posted April 30, 2013 07:48 AM            

quote:

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A lot of the time I just want a friend who's a good kisser.

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LoL me to!

Except I couldn't be friends with someone who acts like their sh*t don't stick. They reek of insecurity and issues I don't want to deal with.

posted April 30, 2013 07:59 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Was this guy not a good kisser?

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I don't know, we hadn't kissed yet.

posted April 30, 2013 05:54 PM            

So safe to say you NEVER put up with guys who cheat on you and sleep around, steal your money, punch you (even if "only because he was drunk"), etc.

IOW, you're not into bad boys that this thread was talking about. Even if you have the bad luck to get with guys like that you don't mean to. The idea is so bizarre to you that you wonder where AG and Randall are coming from.

posted April 30, 2013 06:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
^^

So safe to say you NEVER put up with guys who cheat on you and sleep around, steal your money, punch you (even if "only because he was drunk"), etc.

IOW, you're not into bad boys that this thread was talking about. Even if you have the bad luck to get with guys like that you don't mean to. The idea is so bizarre to you that you wonder where AG and Randall are coming from.

Good to know.

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posted April 30, 2013 11:29 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
The thing about us guys is you know when we really care about you, there is no mystery, We show it with words and actions. Unfortunately alot of women dont seem to get this simple concept and wind up getting invested in guys they shouldnt be getting invested in and end up getting hurt. Not all "bad boys" are bad people, they just arent good commited relationship material and thats what the majority of women are looking for. So basically these guys are not good for the girl , thus you have the term "bad boy".

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Check out my poetry! <3

posted May 01, 2013 12:27 AM            

quote:

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a girl gets invested in a guy who has shown with his words and actions that he is not commited to the girl and never will be

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I'm not sure about that definition.
I don't see this as 'bad'.. because maybe that guy is just honestly not interested in her.

It would be bad - if he was intentionally going around trying to charm people while having no interest.. that's like being a narcissist though lol

I don't know.

Personally when I think bad boy - the first thing I think is a guy who is immature emotionally, comes across like an ego-maniac... so he has too much ego & no heart... and quite apart from seeming very 'egotistical' - you can always tell there is this weird underlying insecurity/lack of confidence.

Another thing I associate with 'bad boy' is... a *lot* of energy being directed towards sex & sexual things (too much emphasis on the root chakra and not enough on the others - which is a lack of balance on an energy level).
Due to this energy imbalance.. I often associate a kind of mental *dullness* with being a 'bad boy'.

This could just be my preconception - but I feel like if someone puts that much energy & time into dating and their sex life..... there is no energy left for other things.
They are seldom successful people.

I mean - I look around me.. at men I know who have a good career and they are hard-working people - who use their energy effectively.
I have to go back to my Capricorn Mars again.
I respect people who use their energy in an effective way - and contribute to the society around them.

So - I'm sorry if anyone gets offended here - but I can't help but associate *stupidity* with being a bad boy --- not necessarily because they are unable to be intellectually developed.
BUT - because so much of their energy is wasted - they have no time for anything else.
Their head is effectively IN the gutter.

So often - I feel like I cannot have a conversation with them AT ALL.
Quite apart from them being "bad" or toxic... my biggest problem is - I can't even TALK to them.. because their blood is flowing in the opposite direction to their brain.
Their conversation always revolves around sexual things.
Try to bring up anything else from arts to politics to astrology to hobbies or whatever... and a bad boy will not be able to hold a flipping conversation!

There is a problem there in terms of lack of social skills..
They have over-developed sexual attraction skills ---- and NO platonic-relationship/friendship/acquaintanceship skills.

I guess - I also see them as *loopy* for this reason..
They are never completely mentally ALLERT - if you know what I mean... because they're always kind of lost in their little dramatic purely sexual world.

posted May 01, 2013 01:05 AM            

Not having an ulterior motive for socializing however, can cause some confusion, for a lack of a better term.

It's just assumed that the only reason why a man would talk to a women out at night is b/c men want sex.

posted May 01, 2013 01:49 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:
I'm not sure about that definition.
I don't see this as 'bad'.. because maybe that guy is just honestly not into her

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posted May 01, 2013 01:51 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Padre35:

I mostly agree with that Odette, my quibble would be the charm portion as to me, being charming is not about trying to get into someone's bedroom, it is b/c you actually enjoy their company.

Not having an ulterior motive for socializing however, can cause some confusion, for a lack of a better term.

It's just assumed that the only reason why a man would talk to a women out at night is b/c men want sex.

Not exactly true tbh.

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posted May 01, 2013 03:47 AM            

quote:

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Not to pick on hannarama but she is a good example of this. Have you ever noticed that every time she posts about a guy she is always asking us a question like "is this guy into me?" or something along those lines

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posted May 01, 2013 04:04 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
^^

So safe to say you NEVER put up with guys who cheat on you and sleep around, steal your money, punch you (even if "only because he was drunk"), etc.

IOW, you're not into bad boys that this thread was talking about. Even if you have the bad luck to get with guys like that you don't mean to. The idea is so bizarre to you that you wonder where AG and Randall are coming from.

Good to know.

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NO, I never will. I whole heartedly believe my first ever experience dating was with a narcissist and/or sociopath, and it was horrible, but it taught me a lot especially about my boundaries and how to stand up for myself.

My high school peer, on the other hand, needs to be apart of this thread. She is/has mothered 2.5 kids by the same deadbeat dad that doesn't help her pay rent, buy groceries, baby-anything, gas, bills, gifts, nothing. She lets him sleep there, eat her food, loves him, wants him back after they've broken up for the 100th time. And this is after, oh, SIX years of this garbage. Cheating included, getting their home raided by the police and being forced to move out, selling drugs, smoking weed, covering up for him even though he left their first born alone in the apartment so he could go get cigarettes, shoved her, punched holes in the wall, threw their second born on the couch in a rage, allows his children to be in the presence of KNOWN child molesters... I mean, he is the one individual that I really would not care if he lived or died.

posted May 01, 2013 07:28 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Padre35:
[b]
I mostly agree with that Odette, my quibble would be the charm portion as to me, being charming is not about trying to get into someone's bedroom, it is b/c you actually enjoy their company.

Not having an ulterior motive for socializing however, can cause some confusion, for a lack of a better term.

It's just assumed that the only reason why a man would talk to a women out at night is b/c men want sex.

Not exactly true tbh.

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Nah AG, don't particlarly care either way, just tossing it out there for consideration.

And do agree with Pixie Jane, definition of "bad boy" is somewhat nebulous and reliant on each person to decide.

Still wondering about what "2.5 kids means"?

The one thing I have noticed is "bad boys" are really skilled at suckering the women into falling into the drama that they themselves create for themselves.

THEY act irresponsibly, yet they convince the women to drop whatever they are doing to help them out of it.

posted May 01, 2013 01:34 PM              

my sister had two kids with a man who was sober when they met but started drinking after marriage and leaving the army. when he threw her two year old across the room she finally realized it wasn't her fault and moved as far away as she could never to contact him again. after several attempts at relationships with other losers, she left the dating game and has lived basically happy ever after. for some this is the only solution

the trouble with the real bad boys and having kids with them is that the abused becomes depressed and sees no way out, starts blaming herself for his behaviour...until, if lucky they have an epiphany like my sister did.

posted May 01, 2013 03:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by katatonic:
hanna i know a woman with six kids with a man just like that. though she has learned that as long as she doesn't say anything the more violent aspects lie dormant.

my sister had two kids with a man who was sober when they met but started drinking after marriage and leaving the army. when he threw her two year old across the room she finally realized it wasn't her fault and moved as far away as she could never to contact him again. after several attempts at relationships with other losers, she left the dating game and has lived basically happy ever after. for some this is the only solution

the trouble with the real bad boys and having kids with them is that the abused becomes depressed and sees no way out, starts blaming herself for his behaviour...until, if lucky they have an epiphany like my sister did.

no, bad boys are not attractive, but especially at first they can seem charming and exciting. outgrowing them is the sane option.

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posted May 01, 2013 06:46 PM              

As my mother said, whatever rationale it takes is good enough if it gets you to do the right thing.

posted May 01, 2013 07:33 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by katatonic:
hanna i know a woman with six kids with a man just like that. though she has learned that as long as she doesn't say anything the more violent aspects lie dormant.

my sister had two kids with a man who was sober when they met but started drinking after marriage and leaving the army. when he threw her two year old across the room she finally realized it wasn't her fault and moved as far away as she could never to contact him again. after several attempts at relationships with other losers, she left the dating game and has lived basically happy ever after. for some this is the only solution

the trouble with the real bad boys and having kids with them is that the abused becomes depressed and sees no way out, starts blaming herself for his behaviour...until, if lucky they have an epiphany like my sister did.

no, bad boys are not attractive, but especially at first they can seem charming and exciting. outgrowing them is the sane option.

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This is very wise, Kat!

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted May 01, 2013 08:57 PM            

Well, once was entangled in a relationship with a young lady who was playing me and someone else against each other.

I was sort of the college guy, other man was a mechanic jack of all trades type.

Yadda yadda yadda, anywho, the other guy used to hit her when she would not do what he thought she should do. (sparing the gory details)

We split up again, she went back to him, happened to run into her mom at the local grocery and asked her why she would go back to a guy who'd hit her?

With the most vapid face one can imagine, the mom said "well... her dad hit me and he's a fine man otherwise.."

Point being, when there are children involved just keep in mind the whole "bad boy" stuff has repercussions outside of the moment..it imprints on the children as well.

What is "normal" becomes very different and messes them up moving forward.

posted May 01, 2013 09:08 PM            

My husband, for instance, grew up with a horribly abusive father (both towards the children - particularly him - and their mother), and he's the polar opposite (albeit intentionally).

I'm pretty sure he'd commit seppuku if he ever hit me.
Once, a the binding agent in a pot of ours melted an splattered everywhere when I picked it up, and I had to stop him from throwing away all our pots because that one almost hurt me.

posted May 01, 2013 09:24 PM            

Which is the same situation that particular triangle was at the end of it all.

I look back now and think that she was more or less doing what she thought was normal, and me and the other guy probably would have been fine if the situation had not lasted.

The more the erstaz father hit the mom, the more she'd take it, then run around on him, which would just perpetuate the cycle.

Children being the sponges they are saw this and her normal was not quite my normal so to speak.

On a positive note, for me that was quite a lesson in how all of that works, one that I hope AG can be spared from going through.

Believe it or not, I used to wonder the same sorts of things as he does, life's learning curve though can be easy or harsh.

posted May 01, 2013 09:50 PM            

quote:

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"well... her dad hit me and he's a fine man otherwise.."

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posted May 01, 2013 09:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Odette:

Crazy world!

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Perhaps now my cynicism/laugh at it all makes a touch more sense?

posted May 03, 2013 03:14 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by katatonic:
yep mirage

then there's ado annie!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VprmD6oXpFQ

gotta love her!

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I DO!! I'd forgotten all about her! Laughing soooo hard, katatonic! That was perfect!