posted September 20, 2015 08:33 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gemini30:
You said at 31 you started to explore more of your sexuality.

How were you before that? And what was the driving force to make you change and explore your casual side?

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Two catalysts.

1 - Finding out that my husband had cheated on me 4 times a few years before.

We had separated and filed for divorce, and I was not looking for a traditional set up again because he was one of many that had lied to me about being married or who had cheated on me.

One of my boyfriends before him had cheated on me with my MOTHER so I was just.... done. I felt like I was always doing everything "right" without any benefit and without any security so why even bother trying?

I also knew my sex drive would not let me just be alone, so I initially thought I would have (and I pursued, unsuccessfully, a FWB arrangement).

2 - While dating dudes from dating sites or trying to sleep with my friend who was not having any of that, I met a married poly man. Well technically, I tripped into him and he caught me. I locked eyes with him and held his bicep a little too long lol.

Later, I asked my friend if she knew him because I saw her talking with him. She did, so she introduced us and I immediately knew something was unconventional about him, but I wasn't sure WHAT.

So when I got her alone again, I asked her, "Is he queer?" and she laughed and said, "I'd say he's mostly straight, but he IS married." I freaked out and then she was like, "No, it's ok, he and his wife are poly."

I was soooooo against that at first. I was like "NO NO NO.... that's gross.... can't do it." However, she is a super grounded and reasonable Taurus and she convinced me it would be okay to share phone numbers and just talk to him.

So, I did. And after a few conversations, I realized what feelings I had buried in me aligned with this lifestyle. The idea that yes, I can eat macaroni and cheese every night for dinner and live... but what about the other things I like? Ice cream, doughnuts, cake, spaghetti, burritos, curry... so many flavors! Why choose?

Sometimes I need something spicy like curry. Sometimes I need something comfortable like macaroni and cheese. We had 5-6 hour conversations for a week straight & that told me I was more to him than just sex right there. He wanted me to know me. He wanted me to be comfortable. He wanted me to know it was okay for me to feel how I feel and it is okay to express it. It was nice.

So we started to see each other and I believe we dated for just over a year. Well, we never really broke up I guess, we simply put the romantic and sexual aspect aside while I did something crazy and got married to a monogamous man (dumb..dumb...dumb!).

Anyway, right around the time I split with hubs, I started developing a unique friendship with another poly friend of mine (taking things very slow, we haven't even kissed or held hands). I didn't trip over him and feel that instant "WOW", but it's developing even if slowly. The more I see him and get to know him, the more I think this is the kind of thing I am looking for. And I know his wife and it's all kosher.

I recognize now that this lifestyle allows me to be with a person part-time and then they aren't up my butt 24/7. I love being in love, but I also love my personal privacy and space (maybe even more). I need time to miss the other person and I don't like to be confined or controlled.

My standards for an actual partner are really high, probably unattainable, so this works better. This allows me to enjoy the person without expecting them to help take out the garbage or pick up their plates off the floor, etc. Let his wife deal with that nonsense LOL.

I don't have to look at this person still in their pajamas & totally not showered on the couch next to me and silently judge them for being gross. I know that's terrible, but it's how I am. I know this now. I admit to that.

I seriously would have stayed with my hubs if he would have moved out and dated me, but he was unwilling to "go backwards." I thought it's not backwards if it saves the relationship, but oh well. *shrugs*

And me ex before him (the cheater)? He was so mad to find out I was poly. He was like -- "WAIT. We could have had that?" I told him, "Sure, but you chose to lie about what you were doing, so now the trust is broken."

posted September 20, 2015 08:56 PM            

quote:

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I was soooooo against that at first. I was like "NO NO NO.... that's gross.... can't do it." However, she is a super grounded and reasonable Taurus and she convinced me it would be okay to share phone numbers and just talk to him.

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Cool, so you weren't always open to polyamory. I initially thought you kinda just jumped into it. If I were to have a boyfriend or husband who wanted to mess around with others, I would want him to be honest about it but screw one girl one day and then another a different day instead of having something steady. That's where I come in, ok?! Lol

quote:

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Sometimes I need something spicy like curry. Sometimes I need something comfortable like macaroni and cheese. We had 5-6 hour conversations for a week straight & that told me I was more to him than just sex right there. He wanted me to know me. He wanted me to be comfortable. He wanted me to know it was okay for me to feel how I feel and it is okay to express it. It was nice.

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My gay best friend and I talked about this exact same thing. I said sometimes I want to eat this but also this. Then he told me multiple partners is what I need. But I told him I want variety in one person.

posted September 20, 2015 08:58 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Geeky:
Two catalysts.

1 - Finding out that my husband had cheated on me 4 times a few years before.

We had separated and filed for divorce, and I was not looking for a traditional set up again because he was one of many that had lied to me about being married or who had cheated on me.

One of my boyfriends before him had cheated on me with my MOTHER so I was just.... done. I felt like I was always doing everything "right" without any benefit and without any security so why even bother trying?

I also knew my sex drive would not let me just be alone, so I initially thought I would have (and I pursued, unsuccessfully, a FWB arrangement).

2 - While dating dudes from dating sites or trying to sleep with my friend who was not having any of that, I met a married poly man. Well technically, I tripped into him and he caught me. I locked eyes with him and held his bicep a little too long lol.

Later, I asked my friend if she knew him because I saw her talking with him. She did, so she introduced us and I immediately knew something was unconventional about him, but I wasn't sure WHAT.

So when I got her alone again, I asked her, "Is he queer?" and she laughed and said, "I'd say he's mostly straight, but he IS married." I freaked out and then she was like, "No, it's ok, he and his wife are poly."

I was soooooo against that at first. I was like "NO NO NO.... that's gross.... can't do it." However, she is a super grounded and reasonable Taurus and she convinced me it would be okay to share phone numbers and just talk to him.

So, I did. And after a few conversations, I realized what feelings I had buried in me aligned with this lifestyle. The idea that yes, I can eat macaroni and cheese every night for dinner and live... but what about the other things I like? Ice cream, doughnuts, cake, spaghetti, burritos, curry... so many flavors! Why choose?

Sometimes I need something spicy like curry. Sometimes I need something comfortable like macaroni and cheese. We had 5-6 hour conversations for a week straight & that told me I was more to him than just sex right there. He wanted me to know me. He wanted me to be comfortable. He wanted me to know it was okay for me to feel how I feel and it is okay to express it. It was nice.

So we started to see each other and I believe we dated for just over a year. Well, we never really broke up I guess, we simply put the romantic and sexual aspect aside while I did something crazy and got married to a monogamous man (dumb..dumb...dumb!).

Anyway, right around the time I split with hubs, I started developing a unique friendship with another poly friend of mine (taking things very slow, we haven't even kissed or held hands). I didn't trip over him and feel that instant "WOW", but it's developing even if slowly. The more I see him and get to know him, the more I think this is the kind of thing I am looking for. And I know his wife and it's all kosher.

I recognize now that this lifestyle allows me to be with a person part-time and then they aren't up my butt 24/7. I love being in love, but I also love my personal privacy and space (maybe even more). I need time to miss the other person and I don't like to be confined or controlled.

My standards for an actual partner are really high, probably unattainable, so this works better. This allows me to enjoy the person without expecting them to help take out the garbage or pick up their plates off the floor, etc. Let his wife deal with that nonsense LOL.

I don't have to look at this person still in their pajamas & totally not showered on the couch next to me and silently judge them for being gross. I know that's terrible, but it's how I am. I know this now. I admit to that.

I seriously would have stayed with my hubs if he would have moved out and dated me, but he was unwilling to "go backwards." I thought it's not backwards if it saves the relationship, but oh well. *shrugs*

And me ex before him (the cheater)? He was so mad to find out I was poly. He was like -- "WAIT. We could have had that?" I told him, "Sure, but you chose to lie about what you were doing, so now the trust is broken."

---

Wow, you've had it rough Geeky. I'm sorry to read that. However, its great that you are secure in your lifestyle and im sure you are much more happy these days!

posted September 20, 2015 09:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gemini30:
I got a question for you. Do you think its wise for a woman or a man who is very emotional, to engage in casual sex?
Im talking about someone with a water moon and/or mars, or a watery chart?

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Tricky. I've seen it work for older (like 50+ year old) watery types, but I think that's maybe because they are aging and give up looking for that perfection.

And for me, a fiery-earthy prototype, it wouldn't work unless I was secure with myself. Insecurity breeds jealousy.

It requires stable emotional maturity to know your partner is sleeping with other people and not wonder, "Is he going to leave me?" or "I bet he's not really doing XYZ, I bet he's REALLY doing his wife right now" or whatever.

I don't know that all watery types are capable (and, that's okay too).

Here is an excerpt from this letter that has been floating around the blogosphere. I think it's pretty powerful:

"Thank you for enriching his life. You can give him things I never can; for the simple reason that you are not me. You have a different flavor. There are different things that excite you, that make you tick, that frighten you. With that, you hand him another mirror to look into. You can show him things about himself that I never can."

That right there, is what the human experience is about (for me).

posted September 20, 2015 09:41 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gemini30:
You said at 31 you started to explore more of your sexuality.

How were you before that? And what was the driving force to make you change and explore your casual side?

---

You know what? My Saturn return could have contributed to this too. That happens around that age, right?

posted September 20, 2015 09:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Geeky:
You know what? My Saturn return could have contributed to this too. That happens around that age, right?

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I hear it around 30-31. Yes! That could of contributed. Saturn inhibited you and considering you have moon square saturn it probably severely inhibited your Sag moon and how you really felt about polygamy and fwb.

posted September 20, 2015 09:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Readytochill:
Ya I know how you feel. I kept him around like a friend until he did something a friend shouldn't do or anyone for that matter. So I ended things.

If you could handle your situation right now, more power to you

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posted September 20, 2015 09:58 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Desiring Shadows:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Readytochill:
[b] Ya I know how you feel. I kept him around like a friend until he did something a friend shouldn't do or anyone for that matter. So I ended things.

If you could handle your situation right now, more power to you

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Desiring,

posted September 20, 2015 10:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gemini30:
Desiring,

You mentioned before you have slept with alot of people but in your profile it says your asexual....lol which is it? Or can you turn on and off your sexual desires?

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posted September 20, 2015 10:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Desiring Shadows:
I have been Asexual pretty much all of my life but I like to change things up every now and then. Plus I wanted to see what it's like as another person..
I'm a typical Gemini ascendant honestly
Plus it's normal to enjoy sex. And I really ******* wanted to be normal 😭

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posted September 20, 2015 10:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gemini30:
I hear it around 30-31. Yes! That could of contributed. Saturn inhibited you and considering you have moon square saturn it probably severely inhibited your Sag moon and how you really felt about polygamy and fwb.

Moon square saturn IMO is one of the worst aspects to have in a chart. It can make a person with the most extroverted chart become a loner.

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Hah, yessss! But I have friends now. So that's good. xD lmao

posted September 20, 2015 10:06 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Readytochill:
Normal is boring anyway

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posted September 20, 2015 10:15 PM            

BTW
I am almost 20 now , & pills are no longer my favorite friend. Lmao ^.~

posted September 20, 2015 10:40 PM            

Capricorn Mars conjunct Neptune, opposite ASC.

And my attitude towards people in general and social norms:

posted September 20, 2015 10:46 PM            

I think someone just asked how it is you can have sex and be asexual.

Asexuality is a *lack* of desire to have sex... You are not h*rny basically... not ever...
That does not mean you can't have sex. You can have sex every day (and yes, you can even become a prostitute, if you so please).

Just like you can eat cake - even if you are not hungry.
It will not kill you.. You might even like the taste of it once you do. But that doesn't mean you will want more cake (since you're still not hungry and NOT interested)

posted September 20, 2015 10:52 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
This sums up my attitude:

Capricorn Mars conjunct Neptune, opposite ASC.

And my attitude towards people in general and social norms:

Mercury in Pisces square Uranus in Sagittarius

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I totally get what your saying about asexuality.

However, i dont get this post lol. So you use coupons to get pizza?

posted September 20, 2015 11:14 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gemini30:
I totally get what your saying about asexuality.

However, i dont get this post lol. So you use coupons to get pizza?

What would mars in cappy conj neptune have to do with it? Lol im sorry for the confusion!

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Lmao...

The first photo is just a joke... to say I am mostly disinterested in sex.
I'm demisexual, like Pixie.. so a lot of what she said applies to me

I am mentioning Mars in Capricorn... because, from what I have seen... this Mars placement is pretty cold on a sexual level. Think Sheldon Cooper (and by the way the actor, Jim Parsons does actually have this Mars).
Even the ones who do have a sex drive, unlike me - are still controlled and not very sexually forthcoming.

posted September 20, 2015 11:15 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
I have a high sex drive but see sexual desire as a curse. I'd rather live without those desires. Moon conjunct vesta and mars trine saturn.

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posted September 20, 2015 11:19 PM            

I have Mars in Capricorn in the 8th house, Saturn in Capricorn in the 7th house, and Venus in Taurus in the 12th house. Gemini rising, Aries sun in the 11th and Libra moon in the 5th.

If I do become aroused, I feel strangely nauseous, start sneezing, and the feeling passes quickly.

Sometimes during a thunderstorm, I end up wishing I had someone to hold me or cuddle me. I've occasionally fantasized about being massaged or just having a person in my life that I felt safe being naked around. I want to be loved and have intimacy, but something about being sexual just rubs me the wrong way. It's never felt right.

posted September 20, 2015 11:23 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
Wanna trade?

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posted September 20, 2015 11:27 PM            

That's interesting.
All the Capricorn Mars people I know are similar to me in this regard... both the men and the women.
I have a close friend who is a Pisces girl, born in '88 with her Taurus Venus conjunct Jupiter, and conjunct my own Taurus Venus (on my NN). She is born March 10... You might have a similar chart! She is also demi.