posted January 07, 2019 11:37 AM            

Be Gentle with yourself at this time.
'Let go' of making any rash decisions for yourself and others (especially this week, with the Eclipse we had Jan5/6). "Allow" the energy to flow... Funnel extra energies into physical (fun?) activities, to discharge 'extra'.

Okay!!!! YAY!!! I checked and SEE that Uranus n Aries has FINALLY NOW moved to go Direct...

Give it till MARCH 2019, Bluesky.

There's ONE more eclipse coming in a few weeks. This is the one near your Part.Of.Fortune Leo.

I had an astrologer give me a reading {when I could afford those! smile}. He had seen I was in for some pretty gnarly energies.

His Wisdom for times like that was to say that if you KNOW you are directly impacted in 'some' way, then, be ready. .. and AIM yourself so that you wind up in the BEST position for you.

As he described that, I 'saw' in my mind a minor car accident I went through once (when a young teen pulled out in front of me to 'cross' a busy road to the other side).

I remember time slowing down...
I recall feeling like I could calculate and plan 'how' I was going to be hit. (It was unavoidable at that point).

I could have swerved and hit a crossing-guard shelter and utility pole, directly.
etc, etc, etc,
I decided on a maneuver where I was hit at a part of the car that brought 'the least' amount of damage for my vehicle, and self, and did NO damage to other cars, the Crossing-Guard, … *laughing* I'm sure she and the county appreciated that???

"Position Yourself" …
Be POSITIVE
Channel and direct the energy-flows to YOUR Best Advantages.
Then, Trust.

You've got a LOT to Live For, Bluesky.
As I've pointed out to you in other posts, ONCE you've cleared that midlife Uranus Opp Uranus transit.. and get on a bit... you'll find yourself in 'different' energies.

It said that the first part of your life was harder, and the second would be like a new lease on life??

Put on your Armor, Beautiful Aries Soul!
You are HERE for a Reason.
Tap into it.

posted January 14, 2019 12:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by bjorkstrand:
0° of taurus is the center of taurus so uranus has been "out of aries" for a long time.

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posted January 14, 2019 05:40 AM            

My FWB came down to see me over the weekend and we had condom failure - so despite the fact I am technically infertile - we had to get the morning after pill. I do not feel that great now, and I think he considered the day was a bit of a disaster all round.

Still can't find a place to live. I was thinking of getting some liquid morphine (easy to get on the Web) and end it all, but I don't want to get a nasty reaction.

I took an overdose 3 years ago, about 100 pills, and it had no effect whatsoever.

posted January 14, 2019 08:52 AM            

also i'm not going to apologize regardless of what you respond with so if i do get you mad, know that what i see isn't going to change somehow just because you've put some time into saying something venomous

i just don't think coddling you is particularly helpful in what's clearly becoming a life or death situation given your past and your current feelings

you ever think maybe the problem isn't anything that's happening in your life but you and the way you're looking at it?

everyone has hard **** , you minimize it for other people and you compare yourself to whoever you think has more than you then downtalk them for "not being hardworking" to build yourself up in this sort of victim mentality where you're acting like the whole world is against you and people are what you see on the surface plus your projections

that's not reality though, and on some level you have to be aware of that unless you're completely delusional (and i don't think you are, i just think you're emotional)

everyone has problems, and plenty of people have really ****** ones even if they have **** you want on the surface

you're determined to make yourself into a victim, but what i see repeatedly is you lashing out at people and being this really negative (yes you've had it hard, no that isn't actually an excuse to be negative about things that havent happened yet; no matter how many times things go wrong it's pointless to take that as an indicator of the future) person

it isn't hard to see why you're feeling alone and why people aren't jumping all over themselves to take you in and help you (doing things for other people doesn't mean anyone owes you anything btw, if you do things for others with the expectation that you should receive anything for it then maybe you should consider avoiding that in the future) because you're putting up a wall that makes it almost impossible to reach in

you seem like you're always on the verge of hysteria and i imagine that doesn't change in person

and i get it you're going through hormonal **** and have other problems compacting it, but that's not really an excuse past a certain point because if youre capable of recognizing where you're being unreasonable you're capable of stepping back and learning to not let it control you

once you know where feelings come from though you deal with them even if it's after the fact

you know you're experiencing hormonal mood swings on an intellectual level so why give them so much weight?

i'm not minimizing your issues or feelings, they're all very real and they are serious

but you also seriously need to get a hold of yourself and maybe get some help if you can't on your own

there's nothing wrong with that, everyone has their **** and sometimes people need help, there's plenty of resources for people feeling suicidal maybe it's time to look into a few

i can see that there's a lot more to you than what you're displaying, and i can see that there is this interesting and creative person in there who can be a good person and is just feeling blocked and overwhelmed

so this isn't some "you're awful" type **** , because i don't think that at all, i do however think you have a lot of toxicity to work through and it's showing and before you just give up you should really give yourself a fair shot to come out of this

i get being tired,wanting to die, and even attempting suicide but the reality is i don't think you would be here talking in such depth for so long if part of you didn't want more

you clearly want more out of life, and you can't get it if you cut it short

you've been alive 40 something years what's a couple of months? if only to see if any predictions are valid

i've lost someone close to an opiate overdose, and ive known plenty of people who have too that **** 's not pretty and not surefire (plenty of od survivors too)

you could just end up in a coma or with brain damage etc which is really just leaving you worse off than you are now

this life is guaranteed to end for all of us, so you'll get that result eventually regardless, in the mean time why not do other **** ?

you're so ready to die that it seems like you're free to do anything really why not do something crazy that makes you feel alive instead of killing yourself? i mean if you're determined to do something drastic anyway why not the fun thing? you could always do the other thing later

posted January 14, 2019 09:31 AM            

happiness isn't a realistic goal to have because it's just a feeling and those are fleeting, so if you're looking at life like "i just want to be happy" maybe step back and reevaluate that because it's unrealistic in the sense that you will be sometimes same as now but not always and there's no situation that's going to create that feeling all of the time

life is unending crap to an extent, flipside is it's also good **** too

when you focus on the crap though and think about how much more might come your way rather than also saying well i have good things too and good things will come my way in the future you're making a choice to wallow in misery

because the good **** , that's unending too, life has its duality whether or not you want to turn a blind eye to it because it doesnt fit the narrative you're stuck on right now while you feel this way about everything

i get it, sometimes that's all you can see but that's not realistic

also like i said if you're ready to die, then why aren't you ready to just do something completely different even if it seems risky or crazy or unrealistic? why not try that? why go for a permanent end when you could do something that might go to **** but if it works out is better than what you have and absolutely not worse than you dying right now

suicide is always an option, but once you take it if successful you don't get any options afterwards whereas you know ... other **** you can do wont limit your future nearly as much

i'm not anti suicide, so i'm not going to tell you it's wrong because i absolutely understand

as someone with bad health issues and a terrible outlook (no cure, no real treatment outside of experimental **** i cant actually receive that it's likely too late for, already almost at the average amount of years someone can live with this **** ... i'm only about 4 years off from where most people die etc) i completely understand that there's a point where it's probably a much better option than continuing on

it's a route i figure i'm likely going to need to take one day to avoid physical suffering that exceeds what i go through daily already

so not judging you there, i get it

sometimes the idea of suffering longterm doesn't really hold any appeal, but it should be a last resort after everything else is exhausted and you havent exhausted everything because you arent taking any risks to change your situation

posted January 14, 2019 09:51 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by charlie:
Uranus...(laughing to myself).

Let me tell you a story that is true for me.

There IS beauty with Uranus! And much (!) freedom, which took me, ummm....25 + years to realize. ( I am 42).

Uranus, you see, is a bit of a d1kc head, and likes to push buttons. The more One puts up a fight (can be a mental or physical fight), the more d1kc-head-ed-ness comes out. But if you treat that SOB like you feel YOU are being treated, things WILL change! I know it sooooo easy to just want 1 minute of stability in the chaos and there is none to be found but you know what?! Perhaps the chaos can be turned into something stable?

Have you considered that in this time of your life, other doors are slowly opening, and to be able to walk through you need to let go of wanting stability in that very moment?

I had a horrendous time all of 2012. I was very ill. I was in a bad car accident. Lost my job. Moved back home from USA after 18 years there. Lost contact with all my friends and had to face my (now sober) alcholic mother, for real. I had panic attacs. I couldn't sleep without hyperventilating and I couldn't eat. Things were not swell and I tried to cling on to anything that APPEARD to be stable but it was all an illusion because I was looking in all the wrong directions which served me no purpose anylonger.

The struggle was really real.

Anyway, I will give you the same "lift me up" a very old family friend gave to me when I first came back to Europe late 2012.
I hadn't seen him since I was 18 and he was SO happy to see me! He asked how I was doing and he looked at me and said:

"Charlie, it makes me sad that you don't realize that you are FREE to do whatever you want from here and that is an amazing gift! Don't ever be afraid of the unknown. "

I think about those words, always, when I feel down and it truly helps

p.s. don't let the season get to ya! We have about 7hrs of light here in Northern Scandinavia until February and things can get, well, dark, but FUKC IT! I'll be the damn sunshine if need be!

You're an ARIES ********* !! Take life by the ba!!s (meant in a good way) and let no ******* stop you!

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posted January 14, 2019 11:08 AM            

i'm not at all being mean, i'm being honest with you and telling you that you might not be able to control anyone else but you can control yourself and you have to

i've been abused (every way, by multiple people) and i've had no support in a lot of ways, i've been bedbound with my illness at points, i've dealt with drug addiction etc and so on and i understand how easy it is to get sucked under by external forces and almost drown

i'm 32 years old and it would take a miracle for me to even live as long as you already have, most of my life was abuse and severe issues and i'm in a terrible position and constant pain so if you think i somehow fail to understand the depths that you might be suffering you're wrong

i do and i'm not without sympathy, but i'm continually seeing you use abusive language and lash out whenever someone says something that you don't like or suggests that you have power here

again, i understand youve done nice thingsfor other people but that doesn't make them obligated to return the favor

what you're doing right now is making threats to harm yourself because i said something you didn't like that implied you could get help and live a better life

thats manipulative behavior, and indicative of some serious issues and if you do anything drastic today it should be getting help

you really need to get help, and i can't stress that enough

i really hope you do

because i'm not at all being mean, and i legit seen someone in there last time we spoke that i thought had the capacity to be a beautiful person but you're hitting a wall and you need to do something about it on your own

you don't have to be a victim, you can move past the **** you've been through and keep going

if i could help you in some way i absolutely would, but no one can when you act in a way that's completely hostile

me pointing out that you have flaws (same as everyone) that you can control to make a situation better that you arent just a victim and could with effort have something more internally at the very least isnt me being mean

reality can be harsh sometimes, but that doesn't mean it comes with any ill will

sometimes it's the **** we don't want to see in ourselves that helps the most once we acknowledge it and work past it

you can do something better for yourself, and you should

posted January 14, 2019 11:17 AM            

nothing in life is one sided, and plenty of things are complicated

i'm not saying you're responsible for the bad things others have done to you, but you are responsible for your behavior towards others and yourself and your actions

and it's impossible to help someone who doesn't want it enough to look at themselves and take control on some level, and you're pushing people away

posted January 14, 2019 12:24 PM            

i don't know you well, but just the few times we've talked, and things i've seen you say i'm just guessing here that's the case

i understand feeling hopeless, i've been where you were when you swallowed those pills and it's funny to me now because i wasn't sick then

i had this feeling like my life was just going to be this endless sea of misery right? and honestly? i don't wish i could take it back because i learned life goes on from it

the sun rose the next day and it was almost it never even happened for everyone except me because i knew what i did and what happened and why i was still breathing

but anyway, i got sick a few months after, and it was weird i went from being able to hike for ******* hours to being in so much pain that sometimes i would have to stop on the way from the bathroom back to bed and just curl up on the floor because i couldnt move another inch

and every day i thought "well **** maybe this is the one"

it's not the sortof thing you'd think would make someone really appreciate life but it definitely has worked that way for me if i'm going to be honest

the world can be ****** up, and all kinds of **** can happen, and everything can be wrong in the world but it's also beautiful and everything good is there too and if you can't see it then it's not the world that needs to change in order for you to see it

it's you, it's your perspective

i know that sounds like a load of **** right? because i wouldve told me that right before i tried to hang myself

because everything was wrong, whole childhood of abuse and just a life of really not having any sort of direction other than being put into survival mode and figuring out what to do

i would be lying to you if i told you my life was anywhere near perfect, no one's is, but that doesn't mean there isn't more past the surface that's worthwhile

to me you seem disconnected, and that happens, but it doesn't have to last

and if you can't get to that place on your own, then you need help

posted January 14, 2019 01:48 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by bluesky:
How can anyone be accountable in this day and age? The world is ridiculous. It is full of so much rubbish - if no-one was human before, they are even less so now. It is like we are all expected to be robots.

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everyone is accountable, not for every situation in their life but for the way they deal with them and how they behave towards others etc

the world is often ridiculous sure, and while i'd argue that was more society rather than the world itself, but all the same i'm not disagreeing with you

it's a lot more than that though, there's plenty of good in it

no one is less human now than ever before, all still perfectly human you included and there's no expectations here

i understand you feel a lot of pressure from the external world, and i understand that a lot in life is difficult and so on etc

now i know you have a hard time with rejection, and i understand hearing it a lot lately from jobs has been hard on you

i see it's taking its toll and i get you're overwhelmed and feel hopeless

but being overwhelmed and feeling hopeless aren't indicative of you feeling that way a year from now

rough patches are just that

but again, the way you're responding is hostile and sometimes in order for anyone to help you (yourself included) you need to let that go and be vulnerable and really reassess yourself and your situation and adjust how you proceed

life being hard isnt the same as being miserable being alive, and your depression is at a level where you need help

because youre human and sometimes humans need that, not necessarily from friends or people theyve done things for but from people who are willing and capable

posted January 14, 2019 01:52 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by bluesky:
How educated, or able you are, simply does not matter.

No-one has any feelings these days. Feelings went out of the window together with the slope.

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everyone has feelings, you're not alone in having them and that's the thing sometimes other people's feelings will keep them from being able to help you through yours

which is why sometimes people who have feelings like yours need to seek help outside of their circle

there's a difference though between having feelings and experiencing severe depression

you seem to be experiencing severe depression and that is treatable and can be manageable, you don't have to stay where you're at

posted January 15, 2019 12:52 PM            

At this point, I have decided to get out of the UK. The UK is the most talked up place in the world, and why, I have no idea. It is a ****** little country, up its own arse, and Jesus feeding the 5000 would have done a better job, in terms of work to go around.

For all of you who are watching this saga, go watch Edgar Reitz's Heimat. That puts a ton of stuff in perspective.

posted January 15, 2019 08:27 PM            

Everyone is fine about talking to me when I am supposedly rational and normal and am there for their entertainment, but when I am crying and in bits and genuinely don't know what to do, they all shout at me or are completely unhelpful. It's not like I haven't moved heaven and earth to try to help myself, and I am just done.

Like I said, I have often been there for others, but others have never been there for me. The counsellor did remark on the fact that I seemed to be more concerned about others than myself.

I am in the UK, and frankly, the mentality of the people sucks. I have been here all my life, and I still have not a clue what these people are thinking (I am half-European). They are so up themselves, and think little England is the be all and end all. They are closed-minded and snotty.

posted January 15, 2019 10:45 PM            

I think both of my parents must be autistic, because they have absolutely no people skills. Actually most people in this day and age don't, because they're behind their little computer screens most of the time, but that's another story...

Most people I know have, or had, a connection to a parent, or grandparent, who could give them a bed for the night in times of need. My parents could never even offer me that. They have always been so disconnected it's unreal, and I don't know why they had me.

I do not take kindly to being called hysterical and under my circumstances, which have always been fairly extreme, it would not be unreasonable for me to be emotional. People just want to be nasty and label one when they say this kind of thing. They don't understand what it is like to have absolutely no support.

I am not at all hostile. I am an extremely kind and devoted person who has done a lot for many people. Far from making no sense, I make perfect sense, and would contest any opinion that stated otherwise.

I would say that those who take issue with me when I so much as sniff would do well to look at their own state of being and consider the constant harsh judgement that is meted out on me.