posted March 26, 2013 01:29 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Padre35:
[b]
Ah, I see, there is nothing wrong with approaching a woman with intentions of sleeping with her, just keep in mind women can see it from a mile away and usually give the stink eye over it unless one is just attractive or what have you.

BUT do keep in mind that sort of intention will also chase away a lot of good people from your life as they may just think you are after sex and not worth bothering with very much.

To be a bit blunt about it, if you want sex, and they don't, and you make it all about sex via your intention..where does that leave things?

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Really?

You sort of tend to marvel about why a woman would choose one guy over another to sleep with sometimes.

posted March 26, 2013 01:32 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:
There's nothing wrong with glancing at a woman's chest, but staring at them is a different story. Especially holding a conversation with them rather than her....is just uncomfortable. It's not attractive if you can't control yourself or where you allow your eyes to fall. I don't wear revealing low cut shirts, it's just not my style, but guys will still check out your chest anyway, it's expected. And I got over it and it didnt bother me as much after around 14 years old. I don't think most women mind if a man looks - it's normal...it's the ones that prolong it and are creepy about it. I think when you hear a woman complain about that, they are talking about those kinds of guys.

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Oh sure, for myself I've sort of trained myself to not look, but have seen it play out the other way. Not to the point of the guy being slapped, more along the lines of hearing about the fact she did not appreciate the additional attention.

Which I find very amusing btw.

posted March 26, 2013 01:38 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Padre35:
Really?

You sort of tend to marvel about why a woman would choose one guy over another to sleep with sometimes.

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posted March 26, 2013 01:47 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by starfairy:
You say everyone says you can't find someone because you're angry, and you agree you're angry. Women don't like angry men. You need to work out your emotional baggage and preconceived notions about women before you can get one.

I definitely feel that most single men are on the prowl, and single women too! It's not a bad thing. Men need to be respectful, though. And I'd definitely never go out with someone who uses the term 'feminazi'.

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posted March 26, 2013 01:56 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
padre , its not about sex..I take issue with the amount of women who "arent like that" and want "respectful guys" yet go for tools... did you even read my last post? i bared my soul and told my life story and you didnt seem to acknowledge any of that.

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Oh goodness no AG, I read it all, it effected me as it sounded so scarring to me.

But what could be said? My pov is everything in life has the possibility of teaching a lesson, when you toss things into that sort of mental heat it frees the mind to be more open and empathetic.

I've been on the other side of that when I worked at the Salvation Army, a women had the hell beaten out of her by her husband and needed a place to stay for the night.

The shelter was full, which by rules meant all I was supposed to say was "no sorry"

Wasn't having that, so since the rules did not preclude someone waiting on the couch to talk to whomever..I made her a sammie and some coffee and did my level best to take her mind off what happened to her in front of her children.

Now you know what you do not like and simply won't do.

As for why women go for tools, I suspect it has more to do with the curious female need to fix things add in they tend to be physically attractive and there you go.

posted March 26, 2013 01:56 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:

did you even read my last long post? the story about my raging alcoholic dad who drug my mom down the stairs by her hair who was a womanizer? and my cousins who are on pills, emotionally unstable, in and out of jail who get women? all the girls i went to school with who are now with similar guys? And yet my anger is supposedly holding me back from getting women. The genesis of my anger and frustration is seeing all this stuff happen and having people tell me i'm the crazy one, im the angry one,i'm wrong when i point all this out. why am i seeing all this ? if my frustration is such a redflag to women, why do i see the majority of women i know with men who are emotionally/physically abusive? someone please explain this to me... because something is not adding up , the explanation that my frustration is to blame just doesnt cut it.

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We are all a product of our environment at birth and growing up, in many ways.

I feel like your past is playing out in your present. I have no idea what your sample size is of these women who flock to men who abuse them, though from your words it seems to be all of them or at least 3/4s of them. Anyway, I know there is a part of you that is angry that it seems that this nasty behavior is being rewarded in men, but the only advice I can give?

Look past it. Those relationships are none of your business, as sad as it is. I wish it were a world were we could help others more easily, but relationships are not the grounds sometimes. It is different if a guy is straight up beating the crap out of his gf in daylight, you might call the cops, but even in that situation it is up to gf what she wants to happen to her man.

But that's besides the point, AG. You need to have more pride and confidence (and love) in yourself, unless you really want to be like those a$$ holes you speak of, and repeat patterns from the males in your family. As for the girls who flock to the douches and what not, maybe that is what they think they deserve. It has nothing to do with you. Even girls who reject you. It has more to do with them and their personal choices, than it ever had to do with you.

posted March 26, 2013 02:08 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lazyscarecrow:
We are all a product of our environment at birth and growing up, in many ways.

I feel like your past is playing out in your present. I have no idea what your sample size is of these women who flock to men who abuse them, though from your words it seems to be all of them or at least 3/4s of them. Anyway, I know there is a part of you that is angry that it seems that this nasty behavior is being rewarded, in men that is, but the only advice I can give?

Look past it. Those relationships are none of your business, as sad as it is. I wish it were a world were we could help others more easily, but relationships are not the grounds sometimes. It is different if a guy is straight up beating the crap out of his gf in daylight, but even in that situation it is up to gf what she wants to happen to her man.

But that's besides the point, AG. You need to have more pride in yourself, unless you really want to be like those a$$ holes you speak of, and repeat patterns form the males in your family. As for the girls who flock to the douches
and what not, maybe that is what they
think they deserve. It has nothing to do
with you. Even girls who reject you. It
has more to do with them and their
choices, than it ever had to do with you.

---

posted March 26, 2013 02:16 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Lazyscarecrow:
[b] We are all a product of our environment at birth and growing up, in many ways.

I feel like your past is playing out in your present. I have no idea what your sample size is of these women who flock to men who abuse them, though from your words it seems to be all of them or at least 3/4s of them. Anyway, I know there is a part of you that is angry that it seems that this nasty behavior is being rewarded, in men that is, but the only advice I can give?

Look past it. Those relationships are none of your business, as sad as it is. I wish it were a world were we could help others more easily, but relationships are not the grounds sometimes. It is different if a guy is straight up beating the crap out of his gf in daylight, but even in that situation it is up to gf what she wants to happen to her man.

But that's besides the point, AG. You need to have more pride in yourself, unless you really want to be like those a$$ holes you speak of, and repeat patterns form the males in your family. As for the girls who flock to the douches
and what not, maybe that is what they
think they deserve. It has nothing to do
with you. Even girls who reject you. It
has more to do with them and their
choices, than it ever had to do with you.

---

[/B][/QUOTE]

Ahh, here's why though AG:

Guys who do that..don't worry about doing it, they have little to no conscience, they can do the worst things and sleep like babies.

I know several guys like that, all are quite successful with women in the short term.

Reason being..that sort of vaccuum is very attractive to women, it makes them a challenge as they have their own lives and don't "need" them.

It's difficult to explain on the net, but really obvious in life ime.

And "no" AG, you don't need more anger, what you need is to be the best AG you can be.

That is the positive thinking thing, which you don't like, however trust me..it works wonders.

posted March 26, 2013 02:30 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Padre35:
That is so true, people get hung up on looks instead of meeting people who share interests.

Thing with a bar, a young person bar, is it is sort of a fashion show mixed with booze mixed with, for lack of a better term, desperation.

Depressingly, was chatting with a young woman and talking about a shared interest, she was in the online marketing biz and said point blank "..life is like High School with grown ups.."

Meaning those places tend to have a cast system.

Find a better market, say online, or what have you, otherwise it is like being steamrolled over and over again.

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Yes to this entire post; didn't have anything else to add

"Life is like High school with grown ups"

posted March 26, 2013 02:55 AM            

quote:

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starfairy: You need to work out your emotional baggage and preconceived notions about women before you can get one
[...]
Men need to be respectful, though. And I'd definitely never go out with someone who uses the term 'feminazi'.

---

I've said all this before but he wouldn't listen to me, saying I couldn't give him advice since I wasn't in his shoes. And because I, and others, try to tell him otherwise, he says we miss the point.

posted March 26, 2013 02:58 AM            

quote:

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T: I'm afraid, my points also went over your head and you read into my words wrong. I'm distracted by the tv now and don't think it's worth trying to explain more anyway.

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No T wait come back! I baked a pineapple upside down cake! Padre, starfairy, you down for a slice?

posted March 26, 2013 03:06 AM            

Just make some coffee..and we'll chip in a do the dishes..

posted March 26, 2013 03:31 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by T:
Single females like guys who are interesting and have a brain and arent just trolling around wondering where they could possibly meet a girl.

Do your thing and you will at some point find another cool chick who is also doing her own thing and your things will mesh.

Guys who hit up bars all the time and wonder how ever to meet a girl, where they all are etc. are kind of boring.

If you are there with friends and having a good time and not really thinking about how to snag a chick, it's different. Talk to them as if they are people, friends and not thinking about anything more..

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posted March 26, 2013 07:05 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
So my question for the ladies is where are you open to meeting guys? where do you go if you want to meet guys?

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I lived my own life and that crossed the path of guys who I sometimes formed relationships with, including romantic or dating. This made guys more attractive to me as well because I could see a bit of who they were, whereas in the bar or club scene I know it's all a bunch of BS (that is everyone, male and female, are lying about who they are) and they treat me like I'm a piece of meat which leaves me cold.

I DID meet one partner at a lesbian bar, but it would be 3 years before anything came of it. Long story short I went with my then partner to dance to a band playing and my future partner saw my golden apple badge with "23" and recognized me as a Discordian ("more of a fellow traveler," I told her, "but I like playing with them") and she introduced me to her Discordian friend (who would became my BFF later on though she's a Taoist now). My future girlfriend, future BFF and my then partner (and one other along with myself) ended up forming a "cabal" which played jokes and performed some culture jamming as well as the normal stuff friends do (see movies, etc). After about 3 years I suddenly lost my ride to Texas so the one I met at the bar years ago took me instead (furious with her roomies and needing to get away before she killed them) and things heated up on the way (but we were good friends by then who knew each other pretty well, and I was single by then).

But I believe your friends (unlike many men) can't be friends with women so that's a problem. But even in this case it can be worked around. Find something interesting and volunteer, or take part of a hobby outdoors (like at the beach or park). Even a woman who feels nervous or worse when a strange guy comes onto her can find herself attracted to a man who has a life, and if she shares an interest (the same cause or hobby, for example) then so much the better, and it doesn't feel like a meat market atmosphere to her. It would be best to go slow, however, unless she shows very obvious interest (which should not be mistaken with friendliness or even basic politeness as some guys do). By that I mean getting to know her through shared interest, or explaining your own interest to her and then asking what she does for fun (or what she believes in). This shows you're interested in more than her body and can aid in trust and bonding. Maybe later that conversation, or maybe a few days later, ask to go for coffee, some place public and in the middle of the day. (Don't try snogging after.) If things go well then maybe ask to something more intimate (a dinner, though don't rule out going to a cultural event or whatever showing you know what interests her or reveals something that interests you, and some adventurous women WILL go to a monster truck rally, btw ).

posted March 26, 2013 08:39 AM            

quote:

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single guys actively try to meet women and theres nothing wrong with it, its biology! I'm sure you've never approached women you were physically attracted to with the hopes that you might hit it off with them and things might go in a sexual or romantic direction have you? the problem is being a man has become politically incorrect

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THERE'S THIS THING.

IT'S CALLED A SOUL.

What's spiritually (as opposed to politically) incorrect is having no heart.

Do you have a heart?

That's rhetorical.. I know you do.

SO - SHOW IT!!

Show people your heart.

posted March 26, 2013 08:42 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:
if you are actually a straight guy, you know what i'm saying is true. You know good and well single guys actively try to meet women and theres nothing wrong with it, its biology! I'm sure you've never approached women you were physically attracted to with the hopes that you might hit it off with them and things might go in a sexual or romantic direction have you? the problem is being a man has become politically incorrect and guys like you are ashamed you are actually a guy. and you join in with the feminazis to shame men who are unapologetically men.

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Any time we suggest not just zooming in on a woman and "actively" trying to capture her heart or whatever, we are hoping to make you realize that men can intimidate women when they do that, which is counter-productive for the men.

That is also biology.

No matter how nice, cute, and charming you are, if you are 6'4" and weigh twice as much as the woman you approach, she is probably going to be a little afraid (unless she's packing heat, maybe?)

There's no reason to complain about this, it has nothing to do with brainwashing or politics, it's just a simple, primitive, "fight or flight" response on her part.

Why complain? That's just how it is. Just like, if a woman is dressed all sexy and saunters by you, you would say that she can't complain if you have your natural reaction of being attracted.

posted March 26, 2013 10:23 AM            

I will be bluntly honest here, if you are not very good looking (I don't know if you are or not), it is probably difficult to get past that initial "interest", especially if you are approaching a fairly attractive woman. This is more likely to happen in person, but on a "meat market" website like "Plenty of Fish" or "OK Cupid", that's what a person sees first.

Men and women are both vain to an extent. Deny it all we want because it's not the "right" thing to say, it's true.

BUT, everyone has different tastes. Me personally, I like stocky guys. I like broad shoulders, rugged hands, I don't mind a little belly or anything like that. I love a great laugh, a nice smile and eyes that just catch something in me. But I have to be attracted at first by SOMETHING to get me to open up. I am fairly shy with brand new people. This is probably why I have only gotten involved with friends of friends or people I already "know".

I think the Match.com or even Eharmony sites are better geared towards actually finding a relationship. I was actually shocked to hear stories about the other "hook up" sites. I guess I am naive, but that seems so dirty and surface only to me.

I blame this current state of people not being able to "connect" the way they once could by everyone feeling like a rock star b/c they have a Twitter account.

"I have been immortalized on the internet! People "retweet" my pictures! I am SO too good for talking to "ugly" people!"

posted March 26, 2013 12:12 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Padre35:

Ah, I see, there is nothing wrong with approaching a woman with intentions of sleeping with her, just keep in mind women can see it from a mile away and usually give the stink eye over it unless one is just attractive or what have you.

BUT do keep in mind that sort of intention will also chase away a lot of good people from your life as they may just think you are after sex and not worth bothering with very much.

To be a bit blunt about it, if you want sex, and they don't, and you make it all about sex via your intention..where does that leave things?

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Please listen to Padre, AG, even if you won't listen to me.

Since you're one for personal narrative: I can say that in my dating days I never went out with a guy who I couldn't first and foremost have a great conversation with, and I never met a guy that I actually dated in a bar.
Rocky Horror Picture Show?
Sure.
But not a bar.

Sorry I'm not keeping up with the thread - I'm on vacation and am mostly checking in while on the john or waiting for something.

(TMI? TMI. Meh.
Did you know that the Kennedy Space Center's admission rate is $50?
Great googly mooglie.)