posted October 17, 2004 02:24 AM         

Not to mention being in school... That's even worse. No body gives a damn and if they do, I mean a real damn. You've found a good friend. A real good Friend is rare. Some body who authentically cares for another individual, in a mature, non undetached way.

LibraSparkle
Very good point on the Hypocrisy. Unfortunately, little is known of the subject... I asked my doctor about how these things work. She told me they are relatively hit or miss.

I've also heard that prejudice comes from a lack of knowledge. This could be the cause of the problem for the stigma. This could also be a problem with society, but lets not get pessimistic here, we're looking for answers not problems.

EveryBody, Good Relevant Comments, I was glad to read this thread.

And LibraSparkle Thank you for moderating!

Randall III

posted February 13, 2005 07:34 PM         

May I be so bold as to ask how old you are?

quote:

---

I believe nature must have everything we need--and faith the rest.

---

posted February 15, 2005 06:58 PM         

I will say though that you sound remarkably like I did at your age. I'm now 34 (aack!) and my dark/miserable/violent/suicidal/numb-to-the-point-of-catatonia moments are now hardly more than a source of amusement. Knowing that they won't really amount to anything and knowing that they will pass, I've learned to enjoy the ride.

Is that strange for a scorpio?

posted February 15, 2005 08:35 PM         

No, I am not a piece of modern art. Perhaps a Pre-Raphaelite or an Early Renaissance, but most definitly not a piece of modern art.

posted February 15, 2005 08:48 PM         

Its not that I'm unattractive. I'm just different. If I dont avoid eye-contact, after one look, you probably will. I dont know how to make small talk, and I have no desire to learn. I've largely been out of the public eye, out of circulation; I dont take classes, and I dont work. I hang out with a small circle of old friends. I'm just not the type to go meeting people. I dont go to bars or clubs, not that I would be likely to meet someone there (no offense). I've never had sex with someone who wasnt my girlfriend, and I wonder if I even could.

I dont know how to attract "my type" either. I dress like a square, but I'm probably more rebellious than 99% of the people out there who advertise it in style. I'm way too nervous around strangers to talk to them, most of the time. If they are female, and I'm attracted to them, forget about it. (God bless the internet.)

In truth, I've never even met my type (well, once, but, I F-ed it up.). People want me to be their friend, their confidant, their counselor, their teacher. Then they want me to leave before it gets weird. Maybe I'm just too different.

"My dreamgirl don't exist;
At the age of five she slit her wrists.
She didnt know that I'd be hangin 'round,
So her parents buried her in the ground.
At night I can still hear the sound
of her life in outer space."
- Jeff Mangum

posted February 15, 2005 09:42 PM         

"I'm just different" This is a bad thing?

You do seem to be an odd duck. What confuses me, and admittedly interests me, is why you are so uncomfortable being "different". Why?

On the other hand (sorry stupid Libra rising), I find those who enjoy being odd, who even go so far as to try to be different, utterly repulsive. So maybe you've happened upon the the lesser of two evils.

posted February 15, 2005 10:14 PM         

HSC, we used to write a little back and forth. Then one day, I didn't reply. There was a lot you poured out, and I just didn't know what to say. I was at a loss for words.

I hear you about finding the right "type." I recently started using eharmony.com as a dating service. There is an exhaustive personality assessment I took, and then I had to fill out a profile and such. I met a couple of people from the service who were similar in temperament, lifestyle, etc. Finding the right chemistry has been the tricky part. In all, I think because there are personality matches, it has given me a good start.

The other part is as Tink says, making myself available. I don't know if other people do this, but I ask friends or dates what it is about me that they think make me less approachable. Their insight has been helpful and I keep trying. The net effect has been that I get more "cold calls" now from guys. In the parks, bookstores, and cafes. It's a different kind of feeling and socialization for me to learn.

Thanks for listening. I appreciate all the initmate and personal sentiment being expressed in this thread.

posted February 16, 2005 12:16 AM         

I was not suggesting that I didnt like being different. Just that there are certain disadvantages when 99.9999999% of all women in the world cant relate to you as an intimate. I like being different, but I dont generally have to work at it.

On the other hand, I am not repulsed by original, imaginative, or insecure people who live experimental lives and try to distinguish themselves from the herd. To be perfectly honest, just about the only thing that Does repulse me, is a judgmental person.

I agree that we should be ourselves, but, I'm not sure we have a choice in the matter. I think that most people (if they dont just fit into the first mold society hands them) have to experiment for a long time until they find themselves. Often, it seems like we have to spend time being everyone but ourselves before we can discover who we really are, and even then, it could take years of practice to learn how to be it effortlessly.

posted February 16, 2005 12:40 AM         

Hi. I don't recall our past conversations (nothing personal, really, I'm just one of those particularly oblivious individuals, and with a memory like a siv to boot). In any case, I dont blame you, as I have a bad habit of spilling my guts uninvitedly. I probably wanted to scare you off; at least, on a subconscious level.

My socialization skills, as you can see, leave much to be desired. But, between you and me, I think the problem is largely in the delivery - I'm really not as crazy as I sound, though I think I probably do get a sick pleasure out of sounding like it. My impulse control is poor, and I dont often give myself the necessary time to reflect before broadcasting my latest whims.

But I've talked enough about myself, what was it you were saying about me?

I took the eharmony test a couple of times. I dont think that stuff works for me. Honestly, nearly every question begs another; by itself, it can only suggest multiple interpretations. I see things in the particular, and general questions like that just dont make sense to me. One day I could answer "A.", another day "B.", and by the end of the week I could think "C." and "D." make pretty accurate responses too.

I realize this probably sounds like just another stubborn excuse, but, for me, it definitely is a very legitimate reality.

Anyway, I havent given up. I AM open to trying new approaches. But, I'll tell you, I dont think its entirely unlikely for me to realize 10 or 20 years down the road (it may take that long to make up my mind) that I'm just not cut out to be in a relationship with anyone, 'cept maybe God.