posted March 06, 2013 08:04 PM            

Basically.... when I consider someone a friend... It means that I really care about them and want them in my life.
There is a difference between being acquaintances and being friends.. being friends is closer.. and I try my best to be a good friend to people.

I guess it surprises me when men sometimes have the reaction "grrrrrrr why did she say that??? why did she say *friend*??? why am I being friend-zoned?"

I feel like - Dude! you should be happy you are friend-zoned. It's not like I call everyone a *friend*.
This means I will now DO things for YOU, like buy you birthday presents, hear you out when you have problems, pick you up at 3 am when you've had too much to drink after a bad break-up, help you financially when you get stranded in a small-politically corrupt country with no money or passport.
It's a *good* thing.

But if I feel like that other person does not appreciate my friendship... and reacts kind of like:

"*pouts* ummmmm but I don't wanna be just friends..... this sux balls......"

The only thing going through my mind is.. "OK then. Congratulations! I hope the other friends you have will be as loyal and have your back as much as I would have. Good bye."

posted March 06, 2013 08:05 PM            

quote:

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i think it's just media

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Maybe it is.

But I could not compare "he or she is not that into you" with "friend zone".

posted March 06, 2013 08:13 PM            

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Gemini Sun
Libra Moon
Gemini Mercury
Cancer Venus
Virgo Mars
Virgo Asc

posted March 06, 2013 08:28 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
Sorry to go on and on here.... lol

Basically.... when I consider someone a friend... It means that I really care about them and want them in my life.
There is a difference between being acquaintances and being friends.. being friends is closer.. and I try my best to be a good friend to people.

I guess it surprises me when men sometimes have the reaction "grrrrrrr why did she say that??? why did she say *friend*??? why am I being friend-zoned?"

I feel like - Dude! you should be happy you are friend-zoned. It's not like I call everyone a *friend*.
This means I will now DO things for YOU, like buy you birthday presents, hear you out when you have problems, pick you up at 3 am when you've had too much to drink after a bad break-up, help you financially when you get stranded in a small-politically corrupt country with no money or passport.
It's a *good* thing.

But if I feel like that other person does not appreciate my friendship... and reacts kind of like:

"*pouts* ummmmm but I don't wanna be just friends..... this sux balls......"

The only thing going through my mind is.. "OK then. Congratulations! I hope the other friends you have will be as loyal and have your back as much as I would have. Good bye."

I know this is a bitter reaction on my part ^... but I can't help it. It really sh*ts me.

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me thinks women take offense being put in a harem as well.

posted March 06, 2013 08:31 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
Because I am VERY into my friends.

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posted March 06, 2013 08:38 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
Sorry to go on and on here.... lol

Basically.... when I consider someone a friend... It means that I really care about them and want them in my life.
There is a difference between being acquaintances and being friends.. being friends is closer.. and I try my best to be a good friend to people.

I guess it surprises me when men sometimes have the reaction "grrrrrrr why did she say that??? why did she say *friend*??? why am I being friend-zoned?"

I feel like - Dude! you should be happy you are friend-zoned. It's not like I call everyone a *friend*.
This means I will now DO things for YOU, like buy you birthday presents, hear you out when you have problems, pick you up at 3 am when you've had too much to drink after a bad break-up, help you financially when you get stranded in a small-politically corrupt country with no money or passport.
It's a *good* thing.

But if I feel like that other person does not appreciate my friendship... and reacts kind of like:

"*pouts* ummmmm but I don't wanna be just friends..... this sux balls......"

The only thing going through my mind is.. "OK then. Congratulations! I hope the other friends you have will be as loyal and have your back as much as I would have. Good bye."

I know this is a bitter reaction on my part ^... but I can't help it. It really sh*ts me.

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posted March 06, 2013 10:18 PM            

quote:

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for the bad i deal with those myself or my partner. i just need 1 person. not a lot.

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That's different to the way I am.. but I guess it's also conditioning, since men are conditioned to keep everything to themselves.
Have you ever been in a situation where you couldn't help yourself and your partner could not either?
And if you were in such a situation - who would you turn to?
Or do you think that it will never come to that?

I'm curious whether you also feel this way - when it comes to other people.. so for instance - if a friend of yours had a problem of some sort, would you feel like it is up to him (or her) and their partner... to deal with the problem -- and would you not offer to help in any way?

quote:

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me thinks women take offense being put in a harem as well

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posted March 06, 2013 10:18 PM            

quote:

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Probably because you only want to be involved with people you intend on keeping in your life

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posted March 06, 2013 10:22 PM            

Venus Sign: Sagittarius
9th House in Aries
Venus in 4th House
Venus (Sagittarius) conjunction Mars (Sagittarius)
Venus (Sagittarius) conjunction Jupiter (Sagittarius)

posted March 06, 2013 10:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by peregrine:
. but i don't want to rely on them for that. friendship is very social to me. just the good times. for the bad i deal with those myself or my partner. i just need 1 person. not a lot.

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posted March 06, 2013 10:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by peregrine:
me thinks women take offense being put in a harem as well.

i suppose friendship to me does not go that deep like the situations you describe. are there people that would do that for me? sure. but i don't want to rely on them for that. friendship is very social to me. just the good times. for the bad i deal with those myself or my partner. i just need 1 person. not a lot.

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Somebody, bless this post.

posted March 06, 2013 10:41 PM              

quote:

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That's different to the way I am.. but I guess it's also conditioning, since men are conditioned to keep everything to themselves.
Have you ever been in a situation where you couldn't help yourself and your partner could not either?
And if you were in such a situation - who would you turn to?
Or do you think that it will never come to that?

I'm curious whether you also feel this way - when it comes to other people.. so for instance - if a friend of yours had a problem of some sort, would you feel like it is up to him (or her) and their partner... to deal with the problem -- and would you not offer to help in any way?

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yes. i am a h7 sun afterall. v different.

i would turn to family.

the only scenario i can think of is financial and i imagine them to be out of reach from most friendships.

i am actually a good friend. i've bailed friends out from idiotic gambling debts. i listen to them whine about the frigid b1tch they date. i give the occasional gifts but they are many so i usually just pick them up something on my travels. never bdays. i do have women friends too or i used to lol until i decided to complicate things by sleeping with them.

posted March 06, 2013 11:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
Am I too intense about this?

Maybe it's because I've been through a lot of different things in my life... and I just think it's important to have people there who care and who you also care about.
Not just random "lovers"...

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posted March 06, 2013 11:16 PM            

I still think that to an extent this definition somehow applies to female friends, especially to female friends considering how many of them are really good at putting on the we're best buddies act only to stab you in the back.
However I've realized and learned not to define friendship with the opposite sex as such.
Friendshp with the opposite sex is more about being social, to me, nowadays. You have a good laugh with them. You entertain each other. You can discuss various subjects. But it doesn't imply an "emotional connection" or deeply caring for the other person. If I start having an emotional connection with a guy then there's no need for me to tell myself that well that's because he's a good friend, a bit like my very close female friend whom I can share things with.
If I have an emotional connection with a guy, then it's because I care. It's because I'm attached to him in some way. And that to me is romantic love, or at the very least love.

I'm not sure I could be close friends with a guy and remain "just" friends, at least not the way I define it. And that would be stupid of me to be in denial and think he's a friend when he's someone I love and care about.
At the same time I knew that if I was "just" friends with a guy and thus never had that emotional connection to him then things are likely to stay that way unless he seeks to take things to another level.

So that's the way I see it. Friendship and romantic love are two different things to me. I doubt friendship can ever make up for the lack of love in a relationship. And if two people who love each other are each other best friends I still believe that this is precisely because they love each other and not the other way around.

posted March 06, 2013 11:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
I was wondering why the whole "friend zone"-hatred is mostly attributed to men.

Are men more likely to place greater importance on sex/romance than friendship?

Or do you thing it is more so age-related?

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posted March 06, 2013 11:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
Am I too intense about this?

Maybe it's because I've been through a lot of different things in my life... and I just think it's important to have people there who care and who you also care about.
Not just random "lovers"...

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This really reminds me of what I used to tell myself few years ago.
I simply wanted people who I cared about and would care about me. But I' ve been so disappointed by my own high expectation of what I thougt a friend should be. I can't blame them though. I believe I was expecting something that simply couldn't occur in this context. Aside from some rare case where peple meet true caring lovely friends who they stick with for many years, most friendships can't really provide the love and the care you'll find either through a loving family or through a loving partner (whom yo ucan eventually start a family with !)

posted March 06, 2013 11:32 PM            

quote:

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i'll just call out all your BS coz ima know it all SAG SN lol and we will be FRENEMIES

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LOL

ueharaa -

I have Capricorn Moon & Venus in Taurus (11th)

quote:

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If I start having an emotional connection with a guy then there's no need for me to tell myself that well that's because he's a good friend, a bit like my very close female friend whom I can share things with.
If I have an emotional connection with a guy, then it's because I care. It's because I'm attached to him in some way.

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I am not at all like this.
I can have a close emotional connection - that is completely non-romantic with a guy. Out of everyone in my life now.. there are two guys who I am close to and not romantic towards. One is gay, but the other is hetero.

quote:

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Friendshp with the opposite sex is more about being social, to me, nowadays. You have a good laugh with them. You entertain each other.

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I see what you mean... but I'm not that interested in just "hanging out" if there is no substance to the relationship. I want to know if they are going to be there for me when I need them (as I would be) or not.
I think I mentally divide people into those I can count on - and those I cannot count on.

aqua guy -

quote:

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i dont want this to turn into a big argument, but when a guy uses the term "friendzone" he isnt talking about a true friend. he is talking about a girl who uses friendship as an excuse not to date him even though she isnt a true friend.

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Oh Ok. Well that makes sense!
But some guys don't think a woman is able to be a true friend at all. That's my beef.

posted March 06, 2013 11:53 PM            

quote:

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I see what you mean... but I'm not that interested in just "hanging out" if there is no substance to the relationship. I want to know if they are going to be there for me when I need them (as I would be) or not.
I think I mentally divide people in those I can count on - and those I cannot count on.

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I get what you're saying. That's how I used to view things. Maybe it's a capricorn moon thing looking for ecurity and investing in things that are worth it in the end.
I remember in high school even though I would get on well with pretty much everyone, I considered none of these people to be my friends for those very precise reasons you gave. And I absolutely hated the idea of hanging out with people who meant nothing just for the sake of not being alone. However I belive that ebacsue of this behavior I became very stand off-ish. Eventually my airy venus needs social interaction, even if meaningless and leading nowhere. It's always interesting.

quote:

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I can have a close emotional connection - that is completely non-romantic with a guy.

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posted March 06, 2013 11:55 PM            

quote:

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women prioritize their romantic relationships

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I really don't do this.
But maybe most people do.
I know quite a few girls who do... maybe some guys as well.

quote:

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but if a girl is actually a friend and doesnt make herself a stranger we dont have a problem.

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posted March 06, 2013 11:57 PM            

quote:

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I can't do that. If I care about someone and have a close emotional connection with them, to me this means I love them. An I am going to want them to reciprocate the care else I'll feel sort of rejected.

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posted March 07, 2013 12:02 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Odette,

I am just going to be completely honest with ya,my opinion is that women who are in relationships cant be true friends to a guy in most cases. the reason being that most women prioritize their romantic relationships and obsess about their boyfriends while completely ignoring their guy friends. most of the time they only think of their guy friend when things are going bad with their boyfriends. so they think "hmm, he is a guy, maybe he can give me advice." so they begin blowing up the guy friends phone until they patch things up with the boyfriend and then they get quiet all of a sudden. so when a guy like me heres a woman say"lets be friends or i only see you as a friend." we think"oh *** ! she wants me to be her relationship therapist." but if a girl is actually a friend and doesnt make herself a stranger we dont have a problem.

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I agree with this. Actually this isn't a girl thing. Guys do this too. They do it a lot.
That's what made me change my mind about the whole friendship with the opposite sex thing. Eventually most people care mostly about their partner and their family. Then come their friends (same gender) and lastly come their friends of the opposite sex (assuming they're heterosexual of course).
I have yet to meet a guy that while he is in long term relatinship with a woman he loves, still is a good, caring ,true friend to his female friends. It's even more blatlantly obvious if the concerned female friend is single.

posted March 07, 2013 12:08 AM            

quote:

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Eventually most people care mostly about their partner and their family. Then come their friends (same gender) and lastly come their friends of the opposite sex

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