posted February 17, 2019 08:01 AM            

I have done enough to try to get myself up and together, always have and if the universe doesn't want to step up to the plate and help me in some way, then it can lump it.

posted February 17, 2019 10:35 AM            

Gently, That's exactly what you are doing...
You 'trying' too hard. Energetically, you chomp against the bit {horse}.

Being an Aries you have a (well-understood) inherent restlessness, that 'needs' an inner-nurturing part of you to 'settle' .. like lovingly working with a child who needs understanding because they are over-tired and squalling.. This part of you needs to 'settle' and Calm itself. It's Okay to 'sit' with this part that is restless.

It {that 'energy' part of self} eventually learns that while it experiences the more-active periods,
* that it is 'okay' to feel the restless feelings,
* to 'express' them in a safe way,
* and find a way to internally-redirect that Beautiful force inside you .. like into your artwork,
and sometimes-- by learning 'to be' with itself, and BE okay in the restless feeling. It's "okay" NOT to 'do'.. but simply 'be'.

The River you need... Is the Cosmic Silent Beautiful River.
Goes way down Deep..
It is Settled and sweet and calm there.
Be Still.

The Universe is rife with Downloads for those who Quiet themselves to Receive, Bluesky.

Especially with you being an artistic type?? Wow. You could really really Benefit. …

Go slowwww. Go Within. Wrap your loving arms around your inner-child-self. Quiet her. Engage her in the Stillness ..

You are good at nurturing others..
Go Within.

Sending you Much Love.

"How do you eat an elephant?"
answer-- one bite at a time.

Your life will not be "cured" after 50y.
But what you learn NOW.. as you step through these times of self-wrestling to Stillness (and THUS tap your Creativity), then as you 'arrive' to your Latter days, you will be Full and Ready for what awaits you there.

posted February 22, 2019 02:43 AM            

It is just one thing after another. I start to feel well and then another thing hits (like stomach flu or shingles) and the moment I have got over that then I get my period again and it's all over.

I can never get back to being the me I should be because the eternal ********* keeps playing out in my life.

The previous boss's company came back to me with a potential plan, let's hope I am not messed about this time!!

Also I heard last night my schizophrenic cousin is about to die. He is 53 and apparently has had a terrible life - another one who was painted as a black sheep. He tried to suicide in front of a train years ago, but lost an arm. He is now dying of lung cancer, too young. Mental health issues are in the family, but frankly I think it is a result of this stupid modern lifestyle.

posted February 22, 2019 06:02 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by bluesky:
Perhaps I should start eating elephants. Just kidding.

---

You know,
there are some parts of the world where "elephant dung" is used to make Coffee?!
They've made a Fortune!!

Keep Chomping-- and see what comes out?! LOL.... Love ya!!

(music) Anna Kendrick - Cup-Song (Larissa, The Voice Kids 2014) [1:39] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yahJBd8zyfs

posted February 25, 2019 09:02 PM            

I'm not suicidal right now, but I have been before, and I relate to you a bit. I'm not feeling positive about most things, and since October, on and off, I've been taking something to help me sleep, that also helps me to avoid a panic attack when I wake up.

posted February 28, 2019 07:10 AM            

They're quite damaging through their suggestion - either that things could be very very good or very very bad - and it creates a drip drip drip effect, which gives you just one more "problem" to deal with.

Thinking back, my life started going to pot around the time I started believing in horoscopes at about 13/ 14.

They are a pervasive thing and you can't control people doing what they are going to do anyway.

posted March 06, 2019 01:29 AM            

I cannot believe what a ****** time I have had since 2011, but these last few days especially have been pure hell. I have felt chronically desperate, yet not turned up to potentially useful appointments - I just haven't known what to do and am also completely worn out.

When Uranus went into Taurus last year I stopped feeling so desperate and actually managed to turn a few things around. Then it went backwards and over my Sun again and I really got a double dose, everything completely unravelled.

I now just want to go to sleep for 1000 years - with a guy next to me who'll **** me, stroke me, feed me and comfort me.

posted March 07, 2019 01:38 AM            

I had an appointment at the benefits office yesterday, and they sent me to the wrong address. I just want to kill someone now.

At a homeless woman's insistence yesterday, I gave her a sandwich (just happened to have one) and she threw it into the road and called me a f-ing Jew. Not sure how she knew I was Jewish, but that really brassed me off.

I can't seem to f-ing do anything right. Everything I touch turns to crap.

posted March 11, 2019 06:54 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by bluesky:
By the way, Dumuzi, I think you were incredibly insulting to suggest I was unlikable/ unpleasant etc. I am NOT unlikable and clearly from your own description of yourself, much less unlikeable than you - so go stick that in your pipe and smoke it, you quite obviously hapless male who does not have hormones to deal with!

---

i guess you weren't getting enough attention with your incessant ranting and complaining so you decided to try to pick at me

i'm good with myself and i'm happy with my life in spite of the low points i've had, i've learned from them and i appreciate them for what they were

there's bright spots even in the worst of them, and that's fine

so call me what you want, but i'd much rather be me than you; only one of us is miserable and it's not me

posted March 13, 2019 06:55 AM            

I really felt it in my heart when I read your texts. I feel your pain, even though I've not experienced even 1% of what you've experienced.
The way you look at the world right now is not only because of your experiences but also because of the hormones. They may have made it worse for you.
I think that if you at least fix the hormonal fluctuations from your menopause, life will look a little bit brighter. I believe that everything can be fixed, only step by step, slowly and I think that starting with your hormones is the best first step.
Acupuncture can be REALLY helpful with relieving you of the symptoms relating to your menopause and I think you should book at least one session.
If I read right, you live in London right? I tried to search intuitively for a place that would help you the best and I came across the following clinic: Breathe London. It's located in Covent Garden.
When I checked their website, I immediately searched for their prices (because I know you're a little bit tight on that) and it made me happy to see that they wrote this on their site:

"All our sessions are reasonably priced, providing excellent value for money that can fit any budget while retaining our high-quality service. Please get in touch with us to learn more about our pricing for acupuncture services."

So I feel like when you explain your situation to them, they can accomodate to that.

posted March 13, 2019 07:33 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by bluesky:
Oh congratulations Dumuzi, and by the way don't come me with your typical Virgo smugness. You think you are the intellectual queens and bread basket of the zodiac and can summon up anything you like, and sod everyone else.

Since Aries is the unluckiest sign, I'm deffo coming back next time as a Virgo male(albeit not a bisexual one).

---

you really don't know me well lol i don't think i'm better than anyone and i think (nearly) everyone has value and things that make them worthwhile

i've been through plenty of ****** up **** all kinds of abuse (literally all kinds) and terrible living situations lot of health issues so on and so forth, but unlike you i don't let those things define me and i don't spend my life hyperfocusing on the unfortunate things i've been through and go through daily (mainly with my health)

it's a waste, and it's stupid and unrealistic too because there's always things that are good about life too even in some of the worst **** , and life goes on regardless there's no avoiding it so sucking it up and continuing on is just what there is to do; there's no sense in complaining endlessly about it

i care about other people, and i've gone out of my way to be there for them and i don't need or want anything in return for it

no single sign is more unfortunate, and everyone goes through and experiences pain you just minimize what other people go through because you're self absorbed and can't handle your own **** and view the world from a standpoint where all you want to do is ***** about what you dont have or the bad **** that's happened because you want to be a victim and you want to pretend you have it the worst and everyone else is just so fortunate

it's ridiculous ********

you use hormones as an excuse for **** behavior and while i'm sure they aren't doing you any favors when you know something is an issue you should have the mental capacity to take into consideration that it's an issue and alter your view of a situation accordingly

"i feel like this because of this so let me take that with a grain of salt" etc and so on basically

my sexuality has **** all to do with anything so i don't see why you brought it up, and honestly if you can't even handle your own life you couldn't handle mine

posted March 14, 2019 09:34 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by bluesky:
Bearee, thanks for your help. I will give them a call. Chinese herbs helped me with my fibroids before and the tradition and logic makes more sense to me than Western medicine.

Dumuzi, I sincerely hope you come back as a girl. Sounds like you're halfway there already!

---

i'll consider your need to go on about my sexuality the equivalent of you having no response, good to know you have nothing to say because there isn't anything left really

don't be an embarrassment to women by claiming you're incapable of any sense or logic

posted March 15, 2019 03:24 AM            

I have plenty to say. Do you want to go another few rounds? I can keep going indefinitely so long as I'm still breathing.

FYI, we are indeed capable of being completely irrational, and FYI, it does also happen to be linked to the cycle. I personally don't consider it to be an embarrassment, because it just happens. It's like with any mental illness, which by the way I also have (bipolar).

posted March 15, 2019 06:10 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by bluesky:
Scuse me, "Wha' happened?" there, Dumuzi?

I have plenty to say. Do you want to go another few rounds? I can keep going indefinitely so long as I'm still breathing.

FYI, we are indeed capable of being completely irrational, and FYI, it does also happen to be linked to the cycle. I personally don't consider it to be an embarrassment, because it just happens. It's like with any mental illness, which by the way I also have (bipolar).

All you Millennial guys who have been brainwashed and want to be women - you know NOTHING.

---

no **** you're mentally ill lol no surprises there

not sure what you mean by that last line about being brainwashed wanting to be a woman etc but ok then

i'm sure you could keep going, but like i said no value to anything you say, it's all just you mouthing off mostly nonsensical crazy ********

i live with my fiancee and have for almost 14 years at this point, sure she can be retarded here and there around her period but nowhere near like what you're trying to excuse and she's well aware and has the capacity to own up to it and not act out on it every time

you should be embarrassed by zero self control and making poor excuses for **** behavior, you're 44 years old not a child

posted March 15, 2019 07:35 AM            

Btw, a number of conspiracy theorists and various other "insane" people are labelled as nutters, and they're all absolutely minted. Go figure.

posted March 15, 2019 07:47 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by bluesky:
I'm not nonsensical. You have a lack of imagination (typical of Earth signs, I have to say).

Btw, a number of conspiracy theorists and various other "insane" people are labelled as nutters, and they're all absolutely minted. Go figure.

---

you realize imagination doesn't come into play when you're having a conversation based in facts right? we're not talking theoretical ideas or shooting creative ideas back and forth, instead you're trying to insult me with delusions

i do have an imagination and i'm a creative person, i write music and stories and i have creative outlets; none of them are relevant to this conversation however

considering you've never heard or seen a single thing i've created it's pretty stupid of you to say that, but you saying dumb **** isn't exactly shocking at this point

sure plenty of people are labeled crazy, what do they have to do with you? there's insane people who create beautiful things, just look at outsider art but what do they have to do with you?

posted March 15, 2019 08:08 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by bluesky:
You really don't get it do you? Menopause, menopause and more menopause. Yes. It is an excuse. Every damn bit of it. I've had periods since age 10, and for the record, I've just started my so-many-hundredth one. Do you realize what a life sentence that is? Especially when you are also infertile and the whole damn gig was pointless in the first place?

---

it is an excuse yeah, because i've been around women who have been through menopause who don't act like you

you're legit crazy and trying to blame it all on hormones, but there's clearly more there so chill with that ****

your hormones aren't why you're mentally ill, you just are on top of going through menopause

like i said i'm sure it doesn'tdo you any favors, but it's clearly not your only problem