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Author Topic:   CONSENTING ADULTS AND AGE GAPS
LEXX
Knowflake

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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 05, 2011 11:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Edited
This thread is for the topic of Consenting Adults in Relationships with age gaps.

CONSENTING ADULTS AND AGE GAPS:

*********************************************


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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. Dale Carnegie

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Randall
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posted February 05, 2011 11:12 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Randall     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The term "cougar" actually has evolved into not so much of a negative term. The cougars I know are proud to be called that.

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PlutoSquared
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posted February 05, 2011 11:18 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for PlutoSquared     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think talking about extremes here with regards to age gaps is manipulative and deceptive.

I would argue that UNDERAGE sex is not something that many people disagree about.

I would argue that the majority of people AGREE that underage (18 and younger) sex is an entirely different subject... NO ONE here, from what I've seen so far has argued that young people (18 and younger) should be having sex.

Now, 18 + older people deciding to have sex is an entirely different subject. Adults are allowed and expected to make their own decisions for sex, housing, work, and to respect laws (as adults).

Lumping both of these ideas together is manipulative and is often used as a tool by people who want to cast judgment on the 22 year old girl dating a much older guy, or the 21 year old guy dating an older woman.

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LEXX
Knowflake

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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
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posted February 05, 2011 11:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
I think talking about extremes here with regards to age gaps is manipulative and deceptive.

I would argue that UNDERAGE sex is not something that many people disagree about.

I would argue that the majority of people AGREE that underage (18 and younger) sex is an entirely different subject... NO ONE here, from what I've seen so far has argued that young people (18 and younger) should be having sex.

Now, 18 + older people deciding to have sex is an entirely different subject. Adults are allowed and expected to make their own decisions for sex, housing, work, and to respect laws (as adults).

Lumping both of these ideas together is manipulative and is often used as a tool by people who want to cast judgment on the 22 year old girl dating a much older guy, or the 21 year old guy dating an older woman.



Yes, that was what I observed on the closed thread, which I thought was supposed to be concerning those over 18 in relationships with older and even much older relationships.
So yes...
quote:
Now, 18 + older people deciding to have sex is an entirely different subject. Adults are allowed and expected to make their own decisions for sex, housing, work, and to respect laws (as adults).

Lumping both of these ideas together is manipulative and is often used as a tool by people who want to cast judgment on the 22 year old girl dating a much older guy, or the 21 year old guy dating an older woman.



On that note;
I detest the word "Couger".
So any interest I show to any man much younger, but who is well over 18,
I (and others my age) get labeled as Cougers, cradle robbers, and are generally seen as freakish.
I go firstly for a man's mind and attitude and if he happens to be younger and gorgeous, hey I am not even going to complain!
That does not make me some kind of freak!
Also the younger man is not always looking for a mommy.....
my ex#1 was older than me, but he wanted a "mommy". In fact it seems many men in my age range (56) do want "mommies" or mothered,
whilst fellows way younger want an equal partner not a mommy or mothered.

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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. Dale Carnegie

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LEXX
Knowflake

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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
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posted February 05, 2011 11:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
PLEASE KEEP THIS THREAD
ON TOPIC!

CONSENTING ADULTS AND AGE GAPS:

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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. Dale Carnegie

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LEXX
Knowflake

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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
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posted February 05, 2011 01:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think overall the big issue is how to deal with narrow minded people's negative reactions.
In my opinion, just ignore them!
Yeah, I know, it is easier said than done.
So LOL, maybe in some ways I am lucky, because
I do not give a flying fig what my family or the public at large would think!
My real friends would be happy for me!
It is not just the age gap that folks get freaked out over or are rude about.
I know a couple where even though they are both young and same age;
she is an over 6 foot tall very heavy lovely woman,
and he is a fellow of about a foot shorter than her and barely breaking 100 pounds.
They get all kinds of mean crude remarks thrown at them.
Same for another couple I knew, both same age, but he was good looking and she was a
deformed of body, physically unattractive (I am not saying that to be mean, but it was true)and folks made nasty comments even though they remained together like 35 years until her death.

The age gap issue is no different.
I think it might be harder on the more attractive one in the relationship, be it looks alone and or an age gap, with them being the younger party.
There will always be jerks saying;
"what do you see in him/her?"
Or the nasty cracks of....
"oh they must be rich"
and other just plain thoughtless assumptions.
At those times one must remember,
those who really care about you and your happiness will mind their own business and be happy for you and would want to get to get to know your love interest.
LOL! On the other hand if it is simply for fun or sex, (not love) well just keep it private or laugh off the naysayers if you go flaunting such in public.

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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. Dale Carnegie

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GypseeWind
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posted February 05, 2011 10:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I think you have to be very secure in the relationship, and yourself to handle this sort of negativity thrown at you.
My bf is 29, and I am 44.
Truthfully, we don't get that much of it.
Funny though, when we do, it's negative on his behalf, in other words, people say, "He's so young, what are you doing??"
Very rarely has anyone said, "she is so old, what are YOU doing?"

However, he was dating someone who was 21 years older than him, and it was a huge deal (for everyone), I think though, that for some reason that lump of TWENTY years or more, is a huge deal for people. I am not sure why? Maybe because the person is the same age range as the other persons possible children? IDK. He was one or two days younger than her daughter, and people were freaked out about it. Her daugther and her (this woman he was dating) are no longer speaking..

I feel okay about it most times, but, we all have bad days when we think we look bad or whatever, and we wonder, "well, what's it gonna be like in 2 years, 5 years, 8 years?"

Trick with this is, you have to learn to live in the moment.

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LEXX
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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
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posted February 06, 2011 12:07 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
GypseeWind
I have had two relationships with that 15 year younger gap.
One lasted about 8 years, the other over 13 years.
Age gaps had nothing to do with my ending the relationships.

I do not believe in letting people's opinions get in the way of love!
Like my dear long passed friend told me,
age only matters if you think it does.
She had a 19 year old lover when she was 69.
A 50 year age gap.
It lasted 5 years until he was killed in a motorcycle accident.
He was young and handsome;
whilst she was to most folks eyes, only an overweight woman who was wheelchair bound since age 14.


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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. Dale Carnegie

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GypseeWind
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posted February 06, 2011 12:17 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
That must of been one heck of a woman lexx!

Well, you know, it doesn't bother him, not once has he even spoke of it negatively.
ALL his major relationships (well, there has only been 3) were older than him, so obviously it's what he likes, so why shouldn't it be me? If it wasn't me, it would be someone else, probably someone my age or older!


ETA: I don't like the term "cougar" either. It makes me sound like I plan to eat him for dinner. Not so!

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LEXX
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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
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posted February 06, 2011 12:23 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by GypseeWind:
That must of been one heck of a woman lexx!

Oh my yes she was!
I am not going to post details, but lets just say, she had my affections too when she was in her 80s and another young man.

quote:
Well, you know, it doesn't bother him, not once has he even spoke of it negatively.
ALL his major relationships (well, there has only been 3) were older than him, so obviously it's what he likes, so why shouldn't it be me? If it wasn't me, it would be someone else, probably someone my age or older!
Wonderful!
And you dear lady are quite lovely you know!

quote:
ETA: I don't like the term "cougar" either. It makes me sound like I plan to eat him for dinner. Not so!

Yeah......LOL!


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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. Dale Carnegie

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Anglerfish
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posted February 06, 2011 01:09 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Anglerfish     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If both parties are over 18 whats the problem. I wouldn't really care if people looked at me badly because I dated an older guy. I don't particularly like guys in my own age range, they're too immature. It's not about the age it's about the person.

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rajji
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posted February 06, 2011 04:43 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for rajji     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
This is just my OPINION

Lets consider a relationship between a 60year old man and a 18 year old girl.

I TRUELY BELIEVE it's gross on a number of levels.
2 people with that big of an age gap don't have anything in common. music? no. friends? no. goals in life? absolutely not -
he's already finished most of his life. what if he or she wanted to have a baby ??

he's only got about 20 years left, if he's lucky. the kid would grow up with the constant worry that his dads going to die.

ive seen kids who feel really bad about having such an old parent amongst all their other peers!

i consider marriage as a union which helps in raising a FAMILY!a union which takes into account all the cultural,mental and physical factors associated with their near and dear ones in making it truely successful.

ITS the third party- can be kids, step children,or even an estranged wife for that matter who is affected most of all in this kind of a relation.
If it was a LIVE-IN relation ..i wouldnt have bothered at all!
MARRIAGE is a Union involving responsibility, where we set GOOD EXAMPLES TO OUR bygone and yet to come GENERATIONS.

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rajji
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posted February 06, 2011 04:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for rajji     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Im not against age gap as such
age gap between my parents 7years
My aunt uncle 12years
my granny and gradpa 10years

There seems to be a pattern here the male can be older but not vice versa ...
there are differnt reasons for that.

And age gap between a Male and a female is okey...but i believe there is a LIMIT to that GAP.


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rajji
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posted February 06, 2011 05:46 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for rajji     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
However a married couple having a large age gap are just blinded

I consider it as immoral and the people who practice it are blind, deaf and dumb.

Blind: They can't see themselves for what they are.
Deaf: They can't seem to hear themselves when they talk about being 'in love' (delusional)
Dumb: They actually try to make everyone believe that they are like every other couple when in reality their is something seriously wrong with them.

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rajji
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posted February 06, 2011 07:26 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for rajji     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote

quote:
--------------------------------------------
court: Sex between teachers, 18-year-olds OK

Washington state law does not bar teachers from having consensual sex with 18-year-old students, an appeals court ruled Tuesday in dismissing a case against a former high school choir teacher.
"This is a real concern of mine, and with the court decision today, that just strengthens this bill," Haler said. "We need to protect our students as long as they're in our public schools, irrespective of age."
----------------------------------------
SHOCKING!

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LEXX
Knowflake

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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 06, 2011 10:10 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by rajji:
This is just my OPINION

Lets consider a relationship between a 60year old man and a 18 year old girl.

I TRUELY BELIEVE it's gross on a number of levels.
2 people with that big of an age gap don't have anything in common. music? no. friends? no. goals in life? absolutely not -
he's already finished most of his life. what if he or she wanted to have a baby ??


Thank you for voicing your opinion,

However;
If it were not for folks willing to be in relationships with extreme age gaps;
I would not be here!

My grandpa, and grandma
had 7 kids together!
He was over 70 and Grandma was a teenager when they got married.
Yes, all 7 were his, birthed by her!
I have copies of love letters of theirs.
It was a real love despite the age gap.

You also said about the 60 year old guy:

quote:
he's only got about 20 years left, if he's lucky

Wow!
I am almost that old and I sure hope I have more than 20 more years!
I am looking at having at least 50 more!

As for your other remark:

quote:
I TRUELY BELIEVE it's gross on a number of levels.
2 people with that big of an age gap don't have anything in common. music? no. friends? no. goals in life? absolutely not -
he's already finished most of his life.

How old are you may I inquire?
I am 56 and I am not already finished with most of my life!
Nor is a man of only 60!
I have many things I want to do!
And being young does not guarantee you will live longer than an older person.
Illness, accidents.....
death can come at any time to anyone at any age!

As to the idea of:

quote:
2 people with that big of an age gap don't have anything in common. music? no. friends? no. goals in life? absolutely not -

Well it all depends on the individuals involved....
NOT the age gap!
music can be same, I know this!
Goals?
Hey I am not dead yet!
I still have goals!
Friends?
Geeez!
As a teen and in my twenties I had many friends betwixt 50 and 102!

So I must highly yet respectfully disagree with your views on us "old" folks!

Yeah, a man of 60 might not see his kids grow up.
Same can be said of an 18 year old man or woman!!!!!
Well my sister was killed when her kids were little, and she was young.
My cousin died in her 20s of illness, leaving a newborn baby.

There are no guarantees in life.
Take love as it comes, never pass up a chance at love because of age gaps!


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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. Dale Carnegie

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LEXX
Knowflake

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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 06, 2011 10:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by rajji:
However a married couple having a large age gap are just blinded

I consider it as immoral and the people who practice it are blind, deaf and dumb.

Blind: They can't see themselves for what they are.
Deaf: They can't seem to hear themselves when they talk about being 'in love' (delusional)
Dumb: They actually try to make everyone believe that they are like every other couple when in reality their is something seriously wrong with them.



OH THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR SO MANY INSULTS!

I AM NOT THAT WAY!
Nor are many folks I know of!
It depends on the people involved;
NOT THE AGE GAPS!

When I choose to be in a relationship with a man much younger than myself,
I am not the sicko delusional deaf, dumb, and blind freak you want to paint us "old" folks out to be and the younger ones who also choose us for a loving relationship!
If I choose to marry a much younger man again, it does not make either myself or him freaks!

My grandpa and grandma were also NOT those horrible things!

This is what I mean about age bigotry being the main trouble plaguing the age gap couples.
People in societies being so nasty and narrow minded about something that is none of their business!


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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. Dale Carnegie

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Ami Anne
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From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
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posted February 06, 2011 10:45 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Anne     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
If God brings people together, He has His purposes which are beyond ours.
Man cannot figure out all the whys and wherefores.
We see through a glass darkly now.
I think humility is knowing HOW little you know.
Then,you are less apt to judge others such as people with age gaps.


PS You do need to PROTECT yourself when violated ,though,lest ANYONE put two and two together when they do not go !

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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
You have to be strong enough to be gentle.Peace through strength,ALWAYS
Me

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coconutcancermoon
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posted February 06, 2011 11:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for coconutcancermoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Originally posted by rajji:
quote:
However a married couple having a large age gap are just blinded

I consider it as immoral and the people who practice it are blind, deaf and dumb.

Blind: They can't see themselves for what they are.
Deaf: They can't seem to hear themselves when they talk about being 'in love' (delusional)
Dumb: They actually try to make everyone believe that they are like every other couple when in reality their is something seriously wrong with them.


quote:
Originally posted by LEXX:

OH THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR SO MANY INSULTS!

I AM NOT THAT WAY!
Nor are many folks I know of!
It depends on the people involved;
NOT THE AGE GAPS!

When I choose to be in a relationship with a man much younger than myself,
I am not the sicko delusional deaf, dumb, and blind freak you want to paint us "old" folks out to be and the younger ones who also choose us for a loving relationship!
If I choose to marry a much younger man again, it does not make either myself or him freaks!

My grandpa and grandma were also NOT those horrible things!

This is what I mean about age bigotry being the main trouble plaguing the age gap couples.
People in societies being so nasty and narrow minded about something that is none of their business!


That's the problem with the world, people can't mind their business. Their self esteem and worth is so low that they have to judge others to feel better about themselves. The gay/lesbian community have to deal with this same bigotry.
How can two people in love regardless of age (legal age) or sex be seen as immoral?
Who are they hurting?
There are bigger problems in the friggin world :/

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LEXX
Knowflake

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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 06, 2011 12:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by coconutcancermoon:
That's the problem with the world, people can't mind their business. Their self esteem and worth is so low that they have to judge others to feel better about themselves. The gay/lesbian community have to deal with this same bigotry.
How can two people in love regardless of age (legal age) or sex be seen as immoral?
Who are they hurting?
There are bigger problems in the friggin world :/


Thank you dear!

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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. Dale Carnegie

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GypseeWind
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From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
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posted February 06, 2011 12:14 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
WOW! Harsh!
I don't feel deaf, dumb or blind! At all!
My partner had a choice to date whomever he wanted, and he chose me, so how am I deaf, dumb and blind?
If he was the sort that wanted kids and all that, then maybe I would feel differently, but he isn't!
He is a very career oriented, creative type and so am I.
So, he says that girls his age are not suited to him because they do not share similiar interests.
Who am I to judge his perceptions?

It isn't easy, nobody will say that it is..

But, people have to blaze a trail for others in this world sometimes, or things never change and evolve.

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coconutcancermoon
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posted February 06, 2011 12:23 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for coconutcancermoon     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by GypseeWind:


But, people have to blaze a trail for others in this world sometimes, or things never change and evolve.[/B]


Powerful statement.
Not to mention, nowadays, women in their 40s and 50s are starting to get their sexy back, they're looking better than the young chickies, actually.

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LEXX
Knowflake

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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 06, 2011 12:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by GypseeWind:
WOW! Harsh!
I don't feel deaf, dumb or blind! At all!
My partner had a choice to date whomever he wanted, and he chose me, so how am I deaf, dumb and blind?
If he was the sort that wanted kids and all that, then maybe I would feel differently, but he isn't!
He is a very career oriented, creative type and so am I.
So, he says that girls his age are not suited to him because they do not share similiar interests.
Who am I to judge his perceptions?

It isn't easy, nobody will say that it is..

But, people have to blaze a trail for others in this world sometimes, or things never change and evolve.



Yes, I was rather offended/shocked too at such a harsh attitude.
Kudos to you dear lady!

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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. Dale Carnegie

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GypseeWind
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From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
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posted February 06, 2011 12:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for GypseeWind     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank You loves.!

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LEXX
Knowflake

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From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009

posted February 06, 2011 12:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for LEXX     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by coconutcancermoon:
Powerful statement.
Not to mention, nowadays, women in their 40s and 50s are starting to get their sexy back, they're looking better than the young chickies, actually.



Oh yes indeed!
Yeah, I have more weight to lose, but
I know quite a few women in real life who are
10-20 years younger, and I would rather look as I do than trade looks with them!
Sure I will never look like a young thin chickie, but, there are quite a few younger and much younger men out there who are wise beyond their years and know real love is more than physical looks/age and do want to have their intellectual and spiritual equals, and a woman who knows what she wants in a partner, in all ways, including sexuality!
I know what I want!
I am myself really just beginning to really live!
I have a confidence I did not have when I was younger.
Sure I wish I looked young, but hey, I don't......
but no way am I letting that stop me!

LOL!
I hate the term "cougar"
but just got to say this:
No one has the right to tell me I am too old for love and life with a younger person!
RAWR!

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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. Dale Carnegie

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