posted February 16, 2016 08:05 PM              

"That is how important this question is to you"

posted February 16, 2016 08:07 PM            

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posted February 16, 2016 08:08 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I have a 9th House Gemini stellium. We have Sun conj Sun and your Mercury conjunct my venus lol

Due to my 4 planet 9th House stellium, I, always, wanted to know why I was here.

I searched until I found my answer.

You are very different in that Chiron( the planet of pain) conjuncts Jupiter, which makes Chiron more intense.

Your search for the answer has a great deal of pain with it.

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posted February 16, 2016 08:10 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I could tell you but I don't think you would listen

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posted February 16, 2016 08:11 PM            

You were born to find your answers, do work you enjoy and feel you matter. I can promise you this!

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posted February 16, 2016 08:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by darksoul18:
Am I here to suffer to bring others out of it? I've always thought of myself as some kind of helper of some kind. I just didn't know how to fuel it with anything other than rage. What do I have to accomplish to be able to help others?

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Hi darksoul18,
this thought of yours makes the point of Ami Anne actually more accurate, as Chiron is not only about pain, but about healing, too (Chiron is the wounded teacher/healer as you possibly know).
I don't think I can really help you as I have just now began to study astrology, too, but I couldn't help but pop-in, as I have a little brother, with Sun in Gemini in 9th House, Scorpio Ascendant and Pluto in the 1st house, like you do! I really wish you all the best! All will get better for you!

posted February 16, 2016 08:17 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by darksoul18:
Why did you tell me to take a look at the Lucifer asteroid?

Also, what do you mean by"You could tell me but I probably wouldn't listen?"

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Lucifer wants to do things his own way. I suspect you are that way.

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posted February 16, 2016 08:18 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Lucifer wants to do things his own way. I suspect you are that way.

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posted February 16, 2016 08:19 PM            

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posted February 16, 2016 08:22 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Not here, my Friend lol

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posted February 16, 2016 08:29 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by mar1982delta:
Hi darksoul18,
this thought of yours makes the point of Ami Anne actually more accurate, as Chiron is not only about pain, but about healing, too (Chiron is the wounded teacher/healer as you possibly know).
I don't think I can really help you as I have just now began to study astrology, too, but I couldn't help but pop-in, as I have a little brother, with Sun in Gemini in 9th House, Scorpio Ascendant and Pluto in the 1st house, like you do! I really wish you all the best! All will get better for you!

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posted February 16, 2016 08:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by darksoul18:
Yes I have questioned and researched Chiron before. The problem is I don't know how to heal. Thanks for the comment though. The only way I've ever been able to heal is through anger but I don't know if I am able to do so anymore. I feel like even THAT has been stripped away from me.

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posted February 16, 2016 08:53 PM            

Asteroids will help and will be more important, as far as Asteroid conjunctions to the NN.

I feel that what I have to say about God will not be received by you, right now, so let's put it on the back burner for now.

xxxx

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posted February 16, 2016 09:33 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
The other thing you have, which is very hard, is that your NN is Unaspected. It is very hard for you to feel you have a life purpose and/or to find it.

Asteroids will help and will be more important, as far as Asteroid conjunctions to the NN.

I feel that what I have to say about God will not be received by you, right now, so let's put it on the back burner for now.

xxxx

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That's like telling a bear he cannot have his salmon.

posted February 16, 2016 09:36 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Violets:
My husband had a very good friend who had pretty serious OCD, and Klonopin worked pretty well for him. I think he took 2 mg per day, but I understand what you're saying about OCD being a fear-based disorder. I think sometimes that's very possible, but of course I'm not sure how one would go about addressing that, unless you were able to find a fantastic therapist who specialized in OCD treatment?

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posted February 16, 2016 10:05 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by darksoul18:
The only person capable of helping someone with a true OCD crisis is someone that has been through it and beat it themselves and even then it can be HELL on Earth.

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Okay, I'll take your word on that.

I know that it does precious little good for non-addicted people to try to act as counselors to addicts and alcoholics, because they are essentially reading from a text book, and sound like blithering idiots most of the time when they try to counsel said addict/alcoholics.

Perhaps it does take an insider's knowledge for OCD as well, I'm certainly not an expert on the subject.

posted February 16, 2016 10:11 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Violets:
Okay, I'll take your word on that.

I know that it does precious little good for non-addicted people to try to help addicts and alcoholics, because they are essentially reading from a text book, and sound like blithering idiots most of the time when they try to counsel said addicts/alcoholics.

Perhaps it does take an insider's knowledge for OCD as well, I'm certainly not an expert on the subject.

But I'm sorry that you're having such a difficult time right now.

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Thanks for understanding. Look, people with OCD know how ridiculous their OCD is. I don't know, that's why I think there is some kind of supernatural aspect to it, like, demons... but hey what do I know? I'm just a human. Alls I know is that a lot of people that have OCD were once very normal people and then something very disturbing happened to them, or something inside of their minds... I don't know. Trust me it sucks and I don't wish it on anyone.

It's as if someone was like, "Hey guess what, you know how you used to be happy without conflict? Yeah well, too bad! Now you're screwed!"

Oh well, gee, thanks???

The reason I say this is because you mentioned one of your friends that has OCD. Trust me, your support is definitely needed but there is no "schooling" involved with people that (like you said) literally have no clue what we are going through.

posted February 16, 2016 10:15 PM            

I was highly perfectionistic in my youth. I had a shame-filled adolescence with unhealthy sexual attitudes and actions in my home. I had to grow up with demonology lurking in church and home, constantly blocking my clear view of God is Love. I never experienced OCD, but I suffered severely disordered eating in a terrified manifestation of depression in my mid-20s.

No one can ever know your exact suffering, but if you block the compassion and wisdom of others who have already overcome such suffering, then you accomplish nothing, but to heap misery upon your own misery.

People are here listening to you, reaching out, because you have reached out, and because they care enough to want to help you. It is up to you to commit yourself to the end result of being healthy and in balance. If you cannot see it for yourself now -- decide it, and grab hold of it with your gut!

I hope you have not overlooked my previous urging to transcendent healing.

There are indications in your chart now that you could benefit from a homeopath (prog Jupiter contra-parallel natal/prog Neptune). Know where you can find one in your area?

It may not be a quick fix, but there's great potential for long-term benefits if you find a good one to work with one-on-one. Understanding that there is no quick fix is very, very important for you, because your birth chart shows markers of great restlessness and impatience. You must 'work' any healing modality by first starting with your own intention to heal -- that's a commitment to yourself.

Have you looked into hypnosis as a way of digging into why you have such (existential?) rage? Coming to your own direct, internal awareness is of far greater value than more words, opinions, interpretations tilted or diluted by any personal beliefs on our parts out here.

re: 'unpasected North Node' -- nope:

You have no more, no less a potential/destiny than anyone else.

Ami is intuitive, very insightful, and if you can benefit from anything else she has given you, please do. But there is no deficiency with the Nodes in your chart. These aspects indicate that you will move forward in life based on your ability to express strong feelings, passions. These will lubricate your progress. So it is good that you can feel and express anger, passion, whatever. Mercury's exact trine to N.Node indicates communication and intellect play a key role. However, that does not mean you can solve all your problems using the intellect, or by talking around them.

Your birth chart has Sun [22N22] Parallel Jupiter [22N38], indicating a tendency for big ideas, grandiosity, overconfidence, or at least a desire to do things big. Both these are contra-parallel Uranus [23S31], indicating a tendency for big, but erratic changes, alternating lines of action, restlessness, possibly extremism in the form of dramatic outward vacillation. But such polar aspects are scales upon which to balance such energies. We all have to learn it. When you add this to Moon-Mars square Uranus, you have quite a bit of potential volatility.

Moon applying square Uranus is also an indicator of a personality with the tendency to hold oneself aloof from others, a reactionary, a touchy person whose nervous system is too easily keyed up or easily rubbed wrong by others. You can be equally annoying to them. However, the lessons inherent in Moon square Uranus are discovering your internal originality and uniqueness and finding balance your own way. I also have this aspect in my birth chart, so don't think I'm picking on you. I know it very well. I also had to learn to find relief from depression, frustration, perfectionism -- by sampling and accepting help even if it was disappointing or did not produce much. *The lesson is as much in reaching out and accepting compassion where it can be had, as in any 'fix.'

Part of your purpose in life is to be in touch with and stay in touch with all passions, anger, sexuality, strong feelings -- and to express them!

Anyone or anything that has told you these feelings are 'wrong' are wrong themselves. They are your reality! Find balance for yourself with them, within them, by directing them, and in accepting transcendence of them!

I wish you many blessings, my friend, and most of all the true healing that is perfect for you.

posted February 16, 2016 10:18 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by DopGang:
I don't understand how if you seem to have all the answers why you are even asking for help.
Doesn't make sense.

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Trust me you don't want to know. I don't have all the answers. I came here asking astrological experts if they could read my chart and tell me something that could possibly point me in a better direction that could potentially help me.

posted February 16, 2016 10:35 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Kannon McAfee:
darksoul18,

I was highly perfectionistic in my youth. I had a shame-filled adolescence with unhealthy sexual attitudes and actions in my home. I had to grow up with demonology lurking in church and home, constantly blocking my clear view of [b]God is Love. I never experienced OCD, but I suffered severely disordered eating in a terrified manifestation of depression in my mid-20s.

No one can ever know your exact suffering, but if you block the compassion and wisdom of others who have already overcome such suffering, then you accomplish nothing, but to heap misery upon your own misery.

People are here listening to you, reaching out, because you have reached out, and because they care enough to want to help you. It is up to you to commit yourself to the end result of being healthy and in balance. If you cannot see it for yourself now -- decide it, and grab hold of it with your gut!

I hope you have not overlooked my previous urging to transcendent healing.

There are indications in your chart now that you could benefit from a homeopath (prog Jupiter contra-parallel natal/prog Neptune). Know where you can find one in your area?

It may not be a quick fix, but there's great potential for long-term benefits if you find a good one to work with one-on-one. Understanding that there is no quick fix is very, very important for you, because your birth chart shows markers of great restlessness and impatience. You must 'work' any healing modality by first starting with your own intention to heal -- that's a commitment to yourself.

Have you looked into hypnosis as a way of digging into why you have such (existential?) rage? Coming to your own direct, internal awareness is of far greater value than more words, opinions, interpretations tilted or diluted by any personal beliefs on our parts out here.

re: 'unpasected North Node' -- nope:

You have no more, no less a potential/destiny than anyone else.

Ami is intuitive, very insightful, and if you can benefit from anything else she has given you, please do. But there is no deficiency with the Nodes in your chart. These aspects indicate that you will move forward in life based on your ability to express strong feelings, passions. These will lubricate your progress. So it is good that you can feel and express anger, passion, whatever. Mercury's exact trine to N.Node indicates communication and intellect play a key role. However, that does not mean you can solve all your problems using the intellect, or by talking around them.

Your birth chart has Sun [22N22] Parallel Jupiter [22N38], indicating a tendency for big ideas, grandiosity, overconfidence, or at least a desire to do things big. Both these are contra-parallel Uranus [23S31], indicating a tendency for big, but erratic changes, alternating lines of action, restlessness, possibly extremism in the form of dramatic outward vacillation. But such polar aspects are scales upon which to balance such energies. We all have to learn it. When you add this to Moon-Mars square Uranus, you have quite a bit of potential volatility.

Moon applying square Uranus is also an indicator of a personality with the tendency to hold oneself aloof from others, a reactionary, a touchy person whose nervous system is too easily keyed up or easily rubbed wrong by others. You can be equally annoying to them. However, the lessons inherent in Moon square Uranus are discovering your internal originality and uniqueness and finding balance your own way. I also have this aspect in my birth chart, so don't think I'm picking on you. I know it very well. I also had to learn to find relief from depression, frustration, perfectionism -- by sampling and accepting help even if it was disappointing or did not produce much. *The lesson is as much in reaching out and accepting compassion where it can be had, as in any 'fix.'

Part of your purpose in life is to be in touch with and stay in touch with all passions, anger, sexuality, strong feelings -- and to express them!

Anyone or anything that has told you these feelings are 'wrong' are wrong themselves. They are your reality! Find balance for yourself with them, within them, by directing them, and in accepting transcendence of them!

I wish you many blessings, my friend, and most of all the true healing that is perfect for you.

[/B]

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Yes, I feel that you are correct. As most of my problems stem from perfectionism and lack of control.