|
Author
|
Topic: Am I going to lose this aquarius male if I dont start initiating?
|
confused_libra
Knowflake Posts: 139
From:
Registered: Jul 2013
|
posted July 29, 2015 10:48 AM
  
People on here can be really rude! Geeze.IP: Logged |
Belage
Knowflake Posts: 1664
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted July 29, 2015 11:01 AM
You don't need to know someone's sign or astrlogical aspects to answer this one. He is not interested. Move on with your life. You're not going to lose him because you never had him. Conversation, sexing and cooking breakfast don't make a valid relationship. Dont focus so much on him. Time to know thyself. Go to therapy. Study your own chart and try to understand how it is a map of your psyche. Your chart will tell you why you are pinning for someone who has shown himself to be undependable and unavailable. You have to feel that you deserve better in order for you to get a better relationship. It starts with YOU. IP: Logged |
confused_libra
Knowflake Posts: 139
From:
Registered: Jul 2013
|
posted July 29, 2015 11:06 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Belage:
You don't need to know someone's sign or astrlogical aspects to answer this one. He is not interested. Move on with your life. You're not going to lose him because you never had him. Conversation, sexing and cooking breakfast don't make a valid relationship. Dont focus so much on him. Time to know thyself. Go to therapy. Study your own chart and try to understand how it is a map of your psyche. Your chart will tell you why you are pinning for someone who has shown himself to be undependable and unavailable. You have to feel that you deserve better in order for you to get a better relationship.
If he's not interested why has he been in my life for the past 4 years this way? We have been friends for 10 years. He is not unavailable as far as I know. Sometimes undependable in the past but he's maturing. He treats me really well now. He is very sweet towards me. So I don't really know what you're talking about when you say I need to feel that I deserve better. My question was not whether he was interested, it was more along the lines of how I should proceed. But thanks anyway. And I don't need therapy... wtf? IP: Logged |
ash20
Knowflake Posts: 825
From:
Registered: Mar 2013
|
posted July 29, 2015 11:28 AM
You should message him. He could be waiting for you to show some effort and making a point to not initiate anymore until you do. Just go for it  IP: Logged |
Comatoes
Knowflake Posts: 379
From:
Registered: Jan 2014
|
posted July 29, 2015 11:32 AM
It's hard to say, you need to look at synastry chart and composite to understand the relationship. A relationship is like a separate entity onto itself, a composite chart will show the theme of the relationship. Sad to say but insecurity is the death for all relationships. It's hard to overcome when a relationship is founded on broken trust, well it never is going to be the same. 99% of humans never forget what a person does to them emotionally, it is just stored away and re-enacted at some later date....Either you like someone and let them know or you move on. Just be upfront with yourself and soul honest. Initiating should not be a chore, if a relationship is strong there should be no continue initiation- that is mostly in the beginning of a relationship. I think you said it's been 3 years, both people should want to spend time regardless, and pick up where you left off...a relationship should not be strained is what I'm saying. A relationship should make you feel warm and safe, not like you're walking on egg shells. I'm probably not explaining this right, but hopefully it's coming across. Sometimes losing someone is the best thing for growth. Not saying this is what you should do, just saying sometimes the Universe has other plans for you. IP: Logged |
hypatia238
Moderator Posts: 1684
From:
Registered: Sep 2014
|
posted July 29, 2015 11:36 AM
Does he ignore your texts when you text him? What does he have in Venus and moon? IP: Logged |
DopGang
Knowflake Posts: 811
From: <--------- over there.
Registered: Jun 2015
|
posted July 29, 2015 11:40 AM
If you like him, want to be with him, and are afraid to lose him - contact him. Absolutely. There's no even thinking about it in my eyes. Do it. It needn't be anything deep at all. Just say hello and ask how he is. That's all it takes. You'll pop into his mind just like that and he'll appreciate that you thought of him to reach out.
Don't appear desperate or worried. Don't fear.
Many times in life it's hard to have reward without risk. You have to put yourself out there to some extent.
If he seems to be rejecting you (is cold, etc) then you move on. It won't destroy you and the sky won't fall. You'll be upset and hurt, then pick yourself up, and march on.
IP: Logged |
Belage
Knowflake Posts: 1664
From: USA
Registered: Apr 2009
|
posted July 29, 2015 11:44 AM
Sorry for mentioning therapy. I think therapy is a wonderful tool just like astrology, but I forgot that for some people, it conjures up images of madness and weirdness. i am wishing you well, whatever you decide to do or not do. IP: Logged |
ail221
Moderator Posts: 6513
From: Hanging Gardens of Babylon
Registered: Feb 2012
|
posted July 29, 2015 12:02 PM
Honest advice, if you haven't spoken or seen him in weeks you aren't a priority to him especially if he was in that close of a proximity of you. The best thing you can do is confront him, I don't mean charge him like a bull or anything. Just have a honest and open conversation with him about were you stand. There's no point of getting evem more emotionally caught up, adding to your feelings of insecurity by hanging out in limbo with him. Some guys are comfortable with a friends with benefits relationship, I've seen it a dozen times, they get the benefits of being in a relationship without actually making any commitment. Have the conversation with him and have the ability to save your friendship if that's what you want from and find someone who does want a relationship with you. IP: Logged |
SDragon
Moderator Posts: 527
From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Registered: Sep 2012
|
posted July 29, 2015 12:22 PM
I have to agree with Belage, you need to figure out your own rejection, insecurity issues first. Your co-dependency issues are making it hard to form a real relationship with him. If he does realize your co-dependency issues, he's either using it to his advantage or using the time away to 'detach' himself, but either way, it won't help you get better. When you heal yourself, there will be less worry and insecurity about who should contact who first, etc and hopefully a real relationship can blossom. IP: Logged |
Selenite
Knowflake Posts: 768
From: Lyra
Registered: Aug 2013
|
posted July 29, 2015 12:45 PM
quote:
Originally posted by DopGang:
If you like him, want to be with him, and are afraid to lose him - contact him. Absolutely. There's no even thinking about it in my eyes. Do it. It needn't be anything deep at all. Just say hello and ask how he is. That's all it takes. You'll pop into his mind just like that and he'll appreciate that you thought of him to reach out.
Don't appear desperate or worried. Don't fear.
Many times in life it's hard to have reward without risk. You have to put yourself out there to some extent.
If he seems to be rejecting you (is cold, etc) then you move on. It won't destroy you and the sky won't fall. You'll be upset and hurt, then pick yourself up, and march on.
Go for it! He's not gonna just ignore you, you've been friends for 10 years. He told you he wants you to initiate. Do it, if you feel like it IP: Logged |
confused_libra
Knowflake Posts: 139
From:
Registered: Jul 2013
|
posted July 29, 2015 02:28 PM
Thank you to everyone who has replied. I think I do have some insecurities, but it is mostly about this relationship, because I felt rejected by him in the past. Ironically, I also rejected him in the past, although that was about 10 years ago now, so maybe he has some residual insecurities left over from that as well.I do not think I am co-dependent. I think I'm a very independent person. I live alone, pay my bills, go to school, work, take care of my house and myself, etc. I am not this way with other relationships/friendships I have. It is only this one. I definitely have insecurities, but it is a stretch to say I am co-dependent. That said, I've read all of your advice and a lot of it encourages me to speak up and reach out to him. I'm really nervous and scared, but I think I will do it sometime today or tonight. Hopefully. I don't know. Eeeek! Thanks again though, it always warms my heart when people on the internet take time out of their day to help out a stranger. IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 6127
From:
Registered: May 2012
|
posted July 29, 2015 06:42 PM
quote:
He slept over and we had a great night - great conversation, chemistry, etc. In the morning I made him coffee and eggs.
If he only very recently moved back, and this was the first and only night he slept over - and if you also had sex... and he no longer contacted you for weeks after the event --- This is seriously crappy, disrespectful behaviour! I am not sure if that's what happened ^ because you're not saying it in so many words.
But if that -is- what happened, you absolutely do not need to contact him first. You need to move on and he needs to profusely apologise for this -no contact- period to be allowed back in your life, even as a friend. IP: Logged |
Odette
Moderator Posts: 6127
From:
Registered: May 2012
|
posted July 29, 2015 06:50 PM
Even if you didn't have sex, and you just hung out and he slept over... His behaviour is still odd.
Normally if one sleeps at someone's house and their host even makes them breakfast - they should be the one to message after the event saying "Thank you. I had a good time. Thanks for breakfast etc".So I still don't really understand how this was "ball in your court" or why. IP: Logged |
confused_libra
Knowflake Posts: 139
From:
Registered: Jul 2013
|
posted July 29, 2015 07:22 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
If he only very recently moved back, and this was the first and only night he slept over - and if you also had sex... and he no longer contacted you for weeks after the event --- This is seriously crappy, disrespectful behaviour! I am not sure if that's what happened ^ because you're not saying it in so many words.
But if that -is- what happened, you absolutely do not need to contact him first. You need to move on and he needs to profusely apologise for this -no contact- period to be allowed back in your life, even as a friend.
Thanks Odette. I'll explain better. So he has slept over a few times in the past month because my house is about 20 minutes closer to his work than his house is. He also asked last summer if he could move in, but it didn't happen because my house was being remodeled. Then he asked me a few months ago if his brother could live w me for the summer because his internship was closer to my house. Seriously odd behavior but I honestly believed he just kept asking for all these things because he wants a reason to see me on a more regular basis without having to constantly get the courage to ask. Maybe I'm just hoping that is the reason but that is my impression. So this summer our agreement was he could stay over sometimes, but I think he wanted to move in but I said no to that. Anyways, I think the ball is in my court because literally 99.9999999% of any contact we have had in the last 3 years has been all initiated by him. He told me thanks and that he had a great time in person when he was leaving if that counts? IP: Logged |
LeeLoo2014
Knowflake Posts: 15929
From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014
|
posted July 29, 2015 08:36 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
If he only very recently moved back, and this was the first and only night he slept over - and if you also had sex... and he no longer contacted you for weeks after the event --- This is seriously crappy, disrespectful behaviour! I am not sure if that's what happened ^ because you're not saying it in so many words.
But if that -is- what happened, you absolutely do not need to contact him first. You need to move on and he needs to profusely apologise for this -no contact- period to be allowed back in your life, even as a friend.
Sorry to say, Libra, but to me this looks like someone taking advantage of you ugh since you say he is not your bf?? by your side with everything, not just sleeping over and eggs? and disappearing in between? and why would he want his brother to move in with you too? IP: Logged |
confused_libra
Knowflake Posts: 139
From:
Registered: Jul 2013
|
posted July 29, 2015 08:54 PM
quote:
Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
Sorry to say, Libra, but to me this looks like someone taking advantage of you ugh since you say he is not your bf?? by your side with everything, not just sleeping over and eggs? and disappearing in between? and why would he want his brother to move in with you too?
I dunno. He asked if his brother could live with me because my house is like 10 minutes closer than his brother's house to his brother's work. It was so dumb I thought maybe it was an excuse for him to see me more often because he is best friends with his brother. I have known him for 11 years now and we have been doing this kind of dating thing for 4 years now. We were bf/gf about 3 years ago but broke up due to distance but he has since moved back just a few months ago. IP: Logged |
stillatlarge
Knowflake Posts: 510
From: TX
Registered: Nov 2010
|
posted July 29, 2015 10:05 PM
I can't believe some of the responses here. Talk about projecting. This is not unusual Aqua behavior in my experience. I've had one do this over and over and come back hotter and heavier afterward. That aloof thing gets them and they think it will get you. I'm not sure if that's what he's doing but saying "he's just not that into you" after all that is not only ridiculous but thoughtless and unkind, IMO. I understand about that insecurity. They can bring that out for some reason. IP: Logged |
hypatia238
Moderator Posts: 1684
From:
Registered: Sep 2014
|
posted July 29, 2015 10:10 PM
Aquas tend to make me feel very secure actually, they always respond to my texts, they don't play games IMO and are very what you see is what you get, they are kind and don't want to hurt you and respect women and see them as equals.
They prefer you text them or contact them but they always reply. I dont have a problem texting them first bc aquas tend to always reply, they are truly good about that and getting back at you, they wont ignore and they will communicate and be real with you instead.
God bless Aquas......! IP: Logged |
hypatia238
Moderator Posts: 1684
From:
Registered: Sep 2014
|
posted July 29, 2015 10:14 PM
quote:
Originally posted by confused_libra:
I dunno. He asked if his brother could live with me because my house is like 10 minutes closer than his brother's house to his brother's work. It was so dumb I thought maybe it was an excuse for him to see me more often because he is best friends with his brother. I have known him for 11 years now and we have been doing this kind of dating thing for 4 years now. We were bf/gf about 3 years ago but broke up due to distance but he has since moved back just a few months ago.
Just text him and say you want to hang out. Go to eat dinner and get that bonding going again and just have fun. Kiss him. Once you start hanging with him regularly again things will naturally go back to bf and gf mode. ENJOY! Have FUN! Edit; if for some reason he doesn't go for this chill approach and meets up with you then you tried and can now move on and open up to other options. IP: Logged |
LeeLoo2014
Knowflake Posts: 15929
From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014
|
posted July 29, 2015 10:51 PM
quote:
Originally posted by stillatlarge:
I can't believe some of the responses here. Talk about projecting. This is not unusual Aqua behavior in my experience. I've had one do this over and over and come back hotter and heavier afterward. That aloof thing gets them and they think it will get you. I'm not sure if that's what he's doing but saying "he's just not that into you" after all that is not only ridiculous but thoughtless and unkind, IMO. I understand about that insecurity. They can bring that out for some reason.
 you said projection?
YOU are projecting your life story and your tastes here. And judging by your reaction, since it obviously struck a nerve in you, you don't like this either, such a treatment. A person coming only to sleep over, no matter how often, then disappearing for days, and having the audacity to profit even more and propose for their family to move in is only using someone.
You think this is how relationships between men and women should be? Not even a friend does that, let alone a "partner". IP: Logged |
HoodBlaze
Knowflake Posts: 109
From: Las Vegas, Nevada, United States
Registered: Jul 2015
|
posted July 29, 2015 10:59 PM
You're thinking too much. He's probably playing you again. Maybe not, but be open to other options and love life and things will work out. IP: Logged |
hypatia238
Moderator Posts: 1684
From:
Registered: Sep 2014
|
posted July 29, 2015 11:21 PM
quote:
Originally posted by ail221:
Honest advice, if you haven't spoken or seen him in weeks you aren't a priority to him especially if he was in that close of a proximity of you. The best thing you can do is confront him, I don't mean charge him like a bull or anything. Just have a honest and open conversation with him about were you stand. There's no point of getting evem more emotionally caught up, adding to your feelings of insecurity by hanging out in limbo with him. Some guys are comfortable with a friends with benefits relationship, I've seen it a dozen times, they get the benefits of being in a relationship without actually making any commitment. Have the conversation with him and have the ability to save your friendship if that's what you want from and find someone who does want a relationship with you.
Yes exactly, just talk to him. From my experience aquas will be honest with you about were they are at. Just clear the air. IP: Logged |
confused_libra
Knowflake Posts: 139
From:
Registered: Jul 2013
|
posted July 29, 2015 11:23 PM
quote:
Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
you said projection?
YOU are projecting your life story and your tastes here. And judging by your reaction, since it obviously struck a nerve in you, you don't like this either, such a treatment.A person coming only to sleep over, no matter how often, then disappearing for days, and having the audacity to profit even more and propose for their family to move in is only using someone.
You think this is how relationships between men and women should be? Not even a friend does that, let alone a "partner".
Okay. Is it disappearing though if I make no effort? We usually talk/see each other like once a week which is plenty for me. He was willing to pay rent so I don't know that that is profiting. And he said his brother would definitely pay rent when I asked. I think you are the one projecting given your angry outburst. IP: Logged |
LeeLoo2014
Knowflake Posts: 15929
From: Venus cornering Neptune
Registered: Mar 2014
|
posted July 29, 2015 11:31 PM
quote:
Originally posted by confused_libra:
Okay. Is it disappearing though if I make no effort? We usually talk/see each other like once a week which is plenty for me. He was willing to pay rent so I don't know that that is profiting. And he said his brother would definitely pay rent when I asked. I think you are the one projecting given your angry outburst.
Well, don't ask for advice and guidance if you are not willing to receive different opinions and if you are up for insulting those who give them. HoodBlaze as a man put it better than I did. I was angry because I find this concept of explaining crappy behavior with signs a silly notion. I always have Aqua placements in my friends and romantic partners. My ex boyfriend had Sun in Cap, Moon conj Mercury in Aqua and Venus in Aqua. None of these people were "on/off" with me, ever, neither did my many Pisces friends, or any other sign usually blamed for this. Because the whole thing depends on what you are willing to accept, no point in blaming it on the signs. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
UBBFriend: Email This Page to Someone! 
