especially when I am ultrasensitive,emotional,deep person to begin with being a male that is neurodivergent with high estrogen levels/strong feminine traits as well as my strong water influence of Sun,Mercury,Venus in Scorpio and Moon in Pisces. I would never let myself get dumped up to 8,9,10 times because I wouldn't go back to that person after being dumped the first time or the 2nd time. I am just getting over my exgirlfriend that broke up with me April 2nd of last year. That's because she too damned worried about her man-hating mom's feelings as well as her being the dutiful daughter that feels that she has to be there for her mother. Love ended because of fear,and that's very sad.

For somebody to keep going back to a partner that keeps dumping him seems like the man has either insecurity/self esteem problem or just doesn't care about having a committed relationship that it doesn't matter if he gets dumped because he's not emotionally involved in the relationship.

I believe that a person should always consider what's in the best interest of the children. I believe that children should always come first. Children are the biggest responsibility that a person can have. It takes a lot of hard work and sacrifice when you take care of children. You could even say that your strongest karmic connection is with your children. I believe that a parent can have a life,but the children's lives should come first. Children are easily affected by the environment,and they can easily feel that something isn't right. They can be affected emotionally. This goes..especially for ultrasensitive children. With you being an ultrasensitive person which you talked about before, then it seems likely your children are ultrasensitive too. Therefore,they can be profoundly affected by the environment. My mom was in a messed up marrage with my stepfather for years, and it definitely profoundly affected me more than you could ever imagine. He was abusive to both my mother and me which led to my mom abusing me. My mom noticed a difference in me when he moved out. My mom finally woke up and drove him out shortly before I graduated from high school. She divorced him in 1991. They haven't had contact since then.

When you refer to the guy as your sex buddy, that shows that the relationship is based on sex and not on love. If I loved a woman, I'd refer to her as my girlfriend, my significant other, my gal. I would not refer to her as my sex buddy. If I did that,and she heard about that, she'd probably dump me with a quickness. Who could blame her? I wouldn't want to be referred to as my partner's sex buddy. If I found out that she did that, I will start feeling like that maybe the relationship is focused too much on sex. I can't really have sex without love. It seems so empty. I am very passionate,intense person, and I just want to sex with the woman that I love. I use the word, "making love" I don't like using words like "having sex" and I get turned off with the f-word.

It just seems like a relationship that is based on lust. That could be viewed as a very ego-based, pain-body relationship like Ekhhart Tolle believe. Problems with jealousy and possessiveness tend to result from the relationships based on lust but also insecurity too.

You're a spiritual woman, and I think that you would do much better off in a spiritually oriented type of relationship. Heck...instead of sex buddy. You could refer to him as your "kama sutra mate" hehehehe.

I also find it telling that if a person says that he would see you if he was married to have potential for being unfaithful. A person who is married shouldn't be seeing any other. I would think that you would have too much self respect to be any married man's mistress.

I agree with katatonic about ending the relationship for the sake of your children.

Raymond

posted March 18, 2009 06:33 PM         

Diandra -
his NESSUS sextile my moon/venus/saturn/NN (1), square my pluto (0) and trine my AC (1)
my NESSUS sextile his venus (3) conjunct his saturn (5) trine his uranus/NN/AC (3)

posted March 18, 2009 06:41 PM         

I have to disagree, does anyone know what a fwb is? I guess as a college student who has had fwb a couple of times and watched it become the typical college relationship at my university, I know it's sex and nothing more. I have to say he doesn't hate her or her kids...he most likely is coming around because (as rude as this sounds) it's easy sex. That's what a fwb is. Sex and caring about the person. But call me crazy to think that a guy who really wants to try and woo you won't say needless rude things (about her kids...but on the other side he has an aqua moon and can be saying that to shock her). At least an adult male won't. BTW how old is this guy? If he's in his 20's then there is a great chance he could be playing but if he's older he could just be a jerk of*.

And again 8 months to me isn't a long time for a fwb. I'm currently in one and have been since Oct and have no feelings at all for him. My longest was the double Sag and that lasted a year...and it ended when he found a gf. So most do last until one party starts dating someone else. At least in my experience and from what I've seen.

posted March 18, 2009 06:48 PM         

you have listed bunch of asteroids....well there are hundreds of these out there some r gng to connect...

and in any case...this is the sutuation where astrology, palmistry, tarots all need to be locked in a shelf, a deep breath should be taken, mind should be cleared, and logic and reason should be called in.

i am confused....you said it is a situation, where we have been in a physical relationship without telling each other we r in love....but u said, we eneterd the relationship as fwb ...then why r u saying it has been 8 months since not showing true feelings...secndly....you know you have feelings...how can you be sure he has

also ...i am not clear why doesnot he has any other gf? he has or he doesnot? and why are u assuming it is becuase he is attracted/obssessed or into you....

and you seem to place a great weight on he calling you after you tell him off...this does not mean he cannot live without you...this mean he has no respect for your decision...and his convenience(that he can text u/call you any time) is way more salient than you walking away

does he even realize how much hurtful it has become for you...he needs to restrain himself from contacting you if he cannot respect you

also...why do u keep saying you dont want to be alone...this universe is giving you a chance...there are seemignly at least one decent guy wanting to be with you in a more committed/better way..but u seem to dismiss him by saying he is boring.....well he is boring but possibly considerate and kind....but i guess interesting jerks are more marketable

yes, confront him, tell him what you want...and if he cannot offer you that...show him the exit door...and possible kick in the a** when he is leaving...

posted March 18, 2009 06:57 PM         

BUT you keep saying "he could have any woman" and i have to say a) you sound flattered?(that's a question) and b) sounds like several women on here would kick him to the kerb...

you are obviously smitten. but you are still in your south node...why is so much of this conversation about "what he thinks, says, means,could do..."??????? you are running away with a self-created scenario that is not corroborated OR disproved. but ITS IN YOUR HEAD, which doesn't necessarily have anything to do with his head!

get back in your north node, woman. what's in this for you? what do YOU want?

posted March 18, 2009 07:03 PM         

I know why he's with me... i'm just saying that he choses me over any other fwb or girl and i'm throwing it into the hat.

One has to put oneself in his shoes. He's just like me but with no strings attached. He is happy to wait for me. Hell, he's happy to not have full sex. He's happy for me to date other men etc etc.

I can have all these things too and yet l choose him.

posted March 18, 2009 08:07 PM         

I think the transition from sex buddy to relationship is obviously difficult, but not impossible. However, like the others it raises my hackles to read that comment 'You'd be the perfect woman IF..."
No way, I've been with a guy like this and YES, you are RIGHT, it WAS a test, but I drop-kicked him out of my life for that comment, because I tried to ignore it and he came back at me with other 'tests' - who the hell needs that? Relationships are complicated enough without some a$$hole going OUT OF HIS WAY to test you. It should be about making things easier, not more difficult. He may be a good guy and have a good heart, but why the hell would you want to further complicate your life with someone who tries to cover up that he's a good guy??!! And maybe he uses it as a defense mechanism 'to keep others at bay', blah blah blah....sure, he knows it WORKS, because he doesn't HAVE to go the extra mile, since someone like you will give him the benefit of the doubt anyway, even though he hasn't ******* earned it, which is exactly what he should be doing with a woman who has children, because that is just the bottom line fact. If anything I'd say you kids would make a damn good test for a man - if he loves you and is a decent man, plain and simple, he WILL accept and RESPECT you not just as a sexual woman, but as a MOTHER. These are different sides to you as a human being, and that's just the way it is: Accept the whole package, or get the **** out - no excuses.

posted March 18, 2009 08:10 PM         

all of this feels like one of those "scorpion and the toad" stories. and i guess you just have to go through it and you have everyone support whichever way all of this turns out.

I am not much of a poster but I have been reading religiously. I've noticed that this is the only guy (i'm pretty sure) whose name you use .. (who isn't referred to by his hoby/trivia.) That pretty much tells the story of just how much you like him.

person who i've felt as strongly about is my "can't help it" story. and that one was on pedestal for such a long time for me despite of obvious big shortcomings. and i was in for a very rude awakening

I tend to think that's what you have going on right now. So just do what you're determined to do, you've got plenty of people to support you whatever you choose to do

and at one point , when it's supposed to , it will just click and you will be able to see how far he is actually "tall" and how much you've added to him.

posted March 18, 2009 08:38 PM         

I've been there. In my early 20s. Ironically, also with a Leo Sun. The magnetism was extreme. We couldn't detach. Even though I could process mentally what was wrong for me in this relationship, etc, it felt impossible to break. So, I understand really how difficult it is to break. It's like, you'll never be loved or seen by anyone else in this entire world - they only they get you and you'll be missing out on something. Quite honestly - I felt like I would die - the pain was so intense. But in the end, for me, it was a fine line between love and hate. When we finally broke - for the last time - it was relief. The pain was immense. But at the same time this sense of freedom. This is one time where I was glad to channel my Aqua Moon and detach. He kept pursuing me - even stalking me afterwards, which just made me angry and made it easier to detach from him. So when someone says he's not good for you, etc, even though you can see that some things aren't working for you, I really do get the enormity of the attraction and the difficulty in letting go.

posted March 18, 2009 09:05 PM           

1.I don't want a relationship O.o
2.I really don't want a relationship.
3.I'll go out of my way not to form one.

Rather it's a relationship or an Fwb, they always seem to be so darn painful, complex, confusing especially the ones, you know deep down inside are probably not good for you but the way the make you feel though is what gets you everytime. If my Cap friend came back, I would go back into are screwed up friendship in a second, even though I know it's wrong. When somebody touches your soul like that, it's hard to just let them go and it stings when their gone too but sometimes you have to do, what you have to do.

I mean honestly, can't we all just find that lifelong friend to kick it with, without getting bogged down into a box or serious, life is so short sometimes and we get caught up in the functions, dynamics, and rules.

Honestly the reason this thread fueled me so much is because my Cancer sister as three kids and yes she loves her kids and she would even die for them, they are her life and everything but she has an unspoken misery and sometimes she cries at night. Yeah she went to college and all, but she's not really (living) her life, while her fiance parties it up and coming home all hours of night. She won't leave him because he's the father of her kids and I say **** him because she doesn't need him.

Instead she chooses to mope around here and it "irks" me to see her like that, gah I just want her to enjoy her life fully.