posted October 26, 2010 12:46 PM         

Plus I think Ami there's nothing wrong with you, you keep talking about how you have to change and what for? You keep saying you need to be less like this, more like this, etc...do you have any idea how exhausting it is to do this? Take it from someone who tried to do this for a long time (me)...and the very serious flaw in all of this way of thinking is that the more you are like this with yourself, the less good you will see in yourself, it will be like the artist who is drawing something, then systematically erasing it because it's never good enough for her/him, until they erase through the paper itself and put a hole in it.
You don't want that!

In my life, the MOST authentic, REAL people are the ones who have learned to accept themselves and are just like, This is who I am, and if you don't like it, well that's just too damn bad
But it's not like they think they're perfect either...they recognize they are works in progress just like all of it. But their flaws are part of who they are and they've learned to embrace them. Why only love the 'nice' parts of yourself? Don't you think the flawed parts need more love?

posted October 26, 2010 12:51 PM         

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although l find it interesting that you yourself used the classic female blackmail line of "do this and MAYBE i'll do that" in your post. LOL

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posted October 26, 2010 01:05 PM         

You are kind. It is true though, l really don't give a damn as long as i'm not misrepresented, for example Amowls now calling me SEXIST

Amowls, i'm sorry to have to be yet another pain in your ass by informing you that you are wrong. You know the classic male viewpoint is "is she wife or f*ck material" so are you saying that psychology is wrong?

Have you ever read about the psychology of men and women and their differences? Men are unable to just be friends whilst having platonic thoughts about a woman. This is why men disappear after a relationship and why women should let them go. This is why divorce with kids involved is so messy, because the man is now confused that he must stay in contact with his wife for the kids, when in his mind she is already deleted as if an ex girlfriend.

posted October 26, 2010 01:10 PM         

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I like staying friends with my exes...most of them anyway, and by friends I don't mean like I want to hang out with them all the time either. I just still care about them as human beings, and care for their well-being. They can always come to me if they need someone to hear them out, and there are a couple of them that I can do the same with.

But it's a detached friendship for the most part if I am involved with someone else, because I just have no interest in being all close buddies with an ex while I have a boyfriend.

As for the whole fake/real thing...meh, I think some of us have a hard time figuring out WHO we are and that's a life long journey. I don't even understand what 'fake' means. Like what, two-faced? We're all real enough, whether or not we like it lol

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I agree with this as well MVM we’ve had talks about this as well…they are detached friendships…I’m not going to go jean shopping with them anytime soon lol…but I will be there if they need someone (and it’s not sexual). I know you have an 11th house Venus so it’s probably because of that.

I think this (being real) is something so many people struggle with. That is why there is therapy; a lot of people aren’t really living authentic (to totally quote pop psychobabble lol). However being “real” whatever that is probably different for different people. I know myself I struggle with letting people see me for who I am. Depending on who you are you see me as either a carefree person or an intense person. But I know from experience being real and authentic is a hard thing to do. If it wasn’t there wouldn’t be so many books on the topic and Dr. Phil would be out of a job lol.

posted October 26, 2010 01:10 PM         

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Lara, you're awesome, I love how you are...and you're one of those people I am talking about who is real and doesn't give a damn if others approve. I always admire that. I used to be like that and then I was married and it got sucked out me LOL
Now I am trying to get it back....

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It will come back MVM and l know this because l used to be like that too until my marriage ground me into dust. When l left it l reckon l was no taller (hypothetically) than an ant but l made myself a promise to never ever again compromise mySELF and blinker myself to my own short-comings. I have never really worn a mask and this is why i'm so easily deceived and abused by fake people. They like the realness and their fakeness confuses me

posted October 26, 2010 01:15 PM         

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Have you ever read about the psychology of men and women and their differences? Men are unable to just be friends whilst having platonic thoughts about a woman. This is why men disappear after a relationship and why women should let them go. This is why divorce with kids involved is so messy, because the man is now confused that he must stay in contact with his wife for the kids, when in his mind she is already deleted as if an ex girlfriend.

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posted October 26, 2010 01:43 PM         

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Amowls, i'm sorry to have to be yet another pain in your ass by informing you that you are wrong. You know the classic male viewpoint is "is she wife or f*ck material" so are you saying that psychology is wrong?

Have you ever read about the psychology of men and women and their differences? Men are unable to just be friends whilst having platonic thoughts about a woman. This is why men disappear after a relationship and why women should let them go. This is why divorce with kids involved is so messy, because the man is now confused that he must stay in contact with his wife for the kids, when in his mind she is already deleted as if an ex girlfriend.

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posted October 26, 2010 01:50 PM         

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In fact you will find greater differences in people if you don't organize them by sex. This is common knowledge to most psychologists and people who don't believe everything a pop news rag tells them.

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posted October 26, 2010 01:51 PM         

Psychology is a life-long subject to investigate, observe and participate in, not something you have a 'background' in. Have you not noticed that the most proactive, intelligent and mind-expanding people in the world have no qualifications nor background in anything deemed to be worthy of an education? So a 'background' in 'anything' other than life experience really equates to a pile of sh1t!!
Even Einstein agrees with me on that one LOL

posted October 26, 2010 01:59 PM         

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anyway sorry to ramble. But this type of self-acceptance is what I aim for...I try to do it more all the time. I had a few years of wanting to change myself and I am tired of it. It's tiring business to hack away at yourself !

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I think this is what it boils down to when it comes to anything, with anyone... I've had a question rattling around in my head, about my chart, if it could be seen in my chart that I would/could develop anxiety (trying to find a way to feel good about what I see as wasted time, in ways). I then wonder if it was a chart that was designed to be able to get me through the anxiety... Jane said something to me back in the Spring, that I want to find. It was in a Scorpio rising thread.

posted October 26, 2010 02:08 PM         

And oh yeah, I've known many an immature Aqua as well...I've lived with them, I've loved them, and oh how I know

posted October 26, 2010 02:10 PM         

HAHAHAH! Are you a weed smoker by any chance?

posted October 26, 2010 02:13 PM         

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Have you not noticed that the most proactive, intelligent and mind-expanding people in the world have no qualifications nor background in anything deemed to be worthy of an education? So a 'background' in 'anything' other than life experience really equates to a pile of sh1t!!

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Anyway, most psychologists are unbelievably messed up themselves, seeking truth through treating others so what exactly is the point behind this futile dig of yours?

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We can agree to disagree...but I tend to not listen to someone who has no actual formal education in the topic at hand. That's like having an opinion without knowing all the background stuff. Reading a few books, online sites, and blurbs from other people does not make you an expert, nor does life experience, enough to know what a psychologist does. Nor to even quote an actual study. Quoting a study without mentioning the various measures, or how the variables were manipulated, or what were the variables studied is just stupid.

posted October 26, 2010 02:15 PM         

Also at my University every student is required to take an intensive research course in which we pick a topic to argue and then we have to back it up with tons of research, so I've dabbled in reading scientific journals. My topic was single sex education, and I found that it really did not matter one way or another in terms of the education children got but it's important for kids to be exposed to other genders so they don't get ridiculous notions about the other (like boys thinking all girls want marriage and babies and thinking its okay to treat them like commodities). The most interesting thing I learned from that course is for every study claiming one thing, there are several other studies refuting it.

Not to mention, in regards to psychology, it's hard to tell if something is hardwired or if it's learned. This is evident in changing beauty standards. Men are taught that a desirable woman is skinny and has bigger breasts. But it is clear that back in the day, the ideal woman was chubbier and had smaller breasts (as indicated by Renaissance art). Some cultures today value fatter women more than skinny women because it's an indication of wealth (like in Mauritania where women are force fed). So you can't say that men are hardwired to think that skinny women are attractive. You also can't say that men are hardwired to spread their seed~~ because you could also argue that it makes more sense for women to have multiple mates in order to have more of a chance to become pregnant and continue the species. It also makes more sense for a woman to have more than one provider (instead of one man providing for multiple women). Which is why I have a conniption when people make excuses for themselves/other people on the basis of faux "evolutionary biology" or in this case, so-called psychology.

note: These were just examples of other dumb "psychological" tropes that I've encountered from other people that hold the same views you do. I realize that you did not necessarily say these exact things.

And Lara, there are plenty of divorces that aren't messy and the people involved have good relationships with each other (Demi Moore and Bruce Willis for instance). Just because your ex is a douche doesn't mean all men are.

posted October 26, 2010 02:23 PM         

Why are you both 'appearing' so close-minded and judgmental?
Neither of you know my background nor how expansive my wealth of knowledge or experience is so how can you just say "reading a few books...?"

Reading books gives you INFO not knowledge.

Matt, seriously your reply is worrying. WORRYING! and it is absolutely ridiculous to compare life experience versus a ph.D by means of a hip replacement as an argument lol

Amowls, why are you negatively personalising everything l say!! I just told you not to pigeon-hole my comments and yet you continue. Messy divorces are a FACT. Men not being able to be platonic friends with women is a FACT! It may not be your experience but they are still FACTS.

posted October 26, 2010 02:23 PM         

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GrlyGirl...I'm not an 11th house Venus, I'm a Scorpio Venus on the cusp of the 7th house...I know, kinda odd that I remain friendly with exes right? I think my Jupiter Aqua t-sqare to Venus might contribute...who knows?
And oh yeah, I've known many an immature Aqua as well...I've lived with them, I've loved them, and oh how I know

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Lol I would deff say its the Jupiter T square...I know Sag/Jupiter influenced ppl tend to also not hold anything against people. In fact they are more accpting (to me) than Aqua's because they are very very quick to forget lol.

posted October 26, 2010 02:25 PM         

PS - of course this goes both ways, and I am not only talking about MEN being like this. I'm just speaking as a woman. And from personal experience...and I despite everything the son of a ***** did, I would have remained friends with him, but maybe it's better that he can't be. He's the type to definitely burn bridges and everything is revenge and i daresay it's that Pluto/Venus square of his.

posted October 26, 2010 02:29 PM         

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Matt and Grly,
Why are you both 'appearing' so close-minded and judgmental?
Neither of you know my background nor how expansive my wealth of knowledge or experience is so how can you just say "reading a few books...?"

Reading books gives you INFO not knowledge.

Matt, seriously your reply is worrying. WORRYING! and it is absolutely ridiculous to compare life experience versus a ph.D by means of a hip replacement as an argument lol

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Lara I'm not discounting your experience...that is very much so something that is needed in any field. But I just was a bit peeved that you were quoting a study whilst discounting the research that has been found that I mentioned. I was just pointing out it works both ways. I'm not trying to be judgemental nor closed minded, and if you feel like anyone is being close minded or judgemental towards you I apologize. I view this as a debate of sorts where you express your thoughts and background and I (and others) do the same, however if you feel its getting to personal by all means let me know. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable expressing your thoughts even if I don't agree with them.

posted October 26, 2010 02:30 PM         

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Amowls, why are you negatively personalising everything l say!! I just told you not to pigeon-hole my comments and yet you continue. Messy divorces are a FACT. Men not being able to be platonic friends with women is a FACT! It may not be your experience but they are still FACTS.

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Yeah, they EXIST but that doesn't make them the NORM. What about men who ARE able to be platonic friends with women?? What about WOMEN are are UNABLE to be platonic friends with men? Are they freaks of nature??? What explains their behavior in your sex regimented world? Oh right, they aren't real men (I believe you called them pussies).

posted October 26, 2010 02:34 PM         

Your a 50 year old woman and you talk like this. You sound like you've just read a self help book. Your funny.

I think you need to get a grip.

I'm sure if I needed surgery I would go to a pro, lol.

I'm out of here, got a life to live.