posted November 01, 2010 08:51 AM            

2-- Who says your strength and power lies in your body, thats the greatest mistake any woman can make.. Never build your confidence around your body, because with time that body will loose its youthfulness, which will eventually have a negative effect on your confidence and will power, instead build your confidence around the values and substance you possess deep inside you, equip your mind and soul with knowledge and intelligence, because they naturally attract respect to you...

3--The more a woman depends totally on a man, the weaker she becomes, as a lady learn to be independent, intellectually, financially, emotionally, socially and physically, for you to be respected never depend on any man for any of these vital things, because they are foundational fibers of life that must not be compromised in any way...

4--How challenging can you be, this also earns you some respect from the male folk, a man hates been challenged, and gets uncomfortable when his authority is been questioned, but he respects it when corrected..

Do not succumb to his egocentric power, rather counter it with your own gentle but tough womanly touch, never let any man shut you down, or render your opinion less important because you are a woman..
The world as tried hard to shape the woman into a model, sex object, social symbol and so on, but it all depends on you as an individual, to change the way you approach life and the basic things around you..

6---Learn to always be yourself, especially in public, who says you must wear that feet breaking high heel shoes when you feel comfortable in the flat ones, who says that skirt must reveal so much, when you prefer to wear a smarter and better skirt..
Who has the right to tell you how fat you should get or how slim or thin you should be, the way you look must first satisfy you as a person and not the outside world, to be respected as a lady you need to have a mind of your own, do not let any one or the society mould you into what soothes their selfish and myopic view, just be yourself and let the power within you direct your steps, try all these and see the kind of LADY you become...

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"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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posted November 01, 2010 09:04 AM            

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"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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posted November 01, 2010 09:05 AM            

. Jealousy & Possessiveness – Becomes jealous over your family, friends, co-workers. Tries to isolate you. Views his woman and children as his property instead of as unique individuals. Accuses you of cheating or flirting with other men without cause. Always asks where you’ve been and with whom in an accusatory manner.
2. Control – He is overly demanding of your time and must be the center of your attention. He controls finances, the car, and the activities you partake in. Becomes angry if woman begins showing signs of independence or strength.
3. Superiority – He is always right, has to win or be in charge. He always justifies his actions so he can be “right” by blaming you or others. A verbally abusive man will talk down to you or call you names in order to make himself feel better. The goal of an abusive man is to make you feel weak so they can feel powerful. Abusers are frequently insecure and this power makes them feel better about themselves.
4. Manipulates – Tells you you’re crazy or stupid so the blame is turned on you. Tries to make you think that it’s your fault he is abusive. Says he can’t help being abusive so you feel sorry for him and you keep trying to “help” him. Tells others you are unstable.
5. Mood Swings – His mood switches from aggressive and abusive to apologetic and loving after the abuse has occurred.
6. Actions don’t match words – He breaks promises, says he loves you and then abuses you.
7. Punishes you – An emotionally abusive man may withhold sex, emotional intimacy, or plays the “silent game” as punishment when he doesn’t get his way. He verbally abuses you by frequently criticizing you.
8. Unwilling to seek help – An abusive man doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him so why should he seek help? Does not acknowledge his faults or blames it on his childhood or outside circumstances.
9. Disrespects women – Shows no respect towards his mother, sisters, or any women in his life. Thinks women are stupid and worthless.
10. Has a history of abusing women and/or animals or was abused himself – Batterers repeat their patterns and seek out women who are submissive and can be controlled. Abusive behavior can be a generational dysfunction and abused men have a great chance of becoming abusers. Men who abuse animals are much more likely to abuse women also.

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quote:

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"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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posted November 01, 2010 12:14 PM            

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship around the start of the year. Didn't last long. I'm not one of those women who would stay in a relationship like that just to be with someone. Being single can get lonely but never lonely enough to put up with being talked down to or allowing someone to bully my son the way he did. My son hated him.

posted November 01, 2010 12:26 PM            

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"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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posted November 01, 2010 11:00 PM            

I was in a severe abusive relationship (physical, emotional) from 16-23 years old. (and a relapse in '09)
It takes A LOT of courage to know that you can be free of it all... a whole lot.

Some day I think I want to help victims, once my kids are at school I would love to be involved in helping young women heal from abuse.

Me though, *still healing* ~ still apologizing for stupid small things like bumping my DH's elbow or something.

~ Cleaning like an anal freak- then realising no one is going to yell at me for a messy kitchen.

~ Still worried he's going to appear in the room and hurt me. Or my DH will go to the bathroom at night and as the door opens as he returns I get a moment of panic thinking its the ex. Wierd.

~ Still worried if I am allowed to go visit friend, feel the need to explain what my intentions are every few minutes, justify this and that. I have no need to though.

It really has affected my self esteem but some how I do know better and I do Love who I am, it's just being uncertain with others. It sucks but all I can think of is how I would help a girl who is in the same situation I was in.

posted November 02, 2010 12:49 AM            

2. Yeah I completely get this. The body changes over time – in many ways. Some people look better at 40 than they did at 20. It really depends on what you do with yourself, what you eat, whether you exercise – It’s also about good luck or “fate” (some people have horrible accidents). But I’ve noticed my personal power does depend a little – on body language. It’s not my looks, but the way in which I move – The way I convey messages and the tone of my voice.

3. Again – I know few women – from my parents generation (60s) onward who “depend” on a man. My grandmothers did, very much so! (born in the 30s, 40s).
I find that there are some women who are happily independent. On the other hand, there are other women who would prefer to have someone to “depend on” (but these latter women are still independent because they have no real choice). These days in Western society it would be pretty hard to find a man who happily enters a marriage where you do not hold your end of the bargain and you simply “depend” on him. Also many women seem to depend on their friends emotionally, not their bf.

4. This is a bit confusing because there are two really different points made here. One is to be a challenge sexually/romantically (I take it..). The other is to be a feminist. Anyway I think the latter is self-explanatory. And most women would not react well to a man treating them in a chauvinistic manner. About being a challenge - If it so happens that you are naturally perceived as a challenge by a particular guy, that’s fine. If not – please don’t play that ridiculous card where you plot, scheme and completely alter your personality in order to be a challenge. The same goes for men – because they also receive this advice often (be a challenge! LOL)… I say – Be yourself.
It would be just hilarious to meet two people who are huge magazine buffs – and who had both received advice to “be a challenge” for the opposite sex. If these people were attracted to each other things would never pick up.. because they’d both be playing hard to get. How ridiculous. Seriously – Is it just me? Lol It sounds like the Capricorn in my chart talking.

6. There are so many beautiful flat shoes out there. They’re very much so in fashion now. I’m surprised by this advice because I didn’t realize it was an issue. I don’t see that many women in short skirts and high heeled shoes. Most women seem to wear pants, jeans and normal length skirts.
Again, Is it just me?

posted November 02, 2010 04:23 AM            

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"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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posted November 02, 2010 08:21 AM            

It ranged from physical beatings to emotional abuse. She was only allowed to go out with him (she couldn’t even shop alone or visit family without him). He always had to know where she was at all times. She often described herself as an “ornament” because she felt like she was a piece of property that he used for show. They had to put up this bid happy family front. While she was on lock down at home he was out cheating, yet if a man so much as looked in her direction she would get beat badly when they got home because he accused her of drawing attention to herself.

They had children and these children had to witness all of this. The woman did speak out once but no one believed her. Why? Because such a kind and generous man as himself could never treat a woman that way. Not even the police wanted to help, they said it’s a domestic dispute and thus they couldn’t help!!! She did run away several times with the kids but he always found them and she would land up getting a beating again…

She started to believe that her life was put out that way and there was no way out till one day..

She and her husband got into a terrible fight and he pulled his gun on her.He threatened to kill her and the kids. The eldest heard all the commotion and called the cops. The woman manage to get the gun and beat him over the head with the back of the gun and which point he fled the house as the cops were arriving.

That day was a wake up call for her as it could have ended badly for the entire family.
She got a restraining order, filed for a divorce and protection from her own family ( everyone couldn’t turn a blind eye the gun incident).

She rebuild her life and is happy, successful and FREE

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"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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posted November 02, 2010 02:08 PM            

and then there is the "tyranny of the weak"...my sister is great at this. she always sees herself as being slighted/excluded/overlooked and so she WHINES until people give in and try to comfort her. currently having a major headache being caught between her and my daughter - sis helped alot when i was babysitting 40+ hours aweek, though only as it suited her schedule; now she is upset because my daughter sees her as only an aunt who disapproves of her and wants to "buy" my grandson's affections...of course they both talk to me about it and now I am feeling abused! but it's an ongoing process removing those tentacles if they are people you have permanent relationships with.

posted November 02, 2010 04:12 PM            

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unfortunately even today many men are raised to see themselves as providers and their family as chattel, wives and children.

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I guess it depends on culture/background, age, education level etc.

posted November 02, 2010 04:58 PM              

seems like the trend now is to sponge off the woman.

at least thats what i am seeing lately.
the guy lives off the girl, doesn't work, or do much of anything...ask how many women see themselves as the sole supporter and they will say... are you high... too,....but look around...i see it all the time now. i even see women drop thier kids off at sitter while the daddy ...well...probobly wanks all day on the computer to internet women until he gets wore out.

mooch men. the new trend.