posted April 17, 2011 10:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:
"Freaking crazy people" is right.

I see that alot here too.

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posted April 17, 2011 10:48 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:
Well, you know how the song goes...."if we couldnt laugh....."

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posted April 18, 2011 01:41 AM            

Very hot issue here. A lot of personal feelings, based on personal experiences, are involved, it seems.

Emotions are fine, but they make an absolute mess of one's thinking. And there's an awful lot of messy thinking in this string. One person, in the heat of the moment, dished out a harsh rebuttal to a claim that was never even made. There's a lot of demonizing of the other side. Also a ton of assumptions beings made. Just like everything else in life, each case is different and has to be judged accordingly. It's not always black-and-white, and it doesn't always happen the same way -- or for the same reasons.

And gender doesn't mean squat.

posted April 18, 2011 08:09 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by lalalinda:
After re-reading the original post, I think I know where Coffee is coming from.

Men who complain about supporting a child after a relationship is over
Are really complaining about not getting any booty.

That is why they keep bringing up the new boyfriend.

get it?
child support = regular sex.
so whoever is getting sex, is who should be paying child support

out all you dead beat dads

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Well in that case, child support is nothing more than a payment of an escort.

No, that is where you are coming from.

Imagine the scene, you have a child with a woman and plan to spend the rest of your lives together. Then, all of a sudden, the escort, I mean woman f's off to a new handler, In mean pimp, I mean partner. Do you think it fair that.......... no wait, you understood my post, and I guess you are just trying to wind me up or making a pathetic attempt at humour. Join the pack of bullies if you wish, but you should know better than that.

Of the ones who are attempting to wind me up in this little gang you have going, how many have either as a child (which some of you still seem to be) had a parent leave you (explains current behaviour) to find a new person to look after you, or have left a partner while having a child with them.

Lalalinda, you done it? Who here has?

No wonder some people are f*cked up and bully others.

Anyone want to reply to me or you just want to continue to wind me up?

posted April 18, 2011 08:12 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Rogue Guru:
Ah! I see someone found those pennies I dropped earlier. Thanks for noticing, PlutoČ.

Very hot issue here. A lot of personal feelings, based on personal experiences, are involved, it seems.

Emotions are fine, but they make an absolute mess of one's thinking. And there's an awful lot of messy thinking in this string. One person, in the heat of the moment, dished out a harsh rebuttal to a claim that was never even made. There's a lot of demonizing of the other side. Also a ton of assumptions beings made. Just like everything else in life, each case is different and has to be judged accordingly. It's not always black-and-white, and it doesn't always happen the same way -- or for the same reasons.

And gender doesn't mean squat.

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posted April 18, 2011 09:01 AM            

There are plenty of women that leave a bad or abusive relationship simply because it's not healthy for her or the child. Ditto for men that leave an abusive relationship.

Some stay single for years and year or even forever. Many are very capable and do take care of themselves.

posted April 18, 2011 10:21 AM            

#1, it's no fun fighting about child support and it's terrible for the kids to see, you are so much better off just cutting your loss.
(which means cutting Dad out of your life)
When you do it's on your terms, you call the shots, you make the decisions and if you choose to be honest with your child he will grow up accepting his dad for what he is. A DEAD BEAT FATHER.

posted April 18, 2011 01:19 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Coffee:
Explain further please, with examples. Quote me with an explanation.

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Will do, Coffee

quote:

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How many people here have had children, and then moved onto another fella, making the ORIGINAL father pay maintenance/child support?

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quote:

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it's much more clever for the mum to leave the original father. 1st, they would have the payments from the previous father, while 2nd they would likely have money (or goods) from the new boyfriend. It may seem a little selfish, but this option, in effect, the baby gets more in terms of money from original father, and gifts/money from Mums new partner.

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quote:

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Maybe in there you will find the reason, they banked on a full time partner with a full time kid. They didn't bank on paying for their kid to be brought up full time by someone else, or by someone who wanted to use them as a payment option. It happens.

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It sounds like you are under the impression that when women leave a man that they are automatically running to another man for support. I really don't think that's usually the case.

posted April 18, 2011 01:29 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by lalalinda:
Personally, I believe that if a man whines about child support or tries to control you with it.
You're better off without it.

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Child support isn't about what's good for the woman or the man. It's about what's good for the child. Children are generally not better off without the help of both parents.

quote:

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(which means cutting Dad out of your life)
When you do it's on your terms, you call the shots, you make the decisions and if you choose to be honest with your child he will grow up accepting his dad for what he is. A DEAD BEAT FATHER.

Independence in a woman FEELS GREAT[/b]

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What if you have a parent that is very involved in the child's life but still doesn't want to give child support? That isn't a dead-beat parent necessarily but something else.

A child doesn't benifit from cutting a parent out of their life just because that parent isn't paying support. And if a parent isn't paying support it doesn't mean the other parent automatically gets to call the shots or do anything on their terms. The courts make that call and they won't deny someone parental rights because they aren't paying because that's not what's good for the CHILD.

And I disagree with talking to a child at all about the other parent not paying support. That's absolutely harmful to the child and the child's relationship with the non-paying parent. That shouldn't be brought in conversation to a child at all - in fact, the courts would frown upon that and it could be used against you.

posted April 18, 2011 01:42 PM            

BUT if it's a good judge then it's a last resort to change a custody agreement and other avenues would be tried first (like garnishing a paycheck which would solve a lot of issues).

posted April 18, 2011 01:47 PM            

You know more about this than I do. The courts handle custody and child support seperately.

posted April 18, 2011 04:14 PM            

the effect this had on me? i struggled with depression...i yearned and hoped my dad would come back..i wished and prayed....every day he didnt come back the deeper in depression i went...i was friendless and bitter...if not for the friends i later made, i would still be that way

so yea, i think whichever parent does not have full custody of the kid/s should pay child support

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What happens on Venus stays on Venus

posted April 18, 2011 04:44 PM            

I expected 75% of the posters to disagree with me, not a problem, we're not all made the same.

I was actually referring to a parent who did not want to pay. You can go to court and spend all kinds of time and money trying to make your point and still be left with the same result, not to mention the stress. It's just easier this way.

Upfront and in the beginning if they show a disinterest in contributing then I see nothing wrong with letting them know that you'll assume full responsibility but they are relinquishing their parental rights and then let them go.
You can't force a person to feel a certain way about anything and you're just beating your head against a wall trying.

My first choice would always be for a good relationship with both parents and if I saw effort I would be willing to overlook quite a bit. But I am under no circumstances willing to be bullied or manipulated. Sincerity works with me.

I'm not hard hearted, I just have no time for the BS and the back and forth fighting is no good for the kids that's why I say if it's a no win situation cut your losses early and just do your best everything will work out, it always does.

posted April 18, 2011 05:29 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
Thanks NickiG. Personal experiences are the most educational. That's why I am extreme in my feelings and opinions. It makes me sick and angry when I see people get hurt.

I'm glad you are doing better, now.

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thanks PS, i understand, it makes me angry too, especially this topic

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What happens on Venus stays on Venus

posted April 18, 2011 08:46 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by NickiG:
my parents split up when i was little..my father moved to a different state and my mom was stuck with my sister, brother and me...we struggled and struggled and struggled.......my father, who was in the coast guard, did not pay a cent of child support for us three kids...

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posted April 18, 2011 08:51 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by MoonWitch:

Ditto! My father left my young mother with an 8 year old and a 3 year old. He moved to NYC to become an artist. He never paid a cent in child support but we still went to visit him for the summers.

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i only saw my father twice in between my parents splitting and him dying...and both were many years in between

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What happens on Venus stays on Venus

posted April 18, 2011 11:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
There are certain things you learn as you grow older.
Like most things you screw up to find them out.
Be very,very ,very careful with whom you have a child.
That person will be with you,forever,often,until death.
To me, who you marry is the second most important decision of your life.
I want to tell younger people this but no one could tell me many things.
I had to learn ,myself.

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This makes a lot of sense!You sure hit the target ami!

posted April 20, 2011 02:30 PM            

From the stupid emotional reaction I have received, many seem to not want to admit that they have done this, so throw all that anger onto me.

Thank you for the results of my informal survey. I now understand that women leaving their original partners, with a baby, is very common in society.