posted February 16, 2008 05:35 PM            

quote:

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I know someone who experienced many women in his past, but in the end he grew tired of it all. It was empty.

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I know someone who took many bites before finishing his meal,
but in the end he grew full; he had only eaten because his tummy was empty.

quote:

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Perhaps it is the search for perfection which is causing your unrest.

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Perhaps it is the search for perfection
which is burning away the dross of the world.

quote:

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Perhaps by making the most of what we have, or what is more readily available, and seeing that all beings, even those which may seem to lack what we seek from one perspective, contain a measure of that great spark of divine......
Perhaps then we may find our comfort.

---

Beautifully put, LTT.
The thing is, this is exactly what I do.
I find the beauty in women and I fall in love with it.
I love every woman for her unique gifts and charms.
But I seem to have no control over when,
or with whom, I fall in and out of love.
But nobody said it would be easy,
or that it wouldnt take time,
to learn what I really want,
and to find what I'm looking for.

quote:

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I feel somewhat unrested/ stirred today as I have been trapped within the confines of the mind's matrix again since yesterday.

Time to read again and "tune in" to the art of just being.

---

You are so lucky.
I'm a part of the matrix and it is a part of me,
so, there's no tuning into being for me.
Sometimes I take long hot baths and read and it calms me down,
but I cant do that unless I'm already a little calm,
otherwise I just get everything set up and then
I end up only spending ten minutes in there.
And even when I can spend a couple hours in there,
it helps a little for a little while,
but I'm never really calm,
and the mental dialogue never stops
unless I'm zoning out in front of the t.v.
with a joint in my hand. Or sleeping.

I dont mean to be dismissive of your advice. I truly appreciate it.
But, see, my mind is always going really fast,
and I've thought about pretty much everything anyone can tell me,
and I've usually thought it through more deeply than they have,
many many times before; and when I say before, I mean, before breakfast.
It is especially iimportant for me to learn to listen for
the good intention behind a person's words,
because, 99 times out of 100, the words are just more mental noise;
just a few bars hummed from the songs that play
on broken records in my head all day long.

We're talking serious ADD.

I'm thinking about trying medication again.

I dont even know what meds I havent tried yet.

Psych meds totally freak me out, but I dont know what else to do.

Anyway, thanks for your concern.

I hope you are doing well, and feeling peace.

posted February 16, 2008 06:59 PM              

Hugs,
GG

------------------
The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

posted February 16, 2008 08:37 PM            

You say so much in so few words.

I learn from you.

posted February 16, 2008 11:47 PM              

However, about this mental "chatter" you have described-

Have you ever considered taking classes in meditation?
It is really meant to help calm things down in there.

As for me, I have found other ways to calm things down in the actual mind and tune into other things,
but I tend to be quite delicate in the way of external pressures.
I have not found permanent "inner peace" yet, but I carry on seeking it.

posted February 17, 2008 11:02 AM            

quote:

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Have you ever considered taking classes in meditation?

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What do you think?

Thanks for the suggestion, though.

quote:

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I have not found permanent "inner peace" yet, but I carry on seeking it.

---

Good for you!

I could recommend a few dozen things I have tried myself,
if you ever get short on ideas.

---------------------------------------------------------------

valcap,

quote:

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I don't think it has anything to do with romantic love.
But i'm always open to the possibility that i'm shamefully wrong.

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LOL
Me too.
Gotta stay open.
We are all different,
and you never know what will "make the difference".
But I think it is a safe bet if you
listen to what your heart is telling you.

quote:

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I think mainly i wanted to let you know that we all feel the ache.

---

Thanks. That helps.

God bless.

posted February 17, 2008 11:05 AM            

I have my Venus in Retrograde and this feels very true for me.
I was suspecting it before I ever learned about astrology.

Retrograde Venus Karma:

When Venus is Retrograde, the individual is carrying with him a great misunderstanding about love in a past life. Usually there was such intense hurt, that he now cuts himself off from fully experiencing the richness of love because he fears being hurt that much again. Whether male or female, there is much present life difficulty in relationships with the opposite sex.
While trying to live in the present, he endlessly recreates a past memory of love in a former incarnation which still keeps eluding him. He reacts to the present as if he were actually living in his past. In this sense he is fixated at a point in time, and no matter what he does there hardly seems to be forward progress that he says he wants

The most noticeable Karmic pattern is that the individual, whether male or female has a powerful tendency to mistrust most offers of love, feeling that the individuals making these offers usually have ulterior motives.

posted February 17, 2008 11:50 AM              

a novel i love, The Shining Isle, author Ly de Angeles, illustrates this concept in the story line exactly as you describe. you might like her novels as well...the other, with related characters, is The Quickening. it's so cool to see this correlation, as the author does sometimes weave astrology into her novels, while it's always an undercurrent of the story.

posted February 17, 2008 01:01 PM            

--------------------------------------------------------------

"A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down in the most delightful way."
~ Mary Poppins

"One man's medicine is another man's poison."
~ Hippocrates, or Hermes (before him)

posted February 17, 2008 01:11 PM              

sometimes the most poisonous of places (or people or things) can trigger a healing cure or crisis....in the most delightful way.

posted February 17, 2008 01:28 PM              

It is well known that placing colloidal particles of silver into a beaker of water that contains bacteria will kill the bacteria. What is not so well known is that placing these colloidal silver particles in a nearby gas discharge tube, and focusing the electromagnetic emissions from such an operating tube onto the beaker, will also kill the bacteria.

Thus, physical contact between the bacteria and the silver is not a necessary condition for killing the bacteria. Further, if one looks at the optical spectrum of silver and then combines the magnitudes of the optical output for several light sources of different frequencies so as to closely simulate the silver spectrum, such a beam of electromagnetic radiation will also kill these bacteria.

Via this simple example we see that it is the specific information pattern inherent in the silver atom and not the physical contact that is killing the bacteria. And our general present-day experience with transforming one computer language to another shows us that the same basic information pattern (the same meaning) can exist in many different formats.

Thus, to understand the homeopathic/allopathic medicine duality, we must focus our attention on the various possible information pattern formats that Nature utilizes to express itself.

posted February 17, 2008 02:46 PM              

quote:

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What do you think?

---

How long did you try it for? Was it a good teacher?
They call it the "monkey mind"- the chatter in the mind.

I have Venus in retrograde.
I was told by the astrologer on Conscious Evolution that Venus in retrograde stems from "abuse of the love principle" in a past life. This doesn't necessarily mean abuse, it could have been having to be with someone that one doesn't love because of society, etc.

I'm not so sure about this.
I'm not so sure about the above description of retrograde Venus people either, at least I don't think it applies to me.........

Hmmmm

On second thoughts, I think I can relate to this:

quote:

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While trying to live in the present, he endlessly recreates a past memory of love in a former incarnation which still keeps eluding him

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posted February 17, 2008 07:21 PM              

quote:

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"Where PLUTO lies in the birth chart, we are particularly vulnerable to distortions and navigational errors based on un- processed wounding [life] experiences...if you are pretending to be happy in your job, your friendships, relationships, religion, whatever, a Pluto...event will try to reveal that to you...what if a ...person makes a less than optimal response? The basic Plutonian contract is simple to say: you go to the dark or the dark comes to you..."

"No one has ever been, or can ever expect to be, nurtured perfectly. Parents are only human. Communities are flawed. The Shadow makes itself felt sooner or later in every life...on one hand, there is a temptation to say, "So quit your whining!" But so easily that can generate into denial and avoidance... On the other hand, there is the toxic-psychologist's exhortation that we reduce our lives to a resentful meditation upon our wounds. And given life's richness and brevity, isn't that a foolish waste?"

from Steven Forrest, THE BOOK OF PLUTO

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------------------
The truth is ... everything counts. Everything. Everything we do and everything we say. Everything helps or hurts; everything adds to or takes away from someone else. ~ Countee Cullen

posted February 17, 2008 07:25 PM              

"No one has ever been, or can ever expect to be, nurtured perfectly. Parents are only human. Communities are flawed. The Shadow makes itself felt sooner or later in every life...on one hand, there is a temptation to say, "So quit your whining!" But so easily that can generate into denial and avoidance... On the other hand, there is the toxic-psychologist's exhortation that we reduce our lives to a resentful meditation upon our wounds. And given life's richness and brevity, isn't that a foolish waste?"

from Steven Forrest, THE BOOK OF PLUTO

Thanks for reminding us
and posting that goatgirl.

I'm a fan of the Forrests too.

posted February 19, 2008 09:39 AM            

Thank you! Hugs back! It is already getting a little easier now that I have my own sanctuary to escape to. I have a social problem. I love people, but I have this anxiety about them at the same time. I get all stuffy/clostrophobic after a while and have to get out. Like, I start to sweat, the walls feel like they are closing in, and I have to rush out and away before I melt down. Now I can, which is very good right now.

I have to say, I am glad that we are outta the Merc retrograde.... I feel like I put my foot into it about a million times last week. Yesterday was surprisingly smooth...

HSC,

That seems to make a lot of sense, in terms of what you have described of personal experience with women... Sometimes it would be better if we didn't have to make up for past life mistakes, huh? Easier said than done...

Found this out about Saturn square Venus... hilarious...

You tend to be on the defensive, as if you feared that the other person would make impossible demands of you. Perhaps in your early life you felt rejected by someone you really cared for, even a parent. As you grew, you sheltered yourself more and more from outside communication, always afraid of rejection. This conditioning may have produced the feeling you have that you are not destined for happiness in your relationships. If you accept others for themselves, realizing that everyone has to make concessions and adjustments to others, then happiness can surely be yours. Remember that even people who seem happy have difficult moments in relating to others; your predicament is not at all unique.

Sounds a lot like me in the 'love' relationship department...

posted February 19, 2008 11:24 AM            

One person's time to go in the shell is another's time to come out of it. I'm referring to myself, of course.

I get anxiety with people, too. I've always thought it was this underlying fear of the reactions of others. What will they think, feel or say? How can you know? How can you expect anything in what seems to be a world of infinite possibility? Well, you can't. You can see into something and understand the workings underneath the veil, but expecting is much like judging. Though we will do it anyway, it should be important to still allow one's self to expect the unexpected.

I've realized that, much like this interpretation of Saturn square Venus, that it is not so much the fear of others' reactions that causes my anxiety. Though that concern may be there, I've never really feared it. I've known how to handle things in my own way. Rather, this anxiety seems to stem more rightly from the insecurity within my own self. One could easily go into the typical train of thought and say, "Well, duh. That's where it all comes from." But how often do we really see when it's our own insecurity and when it's another's? It must depend on the level of honesty that one bestows upon one's own self. Without that honesty, without being able to think what others might already be thinking about you or feel what others might feel towards you and without taking it in constructively, then our own thinking and feeling is mostly one-sided. I've felt this fear of rejection and that fear has poured and blended itself out onto all of my other strengths and weakness and into my actions, my work, my relationships. As any deep-seated feeling will.

My error has been in taking in all the possible things that others might negatively think or feel towards me and being destructive with it.

quote:

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If you accept others for themselves, realizing that everyone has to make concessions and adjustments to others, then happiness can surely be yours. Remember that even people who seem happy have difficult moments in relating to others; your predicament is not at all unique.

---

posted February 19, 2008 12:13 PM            

You can say to a starving man, 'You must stand and walk and put yourself to work, and then, when you have earned enough money, you may purchase a meal to fill your belly, and you will feel better.' Then you can leave him starving in the road, without sharing the one thing he needs. The one thing that would give him strength enough to do the things you say he needs to do for himself. Physicians of no value. "We are all in this alone," they say, to justify their cold shoulders. But someday they will turn to me, or some watery person like me, for a shoulder to lean on, or cry on. And on that day, the watery person will comfort them and wipe their tears away, and try to understand. And when the watery person has healed them, they will go back out into the world thinking that they did it all by themselves, and the next time someone comes to them for support, they will say, "I'm no sucker. Here, read a book, and deal with it already." Someday your ivory tower will fall, and you'll see that we are all in this together. That there are people who need you, and that you, even you, need people too. And maybe you'll remember all the times that someone was there for you, not with a cold shoulder and some cheap advice, but with an ability to really focus loving attention on you, in your moment of need. Or maybe there was a time when you needed that, and no one was there for you. So now you think its only fair that everyone should suffer the same neglect as you did. Sorry, I dont buy that. I dont buy into any of your cold shouldered advice. Any of you. Physicians of no value. I dont need quotes, I dont need advice, I need love. Love. Remember. Love. That thing we said was so important. That thing that we are always saying we need to cultivate, and share. Love. Love, motherf---ers. And if you dont have any love to give, dont go trying to convince me that the fault is mine for needing it. I see through you. Now take your bullsh-t advice and get the f-ck off of my thread, all of you. All I wanted was a few gentle words. All I every ask for is a few gentle words. You think it takes so much to make me happy? It takes so little. Just a little bit of something you dont have to give. The wisest among you, the most self-aware, would reply to me in this way, if he/she had no love, "Stephen, I'm sorry, I have no love to give you. I cant even say that I understand and I hope you will go easy on yourself, and feel better soon." Dont you see how infuriating it is, to open up this thread and see people pushing their prescriptions, not for my sake, but for the sake of bolstering their own cold-blooded philosophies? I dont need your advice. I didnt ask for your advice. I know perfectly well how a healthy man lives, and stays healthy. I am not a healthy man. Stop telling me to do all the things that you probably dont even do for yourselves, when you arent feeling half as bad as I am right now. And if you do do those things, well, good for you! Here is a gold star for being healthy. Now show us how healthy you are by saying something sweet and kind, and not by shoveling all the ole' self-help cliches into my sickbed. Thank you. Thats all I have to say. You may now gang up on me and proceed to tear me a new one, in your infinite wisdom. After all, he who is not chronically depressed has all the answers. So, dont mind me, or what I (the patient) has to say, about needing rest and tenderness. Just keep piling those cooks and recipes into the kitchen.

posted February 19, 2008 01:25 PM            

I wish they would only take me as I am. ~ Vincent Van Gough

We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people. ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. ~ Melody Beattie

Deep down even the most hardened criminal is starving for the same thing that motivates the innocent baby: Love and acceptance. ~ Lily Fairchilde

The primary joy of life is acceptance, approval, the sense of appreciation and companionship of our human comrades. Many men do not understand that the need for fellowship is really as deep as the need for food, and so they go through life accepting many substitutes for genuine, warm, simple. ~ Joshua Loth Liebman

Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood. ~ Unknown

I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.

I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.

I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.

I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all. ~ Roy Croft

That last one took about an hour to find... but it was just right.

My damned foot just couldn't stay out of it today either, I guess.

You infuriate me, but I still love you, man. And even if you think I'm nuts, or just another voice of confusion to add to the din in your head, I really hope for your genuine happiness. Take it or leave it, you are the maker of your own mind.

see.... I love ya like a panda loves a pie!

posted February 19, 2008 01:41 PM            

Ty.

Steve,

posted February 19, 2008 01:46 PM              

quote:

---

Often our approach is less direct,
because our thoughts, feelings, and perceptions
are just more nuanced than usual.

Its not about hiding anything.
Its about saying everything that pertains,
without omission, or undue emphasis.
Thats not an easy thing to do.

Often, multiple meanings are suggested,
not for the sake of concealing any one of them,
but, for the sake of suggesting their mutual validity,
or just offering a variety of views
and letting the reader to decide
for themselves what description they resonate with.

---

perhaps you're simply deciding to resonate with the descriptions of the replies here that cause you the most angst, rather than those that impart the most love?

posted February 19, 2008 03:22 PM            

I can really feel the love from you.