posted April 15, 2011 08:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Coffee:
To me, people get married because they are serious about being together. Same with a child. It's unfair for the (former) father to pay child support while he is not with the mother of his child. Yes, paying is fine, but I just find it not right that the parents split up. Sure the fathers want to pay, but I'm sure they had a future with said kid (full-time) and partner in mind when they signed up. They didn't sign up to have a part-time kid, no matter what society says about the male personality (off to earn some cash to raise the family and spread more seed.)

Yes, I know it sounds bad from what I have written.

Anyone done this?

Thought I might get a reaction.

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You are, despite having a warped view of things, assuming a lot of sexist stereotypes. It's quite common these days for the fathers to be very involved in their children's lives even when the parents split up.

When I left my husband (because he cheated on me repeatedly and emotionally abused me), our son was with him more than he was with me. In that case - I paid child support. AND he quickly got a live-in girlfriend who saw my son more than I did, it seemed. I also made a LOT less money than my ex did. I didn't feel humiliated. I want my son to have clothes to wear. It's my duty to help care for him. Any complaints I had I took to court.

Now that our son is with me more often (65% of the time), my ex should be paying child support. However, he 'suddenly' can't find a job. ie: he is working under the table and not claiming it anywhere. So I am stuck with the $500 per month in tutoring and lessons.

Despite all that, the ex is involved in our son's life, sees him very often, spends large amounts of time with him, etc. Of course he should be helping support our son. We had a child together. I didn't decide to do it on my own. When a child is not under your roof it doesn't mean that child ceases to be yours.

On a side note... this all doesn't stop the ex at all from complaining ad nauseum that my fiance buys too many things for our son and spends too much money on him.

Go figure.

posted April 15, 2011 09:01 PM            

The courts are clear -

Child support is for the CHILD and the expenses of raising a child - not for your ex.

posted April 15, 2011 10:35 PM            

T, and Plutosquared,I'm interested in both your situations, if you have had this happen to you. Why? You seem to attack me, so I was guessing that you take this personally for some reason. If you wouldn't mind sharing.

Yes happens to women too, but the commonplace is for this to happen to men. No, I'm sure it isn't nice the other way round.

Thanks for sharing, Moonwitch.

posted April 15, 2011 11:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Coffee:
I've never had this happen to me, nor do I have or intend to have a child. What possesses some people, I do not know. Happened to friends and family though. Yes, I must be obsessed with this

T, and Plutosquared,I'm interested in both your situations, if you have had this happen to you. Why? You seem to attack me, so I was guessing that you take this personally for some reason. If you wouldn't mind sharing.

Yes happens to women too, but the commonplace is for this to happen to men. No, I'm sure it isn't nice the other way round.

Thanks for sharing, Moonwitch.

I shall reply more later.

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Yeah, no. I will not share my life or my past. Suffice it to say, I have met many maladapted men who do not deserve to be fathers and should be sterilized. Thank goodness I am not in charge... because it wouldn't be pretty.

posted April 15, 2011 11:27 PM            

Like Pluto Squared, I don't care to share much about my personal life here. And like her, I have also met some real dirt-bag men.

I'd like to be fair and to be able to say the same about women in general, but overall, I can't. There are exceptions to every rule of course. I don't believe people should be cheerleading deadbeat dads either.

Was fun to be a part of this lively discussion earlier. Yes, I have strong opinions based on what I've experienced and witnessed in my lifetime, pertaining to this topic.

posted April 16, 2011 02:48 AM            

why is it people openly against the original post are given real responses and I, who gave a personal experience that is completely different and opposite from the preconceived notions, gets a "Thanks for sharing" ??

posted April 16, 2011 11:15 AM            

(btw, i think i scrolled too fast through the page because I missed your posts the first time! :O )

posted April 16, 2011 11:20 AM            

I was after people who shared stories, either personal or maybe someone close to them. Many did not do as I requested, so I was hoping to get these people to submit more than their views.

It was silly o clock in the morning, apologies.

posted April 16, 2011 11:29 AM            

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Originally posted by Coffee:
Moonwitch, thanks for sharing again!

I was after people who shared stories, either personal or maybe someone close to them. Many did not do as I requested, so I was hoping to get these people to submit more than their views.

It was silly o clock in the morning, apologies.

Did say I would reply later, but much later. Man must watch sport right now. Hehe.

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You may get the woman riled up,Coffee,but you are cute

posted April 17, 2011 12:52 PM            

I found this quote which is quite on the money...

quote:

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If a woman does'n want to become a mother, she has the right to an abortion. If a man doesn' want to become a father, it is nothing he could do. A man should have the right to say that he does not want to have anything to do with the child, no money, no visitations, no inheritance. Yes, the child will suffer from not having a father, but at least it will be alive. Which is more than one can say when it is the woman who doesn't want kids. And haven't society taught us that a father is of no importance these days?

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posted April 17, 2011 12:53 PM            

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what if the guy doesn't want the child?

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Quite simple coffee, keep your pants on.