posted May 26, 2003 01:08 PM              

The definition of feeling good about yourself is feeling whole. That goes for feeling good about your sexuality too. Feeling whole is very important to some people, especially I think Virgos, or those with sixth house placements. They need to feel "together" or good about themselves which is not easy.

If a woman knows the man needs her to feel complete, she will be happy. There is nothing wrong with needing someone, contrary to the pop psychology of the day. Men and women are taught by society to distrust each other and have suspicion about needing anyone. Trust is great.

Natasha

posted May 28, 2003 12:23 PM            

I think that women sell themselves short when we think that what we want most is to be desired by the opposite sex. What we want most is not to be taken for granted, but to be appreciated for what we offer.

For myself, I would rather someone compliment me on my intellect and problem solving skills that my face or body. Sure looks help, but the won't close the deal nor will they find the answer to a scientific or business related question.

I think that women who have a need to dress provocatively also have a pathological need for attention. They become so needy for the feedback from a man to validate who they are in this life.

Women need to know that we are not being taken for granted as do men. When I woman gives up on her self esteem or confidence, she also gives up on her mate. The same is also true when a woman starts to take her mate for granted. When one person stops caring about themselves they are silently telling the other person that they are not worth it. There is nothing I hate to see more than when two people are comfortable with each other and they start to let themselves go. They no longer care how they look, dress or act because they feel that they have "captured" the other.

posted May 28, 2003 12:39 PM              

"There is nothing I hate to see more than when two people are comfortable with each other and they start to let themselves go. They no longer care how they look, dress or act because they feel that they have "captured" the other"
-That is such a universal relationship truth right there... using the word "captured" is so accurate a description, I think that's exactly what people feel/think.

And the last statement, hell ya! Knowing you are both bettering yourselves for each other in a BIG turn on!

Lioneye: In my opinion what you said hold some truth as well... In the world I live in I see MANY women who need validation of their desirability, and dress to get it.

Or in a worst case scenario; an example in my life is these beautifully gorgeous blond bombshell twins came to my buddy's pad to party all Fall semester, towards the end they weren't getting the same attention the once were... I mean we had gotten to know them well so the luster of "new" women had faded, plus we had known them for months now so we didn't think they needed 24/7 attention.

posted May 28, 2003 02:38 PM            

Of course a woman also wants to see that look of desirability in her partners eye. It is also equally important for a man to feel desire coming from his partner. I don't think it is as easy as "Well, of course she wants me or she wouldn't be here". That may play into it, but a man will feel sexier and do more in bed if he also knows and sees that you are just as eager to please him and that you find him to be just as desirable.

I would advise that women try two things. First try sex the usual manner - or in a fashion where you are the one seeking to be validated.

Then try a sexual interlude with your mate while making massive eye contact, letting him know silently how much you want him. Then take the time to explore his body while telling him how good he feels and how much you want him. Tell him that he makes you feel more that you ever imagined (I am counting on this being the true way you feel). See just how he responds and how much he wants to make you feel worshipped as well.

Now, this isn't necessary if you are already in the second sexual category. I think that if a woman does not feel sexy or if her mate doesn't find her sexy, then she needs to work on her self esteem and get a new mate.

For myself, I find that making little comments about my partner being sexy (in and out of bed) does wonders for his ego (he is a Leo), but he also wants to keep me satisfied. We work on desiring each other and we also do a fair about of talking about our sex lives outside of the bed room. We talk about things that we would like to do to and for each other and how amazing things were at different times. I think it increases the sexy vibe and makes two people really want to be together again.

I especially love when we cannot touch each other (because we're in public or at a meeting) and we make eyes at each other knowing what it means. He'll walk past me and gently touch my thigh or I'll whisper something in passing about how I cannot stand not being able to kiss his luscious lips. LOL....I know he desires me because I am confident in myself and my sexual abilities and because he also knows how much I desire him.

Lost Leo,

Thank you for the compliment. Somehow I think you know exactly what I am talking about regarding how important it is to keep things fresh and alive in a relationship. Once things get stagnant, then it starts to fade.

posted May 28, 2003 05:32 PM              

Pid, I think my answer is yes... I mean I HAVE to know my lady is into it, and her full attention is unrestrained and completely focused on the "matter at hand"

After taking my sex classes, I actually kinda second-guess girls now when I'm intimate... I mean I've heard SO MANY "faking" stories...

I guess it's little things for me,
First, I cannot take off my own clothes... EVER! I feel like some sort of sleazball doing that... I dunno why, so she HAS to disrobe me, it's the BIGGEST turn on, especially taking the belt off...

Second, there can be no "dead fish" syndrome in my mate... you know just sitting there, kinda letting you do your own thing, without them being there mentally... That's extremely upsetting and I would be offended for that to occur. (Actually I would wonder what the he*ll I'm doing wrong, but anyways)

Third, and last, I don't really need "verbal" reassurance... so I don't know where that fits on the desirability/validating spectrum, but I really don't need a woman to tell me, "I'm sexy" or whatever...

I can "feel" attraction from a woman, I don't really need verbal cues to help me along with that... although I am a bit hard-headed when it comes to picking up on cues to "hook up"... you know, I can tell when she wants me, I just have a hard time distinguishing when I have passed that point where I'm allowed to actually do something about it...

Well I've strayed too much already... so self-absorbed sometimes...

I think women NEED to be told their sexy more then men, or at least validate their sex appeal somehow... With all the ads & magazines & celebrities women are constantly being compared to, I think their self-esteem is a lot more sensitive and that's why they need this validation.

posted May 28, 2003 05:56 PM            

My Leo has his Venus in Gemini and the verbal stimulation is a plus as well as a necessity. He likes a bit of the dirty talk and me having that Venus in Sag likes to play as well. It has to be genuine though. Any false flattery falls like dead weight.

For me, I don't need to be told that I am sexy. It is nice to have someone tell me that they like what I am doing or that I feel good, but I don't need the reassurance verbally. A good roll in the hay let's me know that I wanted. LOL...

posted May 28, 2003 10:08 PM              

Women have huge egos, and men need love. Two things I didn't know starting out.

posted May 29, 2003 02:05 AM              

THAT sounds like alot of fun, Pidaua!

"I guess it's little things for me,
First, I cannot take off my own clothes... EVER! I feel like some sort of sleazball doing that... I dunno why, so she HAS to disrobe me, it's the BIGGEST turn on, especially taking the belt off..."

THAT'S so funny, LL... ! I know where you're coming from though.

posted May 29, 2003 09:04 AM              

Well it's story time

Was going out with a gemini and he HATED it when I would dress! It would make him so mad! I mean, the guy met me dressed you know?! Would say things like "you're showing too much cleavage".

I mean, it wasn't tacky! He had a problem. I caught onto what he was "attempting" quick! Was just fine with me if I wore a pair of jeans, but once I went to work or went out in a skirt!! Oh hell!! (I'm required to dress for work!)

The women needing compliments? Hmmm... ladies we KNOW we look good, right?! Self confidence shows way more than any make-up you could apply.

Also, I've found that if you go out with guys who are "required" to stay in shape that helps! Also, I have this thing about dudes in uniforms... Hee-hee! So I get all excited when it's time for them to go to work... (or come home) .. anyway......

I turn into a drooling mess! Nah. Not really Keep it subtle, right?

posted May 29, 2003 02:12 PM            

How are you? Sorry I didn't get back to you on the Sag dude thing. Did you end up going out with him? What happened?

Yeah, things get nice and steamy with me and Mr. Leo. He's alot of fun and can actually put up with my moods (most of the time). It's quite a misconception that Sag's are always optimistic and happy. We really do go through many moods, not as intensely as a Cancer, but catch us in a serious meloncholy mood and we might be confused with the crabby-clawed ones. LOL

posted May 29, 2003 03:56 PM              

Why do I feel like you are disagreeing with me, guys?
What I'm saying is that I love to "affect" my lover with the visual aspects, as I know men are very visual.

I don't need him to tell me I'm hot. I do need to see it in his face, and hear it in his voice, his sounds, his expressions though. I mean, I need some kind of affirmation that he's liking what he sees, and that he's feeling like the luckiest s.o.b. on earth.

Some guys are too cool to show how much they're digging you. They remain calm and quiet and kind of "yeah, whatever" like. You know, can't have the girlfriend getting too big for her bridges or anything like that. I say, show it, man!! Let loose! Express yourself!!

It's just a matter of whethor he's big hearted enough and generous enough of spirit to "give" his lady that. Not all men are, you know. Some are rather cheep that way. Poker faces. blah

Of course, he has to appreciate my other fine qualities as well, but by the time we get to the bedroom, well that would be a foregone conclusion already. Otherwise,he would have never gotten that far.

That's what i'm talkin' about!

posted May 29, 2003 04:30 PM              

I wasn't disagreeing with you. I do know what you're saying. I think it's cool when 2 people are still into looking good for each other. Also, dressing for "the occasion" Nothing wrong with that

It's just with "me"... I may not always want to get dressed before... I like it however it comes. Again, not critizing... I mean, that's what makes us all unique.

posted May 29, 2003 04:41 PM              

That's right, cold fish...BAD..hot tamale...GOOD.

That was the missing element for me in my last relationship, which ended with me sort of um, you know, straying. I wouldn't have been tempted if things had been more...validating(?), I guess, in the bedroom.

Well, there were bigger problems than that. But that's a whole other thread.

posted May 31, 2003 02:24 AM            

Now, me being a Sagittarius, I have watched this little "Oh Leo's are the end all, be all, best at sex"... love fest crap go on long enough".

First off, you Leo's can't do it alone. YOU NEED AN AUDIENCE. I don't care how good you fuc* you can't do it alone and if you were so good you wouldn't be here talking yourselves up. So you need a hot partner or at least someone to tell you that you are doing it right. YEAH, I have had the best sex in the universe with a Leo, but if you ask him, NOBODY made his toes curl like a Saggie chick. You know why? There is something about a trine that makes it all happen. Ask a Virgo woman about a Taurus man or a Gemini Man about a Libra woman. Ask that little Kinky Scorpio woman about her dreamy eyed Pisces.

Get off your Leo selves and think about WHY you have been selected. It could also be due to the fact that to get a Leo to do ANYTHING all you have to say is " Oh Baby, you are the best.....I love it when you do it like that...."

Sorry, I love you Leo's but I am sooooo tired of y'all letting it get to your heads. REMEMBER you all really don't have the stamina of the BULL, the oral capabilities of the RAM nor the precision of a VIRGO....so don't let this jolly fest make you think you are the best.

------------------
"Lahn dádzaayú nahikai leh ni' nyelíí k'ehge," Goyathlay (Geronimo)

"Once we moved like the Wind"