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Author
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Topic: Friendship is more important than Romantic Love
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PixieJane
Moderator Posts: 7407
From: CA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted March 09, 2013 08:28 PM
  
quote:
Originally posted by hikoro:
no....
i think the dynamics are different.
because in some cases, you already like the person.....
it is not about 'let's have sex right away'....it is that in this case, the option will be to take things slow...i know what it is to be friends first and then, develop romantic feelings later.
but, when you already like the person and see that individual as a potential partner...
the dynamics change.
In your case, don't try, especially if you see it as "calculating" (ie, head games).
But you want to be friends first anyway? Best I can think of is going on dates that are of mutual interest. That is, skip the "movie/burger/backseat" methods (in various forms, but that's what it boils down to) many seem to prefer and perhaps go to an astronomy club, or surfing, or sharing a book and discussing it. For example, my current partner who has a passion for history was intrigued with me after I was able to have an intelligent conversation about it and so followed up (just when we first started to bond romantically) with giving me a book originally written by an Ancient Greek (translated of course) that she did a paper on while in college. Within a week I'd read it and we had a mutually enjoyable conversation about it (which included my comparing & contrasting with similar philosophers and how & why it made me decide something regarding Machiavelli). She told me later that conversation was when she knew I was someone she could enjoy spending the rest of her life with (granted, there's a lot more to our relationship than that). IP: Logged |
Sikanda
Knowflake Posts: 249
From: 28080
Registered: Aug 2015
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posted November 25, 2015 06:37 PM
I think these are two loves pf two different natures, but both necessary for a person to grow.IP: Logged |
Gemini Blues
Knowflake Posts: 936
From: The future... or the past. I get them confused...
Registered: May 2014
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posted November 25, 2015 07:14 PM
But... But... But... Noooo...!Venus conjunct NN! Part of a grand water trine with Saturn and the Asc! Must. Find. Mate!  IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 6513
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 25, 2015 08:34 PM
But mine is conjunct NN as well.. in the 11th.
I'm still not sold on romantic love trumping everything!IP: Logged |
Gemini Blues
Knowflake Posts: 936
From: The future... or the past. I get them confused...
Registered: May 2014
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posted November 25, 2015 09:59 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
But mine is conjunct NN as well.. in the 11th.
I'm still not sold on romantic love trumping everything!
Perhaps the clue is in the houses. Mine in the 9th, a fire house, and in Cancer. IP: Logged |
Desiring Shadows
Knowflake Posts: 3152
From: UNITED STATES, BABY
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted November 26, 2015 02:48 AM
Naw, I like romantic love better..I especially like when you are friends with your lover More unconditional more accepting IP: Logged |
meowpower
Knowflake Posts: 146
From: Pennsylvania, USA
Registered: Feb 2014
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posted November 26, 2015 02:57 AM
I think that they're both important and both of them can exist in the presence of each other. However, I feel romantic love is more of a survival thing only because it usually includes sex and the passing of your genetic code.Love is love, and you can love someone more than you love your sexual partner, but not have sex with that person and vice versa. My venus is in Pisces at 7 degrees, combust my Sun (apparently), conjunct Mercury, conjunct Saturn, square Pluto, square NN, opposite Chiron, opposite MC, and last but not least, trine my jupiter. IP: Logged |
geminigal2805
Knowflake Posts: 1403
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted November 26, 2015 03:15 AM
For me Romantic love trumps friendship. Any given day.
what I share with my husband is impossible to have with a friend. Its like you cry, I bleed!
I have great friends but I will cry along with them.. I will feel their pain.. I will fight along with them but I'm not gonna take the fight away from them at my expense so they dont have to feel the pain. Friends are friends. I have never been attracted to any guy friends of mine. Its like I have already decided within the first few seconds if I will ever have any romanctic interest in you or not. Its already decided. Ofcourse u can mess it up and u can become meh!
Having said that, in a happy love relationship, u need to share some common interests/things to learn from each other/grow with each other. A natural affinity for the other person to have that long lasting love.
I know its accepted to say lovers should be friends first. You need to LIKE your lover as a person. Doesnt mean they have to be your friend. For me its easy to compartmentalise the guys in my life. Its actually good for mental health and to stay away from anything that might jeopardise my relationship.ewww long post.
Gemini Sun (11th house)
10th house Venus in Aries
Leo moon in 2nd house
Men who seriously loved me have always said they could never see me as a friend.
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Odette
Moderator Posts: 6513
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 26, 2015 04:40 AM
quote:
what I share with my husband is impossible to have with a friend. Its like you cry, I bleed!
I'm more like.. "You cry, I'll try my best to fix things (or make things better) in any possible way I can" - and I'm the same in a romantic or friends-only context! But I don't bleed. IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 6513
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 26, 2015 04:40 AM
DPIP: Logged |
Char25
Knowflake Posts: 45
From: Sydney, nsw, Australia
Registered: May 2013
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posted November 26, 2015 04:56 AM
I TOTALLY DISAGREE !!!!! FRIENDSHIP MATTERS LITTLE in a relationship (to me at least). Romance is high prority - however keep in mind i have a chart full of Pisces/Libra moon/venus in Aries - venus trine mars/trine uranus etc. IP: Logged |
Lunar Pisces
unregistered
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posted November 26, 2015 07:47 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
I was wondering why the whole "friend zone"-hatred is mostly attributed to men.
Because it's a deeply hetero-sexist construct that presents a woman's sexual availability as a man's primary motivation to have any kind of relationship with her at all. It is about how a man's sexual conquests define his masculinity--or lack of it--in our grossly patriarchal, heteronormative culture: being a woman's friend is deemed only a means to a sexual conquest and being only her friend is thus deemed a failure of a man to "be a man". That it is why this "friend-zone" garbage is "attributed" to men.Anyhow, for me a deep, genuine friendship, especially one with an intellectual connection, with someone I'm attracted to IS romantic love. I cannot see romantic love being worth anything without friendship at its core and I cannot have romantic feelings for someone who I do not first want to be friends with. Without friendship, romantic love is just a silly, childish self-deluding charade. Gemini Venus in 9th, conjunct Saturn and Amor, opposite Jupiter/Neptune, trine Uranus Let me add that I think that our heteronormative society seriously mindf***ks people into thinking friendships cannot be genuinely intimate, but freindships are the foremost way most people experience any kind of genuine intimacy. But to keep everyone in their place, society likes to shame people for having particularly intimate friendships that are not sexual, like homophobic teasing men about " bromances" or women about being "lesbians" when they develop uniquely intimate friendships with someone of the same sex, or barrage heterosocial friends (men and woman who are just friends) with expectations that their relationship should be sexual. Moreover, how society conditions us to see friendship as not really intimacy tends to make people overvalue social constructs and myths about romantic love, because we all yearn for intimacy--that is normal. But society screws us over by saying we cannot have intimacy except through a few, very rigid ways. IP: Logged |
Soltze
Knowflake Posts: 1078
From:
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted November 26, 2015 08:09 AM
You can't (usually) express sexual desire for a friend. So if I wan't to be with someone I definitively don't wan't to be friendzoned. I wan't to get to know someone but it's different from friendship. You show different sides of yourself.I don't even connect it with heteronormativity since I've been through this with both men and women (more with women). Specially in lesbian contexts it's so bad...I can't even. Romantic love is way better than friendship because it requires more. A person can have a ton of friends, but someone suited to be a partner/lover? There aren't many who can be that compatible. IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 6513
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 26, 2015 03:23 PM
quote:
Let me add that I think that our heteronormative society seriously mindf***ks people into thinking friendships cannot be genuinely intimate, but freindships are the foremost way most people experience any kind of genuine intimacy
Exactly! Word for word. Are you a Tiger in Chinese? IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 6513
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 26, 2015 03:28 PM
quote:
if I wan't to be with someone I definitively don't wan't to be friendzoned.
This is what I said on page 2: quote:
Basically.... when I consider someone a friend... It means that I really care about them and want them in my life.
There is a difference between being acquaintances and being friends.. being friends is closer.. and I try my best to be a good friend to people.I guess it surprises me when men sometimes have the reaction "grrrrrrr why did she say that??? why did she say *friend*??? why am I being friend-zoned?" I feel like - Dude! you should be happy you are friend-zoned. It's not like I call everyone a *friend*.
This means I will now DO things for YOU, like buy you birthday presents, hear you out when you have problems, pick you up at 3 am when you've had too much to drink after a bad break-up, help you financially when you get stranded in a small-politically corrupt country with no money or passport.
It's a *good* thing. But if I feel like that other person does not appreciate my friendship... and reacts kind of like: "*pouts* ummmmm but I don't wanna be just friends..... this sux balls......" The only thing going through my mind is.. "OK then. Congratulations! I hope the other friends you have will be as loyal and have your back as much as I would have. Good bye." I know this is a bitter reaction on my part ^... but I can't help it. It really sh*ts me.
IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 6513
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 26, 2015 03:31 PM
I'm also on the asexual spectrum though, so sex means less than nothing to me, 99% of the time.But even if I wasn't, I still don't think I would let sex take over my ability to interact with other humans and connect on a soul level.
Because what's the point in being born and being here at all otherwise? The idea that one is born to reproduce (so that others are also born) and then die - is something I find redundant, inaccurate and wholly based on the very narrow physical reality we are able to access. IP: Logged |
Soltze
Knowflake Posts: 1078
From:
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted November 26, 2015 03:48 PM
No, my perspective is different than yours.I don't need any help or whatever friends do.
That's a nanny. If I wan't to talk about my problems I'll just pay a shrink. Friendships can't truly be intimate. They can be fun and nice but not much more than that. If I let anyone touch me, hug me or whatever I want sex. Period. (And don't give me the parents exemple or something. No one touchs me. Like never) I go with friends to events or bars, but that's pretty much all they're good for. All the times I let them know more about my life, it became weird and negative. IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 6513
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 26, 2015 04:15 PM
Indeed. Only nannies and shrinks we pay should proverbially help their neighbour. And a friend in need may well be a friend indeed - but who cares, since friends don't exist?
^ Fascinating perspective. And if you let someone touch you, you do it for sex?
Ok.
But you should know that this ^ in and of itself is not a "perspective" as much as it is what many psychologists would refer to as dysfunctional interpersonal behaviour
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2VCwBzGdPM&sns=em IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 6513
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 26, 2015 04:17 PM
NvmIP: Logged |
Soltze
Knowflake Posts: 1078
From:
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted November 26, 2015 04:33 PM
Well that's your opinion and here it's worth as much as mine. So refrain for commenting on my interventions.I didn't ask for your "diagnosis". You're off topic by the way. IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 6513
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted November 26, 2015 04:50 PM
Not allowing someone to touch you unless it's for sex, is not an opinion.
It's a mode of behaviour.But ok. I am sorry about diagnosing.
It's not actually any of my business. I kind of wish I hadn't read it. IP: Logged |
DualGem
Newflake Posts: 19
From:
Registered: Oct 2015
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posted November 26, 2015 05:29 PM
Gemini Sun, 5th houseVenus Taurus, 4th house
Venus Sexile Mars
Venus trine Neptune
Venus opposite pluto. I generally prefer friendship first before jumping into anything. I have a really great platonic friendship with a Leo who's mars conjuncts my Taurus Venus. There are definitely sparks, but she's in a committed relationship and I dare not ruin it. Plus I have to worry about grad school, so I have no time. Its great because there are times when men need to understand women and she's the one to turn to. No question is to small. I've said to her many times "You must think I don't know jack" and she gives me a kind response such as...some guys wouldn't know. IP: Logged |
LeeLoo2014
Knowflake Posts: 16985
From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014
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posted November 26, 2015 05:38 PM
Nope 
Romantic love is the most important in romance, but, from a certain point on it can't but coexist with a deep friendship.
Yet romantic love is the core of romance.But from the perspective of human experience as a whole, yes, they are both very important, in our lives. Venus in Virgo 8th
opp Jupiter
and if anyone had any doubts about it, square Neptune ------------------
I seem to have loved you in numberless forms... LeeLoo's Esotericorner IP: Logged |
Swift Freeze
Moderator Posts: 720
From: Dreams
Registered: Nov 2009
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posted November 26, 2015 06:15 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
But I don't bleed.
Are you human!? ------------------
Learn lots. Don't judge. Laugh for no reason. Be nice. Seek Happiness. Follow your dreams. IP: Logged |
Aunt Anomalia
Knowflake Posts: 1681
From: Pandora's box
Registered: Mar 2015
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posted November 26, 2015 06:26 PM
Where's the "neither is important" option?  ------------------
Anomaling around since 1911. IP: Logged |
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