posted August 16, 2010 08:44 PM         

quote:

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My mother has apologized to some degree.

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It's good that she acknowledged it at least.
Do you think it is possible you could rebuild your relationship with her?
Or would she attempt to harm you again?

posted August 16, 2010 08:47 PM         

x o Ami

posted August 16, 2010 08:59 PM         

quote:

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LIFE MIGHT NOT BE THE PARTY WE HOPED FOR BUT WHILE WE'RE HERE WE MIGHT AS WELL DANCE

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posted August 16, 2010 10:31 PM         

x o x Ami

posted August 17, 2010 07:59 AM         

Mines in the bottom.

**oh and ami did we ever figure out what all the purpose of all the neptune connections were for the larger picture? If so i admit im still unsatisfied with the answer i still have.

My own mission right now is finding the cross roads were all these things meet, The place we are heading to always but never seem to get there.~Rightbrain

posted August 17, 2010 08:05 AM         

x o x Ami

Man, LEXX--without the degrees, I am seeing something.
Does your moon conjunct Mars square your Sun conjunct Saturn?
If so, how close is the orb?
Does Uranus oppose the Moon/mars conjunction?

I don't think I have ever seen such a challenging chart but you know I am new lol

You have Venus in the 11th so you love being part of a group--which you are on LL--for sure.

You have mars conjunct moon. It looks exact. Your mother was a martial person i.e. warrier . You don't want that in a mother, for sure.
I have it at 8 degrees and that was bad enough, as you know.
If you have it exact--that shows your mother, I think.

She was hostile to you which is a great understatement ,I know.

You have sun conjunct Saturn. It looks exact. Man --that is hard.
Your ego had cold water thrown on ie.

IF the moon/mars conjunction square the sun/saturn conjunction---to me-- that would show the hardship.

Everything was stymied. Your Sun(ego) was beset by Saturn(restriction, dampering, holding back)

This thwarts your moon(emotions) which were already under attack by your mother(Mars)

You have 4 planets at odds with each other --pulling you, pushing you until you would not know which way was up.

Also, you have Neptune in your stellium which make all the abuse unclear. You would wonder "What is happening? Is it real?"
I hate that side of Neptune. I have a lot of Neotune connections and I have a hard time(very) seeing what is actually happening.
Mainly, I cannot see if someone is abusive to me.
My mother would abuse me and then tell me I was too sensitive i.e I did not SEE it.
I am gonna start a thread on this when I get the courage lol

Neptune is wonderful in many ways. I love the psychic /creative part but the illusion part I can leave lol

If you want me to look at it more---put up the degrees i.e.--a chart like MBlakes

posted August 17, 2010 08:20 AM         

x o x Ami

posted August 17, 2010 08:20 AM         

x o x Ami
PS I learned about right brain left brain when I was studying about a way to heal trauma.
You HAVE to let it out of the right brain. Crying is the main way.
You can talk until you are blue in the face : intellectual insights etc will NOT get the trauma out.

PPS This may be an aside to what you were saying. I just wanted to say that I am on a quest to deal with right brain issues, as well.

posted August 17, 2010 08:30 AM         

In Part One--I reconciled to a degree. She owned quite a bit of her behavior. She cried and apologized to me.
She was contrite and humble.
I, also, can feel that she truly loves me.
I took her back but had to overlook things which I was OK with doing.
Love covers a multitude of sins. I really believe that.

However, as *I* got clearer sight from IQ's help and other friends, I saw MORE things . I got angrier when she tried to deny things.

Maybe, it changed cuz *I* saw reality, more.

Then, I started screaming when she tried to deny things .
I was on my porch raving like a lunatic lol

She told me that if I was that angry ,she did not want to talk to me, anymore.

I said ,"Well, I AM."
We left it at that.

x o Ami

posted August 17, 2010 09:08 AM         

A week later when I had time to cool off and look at things clearly I realized that: OK my bf had made some mistakes - True! But portraying him the way in which that interpretation did, was a blatant exaggeration of his negative behaviour to the exclusion of all of his positive deeds and positive qualities. (This is my Libra ex btw, not the Pisces).

Maybe when you saw these astrology interpretations - they made you read MORE into things again.. MORE negatives than were actually there.

I mean - with astrology - some things play out and some don't. And some don't play out as much as others.
For instance you and your mother are both air signs and hence compatible on this basic level (according to astrology) - but as you know from your experience - this was/is a very difficult relationship.

So it is not an exact science because it depends a lot on the choices people make. Every single aspect can play out in different ways.

posted August 17, 2010 09:32 AM         

Mblake81

quote:

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Your loaded into a corner too Lexx?

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posted August 17, 2010 09:36 AM         

What your going through will pass.

Everything good and bad passes.

I went through very comparable things, plenty of lunatic moments.

Let this be a warning, holding in something for so long can be a ticking bomb.

Its blowing up in your mothers face right now, She cant understand your anger because she was not on the recieving end of it. Your basically blowing up about yourself... Think about it.

Accept her as she is and was, you have to move on because she has nothing to move on from.

That was her nature and you let it run your life, day in and day out. ( happened to me too )

You run your life now, you pick and choose, Its up to you.

**ps remember to set boundaries, Make them clear without using anger, reasoned,concise, or in other words friendly and to the point

People will normally respect an off beat opinion if that person states it clearly,

"this is my own idea, im just showing you " ~example

Unless you step on someone's toe's first, But thats another story all together.

posted August 17, 2010 10:02 AM         

Mblake

LEXX

Ami
PS LEXX I will get on your chart ,later. I need to take a lot of time to think about it, look up aspects , ask you about them etc,if that is OK

PPS I am still on the Neptune trail ,Mblake

posted August 18, 2010 08:23 AM         

Ami

posted August 18, 2010 12:38 PM         

It seems like your mother(moon) engulfed you in a warlike, aggressive way(Mars) , as you said.

Your father or father figure hurt you ,too.
Your Sun conjunct Saturn is a throwing of cold water on your individuality(ego ,core self)

Then, to make matters worse --they square each other so they energies are further pummeled and thwarted from going free and finding who they are.

Man, right there, it seems very hard.
That is only one part.

Fire seems to be your weakest element and probably the one you would have needed most.
I read, and have seen, that people with lots of fire survive better in abusive homes than people with other elements.

I will be back ,later.
Love You, Ami

posted August 18, 2010 05:27 PM         

x o x Ami
PS I am really excited to be working on your chart and I am finding some good things which I think will be helpful!

posted August 19, 2010 09:11 AM         

You are an extrovert ,to a large extent. This is from many planets on the top of the chart.
This is a saving grace when you are an abused child cuz you can reach out.
You have a Scorpio Stellium(more than 3 planets in one sign) in the 10th house.
I think the 10th house is your mother.
(It can be either but since your mother was your most influential ,it prolly represents her.
You have a full 10th house. Career/your place in society/influence of the mother are represented by the 10th house.
Your Sun is here which further puts emphasis on the 10th house as an important focal point for your life.
You have Venus in the 11th. You are a social person and enjoy groups,as is obvious with LL.
Your Venus is Out of Bounds which allows it to be more of it's own person.
It can be more independent in it's behavior , more of you directing it in the way YOU see fit.

posted August 19, 2010 09:19 AM         

This fits with what you have said.
Pluto seems like it would be the hardest planet to have on the 8th house but one that would force the issue.

I think you were forced to face the truth's of your life and you did.
Talking about them is important, as you do.
When you get them out, they do not have the power to torment you.
"We are only as sick as the secrets we keep"
That might be a saying for how to deal with 8th house things.