posted March 27, 2013 10:38 AM            

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Originally posted by Faith:

then it becomes her fault, for not seeing it coming. ? That's what she gets for going with a jerk in the first place? [/B]

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posted March 27, 2013 12:33 PM            

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted March 27, 2013 07:14 PM            

Buying steak and lobster doesn't get you a booty call. Dating is not sex on demand like cable TV. Spending time and effort isn't subscription based sex like Netflix. Unless they like you first, going up and approaching them is like trying to pet a Rottweiler. You never know whatcha gonna get. And if you aren't remotely interested even if they are cute, shoo tell them away the same way you take a BB gun to squirrels.

posted March 28, 2013 01:26 AM            

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Unless they like you first, going up and approaching them is like trying to pet a Rottweiler.

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bahahahahahahaha

posted March 29, 2013 07:22 AM            

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I would say you can meet someone anywhere. The best meetings seem to be spontaneous with a common interest like Astrology, your belief in God, music etc

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posted April 01, 2013 01:53 AM            

BTW, none of us here have any idea of how he actually approaches women in real life so it's not fair to assume he expresses his anger, etc. we all treat LL as a place to rant, etc. That's all this is, I read it as more a critique on society - emotions somewhat uninvolved.

People go to the bar to get laid and yes i more often than naught go there to catch up with a friend and then am stuck in the position of seeing an attractive guy but not wanting to be rude and leave your friend because you made these special plans to hang out/not want to be a douche in general and ditch your friend for a guy anyways unless she's chill by herself.

I don't feel like aquaguy91 was being rude by assuming that the only reason to approach a women is to get in her pants, because that generally IS why men approach women, that's just the facts. yes it sucks and i wish just once a guy would come up and generally go, nothing implied (and mean it) but i think you're awesome and we have a lot of interests and i'd love it if we could be friends.

posted April 01, 2013 04:00 AM            

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Originally posted by freebrainstorms:
i more often than naught go there to catch up with a friend and then am stuck in the position of seeing an attractive guy but not wanting to be rude and leave your friend because you made these special plans to hang out/not want to be a douche in general and ditch your friend for a guy anyways unless she's chill by herself

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Bars are expensive and mixing alcohol with men means attention, and for that reason women don't meet at bars unless they're looking to hook up with men (or possible to make sure her man doesn't hook up with someone else). Granted, a special band playing, karaoke fun, special deals to encourage women to show up for free drinks (knowing that will draw the men whom the bar charges more), or being about the only place to meet in a very small town can change that somewhat, but even then I expect women are at least prepared to be hit on (if they don't then they have no sense), and might even be offended or upset if they're not (even if they don't want to hook up). Furthermore, women tend to obsess over male attention the way men do over careers (and tend to play dirty against other women, the worst even against their own friends), and it also gets them attention among their friends (who typically LOVE to talk about it, especially if they can watch from a distance and then they eagerly wait for her to share what they said, what she felt, etc), so other than extraordinary circumstances women don't meet in a bar just to be with each other and have no qualms about spending time with a guy to dance or talk (at most they may decide in advance to leave together as a group, and even that agreement will likely have a loophole in it, and make sure none of their own gets hit with a roofie or otherwise in trouble), that's all part of the fun of a girls night out at a club or bar.

So if you're just wanting to spend time with friends and don't want guys to interrupt I have to wonder why you're at a bar? Women who are willing to pay bar prices while not bothered by men generally meet at coffee shops, outdoor cafes, the mall, etc (and a lot less expensive places than that, of course) where they're a lot more likely to be left to themselves.

posted April 01, 2013 05:49 AM              

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
my answer? "no effing clue man,no effing clue."

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posted April 01, 2013 07:59 AM            

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the only reason to approach a women is to get in her pants, because that generally IS why men approach women

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ummmmmm yeah......... No!

posted April 01, 2013 10:01 AM            

I personally don't mesh well with the crowd at bars and, generally, that's not the type of individual that interests me.

Plus, if someone wants to converse, then they can jolly well exercise the initiative. Otherwise, I just cannot be bothered.

And if I would like to converse but if the flawed assumption is that I would like to into pants, then forget the conversation. If I want to get into your pants, I will tell you so. If I don't tell you, then don't assume. And yours aren't the only pants in town.

No, women didn't just fall on my lap, but I never had issue with having a group of interested parties. Even right now when I'm very married.

Not being arrogant, even if you think I'm throwing off an arrogant persona, but getting into pants isn't my largest priority in life and I'm nevertheless satiated in that area.

posted April 01, 2013 11:16 AM            

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Originally posted by Odette:
On topic - to answer your initial question aquaguy -- I read research saying that actually women often make the first move in some subliminal way. They might stare at the guy to invite him to approach her or in some way show him (through body language.. smiling etc) that she is interested. I remember reading that men who were good at picking up on these cues and only then approach, were more successful in getting a date.
On the other hand, men who simply approached *any* woman - without being "invited" to approach... were more likely to be rejected.

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Agree.

I always make the first move... whether subtle hints (broad smiles, eye contacts or striking conversations) or when i am feeling brave, i will just tell him I really like him.. which is really rare cos I can be really shy around guys I like.

I get rejected too but I am happy to say, I've never dated a guy i didn't like. I just made the decision since young to choose rather than be choosen. Thankfully, I always get the guy I want most of the time.

If a guy i m not romantically attracted to make the first move, I'll try my best to put it as nicely as possible (hopefully indirectly if not, direct at last resort) that I am not interested. I definately don't want to led him on - that's more cruel than a rejection. Everytime I reject someone, I always believe that I am doing him a favour, saving him time...

posted April 01, 2013 12:18 PM            

Too expensive? Since when can't a woman buy her own drink?

Maybe it's the way I was raised, which is to do was I please and enjoy life with or without a partner, but I go out for a drink with women and male friends with absolutely NO thought of "hooking up" nor a desire to.

I think the only men that approach a couple of women in a bar that are NOT putting out vibes are either very young or drunk. Unless she is staring at you, smiling and beckoning you over, leave her alone. She and her friend are there of their own free will, and don't need you to buy her a drink.

My two cents.

quote:

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And if I would like to converse but if the flawed assumption is that I would like to into pants, then forget the conversation. If I want to get into your pants, I will tell you so. If I don't tell you, then don't assume. And yours aren't the only pants in town.

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posted April 01, 2013 01:09 PM            

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
And that's why I don't go to bars. Never have. I don't approach others and have never bothered to.

I personally don't mesh well with the crowd at bars and, generally, that's not the type of individual that interests me.

Plus, if someone wants to converse, then they can jolly well exercise the initiative. Otherwise, I just cannot be bothered.

And if I would like to converse but if the flawed assumption is that I would like to into pants, then forget the conversation. If I want to get into your pants, I will tell you so. If I don't tell you, then don't assume. And yours aren't the only pants in town.

No, women didn't just fall on my lap, but I never had issue with having a group of interested parties. Even right now when I'm very married.

Not being arrogant, even if you think I'm throwing off an arrogant persona, but getting into pants isn't my largest priority in life and I'm nevertheless satiated in that area.

So, aquaguy, f the bar scene. What a f-ing waste of time.

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Surprisingly enough I agree with most of that YTA, where we differ is if one is single then sitting at home watching the walls breathe is not a productive activity either.

I never go out looking to get laid, I go out simply to be around others and share ideas and hear what they have to say.

posted April 01, 2013 02:08 PM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
So if you're just wanting to spend time with friends and don't want guys to interrupt I have to wonder why you're at a bar?

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ummmm helllo, cheap beer! not always being able to go to each other's houses for various reasons and not always being able to afford to buy food with your beer (which is what you have to do if you get a pint elsewhere like at a restaurant), there are reasons why students go to bars. you can get one pint for cheap and stay there all night with a friend.

posted April 01, 2013 02:09 PM            

Competent guys don't have to try too hard. They get laid naturally and with enough frequency. Period.

If a guy likes the bar, then so be it. Some guys prefer to opera house or the library to the bar.

posted April 01, 2013 04:53 PM            

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Originally posted by freebrainstorms:
edit: i suppose i should add, when i've been thinking of bars, i've been thinking of pubs...

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D'oh! Yeah, pubs are different. But I've only rarely been to one of those (and haven't been to one in about 10 years), so I didn't think of them.

I used to go to a goth watering hole that was different, too. That was more about seeing and being seen and probably could've done alright for itself even without selling alcohol and doubling the door price/admission.