posted June 06, 2014 12:22 AM            

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Originally posted by Padre35:
It becomes this sort of passive aggressive dance, the guy likes her, tells all of his friends this, would never come out and tell her of course.

Then, he becomes afraid to say "no" to her, no matter how much her favor may put the guy out, though he'd mention it in passing as if he were going to get a gold star from her for suffering in silence.

Then she dates other guys, and it's 'that ***** ! As nice as I was to her!",,guy never made the bold move he should have early on.

Other thing I do not understand is dressing very sexy, going out into social situations, bars clubs etc, then guys with, to be blunt, bad game, approach and it is not just a shoot down, it is a sort of mega slap down for daring to approach and daring to strike up a conversation ask to dance etc

It's a bit like running ads, then rejecting responses to that ad, b/c that is not what they were trying to do.

there is a great unsaid in there tho

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Oye...cold approaching is never good. I'm mixed on the 'sexy' dressing part, some women (I do) just dress for themselves, but some probably do for the attention.

posted June 06, 2014 12:22 AM            

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Originally posted by Padre35:

Oh yeah, if there be a cabal of women in the disucssion, could this be explained xii xii ni?

travel and vacations, expensive vacations.

Let me understand this, much time, effort, concern, is spent constructing a life, and a lifestyle, only to leave it on a rather short and expensive trip, that produces pictures, and memories and..debt?

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posted June 06, 2014 12:23 AM            

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Originally posted by Violets:
I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Care to elaborate?

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posted June 06, 2014 12:25 AM            

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Originally posted by BellaFenice:
Yeah...I'm lost too.

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posted June 06, 2014 12:27 AM            

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Originally posted by Violets:
I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Care to elaborate?

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Women have a unique quality to desire to travel, weekend here a trip there.

Never quite understood it.

posted June 06, 2014 12:32 AM            

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Originally posted by Padre35:
Women have a unique quality to desire to travel, weekend here a trip there.

Never quite understood it.

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posted June 06, 2014 12:35 AM            

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Originally posted by Padre35:
Women have a unique quality to desire to travel, weekend here a trip there.

Never quite understood it.

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I certainly can have the desire (sometimes...mostly I'm quite happy in my own garden). However, I have never expected anyone else to provide that for me. When that has happened in my life it has always been within a long-term, committed relationship.

posted June 06, 2014 12:36 AM            

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Originally posted by BellaFenice:
Oye...cold approaching is never good. I'm mixed on the 'sexy' dressing part, some women (I do) just dress for themselves, but some probably do for the attention.

It depends on the context of the situation, maybe the way he approached her was creepy/unexpected/brash, or he didn't meet her standards. Politeness is always good.

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Has nothing to do with validation? Why not wear sweat pants and a t-shirt?

The standards part is the unsaid part BF, and to bring it back around, the standards she may have it not something a female confidant will tell the advice seeking male

"Uhm, yeah, you should probably drop 40 pds, ditch the frat boy t-shirts, and get some contact lenses"

That would not be "nice' so instead "just be yourself" or whatever it may be is offered as advice, or worse re-enforcement of failing behavior "oh, you are a great guy, a girl would be lucky to catch you"

posted June 06, 2014 12:38 AM            

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Originally posted by BellaFenice:
Are you referring to pay for play? Or just standard using people?

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Oh my no, in a relationship context

posted June 06, 2014 12:39 AM            

<Eta> The first part, about not wanting to tell a guy friend that he needs to do whatever bluntly, in order to benefit his relationship issues. Some things can't be helped, and must be accepted by the other person...but other things CAN be helped, and I will admit (although I will not assume the same of every other woman on the face of the planet) that I am not inclined to be that blunt/hurtful with people, if I don't feel that they can handle the bluntness.

posted June 06, 2014 12:40 AM            

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Originally posted by Padre35:
Has nothing to do with validation? Why not wear sweat pants and a t-shirt?

The standards part is the unsaid part BF, and to bring it back around, the standards she may have it not something a female confidant will tell the advice seeking male

"Uhm, yeah, you should probably drop 40 pds, ditch the frat boy t-shirts, and get some contact lenses"

That would not be "nice' so instead "just be yourself" or whatever it may be is offered as advice, or worse re-enforcement of failing behavior "oh, you are a great guy, a girl would be lucky to catch you"

Cold approaching is something I'll do occasionally, normally if there is eye contact and even then, the polite yet not to engaged is my approach anyway

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Lillith trine Venus....sweat pants and t-shirt ain't my style!

posted June 06, 2014 12:43 AM            

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Originally posted by Violets:
^ Well, that's actually a very valid point, Padre. I will admit it.

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thank you!

the other thing, when a women runs into a frenemy, and they acknowledge each other there is this:

"Oh..heyyyy how are you doing?!?!'

With a hug that I expect each right hand to have a dagger in tapping each other on the back..all the while the guy knows..they hate each other..she spent an hour telling him how much she was a fill in the blank

posted June 06, 2014 12:43 AM            

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Originally posted by Padre35:
Oh my no, in a relationship context

This sort of impulse to just "get out of here for awhile"

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posted June 06, 2014 12:46 AM            

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Originally posted by Violets:
^ Well, that's actually a very valid point, Padre. I will admit it.

<Eta> The first part, about not wanting to tell a guy friend that he needs to do whatever bluntly, in order to benefit his relationship issues. Some things can't be helped, and must be accepted by the other person...but other things CAN be helped, and I will admit (although I will not assume the same of every other woman on the face of the planet) that I am not inclined to be that blunt/hurtful with people, if I don't feel that they can handle the bluntness.

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posted June 06, 2014 12:48 AM            

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Originally posted by Padre35:
thank you!

the other thing, when a women runs into a frenemy, and they acknowledge each other there is this:

"Oh..heyyyy how are you doing?!?!'

With a hug that I expect each right hand to have a dagger in tapping each other on the back..all the while the guy knows..they hate each other..she spent an hour telling him how much she was a fill in the blank

I suspect women do this, esp mothers, to avoid open warfare in the streets

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I only do this with in-laws, and not as much anymore at this point. No way in hell will you catch me being fake with another woman.

If I don't agree with what they have to say, I'm polite about it. If I outright dislike them, they'll probably know it.

posted June 06, 2014 12:50 AM            

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Originally posted by BellaFenice:
It is a tough position to be in: either way you end up hurting the person, either directly or indirectly.

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Men, in private, do not talk to each other that way, we'll just be blunt.

posted June 06, 2014 12:55 AM            

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Originally posted by Violets:
I only do this with in-laws, and not as much anymore at this point. No way in hell will you catch me being fake with another woman.

If I don't agree with what they have to say, I'm polite about it. If I outright dislike them, they'll probably know it.

Or at least they will eventually, if I can't just disengage gracefully from them. Even then, I would prefer to work things out if we share a common denominator (my son, for example). It's happened.

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You still do it tho!

Ahh..the fact your son was involved amped up things to be sure..now it is just a matter of de-escalation..From momcon2 "full on attack mode' to momcon4 "attack imminent"

posted June 06, 2014 12:56 AM            

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Originally posted by Padre35:
Men, in private, do not talk to each other that way, we'll just be blunt.

This one of the reasons why I posted what I posted

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IDK man, I happen to know some very emotional and moody guys, got to walk on eggshells around them.

posted June 06, 2014 12:57 AM            

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Originally posted by Padre35:

Now my charges against the (un)fairer sex is knowing a guy is into them, and just playing the guy.

to be fair, usually the guy volunteers, still it is better to be cruel quickly then have false kindness over time.

Even as a guy, it is fairly easy to tell when a guy is into a girl, and she is not feeling it, yet it drags on and on in bizarre march of raised hopes/rejections..raised hopes/rejections.

If women ever wonder why a few men are very direct about their intentions, it is to dispense with that long march to nowhereville.

cannot say I blame them tbh

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posted June 06, 2014 01:00 AM            

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Originally posted by BellaFenice:
IDK man, I happen to know some very emotional and moody guys, got to walk on eggshells around them.

Generally speaking, I would agree with this.

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This is why I say "in private"

posted June 06, 2014 01:02 AM            

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Originally posted by Padre35:
This is why I say "in private"

Do it publicly is to invite either conflict or hatred

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Again, Lillith-Asc, conflict or hatred is not a problem.

Sun square Pluto and Mars as well.

posted June 06, 2014 01:04 AM            

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Originally posted by Catalina:
The problem with the fat guy who isn't up to her standards is that someone probly WILL like him for himself when he accepts himself...but his own standards are not deep enough to realize a woman who looks down on him will only make him miserable whatever happens. So telling him hes good enough is true and false at the same time. Really, SHE is not good enough.

Why are people under such pressure to "succeed" with the opposite sex anyway?

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Good counterpoint!

IMO, it relates to the culture, you aren't the 'man' if you don't get chicks and as woman (especially in your 20s) there is something wrong with you if you are single.