posted May 31, 2012 10:04 AM            

It's like no one ever wants to do anything with me. I don't always get replies from people when I talk to them, which tells me that they think that I'm creepy, weird, and a freak, and don't want to talk to me. I can't get anyone to want to be friends or do anything, and it's to the point that I don't even want to be around people anymore. I can just never win with people. I can't win them over. I'm like un-likable. I also feel constant pressure to do everything right and not make social mistakes or be creepy or weird or anything less than what's expected. It's very frustrating, especially since I still fail.

I have the sun, Mercury, and south node in Libra in the 11th house; also have MC there.

It frustrates me so much; no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep friends. There is just something wrong with me.

Just wondering if any other 11th house people have to deal with this and how you cope with it. I thought that having planets in a given house meant that would be a focus of your life/that you'd be skilled in that area, but I epic fail miserably in this part of life.

posted May 31, 2012 10:53 AM            

Since your south node is the 11th house.Maybe that means your overly skilled with friendships.

With North Node in the fifth house, our South Node is in the eleventh house.

quote:

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A tendency to rely on others who may let us down, to come across as impersonal or distant in our dealings with others, to be fearful of being the center of attention and standing out as an individual, to fear taking risks, and to fall back on peers and community at the expense of our own individuality are some of the issues this position suggests. With this position, we need to avoid falling into the easy trap of worrying about what others think about us. Instead, we need to strike out in our own individual and creative path without fear. We need to make a conscious effort to deal with others in a more personal, involved, and loving manner, rather than falling back on reason and intellect which detaches us from our feelings. We can easily alienate others when we over-emphasize equality to the point that we won't acknowledge individuals' uniqueness. We can too easily lose touch with our own heart by rationalizing our feelings, and become overly involved with other people's problems at the expense of our inner needs for attention. Learning to take personal risks, which requires a certain amount of self-confidence, will help us to achieve inner balance and happiness.

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posted May 31, 2012 11:23 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by amowls**:
You won't necessarily be SKILLED in that area, it'll be a focal point for you. It being a focal point also means that it's not perfected. Lessons will be learned.

What planets and what's the sign on the cusp? What's the ruler of your 11th doing?

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I have the Sun and Mercury in the 11th.

By ruler of the 11th, do you mean Venus?

My Venus is in Scorpio, conjunct Pluto, in the 12th.

As for being over-eager, I get so frustrated with that one. People complain that I'm standoffish or cold if I act more aloof. I feel like I'm being intense or bothering people if I even communicate at all. It's very quickly getting to the point that I'm afraid to talk to anyone for fear of being found creepy or weird, and more and more, I'm feeling anxious and afraid to be around people. It's like they have this radar that can detect intensity and it makes them stay away.

I feel a lot of shame and guilt when I write to people or invite them to anything--like I've literally done something wrong almost, like I don't have the right to bother people because I'm just intense and creepy and a freak and I don't get to do that.

posted May 31, 2012 11:28 AM            

If it's any comfort, know that I am reading your post and feeling totally bewildered since you describe the exact opposite of what I expect your life to be, given the social graces that you demonstrate on this forum. I mean you are one of the most likable people around.

But as one who pays particular attention to the nodes, I see that having the SN in the 11th might present special challenges.

I have Gemini Mars in the 11th, and have the weird habit of making friends with people with whom I have serious disagreements about major issues. One of my best friends is a fundamentalist Christian, and if she knew I am on this forum, she would avoid me like the plague.

But I became very close with her very fast, based on an uncanny number of things we have in common. Before I learned about her tendency to ostracize people who were into the "occult," it was too late. I don't want to lose her friendship, I don't want a MARS situation playing out, so I am doing the "Gemini" thing and being two faced for now.

She's got Mars Gemini, too, so I can console myself that maybe she also has some kind of double life I don't know about?

Relationships are too complex sometimes...I get exhausted with them.

With empathy,
Faith

posted May 31, 2012 11:31 AM            

quote:

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I have the sun, Mercury, and south node in Libra in the 11th house; also have MC there.

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Oh, I missed the MC part. MC is cusp of the 10th, I don't know why they use it in equal (which I presume is what you use).

posted May 31, 2012 11:40 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Oh, I missed the MC part. MC is cusp of the 10th, I don't know why they use it in equal (which I presume is what you use).

This then means that your 11H cusp is probably in Scorpio... (I don't use equal, I use Placidus)

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I use whole signs; I don't want to get into an argument, but I don't believe in Placidus, and I'm pretty set on that one.

posted May 31, 2012 11:42 AM            

The other problem is that I absolutely need companionship and for people to like me, and I'm not getting it. For a Libra, this is like not having air. We really do want to be loved, deep down. Not in a romantic way in my case, but I would absolutely love for people to stop thinking so badly of me, stop being so damn cold, and to stop avoiding me.

posted May 31, 2012 11:43 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
As for being over-eager, I get so frustrated with that one. People complain that I'm standoffish or cold if I act more aloof. I feel like I'm being intense or bothering people if I even communicate at all. It's very quickly getting to the point that I'm afraid to talk to anyone for fear of being found creepy or weird, and more and more, I'm feeling anxious and afraid to be around people. It's like they have this radar that can detect intensity and it makes them stay away.

I feel a lot of shame and guilt when I write to people or invite them to anything--like I've literally done something wrong almost, like I don't have the right to bother people because I'm just intense and creepy and a freak and I don't get to do that.

Anymore, I just feel like withdrawing and avoiding this crap. I'm just so fed up with it all.[/B]

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Your putting so much pressure on yourself just be yourself.Only shallow people will harshly judge you.Life is all about finding the perfect balance.Seeing that your north node is in Aries maybe its time for you to be more independent.Sometimes the best time we spend is by ourselves.I have a friend with south node in Libra,she is very dependent on her friendships hates being alone.

posted May 31, 2012 11:54 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
I use whole signs; I don't want to get into an argument, but I don't believe in Placidus, and I'm pretty set on that one.

I don't really pay a lot of attention to the MC; only mentioned it because it's Libra too.

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posted May 31, 2012 11:55 AM            

I don't want to be emo or whiny or a crybaby or anything, but no way can I ask anyone in real life about this. I can't go to anyone in real life about anything, except therapy.

It does frustrate me that even when I try to focus on myself, it doesn't produce results. My Mars in Capricorn gets really annoyed with that. I mean, I'm trying to do the Aries stuff, boom, it should happen, but it's not. I act like I don't care, like people don't matter, put my energy into my interests, and everything should turn around, but it doesn't. I've been working on my collections (I collect a few things, mostly vintage compact mirrors and hats), have been going on some film binges, etc., but I mean, why isn't me being alone and away from people getting them to come back? Isn't that how this acting like the north node thing supposed to work?

posted May 31, 2012 11:56 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Lol. Okay. I wasn't trying to sell Placidus to you LMAO, you can use whatever you want, but I still think and judge charts in the system I believe in hehe. No worries.

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oh yeah, sorry if it came out that way; didn't mean it too

posted May 31, 2012 12:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
I have been trying to be more like Aries, but it doesn't feel like it's really working. Maybe I'm just not trying hard enough, but it's so difficult for me not to care what people think, unless I'm drunk (and I'm not allowing myself to drink a lot because I don't want to get fat or have kidney problems--vanity is a strong motivator for me and I don't want to look bad).

The other problem is that I absolutely need companionship and for people to like me, and I'm not getting it. For a Libra, this is like not having air. We really do want to be loved, deep down. Not in a romantic way in my case, but I would absolutely love for people to stop thinking so badly of me, stop being so damn cold, and to stop avoiding me.

As for doing things on my own, I'm ok with certain things, but I'm terrified to go out by myself at night or to certain areas alone, so that only works for some places. And, still, I don't get what I want. I've been pouring myself into my interests lately and I don't have what I want, so it seems pointless.

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posted May 31, 2012 12:06 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
You might be trying a bit too hard. I understand what you're saying because I felt the same way. I went at night by myself too, it helps that I have a car, I feel safe in it. I don't know, but in my case, I love confronting my fears and doing the things I dread or avoid, I am sort of masochistic like that hahahaha. Sure it's a struggle, don't think I didn't bang my head against the walls a few times lol. It is more complicated because you're a Libra, you guys really are like fishes out of water by yourselves - which is why I think you should definitely do it (start with what's more close to your comfort zone and grow from there). Think of it as an experiment. Oh and also wanted to say, when I started not caring what other ppl thought/said/like or dislike about me, when I was most disappointed with them and ready to give them up completely, is when I found true friends. It is funny like that.

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For me, I fear going out alone because I fear rape and assault. I get bothered by creep people fairly often. When I was in France studying abroad, I went out at night a lot by myself. I felt MUCH safer there than I do here.

posted May 31, 2012 12:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
oh yeah, sorry if it came out that way; didn't mean it too

and to be honest, I actually do that too (use my system when looking at other charts), so don't feel bad

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posted May 31, 2012 12:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
For me, I fear going out alone because I fear rape and assault. I get bothered by creep people fairly often. When I was in France studying abroad, I went out at night a lot by myself. I felt MUCH safer there than I do here.

I like the idea of it being an experiment. This weekend, I've resolved to not go to the places that I usually go on weekends. I'll go somewhere else or just not go anywhere. I'll kind of avoid familiar places for awhile, be more distant, see what happens.

---

posted May 31, 2012 12:25 PM            

I'd like to chime in and try to help you a bit, if I can.

I have the exact opposite "problem" - my South Node is on my ASC (Aries vibe) so I am quite independent to the point that I have lost quite a few friends because of it.

I simply do not "need" a lot of friends, but maybe that is because my Saturn is in the 11th.

My "path" in life is actually to get closer to people and form steady, reliable relationships. Needless to say, it's been a struggle. And it doesn't help that I tend to attract people who are intense in their relationships, I often attract people who have stuff in their 11th and friendship is really important to them. So it's always a hard lesson, because I tend to feel suffocated and want to run away.

It's gotten a lot better over the years mainly thanks to the internet, because that way I have my personal space but can still talk to people.

Anyway, back on topic, I think what you'd need to do is to relax first. Whenever you talk to people, anyone, try to be as peaceful as you can, inside. It sounds like you are very tense in your dealings with people and they may sense that tension which can make them uncomfortable.

I don't think your goal is to become super independent to the point of being alone, not at all, I think you just need to change your perception on things and how they affect you. You're trying to cling to your SN which wants to be part of a community, of a group, to fit in and be welcomed. But in doing that, you encounter obstacles and pain because that's not where you should go.

I think that if you genuinely start focusing on your creativity, your wants and needs *other than friendship*, and pursue them in a free, almost "careless" way, your relationships will improve. Simply because you won't be so concerned about them. It will go naturally and without strain, because they won't be the main focus of your life.

It's kind of like when you try to grasp something so bad but it keeps slipping away, and the more you try, the more it eludes you. But if you start letting go, if you just stop for a moment and find your inner peace, and let things flow without trying so hard, things slowly fall into place.

So, my advice to you, is to try and let go of the negative feelings you have toward people in general, or your relationships with some of them; try to think less about it and focus more on what you like doing, regardless of what others think. Find your own, individual path.

As someone previously stated, Faith I think, it's actually really nice to do things by yourself sometimes. I often go out alone, and I feel just fine. It's nice to be able to just relax and feel free to do what you want.

posted May 31, 2012 12:26 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
thanks all

I don't want to be emo or whiny or a crybaby or anything, but no way can I ask anyone in real life about this. I can't go to anyone in real life about anything, except therapy.

It does frustrate me that even when I try to focus on myself, it doesn't produce results. My Mars in Capricorn gets really annoyed with that. I mean, I'm trying to do the Aries stuff, boom, it should happen, but it's not. I act like I don't care, like people don't matter, put my energy into my interests, and everything should turn around, but it doesn't. I've been working on my collections (I collect a few things, mostly vintage compact mirrors and hats), have been going on some film binges, etc., but I mean, why isn't me being alone and away from people getting them to come back? Isn't that how this acting like the north node thing supposed to work?

I only really made one invitation recently, and it was for a reunion of a group that I'd once been a part of (not a therapy group). That was a disaster. No one can go, and I get the feeling that some wouldn't even if they could. I'm going to avoid them for awhile and just not talk to them; it's just really embarrassing because I agonized over the decision to even try to do a reunion in the first place, found something cool to do, made sure to include everyone/not exclude anybody, picked something everyone would like (or tried to), and nothing. It was the wrong thing to do. And I hadn't made an invitation in a really long time, either, except one friend who I haven't seen in a long time, but she contacted me first.

What else, if anything, should I be learning from my Aries north node? Is there something else that I am missing? I've posted before, I've gone over it before, but is there some other part of Aries that I have not explored? I hate to keep going over and over the same thing, but there must be something that I've overlooked or that I'm missing.

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Well your Mars in Capricorn is a Cardinal sign Just like Aries.So they can work really well together with your NN Aries.

posted May 31, 2012 12:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Not at all, lol. But I just noticed you say this, or at least in the threads that I have seen and remember your posts from - "I am like this/I use this/I prefer this - I don't want to get into an argument about it". I was just surprised, why would you feel the need to defend your preferences, or why would you think they might be under strict scrutinity? Why would you feel the need to add that to your posts? I was just surprised since I didn't think anyone would be at your throat because you don't want kids or whatever. You are who you are, you want what you want (or don't want), hell, don't ask permission and don't apologize to ANYONE about that lol. Don't defend your choices or preferences, there is nothing wrong with them the way they are.
Hope you don't think I'm coming on too strongly - far from it. Just that I'm an Aries lol and since your NN is there, I wanted to throw that at you and tell you hey, it's okay to be who you are, don't feel defensive about that and if anyone has a problem with it - it's just that, [b]their problem. [/B]

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See, that's what I like about you guys (Aries). You have that ability to just do your thing. And you're direct. As difficult as it is for me to be direct, I like that about Aries people. It's so much less frustrating to deal with you guys because you just SAY things and don't make people read your mind (maybe some of the more watery-influenced ones, but not the average Aries).

Libras (or at least this one) feel so much pressure to not be who we are. I do feel pressure to apologize or rationalize how I am and who I am at times. Sometimes, too, people will make ignorant comments to me (like "oh everyone says that" or "you'll change your mind"), and I just don't feel like arguing about it because I know I've thought everything through, analyzed it to death, know that I'm right, and don't want to be criticized or anything, or to have a big argument. I honestly hate confrontation, fighting, conflict. I find them fascinating in literature or film, but not real life when I'm involved in it. Aries people are a lot braver about that. Libras really hate to lose friends/feel like they've rocked the boat--I have to be really pushed/in trouble, feel very strongly about something, have solid evidence, or else be worried about the consequences of not saying anything in order to speak up when I know that it'll cause problems.

posted May 31, 2012 12:40 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
thanks all

I don't want to be emo or whiny or a crybaby or anything, but no way can I ask anyone in real life about this. I can't go to anyone in real life about anything, except therapy.

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Lol, maybe it really is a SN in the 11H sort of thing because I am like that too. Are you a therapist or attend therapy? I go to therapy and it's been very helpful for me. I can't believe almost 6 months ago I wanted to end my life and now my therapist thinks soon I'm not going to need her help anymore. Therapy is great! I dislike it being bashed in here, I think it works if you have a good therapist and allow it to work on you - otherwise why bother. Anyway, off topic rant over.

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
It does frustrate me that even when I try to focus on myself, it doesn't produce results. My Mars in Capricorn gets really annoyed with that. I mean, I'm trying to do the Aries stuff, boom, it should happen, but it's not. I act like I don't care, like people don't matter, put my energy into my interests, and everything should turn around, but it doesn't. I've been working on my collections (I collect a few things, mostly vintage compact mirrors and hats), have been going on some film binges, etc., but I mean, why isn't me being alone and away from people getting them to come back? Isn't that how this acting like the north node thing supposed to work?

---

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
What else, if anything, should I be learning from my Aries north node? Is there something else that I am missing? I've posted before, I've gone over it before, but is there some other part of Aries that I have not explored? I hate to keep going over and over the same thing, but there must be something that I've overlooked or that I'm missing.

---

posted May 31, 2012 12:46 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:

It's like no one ever wants to do anything with me. I don't always get replies from people when I talk to them, which tells me that they think that I'm creepy, weird, and a freak, and don't want to talk to me.

---

I definitely relate to this and have exactly the same problem with not getting responses, and I draw much the same conclusions as you about being unlikeable. I also see a therapist for anxiety, who's reminded me it's a big jump to make from lack of response to assuming you know what people think of you, and for me, a symptom of agoraphobia. I was just sharing my experience of having an 11th House Pluto yesterday and experiencing inexplicable breaks in communication with friends. I was experiencing a very bad period in this regard a couple of months ago.

posted May 31, 2012 12:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Uh... I see you've put a lot of energy into this and it's really getting you down. I'm really sorry. Don't give up though, you will get to it eventually. You're still very young, it usually takes a lifetime to grow into your NN, especially having a strong influence in the opposite sign. Heck, I fear I will never grow into my Gemini NN with 4 Sag planets, 2 of them being on SN. Just have to keep on trying.
The thing about Aries energy is that it is really very much self-absorbed. It's always ME, ME, ME, while for Libras it's always about your relationship with others. I get that it is uncomfortable. We're also individualists and quite selfish sometimes, because we put us first, which makes us assertive and confident. Were also very honest people, sometimes I have trouble with Libras because of that (at least my last ex), since you guys always sugarcoat (which I hate lol) and I'm always very blunt (which you guys hate lol). To me it's very important to be totally honest with oneself and others, even if it's hurtful at times, but truth should be said as is.

---

I actually do go to a therapist. I go to one individually and then two others as part of a group, though those aren't as frequent. I feel like I'm making progress in the group settings, but not the individual one. That is, I'm doing better in the group-related issues than I am the individual ones.

My therapist is good (and a Virgo, and accepting of astrology/interested in the archetypes; from her, I learned that you can iron paper so yeah, she's like super-Virgo haha).

I think that you made a good point about it not being an act, but really feeling it. Maybe that's what I've overlooked. Honestly, I need some alone time, but I don't enjoy all of my alone time because it feels like too much right now. So, maybe what I have to try is to figure out how to enjoy the alone time that's too much--the 'extra' alone time.

posted May 31, 2012 12:51 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
Hi Regardes,

I'd like to chime in and try to help you a bit, if I can.

I have the exact opposite "problem" - my South Node is on my ASC (Aries vibe) so I am quite independent to the point that I have lost quite a few friends because of it.

I simply do not "need" a lot of friends, but maybe that is because my Saturn is in the 11th.

My "path" in life is actually to get closer to people and form steady, reliable relationships. Needless to say, it's been a struggle. And it doesn't help that I tend to attract people who are intense in their relationships, I often attract people who have stuff in their 11th and friendship is really important to them. So it's always a hard lesson, because I tend to feel suffocated and want to run away.

It's gotten a lot better over the years mainly thanks to the internet, because that way I have my personal space but can still talk to people.

Anyway, back on topic, I think what you'd need to do is to relax first. Whenever you talk to people, anyone, try to be as peaceful as you can, inside. It sounds like you are very tense in your dealings with people and they may sense that tension which can make them uncomfortable.

I don't think your goal is to become super independent to the point of being alone, not at all, I think you just need to change your perception on things and how they affect you. You're trying to cling to your SN which wants to be part of a community, of a group, to fit in and be welcomed. But in doing that, you encounter obstacles and pain because that's not where you should go.

I think that if you genuinely start focusing on your creativity, your wants and needs *other than friendship*, and pursue them in a free, almost "careless" way, your relationships will improve. Simply because you won't be so concerned about them. It will go naturally and without strain, because they won't be the main focus of your life.

It's kind of like when you try to grasp something so bad but it keeps slipping away, and the more you try, the more it eludes you. But if you start letting go, if you just stop for a moment and find your inner peace, and let things flow without trying so hard, things slowly fall into place.

So, my advice to you, is to try and let go of the negative feelings you have toward people in general, or your relationships with some of them; try to think less about it and focus more on what you like doing, regardless of what others think. Find your own, individual path.

As someone previously stated, Faith I think, it's actually really nice to do things by yourself sometimes. I often go out alone, and I feel just fine. It's nice to be able to just relax and feel free to do what you want.

I hope you'll find a good balance soon and feel better. There is definitely hope!

---

To be honest, I do feel tense in dealings with people because I just feel so pressured to not come off as creepy or weird. I know that I'm expressive and intense and that I have to hide that as much as I possibly can, and I worry about not hiding it enough/well enough. To be fair, I have an anxiety disorder (have an on-paper diagnosis from a diagnostician), so I worry a lot in general. While I feel like I'm making some progress about handling anxiety with other things, people-related things is like the hardest one for me to get over/work through. I can talk myself down on other things (not 100% of the time, and not about all things, but more than in the past), but I think because people and relationships are so important to me, it's harder to do that there).