posted March 07, 2013 07:55 AM            

Romances come and go,but friends always stay. I cant imagine my life without my best friends. Through pain and joy they have always been there for me no matter what. When past boyfriends hurt me, my friend was there, when my father kicked me out my friends where there, even when my own mother betrayed me, my frienda were again there. Listening to me, letting them find comfort in their hug.

I can talk to my best friend about every little single thing that makes me sad. Reveal eveything to her,trust her to death. I can be goofy with my friends,talk about our boyfriends, get all excited about a first date with a new guy

"FRIENDSHIP IS A SINGLE SOUL DWELLING IN TWO BODIES" - Aristotle

So sorry for this long message, but this topic made me realise how much I love my best friends
And yeah I'm an Aqua Sun and being so devoted and loyal to my friends is probably the most obvioua Aquarian trait I posses.

posted March 07, 2013 08:12 AM            

Friends? Screw em. All of them were jerks or not as close to me as my lover is.

Venus in Gemini
Fifth House
Square Jupiter

posted March 07, 2013 08:15 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by peregrine:
true. i dislike women swayed by her friends but i have gotten partners this way as well. just that in the long run you see it and it's disgusting how they don't have a mind of their own.

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posted March 07, 2013 09:01 AM              

quote:

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Originally posted by KarkaQueen:
My boyfriend use to hate my friend cause she slept around a lot and she was kind of bad. LOL he gets mad when I sometimes talk to her this day

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posted March 07, 2013 10:19 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
I'm curious, WHY is friendship important to you if one can't be emotionally invested in it at a deep level?

And btw, I wouldn't find it tough either, because if they wanted to be something other than friends then they still would be. I'd see his being available for her like that as a noble, mature thing that shows he can leave someone while still showing love rather than hate & bitterness, and if he's completely open about it then I trust him (if I didn't for some reason then we wouldn't be together in the first place). I know some do have a problem with it (and I think Venus Scorpio would) but not all do.

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Maybe I mis-represented myself slightly, what I'm saying is that I do value friendship but like Doux Reve says; there are some things that you just cannot get from a friendship, physical, emotional, and romantic intimacy all rolled into one. I hesitate to say, but if you get all these things from a friendship, then in my eyes, you either don't ever need a partner or 'romantic relationship' or you may be more than just friends with this person.

I don't know how close you are with your friends, and maybe i'm just speculating here, but I would have thought that generally people share more intimate things about themselves with romantic partners (again long term in love partnerships) than friends.

Maybe the reason why friendships tend to last is because there is that degree of separation to some extent, you don't live with your friend, sleep in the same bed, discuss whether you want children, careers, finances etc. Maybe I am just totally off base, but I see a committed romantic relationship as something where 2 people work together to build a life with each other, while accommodating their own individual needs, and working towards a future together.

Are you going to move in with your best friend, plan jobs and housing together, plan a future together, plan to have and raise children together? It's hyperbole, and ridiculous but that is what I am getting at, there are things that I feel friends cannot give you.

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
Personally... I think that when you feel bad or jealous about someone's behaviour.. it is not so much the things they are doing (like being in touch with their ex) - but EVERYTHING they are not doing enough of, daily - to make you feel appreciated and loved. Because if you felt like he really loved you, you wouldn't be jealous.

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Point taken, I understand, and can agree with some of the things you say. Although, I still feel that the majority of people are inherently selfish I would be interested to see how many people would be happy with their long term romantic partner keeping in touch with their ex, and by this I mean maybe once a week phone call for a couple of hours, maybe twice a week, I don't know what conditions to set. Then again, everyone is different.

quote:

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Originally posted by KarkaQueen:
Romantic love allows for a deeper connection of friendship, Faith is right.

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I agree with Faith and Karka, fundamentally a romantic love does involve a deep level of friendship, one that echoes or goes beyond that of a best friend in my opinion, and allows the exploration and growth and support of each other.

I didn't mean to say friendship isn't important, because it totally is.

I didn't mean to say that romantic love doesn't require or involve friendship because it totally does.

I am just saying that I feel personally, more people will find a romantic love more fulfilling than friendships.

Of course it depends on each person, maybe i'm just communicating my thoughts and feelings poorly.

- Chris

posted March 07, 2013 10:36 AM            

my dream has always been the 'be friends first, and then, we date'
but...how does this work? how do you create this?

i mean, you meet this guy, you want to take your time with him and be friends, do you plan everything so nothing romantic happens until months later?
i mean, how can you calculate these things when feelings are involved?
and, when knowing that in order to judge if someone is a good friend, you need to know the person for a long time...

"ok, i like him, but i want to be his friend first, so, no kissing, sex until...the third/fifth/seventh, etc month, by then, we should be good friends, and we can start dating...."

does anybody see what im trying to ask?

posted March 07, 2013 11:21 AM            

I definitely choose my friends over guys. Always.

posted March 07, 2013 12:36 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
tee hee ok hubby!! LoL

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posted March 07, 2013 01:45 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hikoro:
so....to the experts.

my dream has always been the 'be friends first, and then, we date'
but...how does this work? how do you create this?

i mean, you meet this guy, you want to take your time with him and be friends, do you plan everything so nothing romantic happens until months later?
i mean, how can you calculate these things when feelings are involved?
and, when knowing that in order to judge if someone is a good friend, you need to know the person for a long time...

"ok, i like him, but i want to be his friend first, so, no kissing, sex until...the third/fifth/seventh, etc month, by then, we should be good friends, and we can start dating...."

does anybody see what im trying to ask?

because, i can see this working great if you've already known a guy for years, that is, you already had a guy friend who you ended up liking.
but with a newcomer...how does that roll?

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anyone? please?
because what im seeing is that with a newcomer, you would have to manipulate things, either friendzone the guy or put your feelings aside in order to develop this friendship. i dont know how easy it is to be this calculating....

posted March 07, 2013 01:48 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hannaramaa:
I have the same dream as hikoro. I have Sun, Mercury, Venus in the 11H. Saturn in the 7H. Moon trine Saturn.

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sun, mercury and saturn in the 7h.
mars in aqua may have to do with it too.

posted March 07, 2013 01:59 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hikoro:
anyone? please?
because what im seeing is that with a newcomer, you would have to manipulate things, either friendzone the guy or put your feelings aside in order to develop this friendship. i dont know how easy it is to be this calculating....

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I don't really understand what you mean here.
The way I see it if you have romantic feelings for a guy, and don't want to get involved then you just take it slow. But the slow phase isn't necessarily a we're friend and that's all phase. It actually allows you to know that acting on your feelings isn't a foolish choice to make (which sometimes people fear when things happen too fast).

posted March 07, 2013 02:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ueharaa:

The way I see it if you have romantic feelings for a guy, and don't want to get involved then you just take it slow. But the slow phase isn't necessarily a we're friend and that's all phase. It actually allows you to know that acting on your feelings isn't a foolish choice to make (which sometimes people fear when things happen too fast).

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exactly. this is what i thought would be the scenario here, taking it slow.

quote:

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The way I see it the "be friends first, and then, we date" is something you can't create. It happens on its own. People are friends and as they get to know each other they sort of fall in love with one another.
If you already have romantic feelings for someone, it's difficult to put them on hold.

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bingo...putting them on hold would be difficult.

so, in conclusion, the friends first and then date later is more likely to occur with ol' guy friends.
that is exactly what i thought.
thanks

posted March 07, 2013 02:47 PM            

The result was, that i always had quite many guy friends, but i never had a long-term bf. Only some short-lived romances with guys, who did not want anything serious with me.

I always valued friendship much more than romance, but what i figured out was that you cant have a normal relationship if you put too much importance on friendship... so i distanced myself from some guy friends, and after that i met someone who became my first bf. And now he is one of my best friend too, as our relationship progressed. Which is awesome

posted March 08, 2013 05:08 PM            

I feel like friendship is extremely important...sometimes even more than romance. But true passion, sexual and spiritual, also holds my interest. I really want a soul-mate kind of partner. It's the Pisces influence, but the Saturn factor makes me want it to be the real deal even more.

Since my planets are mainly in the 11th, having a good person-to-person relationship with a partner is essential however. I'll probably meet them through friends or in a group, since my life lesson [NN there] seems to be making more friends with time and associating more and more with groups, despite my SN in Taurus and a Libra Sun.

posted March 08, 2013 06:28 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hikoro:
sun, mercury and saturn in the 7h.
mars in aqua may have to do with it too.

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posted March 09, 2013 12:02 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hikoro:
so....to the experts.

my dream has always been the 'be friends first, and then, we date'
but...how does this work? how do you create this?

i mean, you meet this guy, you want to take your time with him and be friends, do you plan everything so nothing romantic happens until months later?
i mean, how can you calculate these things when feelings are involved?
and, when knowing that in order to judge if someone is a good friend, you need to know the person for a long time...

"ok, i like him, but i want to be his friend first, so, no kissing, sex until...the third/fifth/seventh, etc month, by then, we should be good friends, and we can start dating...."

does anybody see what im trying to ask?

because, i can see this working great if you've already known a guy for years, that is, you already had a guy friend who you ended up liking.
but with a newcomer...how does that roll?

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Can't you just meet for coffee or whatever, find common interests, and either bond that way or mix at friend's events?

posted March 09, 2013 12:32 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Swift Freeze:
Maybe I mis-represented myself slightly, what I'm saying is that I do value friendship but like Doux Reve says; there are some things that you just cannot get from a friendship, physical, emotional, and romantic intimacy all rolled into one. I hesitate to say, but if you get all these things from a friendship, then in my eyes, you either don't ever need a partner or 'romantic relationship' or you may be more than just friends with this person.

I don't know how close you are with your friends, and maybe i'm just speculating here, but I would have thought that generally people share more intimate things about themselves with romantic partners (again long term in love partnerships) than friends.

Maybe the reason why friendships tend to last is because there is that degree of separation to some extent, you don't live with your friend, sleep in the same bed, discuss whether you want children, careers, finances etc. Maybe I am just totally off base, but I see a committed romantic relationship as something where 2 people work together to build a life with each other, while accommodating their own individual needs, and working towards a future together.

Are you going to move in with your best friend, plan jobs and housing together, plan a future together, plan to have and raise children together? It's hyperbole, and ridiculous but that is what I am getting at, there are things that I feel friends cannot give you.

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A romantic relationship can be seen as another layer added onto friendship, but both close friends and romantic partners are uniquely valuable to me. Sometimes I can relax with my BFF and even other friends in ways that I can't always with a partner. And there are friends and then there are very special friends (not to be confused with unrequited love). And btw, friends do move in together, share kids and responsibilities, finances, and the like as well. Heck, I moved in with one friend before we became romantic partners (and are now friends again).

Do I NEED a romantic relationship? I'm not sure that I do, actually. I need close friends but I could live a celibate life without someone living with me. I've greatly enjoyed living by myself the last time I did it and it was very reluctantly that I entered into a new relationship and even more reluctantly (after a few months and forced to by circumstances) moved in with someone else (though I don't regret it).

I've known my current partner since 2009, and she is very special (yes, we're both women). Yet in contrast I've known my current BFF since 2001, and we've been through so much together, helped each other out financially, gave each other a place to stay, and stood by each other thick and thin. I chased a guy off her once that acted like he was about to rape her while she in turn, that same day, took a risk for me that kept me out of jail and possibly prison, and then later we worked together to get rid of that obnoxious person permanently. We've not only share so many years of powerful memories that bond us together but I doubt there's anything left that we haven't told the other about ourselves, in part because we find each other so fascinating, but also because there is such perfect love & trust between us. We both agree that it's too bad she's 100% heterosexual because we're like soul mates (and she's never been able to be with a man for more than a few months at a time before she gets sick of him), but we just can't enter into a romantic relationship, even to me it would feel weird.

Now imagine if I had a BFF that I'd grown up with, from say when I was 5 years old...how could anyone met in 2009 possibly "outdo" someone a person has been tight with since 1987?

But anyway, that said...what does ANY of what you said there have to do with someone still being friends with an ex (or even anyone), being there, listening to their problems, and being close to one another? You quoted where I said I'd be fine with it but then didn't touch on it at all (instead saying why a romantic relationship beats friendship which is irrelevant at best). Even IF everything you said was undeniably true (which it's not, but say it is), then why would you feel threatened? After all, by your own admission, a friendship could never match a romantic partner, so why feel threatened by friends (even an ex that one no longer lives with) being so close?

posted March 09, 2013 07:01 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Do you see what I'm trying to say?

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no....
i think the dynamics are different.
because in some cases, you already like the person.....
it is not about 'let's have sex right away'....it is that in this case, the option will be to take things slow...