posted July 29, 2015 11:33 PM            

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Originally posted by confused_libra:
Is it disappearing though if I make no effort? We usually talk/see each other like once a week which is plenty for me. He was willing to pay rent so I don't know that that is profiting. And he said his brother would definitely pay rent when I asked

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Technically speaking, promising to pay rent and actually doing so are two different things. Those who'd use you would promise to pay rent rather than say "Hey, can I abuse your hospitality for as long as you take my crap?"

Hmm, guess I'm having a Cappie moment in not being positive.

That said I agree with the ones who say you should text him and find out where you stand and go from there. If he refuses to talk then drop him and move on.

I do know that when someone only waits for me to call or visit without reciprocating then I begin to wonder how much they appreciate my company and how much they're just being nice while actually finding me a bother and I've lost contact with some people because of that. Perhaps he's doing the same thing, especially if others show more interest in him by contacting him while you don't.

posted July 29, 2015 11:35 PM            

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Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
Well, don't ask for advice and guidance if you are not willing to receive different opinions and if you are up for insulting those who give them. HoodBlaze as a man put it better than I did.

I was angry because I find this concept of explaining crappy behavior with signs a silly notions. I always have aqua placements in my friends and romantic partners. My ex boyfriend had Sun in Cap, Moon conj Mercury in Aqua and Venus in Aqua. None of these people were "on/off" with me, ever, neither did my many Pisces friends, or any other sign usually blamed for this. Because the whole thing depends on what you are willing to accept, no point in blaming it on the signs.

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I'm open to opinions, that's why I asked in the first place. I just thought yours seemed to be rude towards the other poster.

Also, it's interesting you find the concept of explaining crappy behavior based on signs to be ridiculous, yet you seem to enjoy explaining good behavior based on signs. In your post, you group together these signs who treated you well. Just an observation.

posted July 29, 2015 11:39 PM            

Aqua is a fixed sign so they like to manipulate.. Not nessecarily a bad thing..
He's testing you he wants you to come to him..

He wanted his brother or him to move In to keep tabs on you .. In a round about way..

posted July 29, 2015 11:40 PM            

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Originally posted by confused_libra:

Also, it's interesting you find the concept of explaining crappy behavior based on signs to be ridiculous, yet you seem to enjoy explaining good behavior based on signs. In your post, you group together these signs who treated you well. Just an observation.

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Your observation is wrong. I never said Aqua and Pisces are the signs treating me better than others. I said people of all signs treat me as I treat them and as I accept to be treated.

posted July 29, 2015 11:44 PM            

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Originally posted by confused_libra:
I'm open to opinions, that's why I asked in the first place. I just thought yours seemed to be rude towards the other poster.

Also, it's interesting you find the concept of explaining crappy behavior based on signs to be ridiculous, yet you seem to enjoy explaining good behavior based on signs. In your post, you group together these signs who treated you well. Just an observation.

Anyway, I agree that signs should not be an excuse for crappy behavior. I was just looking for insight. I feel like I'm the one with the crappy behavior, and many people have confirmed that for me. But thanks anyway.

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The other poster was rude to a lot of people on this thread by saying people were projecting first.

posted July 29, 2015 11:44 PM            

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Originally posted by confused_libra:
I feel like I'm the one with the crappy behavior, and many people have confirmed that for me. But thanks anyway.

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posted July 30, 2015 01:12 AM            

"You are an easy target for him"

Plain an simple. that's the sugar coated version btw.

After reading your post it seems like you're making excuses at every turn. Hell, IT EVEN SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE BLAMING YOURSELF FOR HIS ACTIONS. Really?

What next? You see him with another girl then you'll blame YOURSELF for not doing more than you did?

You need to learn how to set boundaries. This is the lesson that has been placed in front of you. From my POV you are his doormat, and he knows he can use you, CAUSE YOU WILL COMPLY. He keeps pushing and pushing to see just how far he can go. He says sweet words, and sleeps over, etc. He does just enough to keep you thinking about him and interested. Just enough so you won't forget him.

You are gullible imo. You've created this perfect world/scenario of both of you where "romaance and magic" come to life. Rather than seeing what's in front of you and what's actually happening, you're living on "what ifs" and "maybes". He's using you, PERIOD. No amount of "maybe I should have contacted him sooner that's why he's avoiding me" is going to change that. No amount of daydreaming of what could have been or what could be is going to change what is happening RIGHT NOW. You are his doormat, and he will continue to wipe his feet until you are too dirty to use anymore.

You are not the first person I have this happen too. Exact same story too. The outcome will be the same. Realize it now and stop, or continue with the notion "no ofcourse not he'd never do that to me" and months later when "it" happens, you'd remember what I said.

Either way, when it's over, you'd have learned the lesson he's trying to teach you (setting boundaries) or be doomed to repeat it when another man enters your life and plays the same scenario out again. Except this time your excuse will be "but he's different".

posted July 30, 2015 02:02 AM            

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Originally posted by stillatlarge:
Confused, I don't agree with what's been said here. I thought the same thing, that he just wasn't that into me but it was that he felt too much and didn't know what to do about it under the circumstances. Please don't think the worst. Reach out and see what happens. I have Leo sun and moon in Aqua. I know how Aquas retreat to process things and I know how guys act when they haven't gotten affirmation in too long. Again, give it a try. You have nothing to lose.

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posted July 30, 2015 02:21 AM            

Even if sex is out of the picture, a friend doesn't behave like this.

posted July 30, 2015 02:23 AM            

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Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:

What do you mean by "reach out"?

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posted July 30, 2015 02:24 AM            

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Originally posted by Sven555:
Reach out, means reach out and touch. Basically you initiate the contact and find out where you stand.

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posted July 30, 2015 02:28 AM            

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Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
What's this? Depeche Mode?

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posted July 30, 2015 02:32 AM            

What I am trying to say, Stillatlarge, if someone, a guy, a girl, is perfectly aware in their mind they come to you whenever they feel like it for whatever they're coming, if you ask them, do you think they will tell you so? What do you think they'll say?

OK, Sven, your turn, you're a guy, what do you think?

posted July 30, 2015 02:37 AM            

If the story was slightly different... If he had always been the one to call and tried to see you and talk to you - and let's say if he had often invited you out for coffee, or lunch, or dinner, or seeing a movie together (and sometimes he paid, and sometimes you paid, or you both paid etc. ) - and if he had at times simply called to talk to you over the phone, because he felt like talking to you, he wanted to know how you were - how your life is going and seemed concerned... etc..

And throughout all this time ^ you would've been nice, friendly.. but not in any way romantic towards him.. So if you had been physically cold towards him, never kissing him, never hugging him, never flirting - and never showing him any sort of affection/attraction or interest.... then... I would say.. Ok! Poor guy feels rejected.. You did this ALL wrong, and you need to show him you care!

But ^ This isn't really what the story is sounding like...
It sounds more like he calls you when he feels like it, sleeps over when he feels like it.. and is basically with you on and off, because of an attraction.
The only way I would see him as the 'poor lil love struck puppy dog who feels rejected - and who needs you to show him more love' - would be if you had *not* been physical with him.
Because if you kiss, make out, get sexual with each other (when you are together), and possibly even have sex, when he sleeps over... then he can't say "Oh...I thought you weren't that into me!"..
He can't say that ^! Specially when he knows he hurt you in the past.. so he knows you are insecure. He should have some understanding for that.

posted July 30, 2015 02:47 AM            

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Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
Nice If you're going for a run, run for me too

What I am trying to say, Stillatlarge, if someone, a guy, a girl, is perfectly aware in their mind they come to you whenever they feel like it for whatever they're coming, if you ask them, do you think they will tell you so? What do you think they'll say?

OK, Sven, your turn, you're a guy, what do you think?

and you don't have to agree with me

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I am a guy? I'm not even human! O_o

I think that if you confront someone who you have suspicions about; then it's likely they will dodge the question. (But this depends on WHERE you ask them), dodging the question is the first sign that you have discovered their tactics and you should call them out on it.

If they throw aload of excuses at, then still they are guilty. Too be honest, I can't think of a genuine answer that he wants to see you as a person.

Because of how you have treated him, he thinks 'oh she's down for anything' and if and when he next contacts you, he will try to repeat the abuse of your hospitality! Also if you aren't bothering to initiate anything, even after someone's asks you; I'd equally get bored and move on.

He is trying his luck with you, he doesn't care about your feelings like he used too!

posted July 30, 2015 06:30 AM            

Stand your ground girl, be honest with him that you don't understand his intentions and then according to his reactions you will see if he is really into you or not.

You deserve to be happy.

It doesn't really matter that he is an Aqua here, when people care, they CARE and it's not every 3 weeks or every 2 months, they care EVERYDAY and they will show you somehow if they CARE.

posted July 30, 2015 07:00 AM            

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Originally posted by confused_libra:
I do not think I am co-dependent. I think I'm a very independent person. I live alone, pay my bills, go to school, work, take care of my house and myself, etc. I am not this way with other relationships/friendships I have. It is only this one. I definitely have insecurities, but it is a stretch to say I am co-dependent.

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As others have pointed out, co-dependency is a boundary issue. It's usually brought out in close relationships and may or may not be visible in other aspects of the life. Many others have offered good advice, so I'll leave it at that.