posted October 26, 2009 06:42 PM            

okay so he came on strong by asking you to be flat mates with him. you essentially rejected that idea. at the end of the day, you said no. but it's not like you told him to get lost. but in his mind, or anyone's mind when they ask something of someone they like, if it's a negative response it can mean well guess he didn't like me, i gotta move on now.

of course he likes the attention. everyone likes attention from someone. but i don't sense that it's for his own amusement. it's more so that he needs some bonafide proof that you actually like him in that way. know what i mean? so i guess you're going after him in the scorpio sense in that you gotta prove to him that you actually want him.

i sense that his asking you to be his flat mate was the make it or break it of whether or not you want him. you essentially turned him down so now i bet he's really unsure of himself. if he's gone cold after you turned him down, don't be surprised. all your trying now is what he needs to see if you really mean it that you wanna be more than friends.

posted October 29, 2009 01:53 AM            

quote:

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Now for the part that cracked me up. FD and I were talking on the couch. He complimented what I was wearing. Because of how we've always flirted a little, his attention didn't bother me. He got up to leave, and said, "I need to masturbate now."

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Ewww, I had just copied this so I could respond that I thought it crossed a line, and then I read the rest of your story.

I was thinking, with your first post on this thread, that if a man I was dating told me he'd had to go "take care of himself" when we were initially spending time together (esp. if we weren't lovers yet, but even if we were), I would be grossed out...not cause I think masturbation is inherently gross, but using me to get turned on without being actually connected to me that way seems exploitative/creepy...I would frankly rather a guy just let me know that he was feeling turned on. Then again, I think I would know...but even if I didn't, I think sexually/emotionally healthy men are interested in something MUTUAL happening. When I first read your first post the idea that these guys were heading off to masturbate when you were not aware that they were very aroused or that it was a sexually charged situation for them made me think of some old research I did on pedophiles...a lot of them operate that way, especially the "good" ones trying not to cross a real line. They hold the kid on their lap till aroused, then go off and masturbate, leaving the kid not knowing it was a sexually exploitative situation. But I think that kind of thing really has a psychic toll even if the kid doesn't consciously know. Of course, it's waaayy less exploitative between two adults who are dating, but it would still be a dealbreaker for me personally.

posted October 29, 2009 12:31 PM            

your story is alarming!

this guy is so out of order.

1. i can't believe you haven't told people about, your friend? (i can't remember if you stated that you did actually) but if you haven't, you should! he deserves to feel ashamed, what he did is wrong. sexual assault!

2. i think this guy acted out more and more because he must have perceived your 'joke' replies to play along, as 'receptiveness' ?

whats in his chart..?

posted October 29, 2009 01:16 PM            

I bet your Saturn Return is a time when you'll not only set better boundaries, but get very in touch with/in tune with your intuition and what you are really sensing and feeling in any given moment.

What's your Saturn Return sign/house?

quote:

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I'd bet my life that my SO and my exes aren't pedophiles, and I don't say that lightly.

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Of course! I didn't mean to imply that they were at all. Pedophiles are sexually attracted to children.

I just meant it as an ANALOGY--(some)"good" (in the sense of having some kind of conscience about not trying to harm the child) pedophiles use a child to get turned on without letting the child know, then they go off and masturbate once they're aroused.

The men you described in your first post got aroused when spending time with you and, when you weren't even aware that what was happening was sexual on either end at that particular moment, went off to masturbate. A sexually/emotionally healthy man, when with a partner, connects with her at every turn, and the two of you move mutually into an erotic context together. I see the behavior of the men you've described as exploitative and not sexually healthy/intimate/connected--not as pedophile behavior. There's a difference between using someone to get aroused by yourself (like porn) and truly connecting with her as two human beings for your mutual arousal...so it reminded me of those pedophiles in that way. Sorry, thought that was clear in my above post.

It's not AT ALL that it sounds like those guys were pedophiles/attracted to children...they sound very much attracted to adult women! But they sounded sexually/emotionally unhealthy to me in much the way your friend's dad sounds.

posted October 29, 2009 06:43 PM            

I have had a similar thing going on w/ someone at work who seems to be missing that filter and just like this guy...lost his wife recently and hasn't been with someone else in like 40 years. Yeahh...no idea as to what's kosher and what's not.

Glad Tarzan called to set him straight!

On a lighter note...

"Just a moment before we had been having a jolly good time and her sudden shift into seriousness seemed strange to me. Looking back, it's like Saturn was speaking through her. She was pretty drunk, so like a chemically altered oracle she was delivering me prophecies."

...that was just darn funny!

posted October 30, 2009 12:35 AM            

quote:

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I bet your Saturn Return is a time when you'll not only set better boundaries, but get very in touch with/in tune with your intuition and what you are really sensing and feeling in any given moment.

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God, I hope so. The intuition part...It's strange because normally I receive so much accurate info in that way. I'm the person the people I know come to in order to get my opinion on other people's motives. I can usually read people well, and I usually feel very connected with a higher communication going on, like I'm talking to God through life's events and people.

But where I completely SUCK at this is reading how someone feels about me in a categorical way: friend, lover, enemy, etc. It's my achilles heel. I've been blindsided many times. I'm not sure if it's something I'll ever get good at. It's like I have a double Neptune-Self hit by having that planet cnj my Sun PLUS having Pisces on the solar 5th house. I may just have to rely more on getting outside opinions on those matters and taking those opinions seriously.

Don't worry, I didn't think you were implying they were pedophiles! But seeing you connect them with them via strategy, I had to distance them by clearly stating they're not.

Also, I may not have been clear. (What a shock!) These times weren't at all cases of little old innocent me being exploited. They were times when I was deliberately acting sexual, but then as the vibe heated up, I abandoned the situation and changed course to platonic. I didn't realize how aroused they were because I didn't really want to know that they were. I guess you could say I was being a tease.

Perhaps an example? But I'm going to delete this, just a heads up so you don't quote.

posted October 30, 2009 12:42 AM            

quote:

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You finally DID pass with flying colors though.

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Thank you! So many times, you've said just what I needed to hear.

posted October 30, 2009 12:49 AM            

Yes, I had a good laugh about that too.

posted October 30, 2009 06:04 AM            

p.s.

the time gap between us is so Huge..

posted October 30, 2009 08:00 AM            

And Transit Venus exact conjunct Natal PANDORA, trouble activated accidentally because of beauty.

posted October 30, 2009 12:25 PM            

quote:

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I'm very curious. When you're with someone, and you sense they're attracted to you, how do you feel? Does it excite you, flatter you, intrigue you, annoy you?

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This is the basis of 90% of my friendships. So I'd say it relaxes me. If I'm not interested I act oblivious to the flirting and hints, but try to get a friendship out of them. If they're direct; "Let's have sex" I pretend I didn't hear, go the intellectual route or make a self effacing joke...always polite, always evasive. If I'm interested, I call/flirt back/I touch.

posted November 13, 2009 01:00 AM            

You're gifted at honing in on applicable asteroids. You mentioning Pandora inspired me to check it out in synastry. My Venus is cnj his Pandora (0º). Besides being cnj my Pandora, t.Venus was cnj his Neptune and square our Venus-Pandora cnj.

T.Nessus was opp his Pluto (0º). His Pluto is cnj my Persephone. (Which I just noticed I have stationary retrograde and cnj my MC.)

That Angel talk made me tear up a bit. I never thought about Angel cnj the ASC working like that. I certainly need the help, walking around like a clueless Mr. Magoo. Seriously though, I don't think FD would've hurt me (any more than he did). Any further danger would've been from me not speaking up for myself.