posted December 19, 2011 10:38 PM            

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:

If I may ask: do you have any advice about how you're learning to surrender the "need to control and to fix things that you think are wrong"? That's a major thing with me now. I feel like a few people in my life are avoiding me/being distant, and others I feel like I'm on such thin ice with them that I feel a lot of pressure to try to fix things, which I know will make things worse. So....how do you fix without fixing?

And if no advice, that's OK. I do want to look for the answers within myself, but I also want to seek out wiser people than I who might have something really insightful.

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I would like to start by saying what warm, sincere energy you have. Your openness is very refreshing. I think you might find the concept of 'self-compassion' very useful for this phase you are going through right now. Sounds identical to what I've come out of recently.

One thing I've learned is that things are rarely as serious as they seem when dealing with others. In fact, I have sometimes made things WORSE and caused the exact catastrophe I was hoping to avoid by trying to 'proactively' avoid it.

Just understand that things are not always broken. Sometimes, you've done nothing at all to cause people to treat you a certain way. They might be going through their own things and they don't want to expose you to them (even though, sometimes we want to help, they have that right to privacy). More importantly, understand that what you are perceiving about a situation might not reflect the truth about the matter. It could be that your perception of why person a/b/c is behaving this way is unfair to both yourself and that person. So give everyone the chance to be who they are in their own space and time, including yourself.

Surrendering your need to control means to remember you are human. Give other people the chance to meet you halfway before you overextend yourself, or apologize...etc. Don't assume the absolute worst thing about a given situation. Don't plant those negative thoughts, because your behavior, actions and everything about you will radiate that. I almost feel like sometimes our internal dialogue we have is a form of control. "Let me assume this person hates me, so when I find out they really do, I won't be surprised."

Try to release your expectations. It is very, very, very difficult. Especially for those who think deeply and feel deeply as well (some people do not do both). But it requires conscious action and self-awareness. You kind of have to coach yourself through it.

And more importantly, don't put so much pressure on yourself to feel like you always have to right wrongs, especially when they might not exist. I do this to myself all the time, and it sucks. Sometimes people look at me like "what, in the h*ll are you talking about." It doesn't make life easier or bring happiness. I realize the only thing I can control is myself and I am responsible for my own happiness. I try not to surrender my happiness or energy to things that drain me and make me feel lifeless. I just can't do it anymore. Maybe you are approaching a similar point where you know "something has got to give" and a new way of living and being is necessary. It is a painful process, but it is the path towards free living.

posted December 20, 2011 09:16 AM            

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Originally posted by hannaramaa:
They are warm individuals! And I don't think Aries although we're fire signs, carry the same warmthness. At least, I don't with my Capricorn stellium in the 7th squaring my 11th house. I've always been envious (re: not jealous. Just envious.) of Leos' knack for that. And actually the same goes for if they really really like you, they won't treat you like they treat others but place you as more of a priority.

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posted December 20, 2011 09:38 AM            

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Originally posted by bethcarliseh:
I am King of the Leos. Automatically fall in love with me. I mean, Queen. tee-hee.

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posted December 20, 2011 10:17 AM            

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
Honestly, I'm envious of those who get along with Leo guys. I like them. They just can't stand me.

I give up trying to deal with them because it's never going to work.

I get along great with the women, but the men...something is just wrong with me I guess. I don't have what it takes to get them to like me, no matter how hard I try or what I do.

It really is completely and utterly hopeless.

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posted December 20, 2011 10:19 AM            

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Originally posted by hannaramaa:
Cool, what is it you do/don't do?

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posted December 20, 2011 12:05 PM            

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Originally posted by bethcarliseh:
That is a vague question. Can you please be more specific? Sorry but that could mean so many different things to me so I am unsure how to answer it.

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posted December 20, 2011 12:34 PM            

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Originally posted by hannaramaa:
I meant what's your personality like? I was going to ask what do you do/don't do that gets them to fall for you so easily but most people answer "I'm just myself." which is non-specific lol.

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posted December 20, 2011 01:02 PM            

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Originally posted by bethcarliseh:
because I can read people. I understand them. I understand what they are feeling and then I act accordingly. I give people what they need, not always what they want. This keeps them intrigued if they do not get scared and run away. If they do not fear me and they stick with me, I can completely turn their life around and make them know what it feels like to truly be loved.

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posted December 21, 2011 05:47 PM            

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Originally posted by BelligerentPygmy:

Leave.

Guys do stuff like that and usually just escalate it or at the very least, start to think it's okay to continuously insult and verbally abuse you.

Someone that cares about you, wouldn't spend most of their time being a jerk to you.

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Sorry to come back to this...but...after avoidng this leo recently, when I went to print my pass for flight tomorrow , synchroncity meant I bumped into him at 830pm at night on an empty street. So....he starts talkng about what happened with him and i, he said he cares about me and his version of friendshp is to be like a therapist and i said well he just comes across as rude and judegmental. I said my version of friendship is supportive not to be negatively critical. I do welcome criticism but in a positive intention. This guy has scorp asc so everythng he says has a slight edge. He kept saying it was my fault etc till I exploded and said i didnt want to feel i was in a therapy session all the time and made my excuses and had to go.

GOSH!! I have leo moon but wow, I really wanted to remove myself away from this.

posted December 21, 2011 06:20 PM            

conj. Leo sun/venus/jupiter plus Leo mercury

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1) How do you know when a Leo is truly being nice because he/she wants to be nice, and when Leo is just being nice to get you to go away or because Leo feels like he/she has to be nice?

2) How do you know what a Leo really thinks of you?

3) What are Leo's limits on compassion, forgiveness, and understanding, and can they ever change a negative opinion of you that they have? Do you have any hope of fixing things with them if you've messed up or if you have ongoing struggles within yourself?

4) Do Leos appreciate effort and that you're working on righting your flaws, or does that not count--does only annoying them count, or are they able to see a work-in-progress? Do they take regret and trying to change into consideration, or do they just write you off?

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1. I don't ever feel I have to be nice to someone, I'll be cordial to everyone until they do something to lose that respect. And I won't pretend to like someone if I don't, or if I want them to go away. Usually I will forget they are there or tell them if they are bothering me. But I can't fake nice, people see right through it. Also why I don't even try lying anymore

2. I'll tell people, especially if they ask. If I like them I will tell them the more positive things, and usually only tell them the things that may hurt their feelings if they ask about it. If I am natural, or less, towards the person I'll be honest about it all

3. Depends on the situation I guess, but really its just a matter of time and space. Even the one person that almost drove my family apart, I have come to forgive in my own way and wish happiness towards.

4. I love seeing people work on and improve themselves, I try to do it myself, always. I do not believe anyone should have regrets thou. Everything you have ever done or been through has brought you to where you are now. And in my opinion, who we are now is just where we are suppose to be

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Anyway, how many Leos do you know that dislike someone by association?

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posted December 21, 2011 06:21 PM            

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You know what? I'm a Cancerian Mars and I hate to agree with a stereotype but there's some truth to this. Actually gender is irrelevant though; I tend to have a problem with Arian people period, whether male or female.

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I have a Cancer mars and I absolutely adore Arians male/female doesn't matter. They also seem to take a liking to me. Maybe its all the Leo w/ a Gemini Moon.

I do sometimes skirt around subjects if I feel it will be a burden to the other person. Not a fan of direct confrontation either.

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Originally posted by hannaramaa:
I wonder what Leos like/love about Aries, too

I also think Leos like that Aries don't go along with the crowd. ... What I mean is a Leo has this need to be liked by everybody ... and they're always concerned about how things appear which I find VERY interesting.

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A lot of this is true for me. I love how Aries are unpredictable; plus, the general brazenness - bluntness, assertiveness, and how, for the most part, they don't care what others think. When I first started hanging out w/ one of my female Aries friends & her entourage (which I also love) she belched rather loudly w/ everyone around and just went on like nothing happened. I was instantly entranced by her, thou I refuse to fall in w/ the entourage.

I also find them to be closet romantics, or at least want the romantic attention. Like they secretly crave being in a love story but too afraid of showing it, it may damage their individuality and dominance...atleast for the Aries sun/Virgo rising that makes me fall all over myself when I am around.

posted December 22, 2011 05:37 AM            

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
*If I may ask a few more questions about Leos:

1) How do you know when a Leo is truly being nice because he/she wants to be nice, and when Leo is just being nice to get you to go away or because Leo feels like he/she has to be nice?

2) How do you know what a Leo really thinks of you?

3) What are Leo's limits on compassion, forgiveness, and understanding, and can they ever change a negative opinion of you that they have? Do you have any hope of fixing things with them if you've messed up or if you have ongoing struggles within yourself?

4) Do Leos appreciate effort and that you're working on righting your flaws, or does that not count--does only annoying them count, or are they able to see a work-in-progress? Do they take regret and trying to change into consideration, or do they just write you off?

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posted December 22, 2011 05:42 AM            

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
*If I may ask a few more questions about Leos:

2) How do you know what a Leo really thinks of you?

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posted December 22, 2011 05:43 AM            

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
That's different, though, than 'regular' people and is a very extreme case/unusual circumstance.

I personally don't really think that it's fair to just go and hate someone based on what you've heard or to dislike that person because someone that you like doesn't like the person. I feel that you should at least hear/consider the other person's side first. If you still don't like the person after that, OK, but at least judge for yourself instead of just going along with what people say without being objective.

I can see your point--the company that a person keeps can say a lot about that person. However, how do you know that your friend/ally is being fair? For example, hating a person just because a friend of yours has a problem with that person. How is it fair to hate that person? Why not consider that the other person has a side, too, and that the other person had also been hurt by the friend? Why just assume--without getting to know the other person--that she/he is a bad person just because someone that you like has an issue with that person? I just don't find that fair, except in extreme cases (like if the other person is violent or a pervert/sex offender or abusive, something like that). In normal circumstances, though, I think that people should at least look at the other person's side--not that they have to agree with it or be on it, but at least LOOK at it.

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