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Author
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Topic: CONSENTING ADULTS AND AGE GAPS
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Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 47265
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted February 07, 2011 04:31 PM
  
Randall,you sound like my guitar teacher.
He has an Out of Bounds Mercury and is a genius but very,very humble.
He can build a house from the ground up.He is a licensed plumber and a master electrician. He is a world class musician on the level of Clapton.
He is also a Christian and a medium.
He tells me that when he retires he wants to study Astrology.
He is so real,so unique,so him.
The best thing about him ,though,is that he understands human nature.
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Jesus never put his trust in man cuz he knew what was in man.
You have to be strong enough to be gentle.Peace through strength,ALWAYS
Me
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LEXX
Knowflake Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 04:34 PM
I said:
quote:
"Pain" happens very often even within relationships of folks of same or close in ages!
The divorce rates prove that!
And with folks of different races, sizes, LGBT, it is no different than with the age gap ones.
That's life!
So when a "connection" is found with another person,
go for it! Otherwise you may someday regret that you never gave it a chance.
Regret over what you did not do/try, never found out if it would have been a good thing, or not, is an awful thing.
Never pass up a chance at real love!
quote:
Originally posted by AcousticGod:Glad to find your edit.   The divorce rate doesn't prove anything regarding same age couples. The divorce rate proves that people can be a bit rash in hooking up with the wrong people, which can include age issues. These are the people that didn't pass up a chance at real love. Actually, that's not even fully fair. Some divorces are between people that match up great. Life just conspired against them.
Thank you and I see your points and agree. quote:
Originally posted by LEXX:
Otherwise you may someday regret that you never gave it a chance.
quote:
Originally posted by AcousticGod:
Why would a person regret leaving themselves open for a better chance? Are we such bad judges of character that we can't figure out that at least some of these people we have connections with wouldn't make for good romances?
I did not say jump like a blind fool at ANY possible connection.
Yeah some folks are bad judge of character, be it for jumping too fast into a relationship, and or not seeing or taking a chance right in front of them.
The regrets would come from realizing in retrospect that one did lose out on a good thing because of societal fears of "what would people think?"
quote:
Originally posted by AcousticGod:
I actually kind of fear that the way we've become as a society makes most adults jump on any opportunity for love that they can get. It's a bit like a drug for a drug addict. I'm all for being open-minded, but also for being thoughtful about what you do.
NO! NO! NO!
I am not condoning desperation!
I am talking not passing up a good thing due to what society at large might say!
Be it age gaps, race, gay, whatever.
Of course, take into account common sense and think on it, but don't say no just because of "oh dear what would people think of me/us?"------------------
First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. – Dale Carnegie IP: Logged |
Mblake81
Knowflake Posts: 2480
From: The Upstate, Carolinas
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted February 07, 2011 04:51 PM
In a strange way, think charlie sheen.Doug stanhope said it best, but I do not have a link, apologies. It went something like this. "When asked if charlie sheen actually dressed his hookers up like cheerleaders, he replied." "Yeah!, Thats what I like." Nothing else was said. What could be said. More or less he cut them off, By nicely saying, Mind your own damn business. Remember, He never harmed anyone, Or he would be in jail. He is over 18, For pity sake. It is strange seeing adults, act like kids. And I do not mean in a positive way. Randall, you have the right idea. Most people can understand the concept that if you do wrong, wrong is returned. The measure is usually based on how bad something was, by whatever measure we use to gauge wrong. Im rambling. IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 7816
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 04:54 PM
I'm glad you're not condoning desperation. It's a terrible plight on our modern society. (Yes, I'm living with a single Libra)IP: Logged |
LEXX
Knowflake Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 05:01 PM
quote:
Originally posted by AcousticGod:
I'm glad you're not condoning desperation. It's a terrible plight on our modern society.
No way do I or would I ever condone desperation!That is the cause of too many failed relationships in my point of view,
be it the young, the old, any one! Reality checks must be a serious factor!
The people involved or considering involvement, must I feel, look at things in a rational way, and really make as sure as possible that it has a real chance of working for them both.
Sure there are no guarantees, but reality checks must be considered. Getting to really take the time to know each other is vital!
Talk talk talk and talk to each other more!
Take as much time as you both need to really know if you click for sure!
Also.....
Living together, even for a short time is a good idea in my opinion.
That can reveal much more to each about the "day to day" person each really is, rather than when merely dating.
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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. – Dale Carnegie
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Mblake81
Knowflake Posts: 2480
From: The Upstate, Carolinas
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted February 07, 2011 05:19 PM
"Living together, even for a short time is a good idea in my opinion."That can even be done in a two bedroom apartment. Sometimes you have to live with a person to understand the real them. It does not have to be a "sexual" matter if it offends you.
Someone could invent "engagement apartments" Pay by month, Try out what life will be like, is it right for you?
This has the possibility of getting around the "Oh no, what did I do" feeling some people will, and do get. You are stuck for a max, 4 or 5 weeks, right? IP: Logged |
LEXX
Knowflake Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 05:27 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Mblake81:
"Living together, even for a short time is a good idea in my opinion."That can even be done in a two bedroom apartment. Sometimes you have to live with a person to understand the real them. It does not have to be a "sexual" matter if it offends you.
Someone could invent "engagement apartments" Pay by month, Try out what life will be like, is it right for you?
This has the possibility of getting around the "Oh no, what did I do" feeling some people will, and do get.
You are stuck for a max, 4 or 5 weeks, right?
Oh yeah!
That does work!
And.......
Good idea about the "engagement apartments".
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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. – Dale Carnegie
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Mblake81
Knowflake Posts: 2480
From: The Upstate, Carolinas
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted February 07, 2011 05:32 PM
You would have a better idea of what to expect, and what needs to be worked on.You would know you made the right decision, and peoples more conservative views are not broken. But you may indeed find out, your partner is a slob and you can not stand it. Everyone is different, some people will jump right in the pool, other people will stick a toe in to test it out. IP: Logged |
GypseeWind
Knowflake Posts: 5852
From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
Registered: May 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 08:49 PM
You know, I used to be totally against living together, romantically.
I was brought up that it isn't right, morally, and that if two people are serious they should marry!
WELL, if I would of lived with the two people I married, I would of never married them, and would of saved myself alot of heartache.I think living together is a fine idea.. (Before I go any farther with that, lemme interject this~~~~~ I have a friend, she has two young daughters, one by her ex bf, and one by her ex hubby. Since her divorce, she has moved 3 or 4 guys in and out of her home, all this in about 18 months, sorry, but I don't condone that stuff with little ones around.. I just can't see it) Anyway, and living together with someone who has their own bedroom, EVEN BETTER! That way, there isn't that pressure to be in their face 24/7 and you have some personal space, I think that would make things grow even more intimate because you have an option to be sleeping in the same room or not.. and if you both choose to, then you see the relationship is growing in its intimacy. AG, I wouldn't date an 18 year old either, I don't think. Some of my daughters friends are very attractive young men, but they just seem like they aren't all the way done yet. So, I see it as depending on the individual there.
Women mature faster than men, that is a fact, and especially in times when life had alot of harships.
Like Lexx's grandparents era. I know of alot of men that married teenaged girls. The men needed wives, and the parents of the girl needed someone to take their daughters b/c they were probably struggling with feeding the other younger kids.
It's pretty common around here, and in KY, TN, and such. If you met a girl (AG) and you didn't know her age, and you fell in love with her, and then found out, are you saying you would leave her?? IP: Logged |
GypseeWind
Knowflake Posts: 5852
From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
Registered: May 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 08:58 PM
And with desperation..
IDK
To me, it's more desperate when you are putting up synastries every week with the guy who sells you bagels or something, then it is to date and fall in love with someone who may be younger or older than you.I have the options to date people my own age. And in the four years that I've known this man, I have talked to other guys.. some a few years older, some my age..
but my mind never left him, because I love him.
So, why waste any MORE time trying to justify it? I think it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.
But, a Sag would say that!  IP: Logged |
Mblake81
Knowflake Posts: 2480
From: The Upstate, Carolinas
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted February 07, 2011 09:10 PM
To mull a small detail,Should the apartment have two bathrooms, or just one? Two is easier, but having one will force you to notice the others bathroom habits.. hmm Oh, each bedroom has its own deadbolt and key. Privacy if you want, or open if you are comfortable. A phone line should be in each bedroom too. But you know, In todays age, it is cellphones, but It is good to have a hardline standard. IP: Logged |
GypseeWind
Knowflake Posts: 5852
From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
Registered: May 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 09:58 PM
I'de say if you have the option, definetly go for two baths.
Resentment between people builds when they feel put upon.
Sometimes it's the littlest things..
He doesn't put his socks in the hamper,
She doesn't put the cap on the toothpaste.Two bathrooms would help with that.
Plus, I like the idea of keeping some mystery..
What goes on in my bathroom is my business, if you know what I mean. I haven't had a landline in years, so, that part wouldn't bug me.
Two cell phones is a must though. IP: Logged |
Mblake81
Knowflake Posts: 2480
From: The Upstate, Carolinas
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted February 07, 2011 10:21 PM
Good feedback,I would also feel having two baths is a good idea to keep the peace. I suppose it is in, what the goal of the apartment is for. You may not be able to "cope" with someone who does not put the cap back on the toothpaste, as small a thing as that may be. It is better to know, before you get a house or apartment, and then are forced on top of one another, Ooops. *Hypothetical* and I do not wish this situation on anyone. Suppose the partner you have turns out to be "nutty", you know what i mean. Your phone is in the living room, you are locked in your room. You have a landline for 911 or your parents. Always have a way out. IP: Logged |
GypseeWind
Knowflake Posts: 5852
From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
Registered: May 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 10:31 PM
For some reason reading that, I was reminded of that movie, Single White Female..Not a romance story, but a roomate from hell story!
(Not sure your age MBlake, so I don't know if you've ever heard of this movie.. it was to roomates what The Bunny Boiler Movie was to people considering infidelity!  Yeah, maybe landlines aren't such a bad idea.
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LEXX
Knowflake Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 10:36 PM
Landlines can be cut. 
Been in that situation.
"shudder"On another note;
if the idea of a shared bath is completely revolting........
maybe the person is not ready for a relationship.
Run now!
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First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. – Dale Carnegie IP: Logged |
Mblake81
Knowflake Posts: 2480
From: The Upstate, Carolinas
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted February 07, 2011 10:37 PM
If it is over one story, must have safe fire escapes for exits through windows. Get out of there.That would save so many women from getting hurt and caught up in BS. Anyway, I hope people wont be this way. I know that sounds naive, It should not be naive, It should be standard by now. Spinning wheels. IP: Logged |
Mblake81
Knowflake Posts: 2480
From: The Upstate, Carolinas
Registered: Aug 2010
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posted February 07, 2011 10:38 PM
Landlines can be cut.
Been in that situation.
"shudder"Take precausion but lets be reasonable, Just build them into the wall, with keyed access so it can not be "easy" to cut. That is simple and done. Note: If a person still gets past this, That should have been a warning that this is not Prince Charming a long time ago. If he or she goes in your room and through your things without permission, or does not yet have permission, that should also tell you something. Do you see how this can save you from some types of deception. The apartments idea is a "testing ground" to see if the union can work or not. If you get along you know that you will get along. No mystery involved.
Note: Mystery is not a bad thing, But I imagine most people do not like deceptive mystery, however.
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LEXX
Knowflake Posts: 9743
From: Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat.......& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 07, 2011 10:48 PM
quote:
Originally posted by GypseeWind:
And with desperation..
IDK
To me, it's more desperate when you are putting up synastries every week with the guy who sells you bagels or something, then it is to date and fall in love with someone who may be younger or older than you.I have the options to date people my own age. And in the four years that I've known this man, I have talked to other guys.. some a few years older, some my age..
but my mind never left him, because I love him.
So, why waste any MORE time trying to justify it? I think it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.
But, a Sag would say that!
So would a Scorpio.  ------------------
First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst. – Dale Carnegie IP: Logged |
GypseeWind
Knowflake Posts: 5852
From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
Registered: May 2009
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posted February 08, 2011 11:29 AM
That's why I love them!  IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 7816
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 08, 2011 12:27 PM
quote:
If you met a girl (AG) and you didn't know her age, and you fell in love with her, and then found out, are you saying you would leave her??
I probably wouldn't get together with her without knowing her age, and in the event that I did, chances are she'd break it off with me, because young women don't really understand or tolerate how a life like mine works. There's a woman I have a little crush on at work, and I can't discern her age at all. Before asking her out if I find out she's under 28 I may have to really think about it. She is super cute, though (maybe even too good looking for me), and she seems pretty balanced in my interactions with her thus far. IP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 7816
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 08, 2011 12:31 PM
Also, there's kind of an implication in your post that if I find love I shouldn't ever consider leaving it. I'm not that needy really, or maybe I should say that I'm fairly zen. If I find love and it works out, cool (and I will work towards this end as I always do). If it doesn't work out, cool. I'm not saying that there's no hurt involved. There is, and it can be fairly long lasting, but I'll outlast it. I don't think it will destroy me.IP: Logged |
Randall
Webmaster Posts: 32463
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 08, 2011 01:21 PM
So, if she is 27, you have to "really think about it?" That line of thinking is so irrational. Good luck. ------------------
"Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all." Harriet Van Horne IP: Logged |
GypseeWind
Knowflake Posts: 5852
From: Love Street, she lingers long on Love Street..
Registered: May 2009
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posted February 08, 2011 01:36 PM
Hmm, I don't see that in my post?
Well, I guess the bigger question is that if you found love why WOULD you consider leaving it?
I mean, maybe you are very Zen that way.
For some people, it's the reason we breathe and get up everyday.
*shrug*
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Randall
Webmaster Posts: 32463
From: Saturn next to Charmainec
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 08, 2011 01:58 PM
AG, you should never think a girl is too pretty for you. With that mentality, you might as well just give up, because you won't stand a chance. Girls do look at the physical at first, but not in the same way us guys do. Attraction isn't so easy to configure in a woman's mind. If you can create a gut-level attraction, then looks won't be important. If her beauty is off-the-charts, you can bet all the guys who come on to her are lame. She has seen and heard it all and probably gets asked out 300 times a day. She already knows she's beautiful, and she's tired of guys telling her that. She wants to be around a guy who looks past her looks to see what's on the inside. She wants a real man who stands up to her and who isn't intimidated by her looks. And making her laugh and feel special is more important to creating attraction with a woman of this caliber than having a chiseled body or flawless facial features. Attraction can be created by confidence. All women (but especially so with women considered by society to be stunning) are more concerned by how a guy makes them feel than how the guy looks--IF you can create gut-level attraction...and gut-level attraction has absolutely nothing to do with the superficiality of looks. It has to do with understanding the psyche of the female, which fewer than 98 percent of men do. I'm sure upon first look, most chicks would call me cute, but I know I'm no Johnny Depp. But after spending time with me, I tend to rise up the hotness chart. Why? Because it's hot for a girl to find a guy who can make her laugh, can understand her, and who truly "gets it" about what woment want. I've dated a beauty pageant winner, a model, and of course, girls who are more girl-next-door types (I have eclectic tastes), but never once did I ever think a girl wouldn't be attracted to me (at least not once she got to know me). Change your thoughts, and you will change your outcomes.
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"Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all." Harriet Van HorneIP: Logged |
AcousticGod
Knowflake Posts: 7816
From: Pleasanton, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted February 08, 2011 02:25 PM
It's not irrational in the slightest, Randall. Frankly, you can't say stuff like that without backing it up in any sort of way in my book. It's like saying, "Two plus two doesn't equal four, but I'm unable to elaborate." If you can't speak to the merit of your own hypothesis, it's probably not worthy of consideration.Gypsee, it's in the way the question is posed that if I were in love would I leave her? Why would I love her when I don't even know her age? Would I be sure I have enough info to "love" her? I would agree with the sentiment that the most perfect love is with the person you don't really know, but that's obviously not the kind of love that would last a lifetime. Eventually you'd want to know your love object to find out if your love is warranted. If I found love why would I consider leaving it? Well, if it's with a thirteen year old, I'd leave it because it's completely irresponsible. If it's with a 90 year old, why would I think it should turn into a romance? What's wrong with keeping your love a friendship if it's not practical for one or both parties? There's so many ways to go with this one question. If I've found that I love someone, but I want to leave it, it might be because despite my love my life has lost it's joy in no small part due to the person. Maybe they have an addiction or something. Maybe they actively try to sabotage the lives of themselves and those around them. If I've found someone that loves me I might leave them if they're not smart, immature, overly materialistic, high maintenance. Plenty of people will love me in life. I don't need to cling to all of them. IP: Logged | |
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