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Author
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Topic: CONSENTING ADULTS AND AGE GAPS
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coconutcancermoon
Knowflake Posts: 494
From: A Place of Pure Love
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted February 06, 2011 12:51 PM
  
Well, my guy is 24 (I'm 30) and we look the exact same age. I guess that's a good thing (wouldn't want to offend anyone by looking older)  IP: Logged |
LEXX
Knowflake Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 06, 2011 01:35 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
The term "cougar" actually has evolved into not so much of a negative term. The cougars I know are proud to be called that.
I am seeing that too! 
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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. – Dale Carnegie IP: Logged |
EverEvolvingSpirit
Knowflake Posts: 954
From: A Place of Pure Love <3
Registered: Feb 2011
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posted February 06, 2011 01:36 PM
test postIP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 7816
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 12:39 AM
I think there's a vast difference between a 15 year age gap, and a 50 year one.It's interesting that it's said that as long as you don't mind, why should anyone, when one also shows great offense at the idea that it could be wrong. If you truly don't care what others think, then there should be no great offense taken. This is what I was alluding to in the previous age gap thread. If you have to constantly put yourself through being offended by other people's views, I'd say you're hardly happy. It's like saying black people were happy during segregation. It's not as if they could know no joy in their lives. It's just that whatever happiness they achieved would be tempered by the pain of intolerance. It's like a voluntary scar you give yourself for your happiness. I don't really think there will ever be an ageist revolution. The severe age gaps will always confound people. Age gaps of less than 20 years will always be easier, especially in more tolerant places. My biggest age gap to date is about 12 years, which put the woman right at the center age between mine and my parent's. In the younger direction it was nine years. IP: Logged |
EverEvolvingSpirit
Knowflake Posts: 954
From: A Place of Pure Love <3
Registered: Feb 2011
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posted February 07, 2011 07:24 AM
AC,
It's one thing not caring what others think, it's another when the person is downright being insulting.IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 7816
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 10:18 AM
In the context of a debate, it does make sense to make your case even if it does reveal the offense you take to someone being intolerant. I guess I just mean to point out that the hurt of the intolerance is there regardless of attempting to have the mindset that you don't care what others think.We do have the ability to choose things in life for the sake of our own happiness. We're not bound to love someone near our age anymore than we are bound to love someone outside of our own age. Freedom exists in options. The people that seem intolerant regarding age gaps acknowledge the choice involved; the power to choose not to deal with the intolerance that may occur, or that may be inevitable. It's like a pro age gap person may fault an ageist (for lack of a better term) for being intolerant, while an ageist may fault a pro age gap person for choosing a tougher path if their age gap is going to lead to judgment by their peers. I think both points are inherently valid, but if I have to take sides on the issue I'll side against significant age gaps, because I don't think people should volunteer more pain into their lives. I know better than to think they won't. IP: Logged |
LEXX
Knowflake Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 11:39 AM
Well,
I am not going to let age gaps stop me, even large ones;
never have let it get in my way, and never will.
Like got to doing the math and there is well over a century betwixt my "interests/involvement" for relationships/intimacy.
118 years to be exact betwixt my oldest to date and my youngest, if the eldest were still alive!
LOL!LOL, whilst there is an intriguing notion, of having lovers spanning 3 centuries, 1800s,
1900s, and 2000s.....
I would have to wait about 7+ more years before the ones born in the 2000s are legal.
I hopefully will be completely and totally involved and happy in a relationship long before those 2000s become legal. If anyone finds my views insane or offensive.....
I do not care! My brothers look down on my choices,
yet they see nothing wrong with their relationships with girls/women 23 to 33 years younger!
Fraking double standards! And like I said before....
I would not be here if my 70 year old grandpa and teenage grandmother had not gotten together!
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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. – Dale Carnegie IP: Logged |
EverEvolvingSpirit
Knowflake Posts: 954
From: A Place of Pure Love <3
Registered: Feb 2011
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posted February 07, 2011 11:45 AM
Very well stated and well written, AC. Hard for me to debate your point.I personally would rather not be in a relationship with a 50 year age difference and yes, it will be difficult the relationship to reach it's fullest potential because of outside influences. However, I'm all for two people being in love and happy with one another IP: Logged |
LEXX
Knowflake Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 12:00 PM
quote:
Originally posted by EverEvolvingSpirit:
........and yes, it will be difficult the relationship to reach it's fullest potential because of outside influences.However, I'm all for two people being in love and happy with one another
If the love is real, it can work!
And yes, the "outside influences" are usually the biggest issue.
However, it all depends on the mindset of both persons in the relationship, and the joy they receive whilst with each other.
Simply avoid the naysayers.
Laugh at the idle tongue waggers.
Those who are true friends will see that happiness and others will at worse, in time, simply view the couple as eccentric.
From what I have personally observed, it is often that first few months or year or so that bring on the wtf attitude from folks....
but after awhile it is accepted or ignored,
providing the couple stays together and seem happy.PS.These days too, I have personally noticed that it is more often most folks either do not care or even notice when they encounter such couples, especially in casual passing. ------------------
First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. – Dale Carnegie IP: Logged |
LEXX
Knowflake Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 12:30 PM
AcousticGod
I do understand your point of view.
quote:
It's like a pro age gap person may fault an ageist (for lack of a better term) for being intolerant, while an ageist may fault a pro age gap person for choosing a tougher path if their age gap is going to lead to judgment by their peers. I think both points are inherently valid, but if I have to take sides on the issue I'll side against significant age gaps, because I don't think people should volunteer more pain into their lives.
"Pain" happens very often even within relationships of folks of same or close in ages!
The divorce rates prove that!
And with folks of different races, sizes, LGBT, it is no different than with the age gap ones.
That's life!
So when a "connection" is found with another person,
go for it! Otherwise you may someday regret that you never gave it a chance.
Regret over what you did not do/try, never found out if it would have been a good thing, or not, is an awful thing.
Never pass up a chance at real love!  ------------------
First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. – Dale Carnegie IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 32463
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 01:45 PM
People are too quick to conform. That's basically what it is. Most people are followers. Take any situation (like an accident, for instance), and one person can take charge and tell others what to do, and people will fall in line and obey. Most people are just waiting to be led. It's sad. And yes, you can choose who you date, but you can't choose who you love. Sometimes, in casual passing, you meet someone and Cupid fires away. And then age matters not, and you may even eat a word or two. But yeah, I actually get a rush from stares. It doesn't bother me in the least what others think of me. I'm going to be me regardless. People see me and think I'm everything from a stoner to a freak, but that is just a reflection on them, not on me. In sharp contrast, I always try to see underneath the surface of the people I encounter. Looks are frequently not indicative of how a person truly is (in both good and bad ways).  ------------------
"Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all." Harriet Van Horne IP: Logged |
GypseeWind
Knowflake Posts: 5852
From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
Registered: May 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 02:16 PM
I see your point AG, but it's just limiting ones potential for happiness.
Same thing can be said for interracial and same sex couples... the why do you want to set yourself up for heartache thing..The only way to gain acceptance for it, is for people to just keep doing it and not be bothered by others opinions. Like I said, it isn't easy, but it also isn't impossible. I think one thing that sets the mold is the media, and us looking so closely to Hollywood. Which is a terrible example of reality, but we do it anyway. When Liz Taylor marries someone 30 years younger, we always assume that the man is in it for money. Same way with rich Hollywood men, and their super young women.
We can't wrap our brains around the fact that it can be love.
Sadly, alot of times IT IS money. But, in the gen pop, it's a little different.
Obviously, I don't have any money, so nobody can be interested in me for that. IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 7816
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 02:24 PM
You can choose who you love, and people exit relationships with people they love every day. We are not powerless against our emotions.Also everyone is individual. There are different methods and areas of nonconformity, but everyone's got them. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 47265
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 07, 2011 02:30 PM
Wise words,Randall.
You meet very few people who ARE themselves.Society/people punish you if you don't conform : anything from stares,shame or outright insults .
People are afraid of someone who is different.
The person who wants to be different i.e. a nonconformist must be strong enough not it care.
Therein lies the power and the strength.
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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
You have to be strong enough to be gentle.Peace through strength,ALWAYS
Me
IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 32463
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 02:41 PM
Exactly right, Ami. That's what school is--indocrination into comformity. Those who resist the Borg and question authority are caught early and get labeled disordered and drugged into submission...their creativity stifled and their brains turned to zombie mush. But a few resist (it's not futile) and become the great leaders of society. ------------------
"Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all." Harriet Van Horne IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 47265
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 07, 2011 02:58 PM
You know,I used to be a non conformist. I left my entire group of friends in junior high cuz they got in to activities I did not like.
It wasn't even very hard cuz I had ONE crucial thing---myself.
I was true to myself,first. I knew who I was,first of all.
You have to have that.You can't go anywhere without that sacred and most precious thing.
Then,it is not very hard or wasn't for me.Once,I lost that trust in my own compass, all manner of things befell me  lol ------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
You have to be strong enough to be gentle.Peace through strength,ALWAYS
Me IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 47265
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 07, 2011 03:02 PM
I think the really hard thing about the compass is that no one can give it to you.
It comes from within. The main way you find it is from failure.
I am new at this cuz I have been frozen since my teens lol------------------
Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
You have to be strong enough to be gentle.Peace through strength,ALWAYS
Me IP: Logged |
Mblake81
Knowflake Posts: 2480
From: The Upstate, Carolinas
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted February 07, 2011 03:09 PM
The fact that people recognize, and are empathic to the hurt, they know people will go through, Is a good starting point.A foundation can be built here. You could say this is "solid" ground.
Just knowing the above would keep most people from saying or doing anything "awkward" in public. The worry would, be then, as being seen as "insensitive" to others.
Especially those "Judging Eyes".
You know what i mean.
Are they harming anyone? Lexx, The statement about how life is fragile, no matter the age, is correct.
How many 18 year old us soldier are dead, with kids back home.
Age is irrelevant in this argument. Note: I do not mean minors.] 18 is an accepted age, Use that. IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 7816
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 03:13 PM
quote:
I see your point AG, but it's just limiting ones potential for happiness.
I disagree. Choosing not to be with one person leaves you free to experience another person. I don't think people need to take a fatalistic view of their love life as if they have to follow every urge until it ends naturally. I wouldn't go for someone 20 years younger than me, and I wouldn't do it out of respect for them and their lives. Later in life I may become more tolerant of that kind of age gap, but the caveat is that the woman will have to be self-actualized to a good degree. She'll have to have found those things we find as adults. But an 18 year old kid for me? No. That wouldn't be right, and I shouldn't encourage it. IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 47265
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 07, 2011 03:27 PM
If you know who you are ,no one can hurt you.If you don't know who you are, everyone can.
Me
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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
You have to be strong enough to be gentle.Peace through strength,ALWAYS
Me IP: Logged |
Mblake81
Knowflake Posts: 2480
From: The Upstate, Carolinas
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted February 07, 2011 03:31 PM
Being "led" in a negative circle is frustrating, people know it on some level. Could be one reason they are angry.IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 32463
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 03:52 PM
I agree, MB. People don't have to be told the difference between right and wrong. While there are varying shades of gray (which is when rationality comes into play), if someone intentionally harms another, it is wrong, and people know it. It creates anger from within, which feeds the very actions that created it.  ------------------
"Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all." Harriet Van Horne IP: Logged |
LEXX
Knowflake Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 04:04 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Randall:
People are too quick to conform. That's basically what it is. Most people are followers. Take any situation (like an accident, for instance), and one person can take charge and tell others what to do, and people will fall in line and obey. Most people are just waiting to be led. It's sad. And yes, you can choose who you date, but you can't choose who you love. Sometimes, in casual passing, you meet someone and Cupid fires away. And then age matters not, and you may even eat a word or two. But yeah, I actually get a rush from stares. It doesn't bother me in the least what others think of me. I'm going to be me regardless. People see me and think I'm everything from a stoner to a freak, but that is just a reflection on them, not on me. In sharp contrast, I always try to see underneath the surface of the people I encounter. Looks are frequently not indicative of how a person truly is (in both good and bad ways).
Yes! 
I totally agree!
And this bit....whoa....oh yeah! 
quote:
you can't choose who you love. Sometimes, in casual passing, you meet someone and Cupid fires away. And then age matters not, and you may even eat a word or two.
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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. – Dale Carnegie IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 7816
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 04:13 PM
quote:
"Pain" happens very often even within relationships of folks of same or close in ages!
The divorce rates prove that!
And with folks of different races, sizes, LGBT, it is no different than with the age gap ones.
That's life!
So when a "connection" is found with another person,
go for it! Otherwise you may someday regret that you never gave it a chance.
Regret over what you did not do/try, never found out if it would have been a good thing, or not, is an awful thing.
Never pass up a chance at real love!
Glad to find your edit. The divorce rate doesn't prove anything regarding same age couples. The divorce rate proves that people can be a bit rash in hooking up with the wrong people, which can include age issues. These are the people that didn't pass up a chance at real love. Actually, that's not even fully fair. Some divorces are between people that match up great. Life just conspired against them. quote:
Otherwise you may someday regret that you never gave it a chance.
Why would a person regret leaving themselves open for a better chance? Are we such bad judges of character that we can't figure out that at least some of these people we have connections with wouldn't make for good romances? I actually kind of fear that the way we've become as a society makes most adults jump on any opportunity for love that they can get. It's a bit like a drug for a drug addict. I'm all for being open-minded, but also for being thoughtful about what you do. IP: Logged |
LEXX
Knowflake Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 04:20 PM
Mblake81
Thank you!
quote:
Lexx, The statement about how life is fragile, no matter the age, is correct.
How many 18 year old us soldier are dead, with kids back home.
Age is irrelevant in this argument. Note: I do not mean minors.] 18 is an accepted age, Use that.
_____________________________________________GypseeWind
I agree!
quote:
The only way to gain acceptance for it, is for people to just keep doing it and not be bothered by others opinions. Like I said, it isn't easy, but it also isn't impossible.I think one thing that sets the mold is the media, and us looking so closely to Hollywood. Which is a terrible example of reality, but we do it anyway. When Liz Taylor marries someone 30 years younger, we always assume that the man is in it for money. Same way with rich Hollywood men, and their super young women.
We can't wrap our brains around the fact that it can be love.
Sadly, alot of times IT IS money. But, in the gen pop, it's a little different.
Obviously, I don't have any money, so nobody can be interested in me for that.
_______________________________________________________ On that note, never was a conformist.
Yeah that has caused me much grief......
however it has also given me a sense of self and living life to the fullest I can,
I'd never had if I'd gone the conformist route.
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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. – Dale Carnegie
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