posted February 15, 2008 12:44 PM            

OF course your situation is completely unique... every second of every day for every creature is unique unto itself... And I don't think any of us will ever be able to know EXACTLY what another feels. But we can try, right? At least trying is an attempt to understand.

And in my opinion (as small and pithy as it is) is that attempting to understand another's suffering/joy is about the best one can give to another.

You may never 'get' them completely, but I always feel warmed when I can tell someone is trying.... call me easily moved...

I find it simply hilarious how everyone always thinks Aqua's have 'no feelings' or are capable of shutting themselves off to emotions completely. I literally feel like I'm being stabbed when someone else is in pain. When there is any kind of conflict, I can hardly bear to be in the room, but I stay and try to fix it... (hence, being 27 with two ulcers)

I had about the worst depression I've ever experienced a few months ago. I had spent myself. I had given so much of 'me' to everyone else, that I was empty. I came home to lick my wounds and felt like nobody wanted to hear about it. I was actually told by the people who 'care the most' to get over it. It was like, nobody could deal with the fact that their counselor needed counseling. Talk about a kick in the teeth!

So of course, I covered it all up and went back to trying to fix/help everyone else. Seems to be working... My naysayers are getting off my back finally. But let me tell you about denial... I live there, it's nice, there are trees and the sky is always blue...

I guess, reading this thread was like unzipping the walls of my happy place and reminding me I should probably deal with my crap, before I spiral again and end up in the hospital.

Jeesh, wasn't planning on opening that can o' worms... There's me, all vulnerable now...

Again, my posts always tangent themselves to complete messes, I blame my Aqua merc/mars/sun 11th conj. Sorry if I have made 'nonsense' a welcome memory... I'm ruled by URANUS. (that will never not be funny to me)

Anways, hold on kid... Saturn return anyone? I knew it would be an a** kicker... (bloody Saturn squares my venus by 3'11 (one of my fave bands, BTW))

posted February 15, 2008 01:52 PM            

Thank you, again, for that.

I just get defensive when I sense an element of judgment.
I'm learning to adjust my reactions, though.
I know sometimes its just paranoia
and/or oversensitivity to minor currents.

I do hope you feel better and better.

And making yourself vulnerable has
done more than anything,
to show me how much you do understand.
Thank you.

I've got Saturn returning too,
in my 8th house. Whoopie!!!
It also rules my Ascendant/Chart,
and is the traditional ruler of my Moon.
Yeah.

Good luck to us both!

God bless,
HSC

------------------------------------------------------------

In a spirit of healthy competition:

Sun Conjunct Uranus (-3')
Venus Conjunct Uranus (-1')
MC conjunct Uranus (6 minutes!*)
(in the sign of Uranus' exaltation)
Moon at 0' Aquarius
(Aqua sign, decan, and duad)
The entire sign of Aquarius in my 1st house
Sun and Moon parallel Uranus

* Angles change degree every 4 minutes,
so, i was born in the 2 minutes when uranus
was 1/4 degree from the MC (on either side)

According to some astrologers,
most Aquas are Saturn-ruled,
unless Uranus is Angular,
or in close aspect to personal planets/points.
(My Dad has Sun/Moon/Ascendant all in Aquarius,
and he is totally NOT Uranian. Go figure.)

posted February 15, 2008 01:57 PM              

Thank you for sharing. It really does alleviate the loneliness of the human condition to know that we have so much in common to be found amongst our many apparent differences.

Work on our "crap", indeed. We all should..gently but persistently.

(Not a very appealing workload for a guy as full of "crap" as yours truly. )

posted February 15, 2008 10:58 PM              

------------------
The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

posted February 16, 2008 11:08 AM            

I am moving into my own apartment (no roommates, just me, for the first time ever) today, so that is a first step in my new 'all about me' regime.

Not that I'll really ever be able to completely just think about myself. It's just in my nature to take care of people.
But I'm going to try and heal myself.

I know it's going to be for the best to be alone for a while.

It's going to be a period of introspection that I've never allowed myself to have.

I'm not going to have a t.v., and I'm going to surround myself with things that make me happy.

I'm also going to a card reader tonight.

We'll see what she has to say....

Here's hoping that we all feel a bit better each day... That's the way to do it, methinks. Just take it a day at a time, and slowly, we'll live our way into the answer.

Ghani

posted February 16, 2008 11:41 AM            

Light From The Heart Nebula

posted February 16, 2008 12:49 PM              

I think many people feel the exactly the same ache, especially spiritual seekers and poets.

I can't help but wonder whether we really are here, in this world, for a good reason or whether it is something else.

Perhaps souls were just tricked into coming here.

Or perhaps we volunteered to come here to help re-balance the forces which challenged the law of harmony- a very noble and ultimate act of love.

I just don't know.

I think I ought to join some sort of group so I can just learn the art and discipline of meditation and such, and be with, share with others who are devoted to transcending this level of existence.........

Ignorance is bliss they say.

And perhaps the search for the ultimate truth can drive a person mad.

To think too deeply, to feel so much.

posted February 16, 2008 02:34 PM              

quote:

---

I had about the worst depression I've ever experienced a few months ago. I had spent myself. I had given so much of 'me' to everyone else, that I was empty. I came home to lick my wounds and felt like nobody wanted to hear about it. I was actually told by the people who 'care the most' to get over it. It was like, nobody could deal with the fact that their counselor needed counseling. Talk about a kick in the teeth!

---

Hugs, cause I can so relate to that and I think a lot of us here can.

It is a kick in the teeth although that seems to be the way it goes. Afterall, if your caregiver, the person you depend on is just as vulnerable and prone to weaknesses as you are, well, I guess it can be scary to all those who need us to fix things for them. Never seems to occur to those people that we all need fixing at times, we all need compassion at times, we all need love and to know that others care about us too.

posted February 16, 2008 03:27 PM            

quote:

---

Never seems to occur to those people that we all need fixing at times, we all need compassion at times, we all need love and to know that others care about us too.

---

I think any sane person knows that we all suffer, need compassion, yearn for closeness, etc. Although when people are suffering and they reach out, and they do not meet with understanding, it "seems" like other people dont understand, or have forgotten all the times in the past when they reached out and were met with compassion. It's a very complicated matter. Often, the people who need the most comforting, are the ones who give the most comfort, inspite of the fact that they dont get as much in return, because others don't see the need to reciprocate in the same degree. They dont need as much for themselves, or they refuse it when it is given, so, they dont see the point in giving much in return. They may get more than they need, but they thank the wounded healer for the necessary attentions received, and disregard him for the surplus. Fortuneately or unfortuneately, the degree of a person's suffering is not equal to the degree of comfort that he or she needs. We are all different. Confort does little for some people, and they dont ask for it much. For other people, it can do a world of good. So, when someone asks you for help, or cries out in pain, you should be sympathetic to them, and believe that they need comfort, not something else.

When I posted the original piece, it was written as a kind of psalm. A psalm expresses the longing of a souls deepest cry for the love of the spirit. Psalms are emotional and poetic, and, hoping for a little poetic license, I did not mean for people to take my question literally when I ask if anyone suffers like this. What I am asking is for my brothers to tell me they understand. And, yeah, we can talk about how we all understand, and what a jerk I am for forgetting that in the midst of my soul's dark and lonely hour,... but, you know, even though everybody needs to hear it sometimes, some people need to hear it more than others. And it doesnt take the spark out of your day to share a few words of understanding, without simply telling that person (who is confessing and lamenting his faults) about his faults, as if you are in some higher place. And, if you are in some higher place, then why begrudge him the right, at least, to say that he is unhappy, without responding, "Well, duh, we're all unhappy. Now be quiet/cool about it and act happy like us." Some people arent good actors. Some people ask for what they need. Some people just need to be told some nice things when they are sad and angry and self-destructive, and when they hate themselves and think about suicide everyday,.. and they reach out,,... they dont need to be told that everybody feels the same way they do. They need to be told they are loved, and that they will meet someone perfect for them someday - not someone perfect, but someone perfect for them... does anybody know what I'm saying. Oops, don't stone me for that. I'm only asking. Asking for love. Can I get an "Amen"?

posted February 16, 2008 03:57 PM            

Sometimes we are the doctor, toiling away to the point of exhaustion. Sometimes we are Scarlett running away overwhelmed. Sometimes we are on the ground with our guts falling out.

I guess we just have to always take care to avoid kicking dirt at the wounded or stirring away at the wounds with a stick. If one of them has gone mad and is intent on digging at your wounds without knowing what he or she is doing because they are so concentrated on their own pain, it's ok to throw them off of you and crawl away. You can also direct the current doctor their way when he or she happens by...

In my opinion.

posted February 16, 2008 04:07 PM            

When people dig at my wounds my first impulse is to cut their hands off and stuff them down their throats and watch them choke to death while their stubs shoot blood. It takes a lot of mental training and strength to try to see the other person's side, and their pain, when you are hurting as much or possibly even more.

posted February 16, 2008 04:12 PM            

I'm learning it takes emotional strength too.

And of course, we all know it takes spiritual.

posted February 16, 2008 04:38 PM              

quote:

---

But there's this bottomless reaching --
this mad pull into something powerful, narrow, determined.
I want madness more than this aching.
I want to love every woman.

I quiver at the beauty of Woman.
Beauty is the sounding bell of my soul;
my hollow soul, whose insides are only filled
and irrigated by Beauty's blessed notes.

---

I know someone who experienced many women in his past, but in the end he grew tired of it all. It was empty.

A thought.
Do people unconsciously search for/ yearn for something transcendent in the transient?

Perhaps it is the search for perfection which is causing your unrest.

Perhaps by making the most of what we have, or what is more readily available, and seeing that all beings, even those which may seem to lack what we seek from one perspective, contain a measure of that great spark of divine......
Perhaps then we may find our comfort.

I feel somewhat unrested/ stirred today as I have been trapped within the confines of the mind's matrix again since yesterday.